Liturgy of the Hours

I found this website earlier this week http://www.ourcatholicfaith.org/frames/divineoffice.html and I have been praying along. Love the prayers and how beautiful the songs are. I find that it helps to remind me to pray for certain things as well. God tells us to pray without ceasing and this certainly helps remind me to do that. I love how fitting some things are to what is going on in my life too. Powerful the way God works! I love that they link to Mass and to the rosary as well. All powerful warfare tools against the Devil!

A Day of Blessings

What a beautiful day filled with God's blessings! I love seeing God work in our lives. We have a full plate of things that we are trying to work through, but God has His Hand in it all and days like today just prove it. :-) The kids baptisms were beautiful and such a blessing. Then, to add to the day, Deidra, Andy, and myself all went to confession. Tracie cried because she couldn't go in and talk to the priest too, but we told her that she'd have her own time soon enough. They thanked God for their baptisms in prayer instead. :-) Then, we wound up going to church that night and it was so nice to all go up as a family to receive Holy Eucharist. Andy hadn't been to Communion in quite some time. And the kids all got their blessings while Deidra, Andy, and I got Communion. It was just a really nice day. :-) Thank you, Abba, for all of your blessings upon our family.

Tired of being judged...

by people who I think would be on my side. My Mom had e-mailed me yesterday to let me know that it was the feast day of the Immaculate Conception and that it was a holy day of obligation. She said mass was at 12 and at 7 pm. Well, Baby T had speech at noon and we have therapy in Dallas after school and with traffic we didn't make it back on time. I've still been feeling pretty miserable...sick with some allergy/cold stuff this weekend that carried over, and tired and nauseated from being pregnant. So, I just decided to turn on EWTN before I took Little E to school and we watched mass and said a rosary. I told MOm that we weren't making mass because of what was going on. She told me "sorry, but that doesn't count." I instantly got tears in my eyes. I get so hurt by my family sometimes. I feel like saying "why don't you come walk in my shoes for a week and deal with all that I have going on, all the things that get dumped on me to deal with, the last minute stuff that comes up, and being tired and nauseated on top of it all?" I called Andy and vented and I sat down and it was like God told me "don't worry about it, give your feelings to Me, I know your heart and what your intentions are." I instantly felt better. The comment from my Mom still stings, but I know that only God can truly judge me and it's not like I blew off Mass just because I felt like doing something else more fun...I was taking care of my kids and my family. It brought me back to Father's sermon a couple weeks back...he was talking about how some have gone to confession saying that they are guilty of not praying enough and Father asked them waht they were doing...they said that they had this going on with their kids, trying to take care of the house, their husbands, sick family members and so on. He said that God understands this and that we just need to say little prayers throughout the day or make what we're doing our prayer to God. I knew that God understood my heart and I did make the effort to watch on tv and to make time for prayer with the kids. I also told her that our old priest had told me that if there was an honest reason that we couldn't make it to Mass and we made the effort to watch Mass on tv, that it still counted. She wrote me back and said "well the rules are changing all the time, we're told one thing at once and one thing at another, but who am I to argue with a priest?" I just feel like nobody truly understands how busy my weeks are and that I'm trying my best to get in everything that needs to be done, but God keeps telling me..."I know the intentions of your heart." So, I have to trust that I'm doing ok.

Went to church this morning...

Crammed myself into my jeans....the jeans that were too big a couple of weeks ago are now very snug. I was very uncomfortable at church and couldn't wait to get home and get back into my other pants. I think once I have my first ob appt and am able to find out that baby is ok and when I am due for sure, I am going to take myself shopping for some maternity clothes.

