Something to focus on...

I was kind of down in the dumps last night when we took the kids to Awana. I was hoping for some time with Andy and Melina to do something fun. Andy had it in his mind that we needed to go to the grocery store as it's something that we've been doing while the kids go to Awana. We have a schedule so that we make time for the things that need to be done, but I told him that I'm really missing time for "us" to just be and talk without getting interrupted. Neither one of us can say that we have friends that we do stuff with on any regular basis either. I told him that I don't want to get so regimented that we miss out on things that we need to make time for either. We wound up going to get Deidra's last Christmas gift and then while I thought we were going to find something to do for the last hour, Andy drove us home. By that time, I had come out of my funk a little bit as I had prayed that God would lift my spirits. I sat and enjoyed the Christmas lights that Andy had put up after we decorated the Christmas tree. Andy even held my hand and prayed with me. It felt really weird to do that together as this is very unlike Andy, but it was nice and I hope that we can make a point of doing that more often. I know that part of my deal is stress. The kids stress me out after awhile and Andy and I can't talk without interruptions. I told him that whether I have to run an ad in the paper or whatnot, we need to start getting out without the kids...and I'm going to have to try to make time to work on my friendships down here as well. He needs to do the same thing...he needs to find some people that he feels comfortable doing things with down here. We have so much responsibility on our shoulders with dealing with not only our own family but taking care of things with our parents too, that we deserve some down time as well. I'm not complaining about the responsibility when I say that...it's just that it all can be stressful at times...we need to have some fun to destress too.

The things these kids bicker about...

Josiah---Mommy, Tracie just said "Melina."

Emily--Mom, Deidra's picking up the baby.

Tracie--Josiah won't let me have that toy.

Emily--Josiah's giving me one giant headache.

Josiah--the brownies are going to take too much longer (they had to bake in the oven)

Deidra--how come I have to behave and the little kids get away with everything?

Emily--Josiah just said "butt" and he won't get his feet off of me

Tracie--I gotta go potty too (the minute someone steps into the bathroom).

Josiah--I don't want to be quiet.

Deidra--Emma isn't listening.

Emily--Josiah and Tracie won't leave me alone.

Josiah--I want to watch tv. I want to watch a kids show. I don't want to go play.

Sometimes I just have to laugh to stay sane...it's never ending some days no matter what I try and do.

Being the Mom of 3 Sensory Kids...

I get burned out sometimes dealing with all of the behaviors. 2 with ADHD and ODD and developmental delays and 1 with a lot of speech issues and a lot of developmental delays and problems with memory and focus as well and they all 3 have sensory issues of varying degrees. I do the best that I can and I love them all dearly and am constantly trying to do things to help them achieve their goals. But, I do burn out sometimes and I get frustrated. I went to my sensory membership board yesterday and just talked about one of them. I won't say which one...it really doesn't matter. But, one of the gals said that she too adopted her child and felt burned out a lot and she stumbled upon this book Attachment Focused Parenting by Daniel Hughes and really liked the few pages that she had read and put into practice thus far. I think I'm going to go see if I can find the book and start reading it. I figure it can't hurt.

Why can't they learn?

Why can't they learn not appropriate behaviors and appropriate ones? I am SO tired of putting these kids in time out and taking privileges away over the same things day after day after day. I am SO tired of the temper tantrums and hearing "You don't like me." when I have to get after them. Josiah is really getting an explosive temper. He doesn't take NO for an answer. I gave them a cup of cereal this morning for part of their breakfast. After 45 minutes, I told Josiah that he had 5 minutes left to finish up his cereal. He continued to dink around and when the timer went off and he knew I was going to take his food away, he started screaming and kicking and flung his food all off his tray and onto the kitchen floor. I told him he was now going to clean up his mess that he made which totally put him into a rage. He was kicking, screaming, and flailing all over the place and flinging the food all over the place even more. I told him he could choose to stop his fit and pick up his cereal or he could keep making an even bigger mess because of his fit and it would become harder to clean up. He chose to keep throwing a fit. 25 minutes later he finally calmed down enough and the cereal was finally picked up. We talked about why that happened and how he needs to start making good choices and learn to control his temper. No sooner is he out of time out, he goes into the playroom and snatches something from Baby T. I told him to give it back and he flings at her, slams into the window, and tries to kick me all while he's screaming and crying because he can't have the toy. I put him back in time out until he can calm down. He continues to scream and cry and I tell him that the timer isn't being set until he calms down. He finally calms down and does his time out. Now he's screeching and crying because I won't let him play with the cords on the vacuum cleaner. I'm keeping a behavior log so I can give it to the behavioral therapists that work with our family as I want them to see the consistency of everything...all the time outs and the repeat behaviors. I just don't know how to fix it all anymore. I don't understand why they just can't learn...things would all go so much more smoothly if they could learn. They are all good kids when they want to be. I try to give them as much attention and do fun stuff with them and I praise them up and down when they do good. I hate it that I have to stay on them like this and that a 5-minute chore turns into something taking me 3 times as long because I have to stay on top of them and get them out of things. They no they're not supposed to be upstairs without permission, that they don't go into Deidra's room, that they are to stay out of our room, that they aren't to touch the computer without having to permission to use it and without having one of us next to them, they know they're supposed to stay out of the pantry and the refrigerator and that they're not to touch the tv, DVD player, and the DVDs. Yet, every 5 minutes they're doing something or they're having issues playing. Why can't they learn? I hate having to keep saying the same thing over and over, I try to keep them occupied playing, learning, doing games together, therapy, getting to do fun things, and they earn their rewards strips and gummy bears for good behavior. I thought all that would be enough of an incentive...in the meantime I keep plugging along, we keep doing therapy, we keep talking to counselors and therapists, and we try to come up with new strategies to try. I just don't understand...I love them with all of my heart, they are all given plenty of love and affection and praise. Yet, it's the same things we deal with over and over and over.... Abba, give me your patience and your love and compassion and fill me with your Spirit today. Help me deal with all these tempers and help them to have more obedient hearts. I know they're going to get it eventually...I'll keep plugging along. I just get frustrated sometimes.

