Not a great morning...

Abba, I'm going to vent and then I'm going to work on changing my attitude.

Deidra was supposed to have a choir performance tonight to sing in between soccer games. Andy had signed up a few months ago to take a weather spotting class with his Dad. Andy's already taken the class, but his Dad hasn't. Anyway, we got to talking and his Dad mentioned that tonight was the night for the class. I had forgotten all about it as it's been like 6 months and I had asked Andy to write it on the calendar, but of course he never did. We talked and he decided to go with me to the soccer game so that I wasn't trying to juggle all the kids while waiting for Deidra to finish singing as we couldn't just drop her off and then come back to pick her up. Melina's really getting hard to take anywhere as she just constantly wants to be on the go. Anyway, I was telling Deidra to get me her jeans and her choir t-shirt so I could have them washed today and she tells me "oh yeah, I forgot, it got cancelled as we didn't have enough people that were going to sing." So, of course the plan changes and Andy wants to go with his Dad tonight. It was like everything changed all at once. I normally do fine if I can prepare myself ahead of time that he's going to be gone, but it was sprung on me and it just bothered me.

Granted too, that my Dad was just here last week, his Dad is constantly coming in and out of the house, and my Mother-in-Law is still living here and I feel like Andy and I never get any quality time to spend together. I know that's the root of why I'm upset. I can't even talk to my husband for 5 minutes without an interruption. And I was trying to explain something to Andy and Deidra kept butting in wanting to ask questions. Finally, I got mad and went into the laundry room. I see others getting his time and whatnot, it would be nice to have 15-minutes a day of his time spent on me. Does that sound selfish? I just feel like I'm walking around on empty all the time trying to take care of the kids...and it would be nice to have someone trying to make sure my needs are met too. I need to go curl up in the Word as I know that You always have time for me, Abba. I am just having a moment and would appreciate my spouse spending some quality time with me instead of always feeling like I am on the backburner. I'm not saying that I don't want him to go spend time with his family or whatnot, I just would like some undivided attention once in awhile. He always says "we have a big family, this is what happens." I don't think it needs to be that way, but apparently I'm the only one that feels that way.

Date Night for Andy and I

One of the local churches wants to be an available resource for foster and adoptive parents. They are going to try to do something every quarter. We didn't go to the first one as I didn't know that we could since we no longer foster. However, we made arrangements to go to this one. The kids were all excited since they were going to have a lauau (sp?) theme and got to do water activities. I had a hard time handing over Melina, but I knew that she'd be in good hands with all the other foster parent activities that we've gone to. This was the first time that I've left her with someone other than family, let alone someone I didn't even know. I fought the tears and we had a good time together. We went to eat at Olive Garden and then to get Emily's birthday gifts from Walmart and then home to talk and snuggle for a bit before it was time to get the kids. It was really nice. We did learn though that 3 hours without the kids goes much faster than 3 hours with the kids. lol. The kids had a great time and are already asking when the next event is going to be and Deidra met a new friend that invited her to go to Hurricane Harbor with them over the weekend. However, she couldn't go as she has a volleyball game. I told her too that I'd like to meet the family and do some smaller playdates before I let her go off with someone for the day like that. So, in a way it was good that she had a volleyball game anyway. But, the kids had fun and Andy and I had a good time together. Andy was supposed to work late, but he made arrangements so that he could come home and we could spend that time together and then he went back in. I'm glad that we were able to get out as we hadn't been out in months and we needed some time alone without other distractions.

Appreciation

Lord, I want to lift my husband up in prayer and ask for your blessings over him today. I am so thankful to have my husband. We take each other for granted sometimes and I think we're going through one of those phases. I wrote him a little note today to let him know just some of the ways that I appreciate him.

"Just wanted to tell you that I really do appreciate you. I appreciate how hard you work to support our family. I appreciate the way that you help with the kids t-ball practices and games. I appreciate the way that you help cook and clean. I appreciate the way that you help with the kids. I appreciate the way that you can fix computers. I appreciate the way that you try to put family first. I appreciate your storm prediction skills. I appreciate how you’ve been embracing this coupon thing and finding the deals and so forth along with me. I appreciate all that you do for our family and I just wanted to let you know."

Yes, there are things that I wish that he would do more of sometimes and times that I get upset with him over things, but when I make lists like these I realize just what a lucky girl that I am to have a husband like Andy. Thank you for the gift of Andy in my life, Abba. He is such a wonderful husband and father. Please shed your blessings over him today!

