Sunday, April 26, 2009

Prayer request for my MIL and her hubby

Andy's Step-Dad has been in and out of the hospital for the past few years...for awhile they didn't think he was going to make it and he surprised all the doctors and everything and he pulled through. He just had a relapse a couple of months ago and he's been really week and back on oxygen full-time. Andy's Mom has been really sick with some sort of illness that had her bed-ridden for about 5 days. She thought she was feeling somewhat better and then started going downhill again. I guess over the past few days it was taking everything out of her just to stand up and try to cook dinner and so forth. She went to the doctor and they did blood work and it came back all messed up so they sent her to the hospital telling her that she was suffering from exhaustion (being sick and trying to take care of Hal on top of it all). She called Geoff and Mimi (Geoff is Andy's brother and Mimi is his wife) and asked them to go get their dog and take care of him while she was in the hospital and when they went to go get the dog, they found Hal passed out on the floor. They got the ambulance and followed them to the hospital and got him all signed in. I guess what they're saying is that he didn't think he could take care of himself while their Mom was in the hospital and he suffers from some anxiety attacks due to his health and so he got panicky and that's what caused that. So, now they're both in the same hospital trying to recover, but on different floors. Please keep them both in your prayers. Andy feels guilty that he's not closer to help out and I just hope that they both can recover quickly.

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New Bed

We went out and picked out our new bed today. We picked this one and we're getting the end tables too (one for each side of the bed so we each have our own). The bed has 2 drawers that pull out on the end of the bed so we'll his/hers drawers too. I really like it. It's almost like a knotty pine.

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Baby J celebrated his 3rd birthday on April 25!

April 25 was a big day in our house as it was also Baby J's birthday! He turned 3! He is very into Diego right now and that's all he talked about wanting was a Diego birthday cake. Since I already ordered a cake for Deidra, I saw the cupcake cakes and decided to do one of those for him! Soo cute! He was spoiled with lots of Diego gifts and he was very happy with them. I think the talking back pack is his favorite!

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Deidra's First Communion

Deidra made her First Communion on Saturday, April 25. She looked beautiful! Mommy cried when I got her dressed and Deidra told me "no more crying!" Then when I saw her go up to receive communion, I cried again. Such a precious gift and it's so nice to share that with her! We went to Johnny Carino's for lunch with Grandma Davis and then we came home to do presents and cake. She had the neighbor girls down later in the evening to have cake with her as well. Their Mom made this beautiful cake for Deidra. It turned out way prettier than I ever imagined.

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Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Hubby found out about The Love Dare today...

I was posting about yesterdays dare and he walked by and went to see what I was doing...I quickly covered up what I was writing and he started laughing and said what do you not want me to see? He went to the bathroom and when he came out I was holding The Love Dare book in my hand. I told him that I didn't want it to seem like I was keeping secrets or anything and so I was letting him know that I was doing the book. He asked if that was off "Fireproof?" and I told him yes. He gave me kisses and told me that he loved me too.

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Now we're getting a new bed...

I feel so dumb...our new mattresses came today. I could have sworn that our bed was a queen...turns out it's only a the mattresses don't fit. Problem we're on the hunt for a new bed. Oops!

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The Love Dare--Day 12

Demonstrate love by willingly choosing to give in to an area of disagreement between you and your spouse. Tell them you are putting their preference first.

Well, I tried to do this. I let him know that I wanted him to go out for a drink or some disc golf with the guys from work. He said he'd take a rain check as he wanted to get the lawn mowed. I offered to try to do it and he said that we had other things going on and that he would do it another day. I saw that I wasn't going to get later on when we were at home and settling down for the night I told him to take some time and check in with Joey on the computer so they chatted for a few minutes and then he signed off with her and came to spend some time watching tv with me.

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Tuesday, April 21, 2009

The Love Dare--Day 11

What need does your spouse have that you could meet today? Can you run an errand? Give a back rub or foot massage? Is there housework you could help with? Choose a gesture that says, “I cherish you” and do it with a smile.

I had dinner waiting for him when he got home, I had the house picked up when he walked in the door, and I did the trash for him and brought all the trash out to the curb for trash day. He noticed right away that the trash was at the curb and thanked me for doing that for him.

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Sunday, April 19, 2009

The Love Dare--Day 10

Today's dare is to do something out of the ordinary today for your spouse—something that proves (to you and to them) that your love is based on your choice and nothing else. Wash her car. Clean the kitchen. Buy his favorite dessert. Fold the laundry. Demonstrate love to them for the sheer joy of being their partner in marriage.

