Tired of being judged...

by people who I think would be on my side. My Mom had e-mailed me yesterday to let me know that it was the feast day of the Immaculate Conception and that it was a holy day of obligation. She said mass was at 12 and at 7 pm. Well, Baby T had speech at noon and we have therapy in Dallas after school and with traffic we didn't make it back on time. I've still been feeling pretty miserable...sick with some allergy/cold stuff this weekend that carried over, and tired and nauseated from being pregnant. So, I just decided to turn on EWTN before I took Little E to school and we watched mass and said a rosary. I told MOm that we weren't making mass because of what was going on. She told me "sorry, but that doesn't count." I instantly got tears in my eyes. I get so hurt by my family sometimes. I feel like saying "why don't you come walk in my shoes for a week and deal with all that I have going on, all the things that get dumped on me to deal with, the last minute stuff that comes up, and being tired and nauseated on top of it all?" I called Andy and vented and I sat down and it was like God told me "don't worry about it, give your feelings to Me, I know your heart and what your intentions are." I instantly felt better. The comment from my Mom still stings, but I know that only God can truly judge me and it's not like I blew off Mass just because I felt like doing something else more fun...I was taking care of my kids and my family. It brought me back to Father's sermon a couple weeks back...he was talking about how some have gone to confession saying that they are guilty of not praying enough and Father asked them waht they were doing...they said that they had this going on with their kids, trying to take care of the house, their husbands, sick family members and so on. He said that God understands this and that we just need to say little prayers throughout the day or make what we're doing our prayer to God. I knew that God understood my heart and I did make the effort to watch on tv and to make time for prayer with the kids. I also told her that our old priest had told me that if there was an honest reason that we couldn't make it to Mass and we made the effort to watch Mass on tv, that it still counted. She wrote me back and said "well the rules are changing all the time, we're told one thing at once and one thing at another, but who am I to argue with a priest?" I just feel like nobody truly understands how busy my weeks are and that I'm trying my best to get in everything that needs to be done, but God keeps telling me..."I know the intentions of your heart." So, I have to trust that I'm doing ok.

Disappointed....

The night of our homestudy, Deidra asked if she could be asked her questions before the caseworker talked to us so that she could go play with her friends. The caseworker said that was fine and talked to Deidra and then Deidra went to her friend's house. She was over there for a little bit and then came home. We were still talking to the caseworker. The caseworker left and about 10 minutes later there was a knock at the door. I thought it was the caseworker saying she forgot something, but I found Deidra's friend, her brother, and their Mom. Their Mom asked if she could talk to me privately and so I went out on the porch. Their Mom said that her daughter's cell phone was missing and the brother had said that Deidra had been playing with it. I called Deidra out and checked her pockets and found the phone. Deidra said that she forgot it was in there and their MOm said that stealing wasn't cool with her. I honestly didn't know what to think. Deidra burst into tears and ran in the house and I told Deidra she was grounded. Their Mom kept saying "I didn't want to come over here and accuse of her anything and it's ok." I told her that Deidra's never done anything like this before and I didn't know the whole story, but that it would be dealt with. Deidra told her that she forgot that she had put it in her pocket when they got called to play the Wii and then when she came home she realized she still had it and she was going to give it back to her friend at school in the morning. Their Mom said that she had told them to put it up and then the brother said that Deidra had gone back in there to get it because she wanted to play with it. They left and Andy and I talked with Deidra and she just wouldn't talk. She wrote to us a little bit, but wouldn't talk about much. She's grounded for a week, we're going to have her write a letter of apology, and I think when she does start playing with her friends again, it's going to be supervised here for awhile. She's got some friends who have some behaviors that I don't like and I think it's time to nip it in the bud now or she won't be playing with them any longer. I know that no kids are perfect, but I want her to be the best that she can be and I've been seeing some things lately with some of her behaviors that I think are the result of hanging around with certain people. How they deal with their kids is one thing, but I really want Deidra to understand the difference between right/wrong and what is unacceptable behavior. She's a good kid, I really don't know if she took the cell phone intentionally or if what she said is true that she put it in her pocket and forgot that it was there when she came home. But regardless, their Mom told them to put it up, she should have listened and with all that happened, I want this to be a learning experience for her.

Homestudy update

Our caseworker came out on Monday night and did our homestudy update. Really not much has changed since we just adopted Josiah in June, but we had to do it anyway. I don't know why I get nervous, but everything went well. She also did a session of adoption prep with the girls, one more prep session to do this week and then we're done with that part of it. I just have to sign some waivers and do another crim check and our part should be done. We also have to wait for one more reference to come in and then wait for her to type up our homestudy update and get it to CPS.

A crazy day...