I had woken up this morning worrying about everything, I keep feeling like I'm dreaming and that when I go back to the doctor on Thursday they're going to tell me that I'm not pregnant. At mass today, I prayed and gave my worries to God about losing this baby and asked Him to keep me and baby safe and to help me quit worrying about everything. I offered up my Communion today in thanksgiving of this baby. When I got up to leave, a voice told me "go ask Father to bless your pregnancy and quit worrying." I went up very shyly with Josiah and told Father that we had just found out that we were expecting and I wanted to know if he could bless our baby. He was very happy to do so. He asked God to bless me and my son. At first I thought he was blessing Josiah as I had him with me, but then he blessed my stomach. A sign? I found it interesting as my Dad is convinced that this baby is a boy. Everytime he asks how I am he will ask me "how's my grandson doing?" It'll be interesting to find out what we are having. All I know is that I already feel huge. I'm feeling pretty well...I just have moments where I get very tired and the nausea hits out of the blue. Very different nausea than what I had when I was pregnant with Deidra. With Deidra, I was sick constantly. With this one, while I do have moments where I'm nauseated for awhile...at other times it just comes on suddenly and I run to barf in the bathroom or the closest place that I can. The thing that I'm experiencing with this one that I really didn't have that much with Deidra is gas and heartburn. And of course, every time I turn around it seems like I'm running to pee. My chest hasn't been so sore the last couple of days either. I just continue to feel very blessed that God has blessed us with this baby, but yet at times I still feel like I'm dreaming.

I was sad to learn that our church kitty, Joseph, passed away. I held him last week and he just purred away. He was always one of the highlights around the church. He'd climb into the windows and come sit in the pews or follow Father down to the altar or race Father over to the church. He would always let Father win the race. He sat with Deidra in one of the pews once when we had gone in to pray for a few minutes. They called him the cat lic kitty. Everybody always loved on him before and after the masses and he would always know when the masses let out and he'd come out where everybody could find him. He will be missed! I cried when I read his memorial and I told my Mom it was the wrong thing to show the sensitive pregnant lady. He was a sweet kitty.

What a great weekend!

I was so glad to have Andy home on Friday. Saturday, we just cleaned and did some stuff around the house and Andy mowed the lawn, tried to fix the trimmer, but wound up breaking it further. I think we're going to need a new one. We've had this one for a few years anyway (Dad Davis bought it for us as a housewarming present when we bought our house in Illinois in 2000). Anyway, we were invited over to my new friend's house for dinner with her family. I was so nervous and excited at the same time. I was just praying my kid's would behave. They did wonderfully though and I was very proud of them. Wonderful company, a great dinner, and everybody had fun! Thanks so much, B, for everything! We had a wonderful time!

Sunday, the morning started out rough...all the kids were having their own issues, we wound up really having a battle with Deidra trying to get ready for church. We finally got to church and my Mom got after me for wearing shorts to church. I told her it had been a very rough morning. She told me that was no excuse. Most of the time, we are all dressed very nicely for church...but with the morning we were having, shorts and shirts it turned out to be. Anyway, I wound up crying through the first half of church right along with Deidra. Finally, my Mom reached out and just rubbed my back and I got myself together finally. I just hate mornings like that. Anyway, I kept looking over at Deidra and tears just streamed down her cheeks every so often. When we sat down for the homily, I reached over and tapped her arm and told her to come sit on my lap for a minute. She started crying "I'm sleepy and I'm hungry." I rubbed her back and rocked her a bit and she finally stopped crying and I just prayed that the negative spirits that were upon us would lift and we'd be filled with happier spirits. Within a few minutes, we were all doing better and starting to smile and the tears were gone. The rest of the day went much better. I did wind up grounding Deidra for the day though, so she couldn't go play with anyone. It really bothered her later in the evening when she found out her friend was home after being in CA for 3 weeks. She got to talk to her on the phone for about 5 minutes, but it killed her that she couldn't go down to see her. We just kept reminding her that if she stayed on good behavior the rest of the night, she'd be off of her grounding in the morning. She kept it together.

I signed the kids up for catechism after church with my Mom and I really had a lot of fun doing it. Afterwards, she asked me if I wanted to go to lunch. I told her I didn't have my wallet on me and that I needed to run home first, she told me she'd get it for me. So, we went up to Applebee's and Jimmie (my youngest brother) met us up there. He's trying to get into Lon Morris to go to college this year (I'm resentful...double standards from when I went to college and how he gets to go to college...but I'm trying to give it to God and let it go...it does me no good to have a resentful spirit and I shouldn't be jealous either...so I'm trying to let it go). So, he just wanted to spend some time with us in case he goes next week to college. It was a good time. Mom and I talked about some things and I shared a little with her and I wound up in tears (good tears) at the table. I'm a sap lately. What can I say? God is really working in my life right now...it's great to see the blessings that he is bringing to me and to my family.