I rubbed his back this morning because his back is really hurting him and he aches all over. Since he usually takes care of the cat boxes, I'm going to do that for him as well later on so that it doesn't hurt his back and he doesn't have to do the yucky chore today. We're off to Trader's Village for the day right now.

Well, I surprised him by doing the cat boxes for him and I was greeted with a kiss and a thanks for doing that, although you didn't have to do that. I told him that I knew that, but he always does them, so I thought I'd do it for a change. He was very appreciative.

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Saturday, April 18, 2009

New Mattress and Box Spring

We are finally getting a new mattress and box spring for our bed...I'm hoping a new bed is in our future as well...but one step at a time. We got a Serta Pillowtop! They will deliver it on Wednesday.


The Love Dare--Day 9

Today's dare is to think of a specific way you’d like to greet your spouse today. Do it with a smile and with enthusiasm. Then determine to change your greeting to reflect your love for them.

We woke up this morning in separate beds...well, I slept in our bed and he slept on the couch downstairs. He said he didn't do it on purpose, but I was really hurt. Our squabble continued last night and finally I told him that I didn't want to fight or argue with him and I wasn't going to do it anymore but I really do feel that it's all about him right now. We got into it this morning again and we are both just mad at each other right now. I had a good cry in the bathroom and came down and started cleaning the house. After I calmed down, I went to see what today's dare was. I had no idea how I was going to do this one. Anyway, I went and gave him a kiss and told him that I was sorry. He nodded and didn't say anything until I turned and was walking away and he said "I'm sorry too."

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The Love Dare--Day 8

Today's dare is to determine to become your spouse’s biggest fan and to reject any thoughts of jealousy. To help you set your heart on your spouse and focus on their achievements, take yesterday’s list of negative attributes and discreetly burn it. Then share with your spouse how glad you are about a success he or she recently enjoyed.

I burned up the list and said a prayer to help me let go of the negatives. We got in a squabble and I sent him an e-card saying thanks for his help and that I was sorry for getting so upset. I just wanted him to know that I was thankful for the help that he gave although it wasn't exactly what I wanted. Unfortunately, the squabble continued last night.

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Friday, April 17, 2009

I'm sick again and why do I have to be so selfish...

Last time I was sick and Andy never even offered to stay home and help me. I was venting to a friend about it and she made the commment that at least he could have helped get the kids off to school. We talked later and I brought that up.

I felt something coming on last night as my ear was hurting and my throat was bothering me on that same side as well. I woke up frequently during the night because of the pain. Tylenol isn't helping all that well. He asked me if I wanted him to stay at home and I told him I'd feel stupid asking him that as the kids are going to Mother's Day Out today and Deidra has school. He told me that he'd stay and help get the kids off to school and go in to work from there. He got the kids up and came downstairs where I was balled up on the couch and he asked me again "do you want me to stay?" He does this everytime I'm sick and it makes me feel guilty. I got to thinking about things and asked him if I got the kids off to school, if he could help me by going to pick them up instead. I was thinking that the morning routine would be easier for me than the afternoon one. He was supposed to have his beer tasting after work and I had forgotten about that and so he got upset with me. I told him to nevermind and just go in to work. He wrote the email to work saying that he was going to stay at home today and they'd have to reschedule and now he's mad at me. I told him before he sent the email into work that if his heart wasn't in to staying here, not to do it. I could manage. He brought up that last time a friend suggested that he could have helped by bringing the kids in to school and now that he tried to do that that's no longer good enough. Now, I feel bad. I just hate having to fight about this stuff...I just wish for once he'd have it in his heart to just want to stay home and's bad enough to feel sick without having to feel guilty because I wrecked his plans or something on top of it. I just always feel like I'm competing with whatever else he wants to do. And now I feel bad because I guess I'm being selfish.

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The Love Dare--Day 7

For today’s dare, get two sheets of paper. On the first one, spend a few minutes writing out positive things about your spouse. Then do the same with negative things on the second sheet. Place both sheets in a secret place for another day. There is a different purpose and plan for each. At some point during the remainder of the day, pick a positive attribute from the first list and thank your spouse for having this characteristic.

I made my list and I'll share some of the positives that I wrote about him...I'm not sharing the negatives as I don't really think that's fair to him...I'll leave those between me, him, and God.