The littles all woke up full of energy, yelling, screaming, badgering one another, not playing nicely, tempers a going, and into everything. I put Baby T to bed 15 minutes after she woke up this morning because she couldn't stop crying and screaming. After she calmed down, she did a lot better. Josiah wouldn't stop whining and running all over the house and he wouldn't leave Little E alone. Little E wouldn't stop hitting and trying to take toys from the other kids and it was all just constant. Little E finally settled down once I gave her her ADHD meds this afternooon, Josiah got put to bed because he wouldn't stop whining and he fell asleep in his bed. Baby T didn't want to take a nap in her room, she wanted to lay on the couch. I told her I'd let her lay on the couch, but the minute she got down, she was going to go in her room. She laid there for a few minutes, the phone rang and I was talking to a friend for about 20 minutes. I heard something sound like somebody poured water onto the floor and went around the kitchen wall to find that Baby T was in the little bathroom playing in the sink. Water and toilet paper were in the sink, toilet paper clogged the drain, so water was pouring over the sides of the sink and onto the floor. She was all wet and there was standing water on the floor. Thankfully, it wasn't too bad of a mess and I was able to get it all sopped up with most of my towels that I had just washed that I had downstairs. I got her out of her wet clothes and put her to bed. She wasn't too happy about it, but oh well. She was sound asleep a couple minutes later though and I went to work on cleaning up the mess that she made. I'm just glad that it wasn't as bad as the last over-flowing bathroom incident that we had almost 2 years ago that Josiah and Baby D made. UGH

Thanksgiving...

Thanksgiving was very nice. Started the day off with a bad run-in with the top of the pumpkin lid when I was trying to open it and thought I was going to need stitches. That got Andy out of bed quickly at 5 am. lol. It was a bad cut and I can't do much or it starts bleeding again, but thankfully it wasn't bad enough to require stitches. Never had stitches and didn't want to start now. After baking some bread and some pies, I went to mass and it was beautiful. I love our new priest so much. He does such beautiful homilies and such nice blessings. Came home and got the littles dressed for the day and Andy and I planned out what time we were going to start everything. Mom and Jimmie came over around 1. Mom brought mac and cheese and we made turkey, cranberry apple sausage stuffing (first time I made homemade stuffing and Andy said it needs to be a new tradition, he enjoyed it that much), mashed potatoes and gravy, pumpkin bread, and green bean casserole and corn. Dessert was fudge pie, pumpkin cheesecake, and tropical cake. So yummy! My brother, Zach, even showed up for dinner, but he didn't stay long. This was the first family function that he's been at in quite a few years though, so it's a start. Andy started not feeling well after dinner, so he took a nap and Mom and I watched UP with the kids and she played baby dolls with them. After everyone got up, we did a small bible study with Mom, Deidra and I. We just went over Psalm 27:1-5 and we kept talking about what certain things meant to us and how we could relate in our lives so we didn't get super far, but it was beneficial to all of us anyway. Mom took Deidra home with her to spend the night since she was off today and Andy and I really enjoyed one another's company yesterday. It was a really nice day!

We talked a little bit about what we were all thankful for in the morning...

Josiah is thankful for family.
Little E is thankful for our dog.
Deidra is thankful for her PS2.
Baby T is thankful for Mommy and Daddy.
I am thankful for my family, my husband, my children, this baby on the way, my parents, my brothers.
Andy told me yesterday that he was very thankful that I was his wife. Awww!

The ways children embarrass us...

I took the kids up to the gymnastics center for open gym today since where we were originally going to go today shut down (boo hoo!). One of the employees comes out with Josiah to tell me that some lady informed him that Josiah went into the ladies bathroom, crawled under the stall (that the lady was in no less), and wound up in the stall with her. I put him in time out for awhile and sat there looking around wondering which woman he did that too and what that woman must think of me. I was horribly embarrassed. Granted, he is only 3, but I wish he would start getting some of the stuff that I am trying to teach him. Anyway, that's my funny story/embarrassing story of the day.

A bonfire...