After I came home from lunch, I was trying to catch up Little E's and Baby T's scrapbooks. I got March, April, and May done. I just need to do June, July, and August and they'll be caught up. Something is going on with my computer though that I can't quite figure out, so after having to re-do Little E's June layout 3 times and still having a problem, I'm going to wait until hubby is home this afternoon to try again. I did go and order all their layouts from January-May though so I can get them in the mail and into their books.

I'm stressing a bit as I always do before court hearings...I like to have their books in order just in case they go home before a court hearing. But, I just keep telling myself it will all work out. I'm sure their workers would get their pages to them if it came down to it. I need to quit worrying about it.

God Speaks...

Bible study has really been a big blessing to me. I have a Daily Devotional that I got about a month ago from Kay Arthur that I have been trying to read daily as well. It's so neat to see that some of what I am learning in Bible Study is also appearing in my devotional. We just studied the "Follow Me" command and it also appeared in my devotional. God is really laying a lot on my heart lately and I hear it confirmed through some of my Christian friends too that are also trying to do similar things. (Spending more time away from tv, doing more for others, getting off the computer more, just stuff like that). I have a few ideas in my head about some things. I'll share as we start to plant our seeds. I've had a lot on my mind lately and have just been trying to give it back to God...God doesn't want us to worry...he just wants us to have faith and trust in Him. So, I've been trying to do that more. I love it when I read something and know that He is totally speaking to me and letting me know that He is taking care of my worries and of me or whoever I have been worrying about. God has truly blessed me and I love it when I He speaks to me.

Deidra's First Communion

Deidra made her First Communion on Saturday, April 25. She looked beautiful! Mommy cried when I got her dressed and Deidra told me "no more crying!" Then when I saw her go up to receive communion, I cried again. Such a precious gift and it's so nice to share that with her! We went to Johnny Carino's for lunch with Grandma Davis and then we came home to do presents and cake. She had the neighbor girls down later in the evening to have cake with her as well. Their Mom made this beautiful cake for Deidra. It turned out way prettier than I ever imagined.

Finally got Deidra's First Communion Dress, Veil, and Shoes ordered!

I so can't wait now for Deidra's first communion. I picked out all of her stuff little by little over the past month or so and finally ordered it all today. Wanna see?

the front of the dress....


the veil....


the back of the dress....



the hoop slip for under the dress...


the shoes...

What a difference...

Monday and Tuesday were not good days for me. The kids were totally wild, didn't want to listen, and we had speech and occupational therapy to get through. I had a melt down yesterday afternoon and was crying. I was really low and didn't know how to get myself out of the funk that I've been in so far this year. I wound up going up and meeting my Mom as she left work and we went for coffee at Hastings. I talked with her about how I was feeling and I told her how I just felt that I was on empty and I had no more to give anyone and I needed Andy's attention and love to try to fill me back up. She told me that I was going to the wrong source and that only God could truly fill me back up. Andy would help, but she said that whenever she gets in a funk it's because she's not spending enough time with Jesus. She gave me a book by Bruce Wilkinson yesterday (it's on my bookshelf if you look down below on my blog) and told me to start spending some quiet time in the morning. I told her that's so hard for me right now but I knew that I needed to spend some time doing daily devotions again as that had been on my heart lately, but Baby J gets up so early that I didn't know when I could do it anymore. She prayed with me that God would allow him to sleep long enough for me to get some quiet time in. I came home and talked with Andy (we really had a good talk and I felt a bit better). The night ended well and I went to sleep feeling so much better.