His Positive Side....I'll file these into my "Appreciation Room"

Hard Worker
Supports His Family
helps with doctor and foster appts
very musical
mr. fix it
helps with housework
heart for animals
he rubs my feet
he helps with Deidra's homework
good in the bedroom

We were sitting on the couch watching tv last night and I told him thank you for being such a hard worker and taking care of us so well. He smiled and went back to watching tv.

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Wednesday, April 15, 2009

The Love Dare--Day 6

Today's dare is to choose today to react to tough circumstances in your marriage in loving ways instead of with irritation. Begin by making a list below of areas where you need to add margin to your schedule. Then list any wrong motivations that you need to release from your life.

I think I need to start focusing on making better use of my time. I am a procrastinator and then I make myself stress out when everything is due all at one time. I also stress less when the house is clean.

I also think that I need to start giving myself some "me" time. I need to do it for myself and not feel guilty about it.

I don't know of any wrong motivations....I can't think of any right now. I know I need to quit expecting my husband to want to spend all of his free time with me and start letting him go out more. And I find myself getting down on myself at times because he never compliments me or says thank you for all that I do. And I get resentful when he asks to go out because I've been home all day with the I need to just make myself go out at times and let him deal with the kids and putting them to bed and go out and get a breather. I also need to quit expecting him to take care of the kids paperwork or to help me with the adoption paperwork and just realize that that isn't his thing. He's here to help with the visits, I need to learn to just be thankful for that. I put so much pressure on myself with getting all this stuff done and some of it is coming from the workers too. I just need to keep refocusing and remembering to breathe and that whenit finally comes together, it will be the right time. I can't control the timing of it all...I need to remember that I am not the one in's all in God's Hands.

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24 years ago today...

My Mom lost her life 24 years ago today. I was 8 when she died. I wish I could remember more of her personality. I remember doing things with her though and I know that her and I were very close. It's hard to believe when I look at Deidra that I was just her age when I lost my own Mom. I hope I am around a long long time for Deidra and that I can meet my grandbabies one day. I know my Mom and I would fight over spending time with Deidra. My Mom loved kids and babies.... She did so much with me when I was young...she took me to the roller skating rink on a weekly basis, she helped in my class at school, we went 3-wheeling together, those are the types of things that I remember. I wish I could talk to her sometimes and know what she thinks of the person that I am today. I love you, Mom! You turned 24 in Heaven today! Happy birthday! I miss you!

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He's listening...

Andy is listening to some of the things that I said last night...he called to check in on me and let me know that he was thinking about me today and we chatted for a few minutes. Just those couple of minutes meant the world to me!

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The Love Dare--Day 5

Well, today's dare was to ask him about 3 things that he wanted me to work on...things that made him uncomfortable or caused him to get irritated with me. I wasn't supposed to get mad at him or justify my behavior. It was really hard to sit there and just listen.

He asked me to let him go out more and act like I really wanted him to go out and have fun and he asked me to not restrict him with talking to one of his friends on Facebook and that I needed to trust him more and not compare him to my Dad with all of this.

I thought I was making progress in letting him go out with the guys...the problem is that he goes out once a week and then that becomes not enough and then he starts asking ot go out twice a week and then he wants that plus time on Saturdays and I get to feeling like single Mom as I'm at home with the kids with no break constantly. However, I know that he needs his time out too. And I was trying to be better about giving it to him. He wants me to be more positive. For example, he called yesterday and asked me if I minded if he went out to throw some discs with his co-worker after work as he had gotten a new thing to track how far they were throwing. I didn't really want him too, but I told him that it was fine. When he asked me if I was sure, I said I would make due. That's the part that he didn't like and he said that it makes it hard for him to actually go out and do stuff when I say stuff like that. I told him that he answers that way for himself a lot of the time as well and so we both agreed that we would try to be more positive.

