Thursday, June 28, 2012

Motivated Moms

Money Saving Mom posted a link on her site awhile back on a daily chore planner that she had bought through and I went to check it out. I really think that over the past year or so that I've been dealing with depression. I was a burned out Mama dealing with so many behaviors from my middle 3 and then with my Mother-in-Law living here causing more behaviors to flair up, I was just in survival mode. Right before she moved out, I had bought the chore system and I was accomplishing more around the house. I just thought I'd share it because it's given me some mojo back in dealing with the house. It's also helping the kids chip in a little more too which is nice.


Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Tattling, Whining, Throwing Fits, and Being Bossy

The kids were eating breakfast this morning and as all I listened to were tattling, whining, throwing fits because they weren't getting their food first or fast enough, and listening to them boss one another around, I had a revelation. I'm going to try something new and having them pay 10 cents to the person they're choosing to whine at, and boss around, and for any fit they throw they'll be paying me 10 cents to have to listen to it and they will be going to their room for some bedroom time to take some time out. We already do the bedroom time for fit throwing, but I'm going to try adding some extra consequences and connect the dots for them and see if this will help make some progress. And for any tattling that they do, they'll be paying the person that they're tattling on unless it's for something that is seriously going to get someone hurt. All I hear is crazy tattling all of the time...they'll come interrupt me for some of the dumbest things. So and So has their hand in the air, so and so has a toy (you're allowed to play, why is that a problem?), So and SO is in the bathroom (you're allowed to go to the bathroom if you need to go, why is that something I need to be told), they just have this drive to try and get each other in trouble and I hear it all.

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This thing called anger...

has a real stronghold in this house. Josiah is angry all of the time. Yesterday, he got mad at me for having to go back to his room, he crushed up his food and threw it at me. My Father-in-Law had a hold of him and yanked him up to his room faster than I could get to him. That's the first time my FIL has seen him throw something at me. It's been happening more and more frequently when I have to enforce consequences for his behavior lately. I get angry too, but I have to try and mask it as if I show it it only acts as fuel and he does the behavior more and more. Emma's reacting to his misbehavior and anger and it's fueling her too. Tracie gets upset whenever she wants something and someone else has it and she has to wait her turn. Andy's tired of all the drama all of the time because their behavior doesn't change and it seems like we're constantly dealing with the same things all of the time and whatever we do consequence wise, they don't connect the two to start complying. I woke up this morning and Josiah heard me on the carpet and was instantly out of his room asking to come down, telling me he was so hungry he was about to be sick, the excuses went on and on. All I wanted was some quiet prayer time. I could feel myself getting worked up. It's a choice. I chose to start their day...we ate breakfast, we did our brain gym exercises, and we did our tapping routine...we did it to rid the anger this morning. Afterwards, we prayed about our anger and we discussed a way of dealing with our anger instead of yelling, fit throwing, or hurting people. Emma said we can get a grown up if we're really mad. Josiah said that we can just choose to walk away. Tracie said that we can pray to God. I told them that I liked those answers and I wanted us all to practice that today. We'll see how the day goes.

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Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Tapping on Being Awesome

We tapped on being awesome today. Emily didn't want to do it. When she finally did, she had a lot of anger come out at the end. I pulled her onto my lap and she had a huge tantrum. When she calmed down, I talked to her about what she was feeling. I strongly believe that they don't believe the good things about themselves. I told her that we have to work on those positive feelings and let the bad feelings go and that's why those are good (even for Mommy) to do each morning after we've had our prayer time and we've done our brain exercises. I told her that I'm not going anywhere and that I will love her during all the mad, angry, mean, happy, sad, all of that stuff. I hugged her and she finally was able to relax and let me love on her and go and play with her siblings after a little while.

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Monday, June 25, 2012

It's been one of those days...