I woke up this morning when Andy left for work at 5. He told me good-bye and I heard him leave. Baby J woke up and I told him it wasn't time to get up yet. Most mornings, that would result in a huge temper tantrum and he would refuse to be quiet. However, he laid down and tried to get up again. I just walked in and put him back in his bed. He told me "I don't like beds." I told him he needed to stay quiet in his room. He laid in there for 40 minutes and I was able to read the first couple chapters in the book my Mom had given me, read the first Chapter of Genesis, and say my morning prayer. Then, he was at the door calling me. I brought him down and fed him some breakfast and let him watch some tv while I finished up. What a difference that truly made in my day. I was out later listening to Christian radio and they were talking about spending quiet time with Jesus and how it truly gives you peace. That was totally an affirmation to me that I was on the right track and I need to get back to giving Jesus part of my day so that he can feed me with what I need to sustain me throughout the day.

Another God Moment...

It was my Mom's birthday the other day and before I confuse everyone with my story, it was my step-mom's birthday although I really don't like that terminology as I've called her Mom forever. Anyway, I have 2 Mom's (one in Heaven and one here on earth)...that will make more sense as I go into my story.

I was having a really hard day the other day emotionally. Baby J had a court hearing (this morning), my MIL was here visiting, and it was my Mom's birthday and I've just had a lot of emotions going on...my heart has been all over the place. My Mom watched Deidra while we were in San Antonio last week and she had left some stuff over there. My Mom dropped by to give us her toothbrush and we were talking awhile and I wished her a happy birthday. She left to go back home. I was getting Deidra's outfit picked out as she was having picture day the next day at school and we couldn't find her pants that matched her top. Finally, I said "where's your gray pants as that will match instead?" I tore her room apart looking for them and couldn't find them when it dawned on me...I bet she had those at Grandma's. So, I called my Mom and sure enough they were over there. I told her I was going to drive over to get her things really quick, but I wasn't going to stay all that long as I didn't want to be rude with my MIL in town from Arizona. Well, I was driving over and thinking about a lot of things. I was flipping through the radio stations and happened to come across Delilah. I don't listen to her all that often, but she took a call from a case worker that had worked at a children's home for 6 years that was leaving and his heart was breaking over leaving his kids behind, but he had to take a new position that was better for him and his family. She dedicated a song to him and I drove with tears in the corner of my eyes. And if I thought that was bad, I really wasn't prepared for what came next. I talked to God through that song and put some things into His Hands and when Delilah took the next call, I almost had to pull over to the side of the road I had begun to sob so hard.

Delilah took the next caller and it was from a lady named Gail (Gail is my real mom's name). She said "hi, my name is Gail" and I literally started to cry. She continued "I'm in a far, long-distance place right now and this call is going out to my daughter. I want her to hang in there and know that I love her and I miss her very much." I knew that my prayers were being heard and that was literally a call down from Heaven from her.

I drove on to my earth mother's house to get Deidra's things and I went in and talked to her about what I was going through emotionally and I told her about that call. She got up out of her chair laughing and crying and she came over and hugged me and she said "Jess, you can't deny that one...God knew that you needed her." We sat and talked about her for a little bit while I wiped the tears from my eyes and she wiped the tears from hers.

I've had a lot of God moments in my life over the past couple of weeks...my faith is getting me through a lot and it's nice to know that my prayers are being heard and that He is always with me.

A Blessing from a Stranger...

I know that our families/friends don't always understand our desire for having all the children that we have and we get some comments from time to time. Add in all the extra ups and downs that go with foster care and I feel a bit stressed from time to time. Granted, I am very sensitive and I let little things get to me as well that I really shouldn't. Anyway, I dealt with some comments over the weekend and while it hurt at the time, I had a sense of peace come over me at the same time. I had to understand why this person felt the way that they do. I chose to let it go and walk away and I put it into God's hands. When I left church over the weekend, the bulletin was covered with pics of Jesus surrounded by children and that so spoke to me. I know this is our calling and we want what is best for our children.