The second thing he asked requires some explaining. When we started dating, we told each other all about our ex's and the history that we had. He had dated one girl that really broke his heart, Joey. That waas his freshman year of high school and they only dated a couple of months but I guess she cheated on him and broke it off with Andy and it just really hurt him. She was a couple years older than him. Anyway, after she graduated she was involved in a horse accident and she has a brain injury from that accident (about 15 years ago this happened). Anyway, Andy found her on Facebook and they started chatting. It was bothering me a little bit before we left for Michigan but I was trying to understand that he wanted some answers to some things and she told him all about her accident and what she went through afterwards and stuff. When we got to MI, she wanted him to call her and let her know how the drive was. He went outside to talk to her and I didn't like that. I let him know about it and he told me that me and his Dad were talking and he didn't want to be disruptive. I told him it made him look like he had something to hide. He apologized. We met up with her in Michigan at a function that we invited a bunch of people too. I met her and thought she was harmless and actually really liked her. We came home and close to everynight, he chats with her on Facebook. She's asked him some inappropriate questions that he's always been very honest with me about when she does it. He blames it on her brain injury, but I told him that he doesn't have a brain injury and he can come back and tell her that it's inappropriate for them to be discussing this stuff. She wants out of her marriage, but feels stuff and she's always talking to Andy about it. She's asked Andy how many people he's slept with, she'll ask him what he would do in a scenario if he was married to her, she's asked him a lot of weird stuff and sometimes I really start to wonder if she has ulterior motives in asking him this stuff. I told him last night that she was really starting to make me uncomfortable and that I wanted him to start putting some space in between them. He told me that I was making something out of nothing and he didn't think it was fair to him to start restricting who he could talk to and for how long. I asked him "aren't we supposed to be the most important thing to one another?" he said yes and I asked "then if something that you're doing is starting to make me uncomfortable, don't I have a right to ask that my feelings be respected?" He then said that I did, but he didn't want me to start thinking that there was anything going on and that they lived on separate sides of the country it's not like he was going to cheat on me with her and he went on to say that she had said that she wasn't going to break up a marriage (all because she didn't want to have sex with her husband anymore as she wants out but she feels that she has to stay for the next 14 years so that her kids can stay in the school system that they live in, but she was asking Andy if he thought she should still have sex with her husband if he was going to be still living there or if she should let him have a girlfriend). I don't know so many things that she's said lately I just don't think are appropriate for him to be talking about with her. He said that his co-workers aren't embarrassed to be talking about that stuff and they make comments all the time, he said "should I not be talking about that?" I told him to me there's a difference between talking to a co-worker and talking to an ex-girlfriend about stuff like that. I just don't think it's appropriate. He told me that she likes to talk to me too...only when she knows that I'm sitting right next to him. I don't know. I hate questioning things and I don't think that he's at fault as I know it's her that keeps persuing him, but with stuff I've seen my Mom go through with my Dad's affairs and stuff, I just don't like feeling this way and questioning what she's trying to do. I really wish that he'd just quit talking to her so much and only talk to her here and there. He feels bad for her because of the accident, she says her husband is abusive, and I just feel that she's trying to draw him in. I told Andy though that he sits and talks to her when I go to sleep (he's a night owl, I'm not) and whenever he signs on to Facebook she's right there messaging him...I don't like someone else pursuing him constantly.

I never did get mad at him last night, although I was hurt with what he said at times. However, I know that I said what I needed to say and all I can do is pray that God will put it on his heart to change that.

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Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Love Dare--Day 4

Today's dare was to contact your spouse sometime during the business of the day. Have no agenda other than asking how he or she is doing and if there is anything
you could do for them.

I did ask how his day was going and he let me know that things were going ok. I asked if he needed anything and he said that he didn't. However, I did work on some laundry for him anyway as I knew he needed more work clothes.

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Monday, April 13, 2009

The Love Dare--Day 3

Today's dare is whatever you put your time, energy, and money into will become more important to you. It’s hard to care for something you are not investing in. Along with restraining from negative comments, buy your spouse something that says,
“I was thinking of you today."

I surprised everyone with their Easter baskets from the Easter bunny and I surprised him with his own chocolate bunny. His reponse wasn't all that huge about it and I don't think he really gave it another thought which kind of disappointed me as it's still sitting on the counter. I did let him sleep in and I was going to surprise him with bringing him coffee in bed, but his Dad called and woke him up instead, so we just sat at the table talking a bit and drinking our coffee together. He wasn't going to bring Deidra to church and that bothered me a bit as I had gone to Vigil the night before and with it being Easter and her preparing for her First Communion in a couple of weeks I thought it was important for her to be at Easter Mass. I asked him why if I don't go to church, why he doesn't go and he got mad and said "fine, I'll take her then." I ran to the grocery store to get the fixins for dinner and they were out of ham. I came home so they could leave for church and I piled the littles into the van so that we could go in search of a ham. I wound up having to go to Dickie's and getting 3 1/2 lbs of ham and I knew he was going to be upset at how much it cost. Sure enough, they got home and he was lessed than thrilled and he opened up the door to the refrigerator and was immediately "oh, you got the potato salad from Wal-mart and I hate that brand." It was just the way that he said it and the tone of his voice that set me off and I was ticked. I left for awhile after I said some choice words about how nothing I ever do is right. I thought I did good "he only eats mustard potato salad and that was the kind that I got." So, I didn't know he didn't like the Wal-mart brand. So, yet another squabble happened and I almost called off dinner, however I prayed and came back and we talked again and I told him that it just hurt that here I was trying to get dinner together and he wasn't happy with anything that I did and that I knew now how my Mom felt (joke or not) at Thanksgiving dinner. He immediately got mad at that and instead of snapping back at him, I just asked him to work on his tone and to think before he says things sometimes. We both apologized and he hugged me while I cried and we got past it and moved forward to have a good rest of the day celebrating Easter together.