And my hubby just responded to his note with a little note back to me: Can I say "awww!?"

"Now you’re just makin’ stuff up J



But in all reality, I do appreciate you too! Yes, I really do! I appreciate how you’re such a good mom to the kiddos. I appreciate the fact that you always put others first. I appreciate your big heart! And I appreciate the fact that you love me – despite my obvious shortcomings.



I love you! :-)

---->---@"

Something to focus on...

I was kind of down in the dumps last night when we took the kids to Awana. I was hoping for some time with Andy and Melina to do something fun. Andy had it in his mind that we needed to go to the grocery store as it's something that we've been doing while the kids go to Awana. We have a schedule so that we make time for the things that need to be done, but I told him that I'm really missing time for "us" to just be and talk without getting interrupted. Neither one of us can say that we have friends that we do stuff with on any regular basis either. I told him that I don't want to get so regimented that we miss out on things that we need to make time for either. We wound up going to get Deidra's last Christmas gift and then while I thought we were going to find something to do for the last hour, Andy drove us home. By that time, I had come out of my funk a little bit as I had prayed that God would lift my spirits. I sat and enjoyed the Christmas lights that Andy had put up after we decorated the Christmas tree. Andy even held my hand and prayed with me. It felt really weird to do that together as this is very unlike Andy, but it was nice and I hope that we can make a point of doing that more often. I know that part of my deal is stress. The kids stress me out after awhile and Andy and I can't talk without interruptions. I told him that whether I have to run an ad in the paper or whatnot, we need to start getting out without the kids...and I'm going to have to try to make time to work on my friendships down here as well. He needs to do the same thing...he needs to find some people that he feels comfortable doing things with down here. We have so much responsibility on our shoulders with dealing with not only our own family but taking care of things with our parents too, that we deserve some down time as well. I'm not complaining about the responsibility when I say that...it's just that it all can be stressful at times...we need to have some fun to destress too.

Marriage and Faith

Andy and I have been married for 12 years and together for 14. Our first couple of years were kind of rocky in the religion dept. We couldn't agree on a church to go to. I didn't feel comfortable unless we went to a Catholic church...I just couldn't feel God's presence in any of the churches that we went to unless it was our Sunday to be in the Catholic church (we alternated Sundays for awhile). I'm not saying that God wasn't present there, I just didn't feel His Presence like I do when we went to the Catholic church. It caused so many problems that we just quit going for awhile unless it was a holiday or something. When we had Deidra, we talked again and I mentioned that it would be easier to parent if we were both on the same page. A friend told us about her Catholic church out in the suburbs that was big and awesome and had a ton of different groups for all ages and we went a couple of Sundays and Andy said he'd go through the RCIA program to learn more about it. I was shocked and it was an answered prayer of mine. I went through the program classes with him and he entered the church on Easter vigil that coming year.

One thing has always bothered me though our whole marriage was that while I knew he was a Christian we never really had heart-to-heart talks about our faith and what God meant to us and visions for our family. What the kids learn about God really comes from me and what they learn in Sunday school and Awana. Andy doesn't really talk about that stuff with them. I was working with Emma one day on memorizing John 3:16 and Andy just rattled the verse off. I looked at him in shock. He said "do you really think that I'm some sort of heathen or something?" I told him again that I didn't, it's just that we don't talk about this stuff. He said he just feels that it's between him and God and nobody else. I told him that I didn't feel that it should have to be that way and that husbands and wives should share this stuff together. I left it alone after that.

I have been watching Joyce Meyer in the mornings lately..something to feed my soul before I start my mornings with the kids. And I get the Crosswalk devotions in email. The day that the kids were all baptized, he went to Confession, and he went to church on lunch hour yesterday and sent me a picture of the Cathedral saying "wish you were here with me." He's been talking to me in bits about things concerning his faith. Those little things mean so much to me. God is answering my prayers and we are starting to share our faith together. So awesome! I am so glad that we are sharing more and more and that Andy is starting to share this piece of himself with me.

