Novena to the Immaculate Heart of Mary--Day 1

O Most Blessed Mother, heart of love, heart of mercy, ever listening, caring, consoling, hear our prayer. As your children, we implore your intercession with Jesus your Son. Receive with understanding and compassion the petitions we place before you today, especially ...I pray that our marriage stays strong and that we always remember to put Jesus first and that we always make time for one another as well and that we don't take each other for granted. I pray for job security for Andy always and I ask for blessings for him as he continues to provide for his family and that he will always be a good husband and father with a good heart. I pray that you will always provide me with patience and love as I strive to be the wife and mother that God intended for me to be, I pray for Deidra as she starts 2nd grade that she always remains safe and protected at school and that she always enjoys learning and that good values and morals will always be instilled in her and that she will always respect her parents and have a love for God. I pray for Baby J as we start our preschool curriculum and that he enjoys learning as well and I pray that we are able to adopt him when we go back to court in October. I pray for Little E and Baby T that they will have peace and comfort adjusting to our home and that we can teach them love, kindness, and patience and meet all their needs while they are here. I pray that our family will always stay strong and put Jesus first. I ask for your blessings and prayers for our family, dear Mother. Always keep us close to your heart. I pray for Baby E, Baby D and Little J, Little A and Baby L also dear Mother, that you will always keep them close to your heart in prayer for safety and a loving home always.

We are comforted in knowing your heart is ever open to those who ask for your prayer. We trust to your gentle care and intercession, those whom we love and who are sick or lonely or hurting. Help all of us, Holy Mother, to bear our burdens in this life until we may share eternal life and peace with God forever.
Amen.

We said good-bye to Baby L today :-(

We got the call this morning that they were moving him to his Dad's this morning. Deidra said her good-bye to him before I dropped her off at Montessori this morning. I'm glad that I was able to get some really cute pictures of them last night. He's really taken to her over the last couple of days and she's been doting on him a lot. He just smiles away at her and giggles at her. She had been starting to hold him more and more. Anyway, she didn't want him to leave, but she did ok with telling him good-bye. She asked me when she left if he'd still be here when she got home and I told her no. I came home and gave him a bath and snuggled with him for a bit before I had to run around like a whirlwind to get all of his stuff back together. I got teary-eyed and I knew that I was going to lose it. I tried to distract myself with the other kids while I finished. Andy came home to take lunch to say his good-byes and I started crying when he was telling him to be a good buddy and grow big and strong. He had just started to sit up by himself if we helped him and he'd balance for a few seconds to a minute before he'd lose his balance. He's done so much in the 2 months that he was here and what a happy and content baby he is. He was totally a joy to have around. They came at 11 to get him and I made myself hold it together. She was asking me some questions about any medical info and his schedule and all I could say was "I wrote it down." I knew if I tried to say anymore I was going to fall apart. The kids all gave him a hug and kiss and they took him and I started crying once the door shut. I had to run to Walgreens to get some medicine for Baby J and I cried all the way there. I came home and Andy just hugged me. I absolutely hate good-byes. I get so attached to them while we have them. God bless you, Baby L! I hope you have a wonderful life to come and we love you! I'll always hold you in my heart and prayers.

We said good-bye to Little A today!

Today has been a whirlwind. I took Baby L to the doctor for his 9-month well baby check today (failure to thrive diagnosis has been lifted..YEAH...he is up to 17 1/2 lbs now...he gained 3 1/2 lbs in the 7 weeks we've had him) and then we were told that Little A and Baby L were being moved today at 1pm to the friend of Mom's. Noon came and the attorney called and said that they just finished up with court and there were a couple of changes that she needed to make me aware of. I guess Mom went to the bathroom in court and came back saying her water broke so they had to take her to the hospital. The friend of MOm's went with her to the hospital, so they couldn't move the kids until they knew more. I guess she lost one of the twins last week but they didn't want Little A to find out yet. Also, I guess Dad has a chance of getting Baby L again after someone testified on his behalf and so he just has to work a few in-home services. They weren't 100% sure of where they wanted to place Baby L though and so they thought it was best if he stayed here with us for the couple days that they needed to get things figured out. So, the attorney came over and talked with Little A to tell her that she probably wouldn't be moving until Friday. She took the news well. She didn't seem upset or anything. About 15 minutes later, the CPS worker called and said that Mom's friend was back home from the hospital and so they were going to go ahead and move Little A after all today. We had a little going away party for her at McDonald's today and we took pictures and gave hugs and said our good-byes. She was a little disappointed when she found out that Baby L wasn't going with her. She asked the CPS worker where he was going and the worker said he was going to his Dad's in a few days. So, we still have Baby L here with us until Friday or next Monday. He's such a sweet baby too. So, todays been a bit bittersweet. Deidra's been wondering why she can't have brothers and sisters that just stay like everyone else, but I told her that God brings the people into our lives that are meant to be....so it's all in His plan. She seemed to take that ok. I think the good-byes are hard on all of us in our own ways. We gave our cell phone numbers to Little A and told her that she was more than welcome to call us if she wanted to. She was excited that we gave it to her along with some pictures from her stay here. I was disappointed that I didn't have time to make her a scrapbook, but at least I got to send her with pictures.