I went to the gas station yesterday and as I was filling up my van this man says to me "wow, you've got 3 little ones in there." I said "yup, and we just took my daughter to school." He says "my hat is off to you, I know you're busy." I nodded. He said "I bet you don't have any trouble falling asleep at night either huh?" I laughed and said "not at all." He then went on to tell me that he had 7 children...he said he had to do put a load of laundry in before bed each night and he folded it in the morning when he got up and he put in another load before he took the kids to school and then he folded that load when they got home and the cycle repeated itself. I laughed as I totally knew what he meant. It seems like our laundry is never-ending with 6 people. We traded stories while we finished filling up our vehicles and he said "your busy with this many kids, but the Lord sees your efforts and you will be rewarded." The Lord speaks through many people and I felt that he chose that person to speak to me. It more than made up for any negative comment that I had received this weekend and it brought a smile to my face. Thank you Lord for an unexpected blessing. Please continue to bless our family. I ask for blessings for that man and his family as well.

Novena to the Immaculate Heart of Mary--Day 1

O Most Blessed Mother, heart of love, heart of mercy, ever listening, caring, consoling, hear our prayer. As your children, we implore your intercession with Jesus your Son. Receive with understanding and compassion the petitions we place before you today, especially ...I pray that our marriage stays strong and that we always remember to put Jesus first and that we always make time for one another as well and that we don't take each other for granted. I pray for job security for Andy always and I ask for blessings for him as he continues to provide for his family and that he will always be a good husband and father with a good heart. I pray that you will always provide me with patience and love as I strive to be the wife and mother that God intended for me to be, I pray for Deidra as she starts 2nd grade that she always remains safe and protected at school and that she always enjoys learning and that good values and morals will always be instilled in her and that she will always respect her parents and have a love for God. I pray for Baby J as we start our preschool curriculum and that he enjoys learning as well and I pray that we are able to adopt him when we go back to court in October. I pray for Little E and Baby T that they will have peace and comfort adjusting to our home and that we can teach them love, kindness, and patience and meet all their needs while they are here. I pray that our family will always stay strong and put Jesus first. I ask for your blessings and prayers for our family, dear Mother. Always keep us close to your heart. I pray for Baby E, Baby D and Little J, Little A and Baby L also dear Mother, that you will always keep them close to your heart in prayer for safety and a loving home always.

We are comforted in knowing your heart is ever open to those who ask for your prayer. We trust to your gentle care and intercession, those whom we love and who are sick or lonely or hurting. Help all of us, Holy Mother, to bear our burdens in this life until we may share eternal life and peace with God forever.
Amen.

I love it when God speaks to me...

I hadn't been to church in about a month due to us being gone over a couple of weekends and sick the other ones. I went to church yesterday morning and prayed for God to fill me with His Spirit.

We had a visiting priest, Fr. Vincent, come in. The Gospel was about Jesus asking the disciples to feed the crowds, but the disciples told him that they only had 5 loaves of bread and two fish. Jesus asked them to bring the food to him and He blessed it and it was then passed out to the crowds and everyone was sattisfied and they picked up the baskets of leftovers among the 5000 men. Fr. Vincent gave the homily. He talked about how one of greatest needs and desires is to be loved. He talked about how a baby learns love by someone feeding him and taking care of them. He talked about how we seek love all during our lives, but that God is the one that can truly love us unconditionally and fill us with the fires of love for Him. He said that God's love will sustain us through anything once we are on fire for Him.

He graduates from the seminary next June 2009 and he came over from Nigeria to attend school here in 2000. He said he should have only had 2 more years to get his masters, but after arriving here and going to school, he found that his credits didn't transfer and he had to start all over. He said he was greatly discouraged and debated going into another career and living the American Dream, but he also knew he had to be true to his heart and to what God was calling him to do. So, he started all over again and next year will be ordained as a priest. There was something about his spirit and his actions while I watched him celebrate mass, that I just completely burst into tears. I cried all through communion. When Mass ended, Mom took my hand and led me over to the bench outside and asked me what the matter was. I couldn't put it into words. I told her "does God ever speak to your heart?" I've felt so lonely and empty lately and unloved and taken for granted. That homily that Fr. Vincent did was beautiful, but it also made me realize that while my husband does love the Lord, he doesn't have the same love of the Lord that I do. I've known that for awhile...it's something I keep praying about. I told her that I've missed conversations that I used to have with a co-worker that I had that also went to the same church that we did...He fed me a bit everytime we talked. I could share God with him and he with me. It's not like God never comes up among Andy and I, but we don't talk about Him or our faith a whole lot. Granted, Andy has come a long way...there used to be a time that all we did was fight about God and what church to go to and so forth. And Andy will go to church with me and so forth...I just miss being able to share my faith and talk about God with someone that completley understands where I'm coming from at times. All I can do is keep praying for my husband and hopefully one day we can share Him together in the same depths and so forth.