A Day of Blessings

What a beautiful day filled with God's blessings! I love seeing God work in our lives. We have a full plate of things that we are trying to work through, but God has His Hand in it all and days like today just prove it. :-) The kids baptisms were beautiful and such a blessing. Then, to add to the day, Deidra, Andy, and myself all went to confession. Tracie cried because she couldn't go in and talk to the priest too, but we told her that she'd have her own time soon enough. They thanked God for their baptisms in prayer instead. :-) Then, we wound up going to church that night and it was so nice to all go up as a family to receive Holy Eucharist. Andy hadn't been to Communion in quite some time. And the kids all got their blessings while Deidra, Andy, and I got Communion. It was just a really nice day. :-) Thank you, Abba, for all of your blessings upon our family.

Our 12th Anniversary

On the 6th, we celebrated 14 years of being together. (Last year, little Miss Melina was conceived on that day...although we wouldn't find that out until the middle of October...tmi...well, it is my blog and I'll share if I want to. ;-) Anyway, we've been looking at each other all googily eyed this week...Emma's been making fun of us all week. She asked Andy why we hold hands one day and Andy said to her "well, you know how you hold our hands sometimes so that you feel safe or that you don't get lost?" She says "yup" and he said "well, I would be lost without Mommy if I didn't hold her hand sometimes too." Totally made my heart melt. And then we were sitting at the dinner table one night and Emma says "why do you guys keep staring at each other and smiling? Does that mean you're in love?" She is totally into asking questions about relationships and marriage and all that right now. I worry about her sometimes, but as Andy was quick to point out...this may be the first time in her life that she's seen Mommy's and Daddy's who stay together and that truly love one another.

Today is our 12th wedding anniversary, My Mom watched the kids last night for us so that we could go to the Melting Pot for dinner, which was totally delicious. Then, we went and did some birthday shopping for Miss Tracie and then we had to pick up stuff for the kids lunches this week. We had some great conversation about the plans for our marriage and for our family. I'm totally in love with my husband right now...I love him more with every passing day. We talked about some of my insecurities that came about when my parents divorced and we talked about what we wanted for our family over the next few years. And it was fun to walk through Walmart laughing, shopping, and holding hands. We were almost giddy with each other. We came home to see how Mom survived and the kids were all good for her. This is the first time that she's ever watched all 5 of them...she fed them, watched Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles with them and even brought them their own bandana to wear, made them popcorn, got them in their jammies and put them to bed. She said that Josiah and Emma only got sent to their rooms once and she had to give Josiah a spanking once. And Josiah did try to test her when it was bed time. He came back downstairs and said "Grandma, there's a ghost in my room." She said to him "Josiah, I guess you better tell that ghost to get in his own bed...now you need to go to bed." He marched back upstairs and went to sleep. I thought that was hilarious. He's the "king" of coming up with stalling techniques. He's not scared of the dark or anything...he was just seeing what he could get away with. lol. I was glad that the kids behaved well for her and she said she'd watch them again if we wanted to get out. I know that it's something that we need to do more of in our marriage....I was trying to remember the last time that we'd gotten out and I think it was in june when my friend had come in from MI to see us and Melina and she watched the kids so we could go to dinner and a walk in the park. The time before that, I think was our last anniversary when Mom watched them so we could go to the Olive Garden for dinner. We need to start doing it at least every 3 months or so at a minimum. It was good for us!

We came home and put Deidra and Miss Melina down for bed and went to bed ourselves. Mom called us and said she got locked out of her house as her garage door wasn't working and so Jimmie was going to meet her in front of our house with his house key so she didn't have to break a window. I told her she could wait inside, but she said she didn't want to disturb us and she'd just sit out in the car and read her books. I decided to wait on the couch to see who got there first so they could come inside, but I laid down and a minute later I was asleep. Andy said that he didn't think anybody ever showed up, so I'm wondering if they decided to meet at Walmart instead like my brother wanted to do. Anyway, please bless Mom, Abba, and help her through her trials with her house repairs that have come up over the past couple of days and I thank you for Andy and our time out together. Please continue to bless our marriage. We had a really great day together!

Thankfully it's Friday...

I'm tired, that's for sure. So glad that it's Friday. I'm missing my hubby. He's having to work a lot, even at home, lately. While I'm glad that he has the ability to do that, I wish we had more time to talk and connect with one another lately. The kids have had a lot of energy lately and some attitudes going on. Can't wait until the weather gets a bit warmer and there's not so much mud outside so that I can start letting them play in the backyard some more. They have energy to burn!