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The Love Dare--Day 2

Today's dare was n addition to saying nothing negative to your spouse again today,
do at least one unexpected gesture as an act of kindness. I went out Bunny shopping and got him his very own surprise from the Easter bunny...his very own chocolate bunny. I also tried to be a bit more attentive to his needs today.

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The Love Dare--Day 1

Today's dare was to not say anything negative to your spouse at all. If the temptation was there we were to say nothing at all. I will admit that it took me a couple of days to get this one right...yes, I did say days. One we got in a squabble and I yelled before I even thought it through, which got us arguing more. The 2nd day, I was hurt over something and again I said something. The 3rd day, I was determined to get it right and I succeeded. Thankfully, we had a pretty good day together and I only had to bite my tongue once or twice.

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Fireproof and the Love Dare

Andy and I watched Fireproof together a few weeks ago and really liked it. I bought the Love Dare books at Wal-mart last week. I'm doing it first (he doesn't know) and thought I'd journal about it all here. I also bought one for my best friend as she's been going through some struggles of her own. I'm going to send it out to her today and hope we can kind of do it together...we've been venting about what we want from our husbands quite a bit lately and how we both feel empty with everything that's been going on. So, I'm hoping that this will help both of our marriages get back on track.

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Wednesday, April 01, 2009

The sickies are majorly going around...

Had to bring Little E and Baby T to the ER on Sunday night and was there for 5 hours...we've got upper respiratory illnesses that are viruses, bronchitis, and Baby T had a purple swollen eye lid and was running a fever. They were concerned about Little E's oxygen saturation level and she was the one bouncing off the walls. They got a chest x-ray as they were wondering with the way her lungs sounded if she didn't have pneumonia. The chest x-rays tested out fine and so they got a breathing treatment and her levels finally started to come up. I was worried that they were going to admit her for awhile. They sent the girls home on breathing treatments and Baby T has antibiotics (oral and eye drops for her eye in case it was an eye infection). Yesterday, I spent 4 hours going to 3 different places trying to get a nebulizer that would bill their insurance. I spent the rest of the day dispensing meds. I fell asleep at 8 after I put the kids to bed. Andy woke me up at 12:30 to go to bed, right in time for the storms to hit.

Yesterday morning started out ok, but the kids were crabby. After speech therapy and another set of breathing treatments, we ran to the grocery store. I got home and put the groceries away and fed them lunch and put down for a nap and the school called saying that Deidra was complaining that her ear hurt. I called the doctor and got her an appt and asked Andy if he could meet me at the doctor's office so I didn't have to deal with all of them being crabby while I got Deidra looked at....he had gotten invited to lunch and he didn't want to leave. I was rather PO'd at the time, but just decided I was going to do the best that I could and if they all screamed, then so be it. I got the kids up from their 5 minute nap and I ran and got Deidra from school and got to the doctor's office. Baby J had a meltdown and then Baby T started melting down too. The nurse just looked at me and laughed and I couldn't help but laugh too. The doctor came in and the girls were trying to jump into my lap as they're scared of the doctor anyway and they were both crying. Thankfully, it didn't last long. We got a script called in and went to go pick it up only to find out that he never put how long she needed to take it, so they didn't know how much to give her. So, we can't fill it now until they hear back from the doctor. She's hurting and the motrin isn't helping all that much.

I didn't dare put the kids down for a nap as that will be the time that the pharmacy calls and says that Deidra's meds are ready. So, I made them some popcorn and they watched a kids Ten Commandments movie instead of taking a nap.

This morning, Little E woke up and her eye is all red, puffy, and swollen now and I have gritty stuff in one of my eyes as well. I'm so glad that this eye infection seems to be spreading around our household. UGH!

I think I will be cleaning the house today and hopefully get the windows open a bit later to air out the house and hopefully disinfect some of the germs going around in here.

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