We started the morning with hugs, brain gym exercises, and 1 tapping video on being adorable and lovable. Tracie had a meltdown afterwards. I gave her lots of extra hugs and reassurance and we moved onto breakfast. Josiah started whining and throwing temper tantrums over everything. He doesn't want to do this, he doesn't want to do that. We had to go run to the bank and I asked for the playroom to get picked up and to everyone to handle a quarter of the room so we could get out of the house and back before Tracie had OT. The girls were picking up fine, but Josiah just wanted to throw things and whine the whole time. My Father-in-Law was here building shelves in the garage for us and he came in and tried to talk to Josiah. Josiah was just acting uglier and uglier. You can't talk to him, he's 6 and he's right about everything....he refuses to do it your way...he's going to do it his way or it's not going to happen. Anyway, we went to the bank and he started crying that he was hungry, he wanted Starbucks, he wanted went on and on. I told him when we got home I'd feed them lunch. He threw a fit and kept whackign his head onto the seat as hard as he could. I fed them lunch and he threw a fit about everything that was on the plate and when I asked him to pick up his crackers off the floor (2), he threw a fit that it was going to take forever. I told him that if he was going to continue to whine and throw fits that I was going to start treating him like a baby and he was going to go up and take a nap during Tracie's OT. It took my Father-in-Law and I both to get him up to his room and he screamed, stomped on the floor, and kicked the bed and the walls the whole time he was up there. Totally exhausted, but wouldn't go to sleep. I put the movie in once Tracie was done with OT and let him come down to watch it with the girls. I went out to talk to my Father-in-Law about the shelving to have Emma come out and tell me that Josiah was saying that he was hungry and he was on the computer. They're not to get on the computer without permission and I've started not allowing it lately as Josiah clicks all over the place instead of staying on what I tell him to and last time he messed up my computer. I came in with him lying about being on the computer, yet he had someone else's profile open, so I knew he really did do it as the girl's don't know how to do that. Anyway, he threw a whopper of a fit about not wanting to go in time out so I put him in his room. All I can do is pray that God speaks to his heart as only God can change him. All day when he's gotten into trouble, we've prayed to God together. That's all I know how to do. It's just one of those days where he's got me depleted. Demanding, angry, never satisfied...I'm so tired of listening to whining and tantruming every few minutes. Lord, please give Josiah an obedient heart, help him to want to do good and behave, help him have a desire to please others and listen and obey. Help him let go of all of this anger and start to be a happier boy. Help him to want to live his life for you and be respectful of people and to his things. Amen.

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Sunday, June 24, 2012


I took Deidra and Emily to see Brave. I thought it was a good movie. The gist of it is that Merida doesn't want the same path for her life that her parents want for her, so she goes and seeks a spell from a witch that will change her Mom (the Queen's) mind. The spell winds up turning her Mom into a Bear. Merida protects her Mom and tries to get the others not to hurt her. The fighting scenes are a little intense and I was worried about how Emily was going to do with it, but she said that she wasn't that scared and she handled it fine. It showed that the fiesty Merida was very brave to deal with it all too. I thought the movie was good, Deidra thought it was her new favorite movie. It was the first movie that I've taken Emily to go see at the movie theater. She sat very well and I was pretty impressed. She saw the Lorax at the movie theater when she went with her friend during a birthday party and they said she did pretty good. I think I'll be taking her to see a lot more movies now. :-)

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Friday, June 22, 2012

Praying for 2 openings at camp for Josiah and Emily

We have a church in the area that watches the foster/adoptive kids to give the parents respite once every 3 months. Yesterday afternoon they sent out an email that they were partnering with some other area churches to do a week long camp for foster children. I had emailed someone yesterday to ask if the kids that had been adopted out of foster care were allowed to attend. The gentleman thought that they just had to have been in foster care at some point and had a history of abuse. He gave me someone to email to check. I heard back from them this morning that they are giving priority to the current foster children, but that if they had openings that they would accomodate them. He asked if he could e-mail me next week. The application is 4 pages long. I asked if he wanted me to send it in now to tentatively hold their spots or wait until I heard back from him. He told me to go ahead and fax them to him now and he'd get back to me in the middle of next week. Lord, I pray that they will accomodate them. I think this would be a good experience for the both of them and with the way Josiah's been behaving lately it would give us a few days of respite too. Please let them both be able to go to camp. Thank you in advance and Amen.

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Thursday, June 21, 2012

Swim Lessons...

All the kids did great in swim lessons today. They've made SO much progress since Monday. Monday they were all a bit scared about them. The teacher we are using is awesome with the kids. Today, Josiah swam almost all the way across the pool, Emily swam almost over half the way across, Tracie's still trying to figure out that she's got to move her feet but she's almost there, and Melina didn't cry at all today, but Mommy had to be right by her on the side of the pool or she'd get scared. Her stranger anxiety is in full effect. She did manage to step off the step into the pool, but Grampy had quick reflexes and pulled her right back up before she had a chance to go under. I'm SO proud of them! I've gotta bring the camera with me tomorrow so I can document the progress. We're definitely going back next year!