Going to try to get a list of things together (Andy and I started it) for what we need to finish getting for Melina and some stuff for the house. I need to price everything and make a list from lowest to greatest and start buying things as we can. The kids want to paint their rooms as well, so we're going to have to start doing that one room at a time. Lots of plans and ideas flowing around. The girls want their room in Dora, Josiah wants his room in Spiderman, and Deidra keeps going back and forth. Her latest is a zebra theme with pink thrown in. I told her she'd be better off finding some bedding that she really likes and planning her color scheme for her room on that. I'm going to get Melina set up in the sitting area of our room and I'm going to decorate her little wall in butterflies. I think she's going to be in our room for the first year and then once she turns a year old, we're going to transition Little E in with Deidra, and then Melina will go in with Baby T. I think that should work out well.

My brother, Jimmie, helps with a mowing and lawn business during the summer with his old football coach, so I'm going to see if they can give me a price on putting sod in our backyard. And then, we're going to put a kennel back there for Lucy. The dog pretty much has free reign over our backyard, but Baby T will not play outside if the dog is back there, so I usually have to bring the dog in while they go play outside and I don't really think that's fair to the dog. So, I think a kennel back there will help. I can just put her in there then while the kids play.

Lots to figure out and accomplish and I think next month I'm going to try and do a garage sale with my brother here at our house and get rid of their stuff and ours that we no longer use/need and is just laying around taking up space.

Thanksgiving...

Thanksgiving was very nice. Started the day off with a bad run-in with the top of the pumpkin lid when I was trying to open it and thought I was going to need stitches. That got Andy out of bed quickly at 5 am. lol. It was a bad cut and I can't do much or it starts bleeding again, but thankfully it wasn't bad enough to require stitches. Never had stitches and didn't want to start now. After baking some bread and some pies, I went to mass and it was beautiful. I love our new priest so much. He does such beautiful homilies and such nice blessings. Came home and got the littles dressed for the day and Andy and I planned out what time we were going to start everything. Mom and Jimmie came over around 1. Mom brought mac and cheese and we made turkey, cranberry apple sausage stuffing (first time I made homemade stuffing and Andy said it needs to be a new tradition, he enjoyed it that much), mashed potatoes and gravy, pumpkin bread, and green bean casserole and corn. Dessert was fudge pie, pumpkin cheesecake, and tropical cake. So yummy! My brother, Zach, even showed up for dinner, but he didn't stay long. This was the first family function that he's been at in quite a few years though, so it's a start. Andy started not feeling well after dinner, so he took a nap and Mom and I watched UP with the kids and she played baby dolls with them. After everyone got up, we did a small bible study with Mom, Deidra and I. We just went over Psalm 27:1-5 and we kept talking about what certain things meant to us and how we could relate in our lives so we didn't get super far, but it was beneficial to all of us anyway. Mom took Deidra home with her to spend the night since she was off today and Andy and I really enjoyed one another's company yesterday. It was a really nice day!

We talked a little bit about what we were all thankful for in the morning...

Josiah is thankful for family.
Little E is thankful for our dog.
Deidra is thankful for her PS2.
Baby T is thankful for Mommy and Daddy.
I am thankful for my family, my husband, my children, this baby on the way, my parents, my brothers.
Andy told me yesterday that he was very thankful that I was his wife. Awww!

Leave it to lack of sleep...

