Neurofeedback Therapy

Josiah is showing that he's making progress.  however, like he's done with speech and OT, he tests and tests and tests and his behavior gets in the way.  Last week, the dr. told me that I needed to come up with some incentives for Josiah to do a good job in therapy.  He wanted him to have at least 6 good sections of the 10 that he does each time he goes in.  Obviously, more is a plus.  I talked to Andy and we agreed that if he did a good job he could pick something off the $1 menu for the ride home and if he got good marks all week he could get a happy meal for his hard work.  Saturday, Andy went with me and he did a great job.  Yesterday, he was out of sorts all day.  We get to therapy and he saw that they had a tv sitting in the middle of the floor (it wasn't set up) and he decided he was going to watch that tv.  I told him it wasn't set up nor did it belong to us and to leave it alone.  He proceeded to get mad, try to bend the prongs on the plug, and threw the cord across the room.  I had to peel him off the floor and put him in my lap where he proceeded to try to head butt me, kick me, and was just being loud.  The dr. came out to get us and brought us back...Josiah seemed to have calmed down and so we started therapy.  The whole session he was trying to mess around.  He was trying to pull the sensors off his head, scratching at his head, pulling at the wires, opening and closing the doors, rambling at the dr.  The dr told him multiple times that he wasn't allowed to touch the wires where the sensor plugged in to the computer.  That was the firmest I've ever seen the dr get with him.  The dr. is pretty patient.  Josiah finally announced that he wasn't going to do it anymore and he wanted his treat.  We both told him that he wasn't scoring enough points or working hard enough to get rewarded and that only he could change that.  He proceeded then to pull the tag off his shoe and acted up some more.  At the end, the dr. had him do one more session to try to make up for one of them that he barely scored any on.  No go.  Josiah finished and wanted his prize.  The dr told him that he didn't earn it and he looked at me and said "he'd just go to Whataburger then."  I told him he didn't work hard enough to get a treat.  He threw himself against the wall and the dr. was trying to talk to him as well.  He was concerned about if he was going to be ok on the ride home (an hour to an hour and a half) and I said that we'd just have to see.  I wound up having to carry him out of the office as he wouldn't walk and kept throwing himself onto the floor and I almost went with him once.  I cannot afford to fall and hurt my knee again when I'm still not over my knee sprain from March.  I carried him out to the car and he proceeded to cry and try to kick me the whole way out.  The dr. gave me a pat on the shoulder and told me to hang in there.  He told Josiah that he was disappointed in his behavior and that he felt bad for me because of all I was trying to do for him and he was acting that way.  It didn't matter.  We got to the car and I got him inside and he proceeded to kick and scream.  I had to climb back there to put him in his seatbelt.  5 min down the rd he fell asleep.  3/4th of the way home, the tears came rolling down my cheeks.  All I want is for him to get better...but this is up to him.  The dr is there to help him, I am there to help him and take care of him, but this choice on how he acts and whether he wants to do the work to get better...that's all up to him.  I get that.  I really do.  It doesn't make dealing with it any easier for me.  He pushes me away, he pushes any efforts to help him away, he pushes and pushes.  I'm so glad that we have attachment therapy this week.  The neuro dr is going to try to compile some data from yesterday too to help me see what's going on in his brain when he acts that way.  He asked me how frequently he gets like that and I said "anytime he doesn't get his way."  We switched where the sensors go yesterday as well to work on his moods and "angries" the dr. said that he didn't think we'd see any benefits from yesterdays session because he just didn't want to do the work, but that he would compile some data from the session to hopefully give us some insight as to what is happening when he gets like that.  I guess I already said that a little bit huh?  Oh well...I guess I needed to say it again for my own benefit.  It's really trying to deal with his "angries" over everything.  I just hope and pray that he will begin to want help and will work to get better.