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Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Behaviors, Behaviors...

it's been a whirlwind of a week. I'm exhausted, the kids are exhausted. I think we're still trying to recoop from Monday...VBS, swim lessons, and the day at Six Flags. SO much behavior is coming out lately. Emily's 7th birthday was on Father's Day. She had a couple of friends over. She still doesn't quite get how to act with other kids. She gets really bossy or she just segregates herself. Or sometimes even she gets mean. She's come a long way and her one little friend is determined that they're going to be friends...she's put up with SO much from Emily ever since they were in kindergarten together. I told Emily that one day she's really going to appreciate Clara. I pray for their friendship too as I just love that little Clara girl. Before everyone showed up, she kept saying "I wonder how many presents I'm going to get." We kept telling her that's not what birthdays are all about and that we didn't like that attitude. All she kept asking for was a new bike. Andy surprised her with it on the front porch and all she said was "ok." Turned around and came back in the house. Andy said "I give up. They're just not grateful for anything." She's always acted rotten on her birthday. I know that can be common for foster/adoptive kids with birthdays and holidays bringing out some stuff. I chose to let it go. Josiah's been having accident after accident. He had another one today behind the closet door. Nevermind there's a bathroom not even 2 feet from the closet. I was mad, but I didn't want to show him that. Got him some new clothes and did his laundry. He threw a fit at swim lessons today all because he couldn't have 5 more minutes. The teacher even told him that he didn't have a spare 5 minutes today because he had to go into work at the university that he teaches at. The teacher had to pull me aside when I went to pick him up at VBS this morning too as he was saying bad words to the kids in the bathroom today. Tracie's been super bossy lately, naughty too, and then she wants to lie about who did it. The thing that really got me though was yesterday during dinner. She didn't want to eat her red peppers or her rice and she was making a mess and whining non-stop. I told her that all needed to get back onto her plate. She continued to behave badly and finally I told her to pick up her plate and come sit by me as it looked like she needed some time by Mommy. She started flailing around everywhere so I got up to help her and enforce what I said. I got over by her and all I could smell was poop. I asked her why I was smelling that and she kept saying she didn't know when I happened to notice that it's all over her hand. I sent her to the bathroom to wash her hands and then I asked her how that happened. She said she didn't know. I told her that I had an idea and if she wanted to hear it. She nodded her head. She's my kid that sticks her hands down the back of her pants and is constantly figeting with her clothes. Add that to going to the bathroom, not wiping, and you can see where it came from. I guess from now on I'm going to have to supervise them in the bathroom...none of them wipe, they lie about washing their hands, and when Tracie does wipe she sticks it in the trash can rather than the toilet. I'm just grossed out. Again, it's one of those things I didn't want to react too as I didn't want the behavior to escalate. But gross! I'm worn down with all the lying and the bad bathroom habits. I'm tired of cleaning up pee and poop. Father, I give my frustrations to you. Please help my children want to clean up after themselves, be sanitary, and be kind to others. Please fill them up with your joy, be loving to others, and give them Your peace. Amen

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Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Melina's First Trip to Six Flags and Deidra's First Concert