I went to bed at 10 and woke up at 1:45. Came downstairs and watched some tv. Deidra got up around 3:30. She laid with me on the couch for about a half an hour. I've been coughing my head off and just feel like I'm burning up, although I have no fever. Sweat is just rolling off of me. Anyway, at 4, I put Deidra back to bed and tried to go back to bed myself. I tossed and turned and finally fell asleep. Andy's alarm went off and he got in the shower and I figured I better get up (I'm thinking it was 6 am) as I need to get Deidra to school early so I can take the others to the sitters as I have to go to Corsicana for a meeting for the girls this morning. Andy informs me it's super early and it's only a little before 5 am. I asked him if he was planning on going in early and he says yes. I sighed and off he went. The front door opens and shuts and all of a sudden I hear feet hit the floor. Yup, all 3 of the littles wanted to be up. I deal with temper tantrums as I put them back to bed and I called Andy. He's going on and on about how every time he goes in early it's a problem. I blew up...I told him that I had been handling it fine when he warns me the night before and that usually I haven't been up half the night and just managing to get some rest again before he does this to me. He started arguing with me and I told him "well, you didn't talk to me for half the night last night, how was I supposed to know?" Come to find out he was mad at me like I thought. All over a situation that I wasn't totally comfortable with and didn't want to do this weekend the way that he wanted me to do it. I told him I see how I rate...no anniversary gift or even a card...yes dinner was nice...we had a better night than we did the day together. And then, he had told me when he gave me my birthday cards and new jammies yesterday morning that he had something else for me after he got home from work. When I asked about it last night, he said he never had a chance to go get it. So, I told him that I just wasn't really feeling like I was a real prioritiy right now. It's all about what he wants lately...he can't even make me feel special on our anniversary or my birthday and this weekend...he wants to go buy another carboy so he can brew. It takes all day. I don't know why he can't ever do some things here and there, but nope, he's brewing on an every other weekend schedule now. And I'm emotional about what's going on today, I'm hurt at how he's treated me on our anniversary and then on my birthday...add something that somebody had said to me yesterday about foster care and add the lack of sleep to it....God, help me get through this day. You know my heart and my desires. You know what is best for the girls. Please just help me get through this day smoothly and not let us run into any problems. I'm praying that I will be back in time as well to get the kids from respite and then get the girls from school and then get the girls to play therapy.

11 years...

11 years ago today, Andy and I got married! I cannot believe that it's been 11 years...wow! I got him a watch (the theme to get this year was steel). He didn't know how to adjust the band and then said "we'll take it back and it will fund dinner." That told me how much he thought of that. He didn't get me a card or a gift which kind of hurts if I'm being honest. But, since in Bible study (went this morning) we were studying to rejoice in all things, I chose to thank God that I do have a husband that loves me and that he is faithful. Then, I wanted special doughnuts from Shipley's...we rode down there and Deidra and I went in to get the doughnuts. I ate one and went to grab another and he made a comment about "you're eating another doughnut?" I put it back and then didn't talk the rest of the way home. Deidra wanted it later and I told her to eat it. Andy said "geez, I didn't tell you not to eat it...you do what you want." I decided to put the girl's pages in their scrapbooks and I had to run to Wal-mart and to Target to get more pages and came home soaking wet from the rain. The whole way home, I had to tell myself "rejoice no matter what the circumstance." I'm trying. I've been cuddling with the kiddos most of the day. We're going to Olive Garden tonight for dinner to celebrate. He did figure out how to adjust the watch band, so he is wearing it.

Woo hoo!

I get to go on a lunch date with my hubby today. No kids tagging along...just us. That hasn't happened in forever. I'm laughing at myself with how giddy I am about it. Now, off to make myself all pretty...

We're in need of some time alone so we can talk without distractions. :-)

Crab, Crab, Whine, Whine...

Crab, Crab, Whine, Whine, that's the sound of the kids screamin' in the house (to the tune of that's the sound of the men workin' on the train). What a day it has been with the kids today and I am so proud of myself...I didn't even yell once.