We had our van in the shop this week, something wasn't right when we got it back and I went and took it back in. That day, I was very crabby and when I walked in Mom's dealership one of the service techs immediately copped an attitude with me that nearly brought me to tears. I managed to hold it together, bit my tongue, he finally agreed to go test drive it, and I went and found my Mom. Told her what happened and she sat and talked with me a bit. The tech came back to find me and said he found the problem and he fixed it. Mom said with the way that he came walking back there, I must have given him a certain look as that wasn't really like him. I told her that I was just tired of everything coming out of my mouth being met with a battle. She told me I was being tested. She said that she knew it had to be hormones because she rarely has seen me like that (the way I was that day). The kids were all acting up and I was trying my best to deal with everything. She complimented me later that day and thought I handled everything very well considering the way that I was feeling. Anyway, she wants me to talk to the doctor about how tired I've been and the way that the nausea has been. I told her that I doubt they're going to be able to do anything, it's just pregnancy. Hopefully, I should start feeling better soon. Anyway, I asked her for her ghoulash recipe as I've really been wanting that lately. She wound up inviting us over after church on Sunday and she had made me a huge pot of ghoulash, chicken nuggets, and some garlic bread. It was so good! We stayed and the kids played with some stuff she had gotten for them and I think they are getting a bit more used to being at Grandma's as they weren't SO into everything like they were before. We built a bonfire in the back to get rid of Mom's woodpile and Andy and I burned the past 7 years of receipts. What memories we found! We wound up roasting hot dogs and making smores. Around 7, the nausea hit me, but I still had a really good time. It was nice to spend that time with Mom and her and Andy even watched the kids for about an hour so I could take a nap. That was nice! Got to spend some time with my brother, Jimmie, so that was nice too. I think we're going to go to the movies together while he's on break one night after Andy gets home. My Mom wants to go see the Christmas Carol too. Guess we'll see what this week brings. There's some things that I really would like to do if I'm feeling ok.

Turkey day plans...

After last years fiasco, I was unsure of what to do for Thanksgiving this year. However, I felt God telling me to reach out and not be afraid. So, I invited Mom and the boys over to our house this year. She accepted and is going to bring some macaroni and cheese over. I felt my apprehension go and I really think that this Thanksgiving is going to be a good one. We have so much to be thankful for this year.

So thankful...

I am so thankful for God, my faith, my parents, my family, my friends, God has really brought some amazing people into my life. I am going to start spending a lot more time with them. I decided that I get too busy tending to things around here, that I don't spend enough time with the people that God brings to me and want to be a part of our life. I am so thankful for my children. They all bless me in different ways and I am constantly learning from them. I am so thankful for their unconditional love that they give and for their loving little hearts. I am so grateful for this baby that I have growing inside of me. I am SO thankful that yesterday marked the first day of my 2nd trimester. I am thankful that God has really been leading me lately and that I am letting Him guide me. I am thankful for my husband and how great he's been with my pregnancy as I know that I can be quite moody sometimes with how sick and tired I've been at times. The nausea has been the worst over these past couple of weeks and it seems to set in around 4-6 pm. He's eaten my slop that I've cooked because I couldn't manage much more. He's helped take care of the kids and he takes them out on the weekends for Daddy/children time so that I can get some quiet time to rest or do whatever I want. I am thankful that the girls' adoption is finally starting to get rolling as well. I really want them to be adopted by the time this baby is born. I am thankful for my beautiful house and for all the blessings that God has given to us in Texas with Andy's job and that his company is so great to work for and that they always seem to be understanding of him. I am thankful for friends old and new. I am thankful for a lot of things and I could continue to go on and on. I am also thankful that my parents are able to be friends. I still continue to pray that they'll be able to get back together, but God's hands are in that and He knows what is best. Abba, thanks so much for blessing me and my family. Thank you for all that you do for us! I ask for your blessings over all my family and friends during this Thanksgiving season and always.

Just an update on how things are going...

My pregnancy is going well. I was 12 weeks on Sunday and it felt good to get to that mark. I can't believe that I'm already showing. (see picture). Still feeling very tired. I was really nauseated all week long. This was by far the worst week of nausea thus far. I had a few close calls of thinking I was going to barf while I was in the store or driving down the road. Thankfully, I was able to breathe threw them without any embarrassing incidents. Baby is doing well though. I've felt very faint flutters that I have been wondering if it's the baby, but I think it's still too early to feel movement and so I've been chalking it up to being gas. I am beyond excited about this baby and cannot wait for our big ultrasound to find out what we're having. I'm thinking about finding a place that does 3D ultrasounds too as I really think those are so neat. Deidra wants to go with me to see the baby. She's already informed me that she wants the baby to sleep in her room. I told her we'd just have to wait and see. She's been asking me little questions about the baby...how it eats and so forth. I'm hoping she doesn't eventually wonder how the baby got in there, but I guess the s-e-x question has to come sooner or later. She is 9 after all.

Speaking of being 9, my baby girl, Miss Deidra, turned 9 on Nov. 11. We took her out to Applebee's for dinner on her birthday and she opened her presents from us. We got her the movie UP and the new Diary of a Wimpy Kid. That's the only book series that I've seen her interested in and I really want to encourage her in her reading. Then, on Saturday we had a birthday party for her at the bowling alley, complete with a birthday cake that was done up shaped like a bowling ball. It was very cute! She had a few people from her class show up along with 2 of the neighbor girls. Grandma came too. It was fun! I really cannot believe that she is already 9. My how time flies! They grow much too fast!