Andy took the day off yesterday to participate in the craziness of the day. He put in a lot of hours over teh past couple of weeks anyway, so I think the extra day off was good for him. The littles went to Vacation Bible School and then literally right after that, we had time to quickly feed them and get everyone in their swimsuits and then the littles and Melina had swim lessons. They all loved it and I was proud of them. Josiah wasn't fully listening and would jump in to try to do what the teacher was asking before fully listening to the directions. The teacher was great with them. I really liked him and his wife. After that, we came home to change and we took Deidra and her friend, Audrey, to Six Flags with our whole clan. It took us 2 vehicles to get there, but we made it. It was Melina's first trip there. We went on some rides and then got some dinner before it was time to take the older girls to the concert. While we were waiting for our food, the kids were playing and giggling. Andy and Deidra and Audrey brought the food back and I noticed Josiah hunched over the stroller. I thought he was looking for his water bottle and asked him what he was doing and I got the dead stare back at me and I knew instantly that he was up to no good and he hates it when he gets caught. Andy noticed that he was all wet. He peed himself...never said he had to go to the bathroom or anything. We were sharing plates of food and I wound up having to make it so only he could eat off the one plate. The girls didn't even want him to be by them. He threw a fit and refused to eat. After a few minutes, he finally did eat. We rinsed him off in the misters and then it was time to walk Deidra and Audrey over to go to their first concert, The Wanted. Andy and I took the other kids on some rides. Melina fell asleep and while Emma was tall enough to ride the little Batmobile by herself, Josiah and Tracie weren't. Andy said he'd take Tracie on the ride since Josiah was still wet as a natural consequence. He threw a fit and tried to run off on me and screeched at the top of his lungs when I got a hold of him. Turned around and grabbed his water bottle and he threw it on the ground as hard as he could and just screeched and tried to walk off on me again. I told him that I understood if he was mad at himself...he told me he was mad at me. I told him that I'm not the one that made him have an accident. The thing that gets me is that there was a restroom right on the other side of me...all he had to do was tell me that he had to go. He did eventually pull himself together and we enjoyed the rest of the day. However, if we go again next year, I really am considering leaving him home with a babysitter. This is the 2nd year in a row that we've gone that he's had a complete conniption fit while we were there. We'll have to see how his behaviors go throughout this next year. I just hate how people have to sit and stare when I go through these moments. I've thought about handing out cards to the stares that say what and why we're dealing with this stuff. UGH! Deidra and Audrey had fun at the concert was a first for both of them. I have to say that I really like Audrey too. She's been no trouble since she's been here, she has manners, she's quiet, and she stays with Deidra and she's been helpful. It's a lot more than I can say for anyone else who's come to the house or stayed overnight. I get so tired of telling these kids that they don't have permission to wander into our bedroom or go into Josiah or Emma or Tracie's rooms and that if Deidra's outside, they need to be outside too. I told Audrey she's welcome to come over anytime. She's been here since Friday night and I haven't been bothered by her at all.

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Friday, June 15, 2012

Simply Fit Meeting

I had my meeting last night. They had me share my testimony as they were proud of me. After 9 days of being on the program, I'm off of my morning insulin shots. I've been about 130 at my fasting blood sugar. I take a Metformin and that levels me out for the day. I still have to do my evening metformin and insulin shots. But, I have faith that if I keep this up I'll eventually be able to do away with those too. We started the 7-day cleanse as well to rid our body of toxins. I'm down some weight too, but I never like weighing's always right after I've eaten dinner. I'll stick to my Saturday morning weigh in and I'll post the results later. This is definitely the start to a new and healthier me. :-)


Thursday, June 14, 2012

Little Progress

Josiah's temper is really starting to get rather explosive. He got upset that I asked him to do a chore that he didn't want to do. I told him he was going to do the chore to be part of the household as it shouldn't be up to Mommy to do everything and he picked the number that was in Mommy's head of the person to do the chore. He got mad and pushed over a tray with a ton of books on it and made a mess. I told him that now he got to clean up his mess that he made and then he was going to have to do the trash. The look on his face could have killed someone, so thankfully we can't die from that. I told him that he had consequences for his actions and he could've been done with the trash by now had he just done willingly what Mommy asked of him. He sat looking angry, but I walked away to give him some time to process things and I went and turned around he had begun to pick up the books and then went and did the trash. I told him that I couldn't give him his allowance point when he willingly didn't want to work this time. He came back a few minutes later and asked me what other chores he could do to earn his points. That's some progress...thank you Josiah. Lord, please give Josiah a willing and joyful heart.


Wednesday, June 13, 2012

All I can do is pray...