The kids got up bright and early this morning, Baby T wasn't even up 15 minutes before she got put back to bed because she couldn't stop her crying. Little E was in time out right off the bat too as she refuses to listen and follow directions. Josiah has been squeeling and crying over everything. I knew it was that they were overtired from us being gone over the weekend. I got Baby T up to go to the store really quick as we were out of garbage bags and she only had one pull-up left and we needed milk and juice. Little E starts throwing a fit about having to get her shoes on to go to the store. I pick her and her shoes up and deposit her in the van and she starts SCREAMING! Baby T in turn starts crying very loudly and Josiah starts crying (sympathy cries??). I pull out of the driveway and Josiah is asleep. Yup, that's what I thought. We drive the 2 minutes to Wal-mart and get out and I grab the stuff we need and we run it home. I told the kids I was going to run the groceries in, grab the papers that I needed for Baby T's appt and then we were going to take Baby T to the doctor. The whole way to the doctor's appt Baby T is SCREAMING because she wants to tell me how and where to go when I'm driving. I get to the doctor's office and the door is locked. They don't open til 10 and her appt was at 10. They start fussing again and Josiah will not quit messing with the door. They finally open the door and call us back and Josiah gets mad about something and then gets mad when I go to pick him up and he flings his shoes off his feet. Baby T is screaming because I let go of her hand and Little E is yelling "I don't WANT to go back there...I'm not done playing out here." I finally get them back there and they need to weigh Baby T and she literally starts screaming and jumping up and down over having to stand on the scale. At this point, I considered ripping out my hair. I stood her on the scale and they got her weight and we get our room. She starts SCREAMING because we're going in a room. The other kids start playing. Little E decides all the toys are hers and she doesn't want to share and she's acting up because she's refusing to share and I'm making her do it. Finally, I get her to come sit on the chair next to me and I had Baby T on my lap. Deidra is playing with Josiah and they are stacking the stacking rings up high. Little E sticks her foot out ever so slyly and proceeds to knock it over just to be mean. Josiah starts crying and hollering. So, I sit Baby T down in the chair and have Little E come sit on my lap and she starts screaming at the top of her lungs "you're hurting me, you're making my leg bleed." Now for the record...she was sitting on my lap, I wasn't forcing her to sit there or anything and she made me put my arms loosely around her so she'd feel more secure...she waasn't being forced to sit on my lap in any way...I wasn't holding her down. And her leg wasn't bleeding. At this point the doctor decided to walk in...Josiah is still hollering about his toys being knocked down, Baby T is hollering because she's no longer on my lap and I have her sitting in the chair next to me, and Little E is hollering because her leg is supposedly bleeding, which it wasn't. The doctor says to me "wow, what is going on in here...I wasn't sure I should even enter with all the noise going on in here." How embarrassing!! Baby T proceeds to throw a fit when the doctor has to look at her mouth and I had to hold her head so she'd quit moving. We both kept telling her that nobody was going to hurt her. We talked for a few minutes and she says "well, I think you're right that she's tongue-tied...she's pretty tight and her tongue won't even go to the roof of her mouth." She is referring us to an ENT to let him decide if she needs to be clipped or not. We go to leave and the kids want suckers...well, I wasn't rewarding them for acting that way so yet more temper tantrums happen out in the waiting room. I had to get Deidra to get Josiah for me so that I could pick up Baby T and get Little E's hand and get them out to the car. She has been such a big helper lately...I don't know what I'm going to do when she has to go back to school in another couple of weeks.

We come home and I feed the kids their lunch as Baby T had a speech appt coming up and then all the littles had occupational therapy. Baby T refuses to eat and sits and cries and cries until I put her up in her room to calm down. Little E and Josiah ate just fine but then they wanted other stuff and they didn't want to listen when I said no and all I kept hearing was "but, we like it." Well, just because we like something doesn't mean that we're always going to get it right when we want it. Little E starts acting up and she gets a time out and no sooner is she up in her room, she's back out "I'm ready to listen." I told her that I would let her know when it was time for her to come out and that she needed to go back in her room. I get Josiah napping on the couch and I let Little E out finally (it took a few times before she'd actually stay in her room and finish her time out wihtout trying to tell me what she was going to do). She wakes Josiah up on purpose which got her put back in her room and Josiah is crying over everything again and yelling "I'm tired." Then, they decide that it doesn't matter that they've just eaten lunch, they want a snack. They don't like "no" for an answer and more drama entails. They all got put in time out until they calmed down.

The speech therapist arrives and Baby T goes in with her. Little E keeps trying to go in there and she's making excuse after excuse to get in there. "I have to go potty." I just need to get a book." Everytime I had to redirect her out of there and the few times she refused to listen, she wound up in her room. I thought at one point she fell asleep...WRONG! Nope, she had opened her door ever so quietly and went into Deidra's room and made a MESS. So, she had to clean it up which she didn't like. Speech is done and the occupational therapist arrives. Josiah had fallen back asleep on the couch. So, we decided that Little E would go first today. Little E was so defiant for her at first and refusing to listen, that the OT took her outside to have her run around and do some jumping to see if that would help get some energy burned off so that she could focus. She still wound up in time out for not following directions and refusing what she was asking of her. Then, it was Baby T's turn...Baby T loves it when it's her turn usually...nope today she promptly threw a fit...jumping up and down in front of me and screaming her little head off. The OT wound up taking her by the hand and telling her that she needed to make good choices and that she needed to do her therapy. She eventually calmed down. The whole time Baby T is in OT, Little E is trying to push my buttons...she'd get in time out and by the time I'd come downstairs she was at the gate "I'm ready to listen, I'm coming down." It was a battle, but I kept a blank slate. She'd get out of time out and no sooner than she was back downstairs, she'd get defiant and wind up right back in time out and she'd say "are you mad at me now?" with a grin on her face. The OT says to me "she thinks getting in trouble is totally a game and it's almost like it's her goal to make everyone mad at her." I nodded as that's pretty much how it is. If I can get nose to nose with her and explain things and ask for eye contact, sometimes she takes me seriously...other times it does no good. The behavioral doctor says to keep doing what we're doing...she's acting out as she's confused and along with her ADD this is just how she is. Then, it's Josiah's turn and I had him go in and use the potty first and he decided "I don't WANT to wash my hands" and he starts kicking and screaming when I pick him up and wash his hands for him. He had pee on his hands, so I wasn't letting him off the hook. He comes out and promptly says "I don't WANT to play" and he always loves his time in OT as well. She makes him sit in time out until he can apologize for acting so ugly to me. He refused to say anything. He sat there a good 10 minutes with a total scowl on his face before he finally said "sorry." She did his therapy and she told me "I just don't know how you do it sometimes."