My Mom said that she completley understood where I was coming from as her and my Dad were never equally yoked either. She said that she never believed our priest from back then, Father Batory, when he would tell the kids of the parish and the unmarried not to get involved with someone who didn't share your faith or celebrate in the same way as it would make you unequally yoked and cause problems. She said that only now does she see what he was talking about. I told her that I understood after seeing some of the problems that Andy and I have had with figuring out where to go to church, if we should go, how to raise Deidra, and so forth...that was a huge thing for me shortly after we got married. It took a couple years we didn't go at all or talk much about it or we would get in a huge fight. Finally, I prayed about it and prayed about it and Andy agreed to go through the Catholic catechism classes (RCIA) and see if he wanted to convert or not. He went through it and agreed to convert. We went to church together as a family and things were good. Until we moved back to MI, and couldn't find a church that we agreed on...and we didn't go for those two years but maybe a handful of times. Once we moved to TX, we knew where we would go...we enjoyed my Mom's little church...it's hard with fostering though as it's hard to get all the kids to sit for that hour so that we can be fed spiritually. So, Andy doesn't go with me a whole lot anymore. We did start bringing the kids back and Deidra makes her first communion this year and so we'll be there more this year. But, I need to pray that it sticks this time and we're able to keep continuing to go to church so that God can spiritually feed us and renew our spirits.

A Higher Calling

I used the A New Day kit from Scrapbook Flair for this one.

Well, this weekend is the weekend...

my Mom takes her vows to become a 3rd order Benedictine nun on Sunday.

We've decided to try out a new church....

We currently attend St. Joseph's Catholic church (www.stjosephcatholic.org). I really like our little church, but since we started fostering it's been really hard for all of us to attend. I tried taking both the girls with me and all Little J does during church is kick at Deidra and copy her and fight for my attention. It got to the point where all I was doing was battling with the girls and I couldn't even pay attention to what was going on in church. So, then I just started going to the service by myself and then I'd run home and get the girls for Sunday school and then it got to the point where Little J would complain about having to go and how much she hated it. So, then I just started leaving them at home so I could draw the strength that I needed and have the one hour of peace and quiet and concentrate on what He wanted me to do. I'd go and sit with Mom and that was our time together. I really wish that our church had a nursery (they did for awhile) but nobody ever wanted to help out and so they closed it.

I looked into some other Catholic churches in our area and stumbled upon St. John's (http://www.stjohnchurch-ennis.org ). I think we're going to try that church starting next week since they have a whole children's mass and Sunday school and nursery services. As much as I'll miss our little church, I feel God talking to me and telling me that I have a responsibility to get our whole family to church...and so it's time to try something new. My family needs God just as much as I do...it's time for me to get everyone back to church.

And Jesus cured the Jaguaters...

We went to go get snowcones today from the little sno-biz place down the street. As we were leaving the parking lot, Andy noticed the car in front of us (a Jaguar)...

Andy: apparently, people that drive Jaguars like snowcones too...

Deidra: did you know that there's a story about Jesus curing Jaguaters (she prounounces Jaguar like Jagwater)?

Andy and I look at each other all confused.

Deidra: Jesus cured the Jaguaters of the disease.

And and I look at one another again.

Andy: you mean, like Jesus cured the lepers?

Deidra: yeah, he cured the Jaguaters of their disease.

Andy and I look at each other and try to stifle our giggles. Lepers (leopards) and Jaguaters (jaguars)...huh.

Deidra: yeah, he cured the leopards and the jaguaters...we learned about it in Sunday school. It's in the Bible you know.

And so we learn...Jesus cured the Jaguaters....

giggle

so cute....