We had a relatively good day. We went and swam at the Y for awhile today. The kids all enjoyed it. I only had to pull Josiah over to do a time-out once because he was jumping all over some other kids and constantly splashing them even when they had asked them to stop. The day was pretty good. Fast forward to dinner...I'm trying to get dinner plated, Andy texted me to let me know that he was running late. Melina had bumped her arm and was hurt and I was trying to ask Deidra if she'd help me out for a minute. Josiah kept annoying her and she started yelling at him. I asked them all just to come up to the table as I was plating their food. I was cutting the pork chops and Josiah got mad because he didn't want to sit in the middle of the girls. Finally got that tantrum curtailed and brought Melina and Tracie their food, and that caused another tantrum as he didn't get his first. He got really ugly acting and I told him to calm down or he was going to be removed from the table. I turned around and brought him his food and I asked him just to quit talking for a few minutes. I turned around to grab Deidra's plate of food and he made a smart-mouth comment to Deidra. I told him that he needed to do a time out which resulted in him throwing his plate across the table. I went to go get him and he shoved the table at me. Deidra went around one side to block him in and I went on the other side to go get him when he picked up a roll and chucked it...totally hit me in the eye. I got him by the wrist and informed him that he was going to his room. He kept throwing himself down on the floor, the front door opened and in walked Daddy. Andy helped me get him to his room and he wound up going to bed without dinner. I usually don't like doing that, but under the circumstances we felt that was the natural consequence since he tossed his dinner all over the place in anger. I don't know why he has this CONSTANT need to be first all of the time, I don't know why everything seems to make him angry. I'm so tired of battling all this anger and seeing everybody get hurt because he has NO self-control. All I can do is pray... Lord, I lift up Josiah to you. I pray that You will speak to his heart and give him a desire to obey and wanting to please others. Most of all, I pray that he will develop a relationship with You and start to live his life for You. Please help him let go of all this anger that he holds inside of him in a good healthy way. Amen


We're onto something...

We did a morning of brain gym exercises. The kids are struggling with them, but we made it through. Tracie was wanting to be really lazy about them and I knew she could do better than that, so I pushed her a little bit. She apparently got mad at me for it. I don't push my kids to do the things that I know that they're not capable of, but I do expect them to at least try. Some of them were a bit complicated for me with my hurt knee, but I pushed myself to do it too. Then, we did our tap o' the morning with Brad Yates. Tracie was whining and I told her I needed her to use her big girl words. Tracie started crying and I pulled her on my lap to give her a hug and she started yelling at me that it was all my fault that she wasn't having a good morning. I held her and she just screamed and cried and yelled in my ear at me. After I got her calmed down, she finally said that she was scared and mad. We did another tapping video for kids of letting go of fear. After that one, she willingly let me give her a hug. I told her that I understand that it's hard to work through our feelings sometimes and Mommy needs lots of practice too. She clung to me and when I asked her how she felt about Mommy, she said she didn't know. I told her that I think she has a hard time with letting Mommy's love for her inside of her heart. She didn't have an answer for that. I told her that I will always love her no matter what. She let me hug and kiss her and then I told her that she could go play. She went and got a small toy and went in the living room and climbed into the rocking chair. I think we're onto something with the tapping though and I plan on doing it 2-3 times a day and each time one of us experiences a negative emotion, we'll do the tapping videos together. I used the anger one to pull Josiah out of a temper tantrum yesterday and it had him smiling and laughing at the end. It's working! I'll just be prepared to give lots of extra hugs during all of this.

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Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Hate insurance stuff..

It's too expensive for me to go on Andy's health insurance so the kids and him are on his and I have my own...well it's technically not a real insurance plan since they won't cover me due to my high blood pressure and diabetes. Anyway, I have an indemnity plan. It only covers 6 doctor visits a year and 1 well-exam. It covers so many days in the hospital. Ironically, all my maternity care was covered...they say it's because it's billed globally, whatever that means. Anyway, due to this lovely leg injury and other stuff the NP made me keep going back in for regarding my diabetes I'm now out of doc visits for the year. I fell on my knee and sprained it at the end of March, I developed a hematoma in April and had to go back in to the ER. I got a letter in the mail saying they needed more information from me or I'd be responsible for paying the whole bill. I called the insurance company...they only cover the initial visit regarding an the hematoma bill is all my responsibility. I called the hospital and they gave me a 35% discount since I'd have to self-pay the whole thing and now we get to pay about $800. Oh what fun it is to be a grown up!

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Brain Gym Exercises

I have been reading RAD blogs a lot lately. I love getting new ideas. Life in the Grateful House had some things posted on Brain Gym excercises. We started doing this one today. They had a really hard time with them. They are supposed to really help with learning and switching on their brains and all that stuff though, so we will keep trying to do them every morning.