Therapy is done and I'm trying to make some appts and I get a call from our agency that Little E's hearing/vision screening never got documented and her file got pulled for an audit. GREAT! So, they want to know if I can get something from the doctor. And she informs me that there is a mandatory training that we have to go to as our training hours for that specific course expire this month. She informs me the training is from 9-4 this Saturday. Josiah was supposed to have his end-of-season t-ball party on Saturday from 1-4. I ask her if there's a video we can watch and she says that we physically need to be at this one. So, I have to cancel the t-ball party. UGH! So, I run up to the doctor's office, deal with cranky staff, and get what I need. Run over to the agency to have Deidra run it in for me. My case worker came out apologizing about everything. I know she's just doing her job, so I'm not really mad at her. She still feels bad about it though.

I come home to make dinner and once again Baby T starts crying. I couldn't figure out why and she won't make an attempt to tell me. So, I give her a warning...you continue to cry and you're going in your room. I count to 3 and she's still crying and I pick her up and carry to her room. I make dinner, Andy gets home, I tell him to go get Baby T so she can eat. We sit her down in her high chair and she proceeds to start crying again. I told her to eat and she wouldn't do anything. I gave her 5-10 minutes and the whole time she was crying (no tears...just crying). I gave her a warning that if she continued to cry she was going to go to bed for the night. She kept it up so we put her to bed. The minute I closed her door, she really started wailing. I just don't know what to do about all of her little temper tantrums. I have her in play therapy to see what's going on...everybody tells me I'm doing the right thing...well, why isn't it working? Why is she still throwing so many fits and crying? Even one of Deidra's friends said that everytime she comes over lately, Baby T is crying about something. I feel bad...I've tried giving her more one-on-one attention, I've tried giving her more affection, I've tried giving her time-ins, nothing seems to work. The OT has tried to use some signs with her and that only aggravates her even more and the crying worsens.

Anyway, we finally got the kids down for the night. I'm going to spend some time in prayer for my little ones, wash the blanket for our bed that the cats horked all over, and then try to relax a bit. And awww, my hubby informed me that he missed being with his family today...it feels good to be missed! I think we are finally out of our slump. YEAH! And I am proud of myself that in all the craziness of today, I didn't yell or get upset at all. I just dealt with everything the best way that I could.

Andy and I seem to be in a slump...

Things aren't horrible by any means, but man things seem to be dry between us lately. The kids had vacation bible school this week and we could go out 2 hours and actually have date nights if we wanted to...it was a fight just to get Andy to take me out. He just wanted to come home. We talked last night and he wound up hurting my feelings about some things. I wound up crying and I went to bed. He came to bed a few minutes later saying that he didn't mean to hurt me or upset me.

I told him last night that I've been trying to be so much better about meeting his needs. I learned a lot in reading The Love Dare and I've been working my butt off doing so much around here trying to show him how much I love and appreciate him. Guess I'm not doing such a great job after all. I'm really down about it too. I guess it's time to pray for my husband and ask for some help with God. And like I said, things aren't miserable or horrible...I just don't feel like we really meet one another's emotional needs right now. I told him when he comes home and when the kids go to bed, it's like pulling teeth to get him to talk to me about anything...he'd rather be on his computer or if we go somewhere he's messing aroudn with all his iPhone apps. It would just be nice to have some of his attention lately.

The Love Dare--Day 40

I did this one up tonight so I could leave it in his car for him to find tomorrow morning.