Little A and Baby L are Moving This Week...

They were doing homestudies on a friend of Mom's and on Baby L's Dad. We've known for a bit now that they were going to be moving, we just didn't know when. Well, it looks like Little A is for sure moving this Wednesday to the friend of Mom's and as long as Dad's assessment comes back ok, Baby L will be going with Dad. If it doesn't come back alright, he'll be going with Little A to the friend of Mom's. But, if they get the assessment results by tomorrow he'll be moving on Wednesday as well. If not, he'll be staying a couple of extra days. My heart is hurting, but I knew it was coming. We're back on the placement call list. I need to print off some pictures so that I can get them little books ready to go for the past 2 months that they were here and get all their clothing accounted for. I'm going to go get them little good-bye gifts as well.

Hard day...

They're talking about moving Little A next week to a friend of Mom's. She's excited about going. They're talking about moving her brother, Baby L, to Dad's if everything works out there. If not, he'll be moved a little bit later to be with Little A at the friend of Mom's. We're just now getting used to one another and a schedule down and we got the therapy in place and I'm sad about the news. Although, I've known it was a possibility for a little bit now, so it's not a huge shock. I'm going to miss them though. I'll just have to enjoy the rest of the time that I have with them.

We go to court for Baby J in October as well and I still don't know what the plan is for him. We'd love to be able to adopt him...he fits in with us so well and we just love him to pieces. But, I keep praying about it and putting it in God's hands...He is the one that knows what is truly best for Baby J. It's hard not knowing though.

Lord, I pray for Little A, Baby L, and Baby J for their safety and that You will always have Your Hand in their lives and you know my worries and wants for them all and I put it all into Your Hands...You are the one who knows what is truly best for all of them.

I'm so tired, oh, I'm so tired!

Can you hear me singing? I'm so tired, oh, I'm so tired! Anyone else want to join the tired train with me?

Andy got home last night around 10 and we went to bed around 11. I was up at 12:30 feeling like I was going to throw up. I was up all night long about every 2 hours thinking that I was going to be sick. Finally I came downstairs and turned the air conditioner down to make it a bit colder (sometimes that helps me) and I laid on the couch. Andy's alarm went off multiple times and he woke up the baby. Andy came downstairs and I just snapped at him. When I even asked him to go up and feed the baby before he left I got an attitude back. So, I just went up and fed him and put him back down to bed and Andy left to go to work. I went and laid down and I tossed and turned for awhile and I knew I shoul dhave just stayed up as Baby J was going to be up soon, but I managed to fall asleep for a few minutes until he was calling me and kicking his door. So, now I'm up and I feel even more exhausted than what I did when I was up with the baby. Still feel like I'm going to throw up at any minute, but I can't do it.

I have Little A's birthday to get ready for today as well as getting through speech therapy with Baby J and then I have laundry to do as Little A just informed me that she's out of clothes to wear again. We're taking Little A to Chuck E Cheese tonight for her birthday so I'm hoping I will feel better as the day goes on.

Calgon take me away!

Andy's working late tonight (rather he went with another co-worker to another co-worker's house to fix her computer) and I'm dealing with a 2-year old who has been testing me all day long and the girls keep arguing over every stupid thing. Little A's birthday is tomorrow and she is practically rubbing it in Deidra's face. Deidra asked to go down to the neighbor's for some time out so I gave her an hour to play down there. Now it looks like some storms are blowing in and I'm wondering if I should go down and get her a few minutes early. We had a bunch of ebay auctions end and I'm trying to invoice everyone. We ran a summer clearance sale and Andy put all of our store items on auction to try to clear out some stuff and I literally have about 50 people to invoice. I'm cramping and cramping and my PMS is just horrible and all these little things are just making it worse. I think once I get the kids in bed I am going to run a hot bath and relax in the bubbles for awhile. I'm on the verge of tears and I feel so stupid because of it. I'm not normally like this...I blame it all on PMS. lol.

Just 40 more minutes and then it's bath and bed time. Then once I get them down, I just have to feed Baby L some cereal and a small bottle of formula and give him a bath and he'll be ready to go down for the night too. I can do it!

Guess I'm a week ahead of myself...

I was rushing around trying to get the kids fed and dressed so we could be up at our foster care agency for Little A and Baby L's initial service plans. I sent an email to my caseworker about something and she wrote me back asking if we had something scheduled or if I was just coming up to drop off paperwork. I went to look at my calendar again and realized that I was looking at next week Tuesday instead of today. Oops! I about gave my caseworker a heart attack because she thought she forgot to do their service plans. I told her that I was sorry and I'm so tired I guess I just jumped ahead on the calendar. Oh well, I can slow down and concentrate on all my lovely laundry and housework I have to do today.

Please let them stay a long while...

Abba, I pray that we'll get to keep Little A and Baby L until their Mom finishes working their case plan. They have a mediation hearing and 14-day hearing to report the status of how they're doing and give Mom services to work tomorrow. And they discuss if any family/friends have come forward to say that they'll take the kids. These kids are a great fit and I'd love for them to stay for a long while until Mom is done working her services.

