Monday, January 16, 2006


Well, Andy and I talked yesterday about whether or not to start doing the inseminations or not. Andy just wanted to make sure that the extra expenses were budgeted for since we'll have to pay for them out of pocket each month along with my meds. He asked me if there were any other costs involved other than for the insemination and the sperm wash and I said no. It's going to wind up costing us $200 and something to do it. He told me today that he thinks we can do it! Let's just hope it works! Oh Abba, please let it work!

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Clomid Increase

Hi Abba. They upped my clomid. I'm scared. I don't want to deal with horrible side effects again. My body was used to the other dosage and I didn't have anymore side effects after that very first cycle. They upped me to 150mg and they want to see me in 14 days for an ultrasound and she strongly suggested that we move to inseminations. I told her that I'd have to see how the finances look and talk to Andy before I make that decision as it's going to cost us about $400 to do that out of pocket. Please help me in that I don't have to endure too bad of side effects this cycle and that I can cope with them.

On to cycle 4...

my period has arrived full force. So much for my hopes. I'm pretty down about this's hit me pretty hard this time. :-( I almost decided to sit out a cycle, but decided that I'm going to give it a go again. Please help me cope and deal with this next cycle. Help it be our time soon.

Sunday, January 08, 2006

Little Spotting Yesterday

Abba, please let AF stay away. Help this to be our time to be pregnant. I had a tiny bit of spotting yesterday and it has seemed to go away. I have been crampy over the last couple of days, but please let AF stay away. I so want to be pregnant again. I am so ready to be a mommy again and I think Andy is ready too. I told him yesterday that there was a really good chance that we were pregnant again and he smiled and hugged and kissed me. I want to be able to tell him that our dream is a reality. I want to be able to make Deidra a big sister like she's really been wanting as well. Please let this be our time. St. Gerard, please say some prayers for us too that this may be our time to be pregnant. Thank You.

Implantation Dip?

Hi Abba. Please let this be it! Let us be pregnant! I'm really wondering if I am pregnant as I've heard of this happening to people. My temps have been very high after ovulation and have continued to rise, 10dpo they dropped significantly and I thought AF must be on her way. Took my temp yesterday morning and they're even higher than they were before at 98.9. I know some people have told me that they've had a significant temp drop when implantation occurred, so now I'm really wondering. The thought puts a very big smile on my face, but I guess we'll see in a few days. I'm going to get a bloodtest on Wednesday if AF hasn't shown by then to find out for sure.

Sunday, January 01, 2006

Our New Year's Eve

Hi Abba. Thanks for giving us a great day and night together to ring in the New Year. We cleaned up in the morning and I called to see if the Melting Pot took reservations around 1pm. Was informed that they were full, so we decided to go to Outback. We went a little early so we could beat the crowds and had a good time and great dinner. We all got steak, so I had to take pics of Deidra with her first steak that she ever ate and ordered herself. She kept eating all my tomatoes off my salad, so the waitress brought her her own plate of them and she ate them all. I was shocked. She ate a little bit of my salad and the carrots out of Andy's vegetables, half of her steak, all of her broccoli, and we split the Chocolate Chocolate Tower for dessert between the 3 of us. Andy ordered a 20 oz steak and I told him he couldn't eat it all and he did. He could barely move the rest of the night, but he did it. lol. We came home and I fell asleep on the couch for a little bit. Woke up and watched a few tornado things on National Geographic, Deidra fell asleep on the couch (she's got a really bad cold), so we watched some tv on DVD. Turned that off around ten to midnight. Andy ran up to get the champagne and we rang in the New Year together and then went to bed. Please give our family your blessing for the New Year and we thank you for all of our blessings that you gave us in 2005.

Another in-law vent...

Hi Abba. Please help our relationships heal if this is what is supposed to happen. I don't know how to make it happen anymore and we've given up a long time ago. Personally, I just feel better when we keep a distance between us...if we're not talking they can't hurt us.

Here's my vent though...bending over backwards for my BIL and SIL is something that both Andy and I refuse to do anymore. They sent us gift cards for Christmas and they got Deidra the VSmile Pocket thing so she could play her games on the go. She really likes it and it's something that I looked at for her myself when I was out. Anyway, I had sent them an email saying thank you the day of Christmas for the gifts. They talked to FIL on Christmas day and we were upstairs when they were talking. They never asked to talk to Andy and FIL never asked Andy if he wanted to say hi to them. That's pretty usual as FIL talks to them quite a bit and a lot of the time we'll be right there. Well, they came home from Florida last night and FIL called to see if they made it home alright. They were talking for about 20 minutes and then FIL came downstairs. FIL asked what they got us for Christmas and if Deidra liked her game thing. We told him that she did and what we got. He said "well, why don't you give them a call and let them know." I did this snicker and then acted like I just needed to change positions on the couch and decided to behave. Andy was like whatever. I almost let the cat out of the bag. FIL went back upstairs and Andy said to me "they were just on the phone, I couldn't have talked to them 5 minutes ago." We gave up calling them as they never call us back if we leave a message and if we are on the phone with them, Andy gets cut off with promises that they'll call back later and they never do. And we're both sick of the fact that whenever they do anything for birthdays/Christmas we're always expected to literally drop what we're doing to go and call them. I felt like saying to FIL, "how's this for can show Deidra a picture of them with her and she doesn't even know who in the hell they are. They don't call to say happy birthday to any of us when it's our birthdays, they didn't call us to wish us a Merry Christmas, our emails go unanswered, and hell they even left last year when they were here without even bothering to say good-bye to any of us. So why is it up to us?" And no, we never called them. They never acknowledge anything that we send to them either and if by some chance we do talk to them on the phone, they don't even want to talk to Deidra and myself (myself is fine by me...although I am always cordial to them, but the damage has been done with the past stuff that they've pulled). We just refuse to play the game anymore, yet I don't know why FIL always pushes us to be the ones to do it. The relationships have been broken for quite awhile I think. We had a good time with them last year when they were here for Christmas with the time that we actually did see them, but then they left without even bothering to say good-bye and we decided that we were just done trying. They only think of themselves, they're caught up in their own world, so whatever. I just wish FIL could see that. If time brings healing, then that will be great. I'm not sure if the relationships can ever be salvaged past what they are now, although I leave all that in your hands. You know what is best for all of us.