Why Letters to Abba?

Hello Abba. I read recently that Abba translates into Daddy and I really liked thinking of You that way. I know my prayer life has been a bit dry lately, and it seems to me that You've been wanting me to keep a prayer journal over the past little while. It's a thought that I had awhile ago and it's been recommended to me by a couple of people as well. Sometimes it seems to me that my prayers aren't being answered, but I know two things...one being that it has to happen in your time and not in mine and that you answer all prayers...maybe it's just going to take some time for me to see the answers that you give me. :-) I know patience is a virtue and I obviously need to work on that one. I think if I can write in here about my days and things that I'd like to pray about and see some progress with things and have a way to look back on things, I'll see that You never stop working in my life.

I'm going to try praying to you as I would talk to my friends or my family for awhile. I'm going to see if that can help me. Lately, I've felt that I've forgotten how to pray because I try to be so serious when talking to you that I just don't know what to say. So, I'm going to take the first step and start my prayer journal. You can only hint at me so many times right...I know now that I just need to listen. I know you've put this on my heart to do this...so now I must listen and do it. Thank you for prodding me, Lord. I will listen and do as you say now. I'm sorry for being so stubborn and coming up with excuses as not to do this before now.

I'm having a hard time dealing with a lot of things right now, Abba. I don't know quite where I seem to fit in anymore. My marriage is really struggling and sometimes I feel like I'm falling apart or that the life is being sucked out of me. Why oh why can't he seem to understand what I want so badly from him? All I want is some of his time, but it seems to me that I always have to argue with him to get that from him and after that it leaves me feeling so hurt and worthless. Who wants to fight with someone every time you want to spend time with someone? I love him so much, Lord. It's just getting really hard lately and sometimes I don't think things are going to get better. I know that I have to keep hanging in there though and keep working on things...I just hope that he'll start to try and work on things too. I can't do this all alone. It just seems like since he lost his job at Siren, Abba, that our marriage has gone downhill. Now, everything comes down to money and if there's not a way to make money in whatever we do, then I get a flat out no. I can remember not too long ago, asking to go on a day trip to Frankenmuth and that turned into a huge ordeal...one that I find myself still quite bitter about. He didn't want to go because he didn't think we had the money. It wasn't that far away and I just wanted time away from things...I just wanted to walk through the town and window shop. I wasn't asking for anything huge...just a change in scenery and time away with him. He wanted to go garage saling to look for stuff to sell on ebay and drive all over the place. Why is it ok to do that, but it wasn't ok to do what I wanted? It all came down to the fact that there wasn't a possibility to make money if we went away for the day to Frankenmuth, but if we went garage saling then there was. Finally after a lot of arguing and a lot of tears shed on my part, he gave in and we went to Frankenmuth with his promise that we could have the whole day together. I was so looking forward to things, Lord. Then, on the day of our trip, we were in the car on the way there and he informed me that we couldn't stay long sicne we had to get back for a business call later that afternoon. I was heartbroken...I've dealt with stuff like this for a long time now, Lord. I feel so put on the backburner. When I try to tell him that I feel like I'm on a constant yo-yo, he so doesn't get it. He doesn't understand why I feel so insecure about our marriage, but what kind of marriage do we have if everything comes down to money and we never spend any time together to have fun and just spend time on our marriage.

I can remember before we moved, having an argument and him telling me that things would change once we were back in MI and we had the support of our friends and family and oh how I so wanted to believe that. I have found my independence again being back here, but my marriage is still suffering, Abba. I don't know how to make it better and I'm finding myself getting so bitter about things. I look at people when I'm out and about and I see people holding hands or gazing lovingly at each other or laughing together and it makes me want to cry. My marriage is no longer like that, Lord. He walks ahead of me often times leaving me behind, I have to ask him for affection, Lord...he rarely ever gives it to me willingly...it's been like this for so long now that I don't know how to fix it. How can a marriage exist without time and affection towards each other? I'm crying out inside for him just to show me that he loves me. I don't know how to fix this. I have had a revelation that maybe I need to give more to receive more and I'm going to try and work on that too and hope that he in turn will do the same.

I do thank you for my family, Lord. I thank you for my husband and for our little girl and I just pray that you will keep us bonded together, Abba, and help us to become the wife and husband (mother and father) that you intended us to be. Help us, Abba, as we can't do this alone.