My family is driving me bonkers...

My Dad came into town for a doctor's appt today. He came in last night and I visited with him and ran him up to the doctor. Then, I had to run Little A and Baby L up for their visit. After all that, we grabbed some Chick-fil-A for lunch and brought it home to eat and then I put the babies down for their naps. My brother Jimmie called to see if we could get him from the field house up at school and since we couldn't all fit in the van and my Dad can't stay with the foster kids while I went to get him, he offered to take Deidra with him and drive my van up there and back.

So, I sat and enjoyed some quiet time with Little A while they were gone. They come back and my Dad started getting testy that Deidra had to be right on top of him or attached to him wherever he went. I snapped a little bit at that as she doesn't get to see him that much at all...heck he's only here once a year usually or twice if we're lucky. And there's been some years that we haven't seen him at all. Anyway, they started picking at Deidra and tickling her and so forth and she wound up trying to get away and slammed her head into the back of the couch. She started crying and woke Baby L up (he was way tired and had only been asleep for about 5 minutes). I couldn't get him back to napping and he just started screaming. I've never seen him that worked up. I walked into the pantry to see what to make for dinner and my brother said he wanted mac and cheese. Baby J is acting up left and right and so I send him to his room as he wasn't wanting to sit nice in time out. He slaps me in the face and my patience was running thin. I put him in his room and explain to him that we do not hit and slap people and that he was in time out for doing so. I come downstairs and my Dad is laughing. Once again I'm trying to get Baby L calmed down and everyone is talking about how they're hungry. So, I'm standing at the stove with a screaming baby trying to make mac and cheese. My brother chooses this time to start telling me that I need to clean my laundry room. Yeah, I can totally do my own laundry when my Dad is doing his before he has to leave. Anyway, I tried to ignore it and just didn't say anything. My Dad finally says "I think you gave the baby a bellyache with how much you've been feeding him. Every time I turn around you have a bottle in his mouth." Gee Dad, the baby eats every couple of hours and hasn't eaten that much at all today...he's failure to thrive...I think he NEEDS to eat. Once again, I let it slide and don't say anything. The girls start fighting over something and I told them both that they need to quit fighting over such stupid things and just be respectful of each other and Deidra decides to call me a liar which totally got my goat. I brought her into the pantry and told her that she is NEVER to talk to me like that again and I sent her to her room. She comes down a few minutes later so that I could talk to her and she asks if she can get a toy from the store and I tell her that I'm not going to reward her behavior and that she will not be getting a toy because of how she talked to me. My Dad says "you need to simmer down, you're being too hard on her." NO, I'm teaching her consequences...thank you. Once again I let it slide and I told him that she needs to understand that she cannot talk to her parents that way and I'm not rewarding her for her behavior.

Poor Andy finally comes home and I ask him if he can empty the noodles for me and him not knowing what's going on says "Umm, Jess, how long did you cook these noodles for?" I snapped at him that I had had a total mess of meltdowns to deal with and they got a bit overcooked." He looked at me like he totally didn't know what hit him.

To top it all off, we get dinner cooked and my brother says "Oh, I'm not eating I'm going to Wal-mart with Mom" and my Dad says he's going with them as he needs to get his meds and so I made 5 boxes of macaroni and cheese for nothing. And my brother said some snide comment about my Mom and we started playing around and I said "hey, she was my Mom first." His comeback (and I know he was just joking but it really stung) "well she gave birth to me." They laughed about it. Maybe it's stress and hormones (my monthly visitor just left the building), but that really hurt. I had to fight tears and I was not going to let them see me cry. They left for the store and I just vented to Andy.

I put the kids to bed early and I'm making the big kids go to bed early too as I think part of their problem is that they keep wanting to stay up late. Andy finally told them that the reason we have a bedtime for them as early as we do is so that all this chaos doesn't happen because people are overtired. I think Little A finally got it...that or she saw how upset I was and didn't want to test the boundaries. I thought I did a pretty good job of holding myself together though.

We have 2 beautiful new placements!

We got 2 beautiful new foster placements last night/early this morning. We have a 6-year old girl, Little A, and her 8 month old baby brother, Baby L. They are beautiful. I hope they stay awhile!

I still am doing respite for a friend's 8 month old baby girl too and what a sweet and content baby she is. I have a true taste of what having twins are like though with both of them around. Thankfully both are good babies, but to get Baby L's weight up, I've been feeding him pretty much every hour on the hour so I didn't get much sleep last night.

Baby J so doesn't know what to think of these babies in the house...he needs a shirt that says "hey, my role is the baby around here." You can totally see it in his face that he just doesn't know what to think. I'm trying to give him as much attention as I can, but sometimes to him it's just not enough and he's got to tell me about it. ;-)

Deidra and Little A took to one another this morning. I tried to tell her last night that she was going to have a new fostersister and all I got out of her (she was dreaming I think) was "I don't want any sugar." It was around midnight when they came, so she had already been asleep for awhile. She was thrilled this morning though when she came downstairs and discovered that she had a new playmate. I'm hoping they'll get along well.