Having the house back to ourselves is wonderful!

We moved my Mother-in-Law on Saturday. I'm not saying that I regret our decision to take her in by any means. I'm glad that we stepped up and helped her out. But, we sacrificed a lot to do that too and it feels good to get our house back to ourselves. The kids are testing boundaries, but I'm able to nip it in the bud and we are working it out. We're able to do our own schedule, watch what we want to on our own tv, be silly and crazy and the kids can throw their big fits and I don't have to worry about them bothering anyone else. It's just nice to be able to do our own thing and have our own routine again and I can therapeutically parent and work on attachment activities without someone else watching or giving in to them. They are learning to come to me again if they want things too and I think it helps not to have someone else constantly around so they just ignore Mom and go to someone else to try and get what they want all of the time. Oh, I can bypass the rules and get what I want if I go to here...type thing. And I think with my Mother-in-Law having her own space, it will be good for her too. I just think it was time...11 months doesn't seem like a long time, but it's nice to get our family moving forward again.

Sunday, June 10, 2012

Showing Love...

I decided that this summer, I was going to do something called "Spirit Camp." We were going to focus on a fruit of the Spirit each week. This week we focused on showing love. Each time I caught one of the kids showing love (all on their own), we were going to write it on the paper on the wall and they were going to get some points towards earning their money. We prayed for increases in love and we colored pages about God being love. This is a few of the ways we showed love to one another this week.... Emma comforted Melina when she was upset Melina shared her crayons with Tracie when the other kids didn't want to share with her Emily was concerned when Melina got hurt (all was ok) Josiah offered to help Tracie finish cleaning up after he was finished and she still wasn't done with her part. (This is HUGE for him). Deidra made cookies for everyone. Deidra put the groceries away for me without even having to be asked. Tracie gave hugs to everyone Emma offered to do chores to help me out when I was busy trying to get everything done and was a bit overwhelmed.

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Madagascar 3

Deidra asked me to take her to see Madagascar 3. Honestly, I didn't really care to see it, but since I've been trying to be a more intentional mother with doing what they ask and I really wanted some alone time with her, I took her. It dragged to me in some parts and it was funny in others. Deidra really liked it and we saw it in 3-D so that was kinda neat. I didn't like the fact that they lied when they were asked if they were circus folk, although I understood why they did that. We talked about that on the way home. But, I did like how the lion got the circus back on track and told them that they were missing their passion and with passion they could accomplish their goals. Overall, I enjoyed it. Would I see it again? Probably not. However, it did bring up a couple of discussion topics about following your dreams and so forth with Deidra and I. :-)


Thursday, June 07, 2012

Simply Fit Meeting...

I didn't lose or gain anything last night...I didn't think I would since it was only my 2nd day on the program. In our discussion though, we got to talking about female things. Ever since my MIL moved in with us, my cycles have stopped. I've also gained weight. We are talking about having one more baby if God allows. I'd like to get my cycles back on track as I get healthier, but I can tell my hormones are all out of whack. They suggested that I go on Proleaf as it will help balance my hormones out naturally. So, I placed my order and will start that once I get it.

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I'm so tired of Josiah having accidents...when we had Melina it set him back and he started having accidents at night. That I could understand and we worked with him on it. He overcame it within about 6 months. Andy's Mom came to live with us...he started having accidents at night again. After a couple of months, we put him back in a pull-up at night and he was dry every night. It was a control issue, I strongly think as does our attachment therapist. My Dad came to visit last week and wouldn't you know that ever since then, he's been having accident after accident. He can be standing right in front of the toilet and he'll pee all over himself and not even make the effort to take his clothes down to go. So frustrating! Anyway, today I went to give him his pills after he had been up for about a half an hour and I noticed that he smelled like pee. He never said anything, never asked for dry clothes...nothing. I told him today that we're going to the store to buy him some pull-ups and I'm strongly thinking about making him pay for them himself. He is fully capable of getting himself to the bathroom when he has to go...even at night. I'm just frustrated! I'm trying to keep that from him though so it doesn't happen even more. UGH!

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Wednesday, June 06, 2012

The journey to a new me...

is starting today. No dairy, gluten, sugar, caffeine, or alcohol for 30 days. After that, I can add them back one at a time to make sure that I don't have any allergies or weird symptoms from them. My first goal is 10 lbs lost and I desperately want to get off my blood pressure meds and my insulin. I figure if I make small goals, I can really make them.