Write out a renewal of your vows and place them in your home. Perhaps, if appropriate, you could make arrangements to formally renew your wedding vows before a minister and with family present. Make it a living testament to the value of marriage in God’s eyes and the high honor of being one with your mate.

Good morning, Andy! I love you!

I, Jessica, take you, Andy, to be lawfully wedded husband, my constant friend, my faithful partner and my love from this day forward. In the presence of God, our family and friends, I offer you my solemn vow to be your faithful partner in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad, and in joy as well as in sorrow. I promise to love you unconditionally, to support you in your goals, to honor and respect you, to laugh with you and cry with you, and to cherish you for as long as we both shall live.

1 Corinthians 13:4-13
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease, where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child , I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror, then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part, then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

I promise you, Andy, that I will always give you my unconditional love. I will love you for the rest of my life!

Love,
Jessica

The Love Dare--Day 39

Spend time in personal prayer, then write a letter of commitment and resolve to your spouse. Include why you are committing to this marriage until death, and that you have purposed to love them no matter what. Leave it in a place that your mate will find it.

July 12, 2009

Dearest Rew,

I just wanted to write you and tell you how very much I love you. We have been through our ups and downs, but we have always weathered the storms together and come out on the other side seeing the sunshine together. I am so glad that I have you for a husband and I cannot imagine my life without you. You are a dear husband a great father and I couldn't love you more.

I don't ever want the word “divorce” to be part of our vocabulary or for either one of us to see it as an option. I want our children to always have their parents together and for us to set a great example for them that marriage can indeed work. I know that each of us has seen the effects of divorce on a family when we saw our own parents split up. That is something that I don't want to see happen to us ever and I vow to you that I will always try my best at making our marriage work and staying faithful to you. I will always try my best to do my very best by you.

I hope that our marriage will continue to strengthen and that we can keep Christ as the center of our marriage. I know that if we can do that He will always see us through. And I want us to see each other through this life and into the next where we can live happily ever after with God in Heaven with all of our family and friends.

I love you, Rew. I hope that you will always know that.

Your loving wife,

Jess

The Love Dare--Day 38

Ask yourself what your mate would want if it was obtainable. Commit this to prayer, and start mapping out a plan for meeting some (if not all) of their desires, to whatever level you possibly can.

I asked him and he said he wished there could be more time in the day. Obviously I can't make the day longer, but I can keep plugging away at learning better time management to give us more time that is free.

One thing that he was talking about to his Mom today about was that he was teaching himself to play his harpsichord and how he wished he would have taken advantage of the piano lessons they wanted him to do when he was young. It got me to thinking...a lady he works with also gives piano lessons. I'm going to see if I can figure out a way to surprise him with some lessons.

The Love Dare--Day 37

Ask your spouse if you can begin praying together. Talk about the best time to do this, whether it’s in the morning, your lunch hour, or before bedtime. Use this time to commit your concerns, disagreements, and needs before the Lord. Don’t forget to thank Him for His provision and blessing. Even if your spouse refuses to do this, resolve to spend this daily time in prayer yourself.

We pray nightly when we put the kids to bed, but I think it would be helpful to also have our include our own prayer time with just one another as a husband and wife and pray for things in our marriage and for our children and other things that we want to express in prayer together.

The Love Dare--Day 36

Commit to reading the Bible every day. Find a devotional book or other resource that will give you some guidance. If your spouse is open to it, see if they will commit to daily Bible reading with you. Begin submitting each area of your life to its guidance and start building on the rock.

This is actually something that I would love to start doing as a family. There is also a marriage devotional that I have that I need to start doing, so maybe now is the time to start that as well.

This chapter also says the following "God has a plan for the way you handle your money. A plan for the way you raise your children. A plan for the way you treat your body. A plan for the way you spend your time. A plan for the way you handle conflict. Isn't it just like your Maker to know exactly what you need?

These are all big things to work on and I want to start taking the babysteps to be better about all those things with the help of the Lord. Lord, help me to become a better person and to be better with all of these things.

The Love Dare--Day 35

Find a marriage mentor—someone who is a strong Christian and who will be honest and loving with you. If you feel that counseling is needed, then take the first step to set up an appointment. During this process, ask God to direct your decisions and discernment.

I have a couple Christian girlfriends that I share things with and we give Christian advice to one another. However, I think if we ever truly needed some real help for any issues, we can always talk with our priest.