Josiah is doing pretty well. I noticed that he is getting much better at transitioning from one thing that he likes to do to having to do something he'd rather not be doing. He is not throwing as big of a fit about it as he used to. He still is struggling with listening and following directions but the bribing of the gummy bears for completing tasks without incident is helping. I think mornings are the worst. That first hour until his meds kick in is hard. He's loud, cannot follow directions, he's running all over, I'm constantly having to remind him of what he's supposed to be doing and to stay out of the kitchen. I always have to tell myself that it will get better after the hour. That helps me to stay sane. :-) He is getting SO big. He is wearing big boy underwear as of last weekend. He still has a couple of accidents during the day, but for the most part he is doing great with using the potty. I am so proud of him!

Little E still struggles with listening and following directions and she still needs constant redirection as well. Her hands are always into something. But, again, the gummy bear rewards are helping her to somewhat stay on task depending on her moods. I'll take it. Things are getting a little better around here. I have to tell them somedays "Mommy, has to use the bathroom or make a phone call if you stay out of stuff and are quiet while I do this, I'll give you gummy bears when I'm done." And most of the time they are successful. They do not like missing out on their gummy bears. She is struggling in school with learning her letters and phonics. I told the teacher she can't very well be expected to learn her phonics when she doesn't know her letters. This is something we've been working on for a long time. Learning for her takes a LOT of repetition and she still seems to learn very slowly. OT has been working on it with her as well. She's only got about 3 letters down and even still she doesn't know them every time she's asked. I'm trying to do something with her daily that is alphabet/phonic related, but her attention span is SO short as well, that it's hard for her to grasp what you're trying to teach her. Yet, we plug on and I know she will get it sooner or later.

Baby T was doing better with all of her whining, but she seems to have had a relapse. My OT got on her yesterday about it and she looked at me and told me that she doesn't know how I've been coping with all of her whining as it gets to her when she's only here for a couple of hours and all she does is cry and whine over every little thing. I told her that some days are better than others. She told me just to keep staying consistent and when she does that and the warning doesn't get her to stop, to keep putting her upstairs in her room. I asked her if she thought it was just her age, or the fact that she is still struggling with speech. She told me that with the way she can turn it onn and off that she thinks it's behavioral. I was just curious as to what she thought. She can be so sweet and affectionate, I wish she would let this whining go. She is such a good girl for the most part.

I've been working on our adoption paperwork too and hope to send it in this afternoon. Hopefully then, we can get their adoption rolling. I really want them to be adopted before this baby is born.

I have my quarterly monitoring tomorrow morning, so I'm just trying to do some cleaning and get my house decluttered as there is too much paper clutter around here right now that is driving me nuts. Then, I just need to do the girls' clothing inventory and a fire drill and then we're good for this month.

I cannot believe that we're already getting ready for Thanksgiving. These past couple of months have flown by. Wow!

My pregnancy ticker...

Make a pregnancy ticker

How to teach children self-soothing techniques?

I really need some help in this area, I may need to ask the behavioral therapist counselors this, but if anyone has any ideas it would be helpful. When Josiah doesn't get his way or what he wants right when he wants it, he starts a temper tantrum. He's the type of child where he doesn't stop, there's no tears, but he's gotta scream and act like he's crying and he carries on and on. Something so trivial will turn into a 45 minute screaming fit and we have to constantly put him in his room to calm down and tell him when he can calm down he can come out. Very rarely will he calm immediatley, most of the time he's just in there making all the noise that he can and it'll carry on for awhile. The OT has been giving him massages and squeezes to calm him and he's learned that when he needs this he will come ask me to rub or squeeze him. I'm glad that he's noticing that he needs this, but at the same time I think he needs to learn to calm himself down as well. I'm trying to offer him more choices so that we don't get in some battles and I'm trying to see what triggers him, but seriously some of the stuff he gets upset over is so trivial that I wouldn't expect a temper tantrum over it, so some stuff does surprise me. The OT suggested getting him a weighted blanket so that he can go in his room and get that and get the pressure that he's needing from something other than a person or to get him a mini-trampoline for his room. The trampoline just seems like it would be a reward for bad behavior, but I am going to look into the weighted blankets. But, I really need to learn how to teach him to self-soothe because obviously if he goes somewhere he needs to know how to calm himself down in public situations where he's not going to have access to a weighted blanket and that stuff too. The new children's psychiatrist did put him on a very low dose of a mood stabilizer and that did help immensely, but I still notice that he does not know how to calm himself down when he does get upset.

Baby T got a haircut!

Yup, Little E was pretending to do her hair and I thought she just had the brush in her hand. I was trying to get the kids ready for the day on Thursday morning and turned around just in time to see her with Deidra's school scissors trying to cut Baby T's little ponytail right off (I had the sides of her hair pulled up into a little ponytail). I yelled out and she stopped in her tracks, but she did manage to cut a teensy bit of hair before I caught her. Thankfully, it's not really noticable. My goodness, she is sneaky and fast with things she's not supposed to have!