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Tuesday, June 05, 2012

Attachment Therapy...

We had attachment therapy this morning. When I saw the neuropsych come in, I thought today was going to be the day we found out the results of their brain mapping. However, no such luck. We are going to get our next appt with him and the attachment therapist though. I can be patient and wait. :-) Honestly, I'm a bit scared to find out anyway if I'm totally true to how I feel. I'm scared they're going to tell me that how Josiah is, is just how he is and he'll be that way for the rest of his life. I'm trying to be hopeful though and I'm praying that's not the case. I have to hand my fears and worries back to God. With God all things are possible and I have to trust that it will all turn out for good. :-) Anyway, we were able to tell her that my Mother-in-Law is moving out and she was thrilled that we can finally start moving forward again. The kids just can't have someone else living in the house. It doesn't work and they spend all their time trying to lie and triangulate and I've also learned that unless you've experienced the things that we have the past 4 years, nobody truly understands RAD. She just kept trying to come up with excuses for the things that they were doing and giving into them and that obviously doesn't work with parenting these kids. Not to mention, all of the times that I'd tell them that they couldn't do something and she'd let them have their way because she wouldn't tell them no or physically make them stay out of it. You cannot sit and tell them what to do in this house, you're on your toes all of the time enforcing the boundaries. Anyway, it will be good to have our house back and be able to get them moving forward again. At our last appt with her, she told us that the kids were going backwards and not forwards and that we were losing ground and undoing progress that we had made with them with her still living here. We knew that, but it was another thing to hear her say that. I think MIL was unhappy about having to move, but I think it will be good for her too. We also talked about the problems that we've been having with Josiah. He's been getting more and more aggressive when things don't go his way, shoving furniture, throwing things at people, he's getting harder and harder for me to make do things as he's solid muscle. She told us that she's predicting that in about 18 months or a little longer, that we may need to start talking about sharing him with someone who can help drive home the point of your actions have consequences and working that fine line a little more. It's not what I wanted to hear, but in the meantime I will do all I can and pray, pray, pray and hope that his heart changes and he can begin to see cause/effect a little more. She gave him a little tool to help that was a visual for him and when she asked him to tell the girls about it, he wanted to play dumb, which she called him out on. We'll just continue to connect the dots for him and pray and hope that eventually something clicks sooner rather than later. We were also able to ask her about the bedroom situation that we have been trying to figure out. Currently Deidra and my MIL share a room, Emma and Tracie have their own room, Josiah has his own room, and Melina is in with Andy and myself. I was going to move Emma in with Deidra and then move Melina in with Tracie, however I got to thinking that Deidra's going into tween years and probably should have her own room. I had talked about changing the garage into bedrooms or doing an addition on the house. Andy wasn't game with that plan as he says if your grandparents can have 6 boys in one bedroom and 2 girls in the other we can certainly figure something out here without having to add on. So, we talked to the therapist about what she thought. We finally figured out that Deidra will move into the smaller bedroom that Emma and Tracie now have and we can put the 3 girls in the big room that Deidra is currently in. So Melina will be moving in with Emma and Tracie. I will admit that I'm nervous about it. Deidra had asked if she could have Melina with her, but they're 9 years apart and I think the novelty will wear off after awhile. So, hopefully this will work. If we run into problems with it, we're going to have to work on saving up to do an addition or changing the garage into bedrooms, but we'll see. I think we can give it a try though.


Friday, June 01, 2012


I'm learning more and more that my littles do not handle visitors well. My Dad came into town on Thursday and Friday and my kids were all hyper and out-of-control, swarming him left and right, and refusing to listen. Josiah had an accident for 2 days in a row as well. When Andy's Mom moved in with us, he struggled with accidents for months. It's one of those things, that I can't very well tell people that they can't come over, and my kids need to have the privilege of having friends over to play and so forth too, but I'm really learning that when we have visitors it's a time of more stress for me. They just become so unregulated so easily. When the visitors leave, it's back to being calm again...well as calm as they get anyway. I was hoping that with getting older that they'd outgrow this, but it's not looking to be the case. But, boy is it stressful for me. And my Dad is one who does not understand attachment struggles at all...

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