Battles and patience

Abba, I ask that you will help Andy and I to choose our battles with our children wisely and that you will give us the patience to deal with whatever comes our way. I ask for Your guidance and wisdom in disciplining our children as well. Amen.

Inventory

I found a little program online that reads a 5 minute devotion to the kids. We've been doing it since yesterday. They're too busy fighting with one another and trying to stand up to pay total attention, but they are getting bits and pieces of it. I figure as long as they're getting something out of it that's positive, it's a good thing. :-)

Anyway, today they talked about taking a personal inventory of your life over the past year and figuring out what was pleasing to God and what was worthwhile and making it a goal to do more of those things in the new year. Lord, I pray that you will help my childen to be more loving, kind, obedient, and well-behaved. I pray that you will come into their hearts and help them to learn to be more like you. I also pray that you will help Andy and I continue to show patience, compassion, kindness and love in our journey as parents. Amen.

Busy last couple of days...

I couldn't figure out why my phone wasn't working when I went to make a phone call one day. I emailed Andy to let him know that there was something going on with the phone that he'd have to look at when he got home. When I picked up the phone to use it, I didn't notice anything wrong with it. I thought the kids may have unplugged or something, but I didn't really see what was wrong. Andy got home a few hours later and he found that there was water leaking out of it. Turns out after asking the kids what happened, Little E said she put it in the bathroom sink and toilet. How did I miss that?? Kids can do anything in a matter of seconds and sneak it totally by you I swear. So, it was off to Wal-mart to buy a new one. Andy plugged it in to charge overnight in the kitchen jack.

The next day, the phone still isn't working and I figure it just needs to charge a full 24 hours. So, we're without a phone again, but I didn't really mind since the girls had their visit and we're not home much that day anyway. Andy comes home and says "there's a problem with the phone jack now." So, we have to put in a service call. UGH! So, we put the phone back where it was since we know that the other phone jack works, I just don't like the fact that the kids can grab the phone there. So, I hope this one doesn't end up wrecked too.

Andy took Friday off as a vacation day so we could spend the day together since he had to go in to work today (Saturday) and it looks like he'll be working a lot of weekends coming up soon as well. Can I honestly say that I am sick of him having to work Saturdays? It takes away family time so bad and doesn't help my burn out mode that I seem to be in lately.

I do find that this week has gotten so much better when I take the time to spend in God's Word in the mornings. I need to make that a real priority to do this year and feed my soul and trust in Him.

Now, to get this house cleaned as there is clutter everywhere and that is getting to me as well.

Sometimes this is really hard...

Sometimes this parent stuff is hard and sometimes this fosterparenting stuff is really difficult. It's so much harder than parenting your own children...at least with your own you get to start them off with love, affection, discipline, you get to start your own foundation and grow from there...you're not picking up years later and trying to establish right and wrong and other things with a child that has already had a different way of life than what you think is best and whatnot.

Parenting Little J is very hard sometimes. She's oppositionally defiant...everything is a temper tantrum and not just any run of the mill temper tantrum, no...she tears her clothes up, bites herself, pulls her hair out, and plays the "I guess nobody cares about me" card. I've started anticipating her behaviors when I have to ask her to do something as it's not pretty, but yet I can't just give in to her either. And she learns stuff so slowly that we're really starting to think that something is not right with her cognitive development. I just don't know anymore, but she just doesn't comprehend things that she should.

Anyway, yesterday the boys fought their naps all day long and once I got the girls from school, I put them down for a nap. They finally fell asleep and so I told the girls that while they were watching tv and the boys were napping that I was going to go upstairs and take a quick 10 minute shower. I was almost done in the shower when I hear one of the girls banging on the door and Little J yelling "Deidra slapped me." I throw a couple towels around me and go answer the door and find Deidra crying hysterically that Little J attacked her. I ask her where Little J is and she said she was hiding under her bed. I pulled Deidra in the bedroom and put her up on the bed to get her to calm down and explain to me what happened. Apparently they were watching tv, Little J started saying obnoxious things and kept telling Deidra "duh" and Deidra asked her to stop being so mean. Little J proceeded to get in her face and her personal space and Deidra asked her again to go away and to stop it. She didn't quit and Deidra got really aggravated and slapped her forearm. That in turn caused Little J to scrape her arm with her fingernails and she went and pulled a metal sticker off of the Home Depot stool that Deidra had did in the children's workshop and proceeded to scrape Deidra on the left side of her chest and shoulder area with it over and over. Thankfully no skin was broken, but she was quite red. Anyway, I finally got her calmed down enough to go talk to Little J. Surprisingly I was really calm, but I let her know very firmly that she could have hurt Deidra very badly and that wasn't acceptable at all. Immediately, she started crying "you just don't care about me." I told her that wasn't true at all and she knows that, but I can't have her attacking the children in the home like that either. She told me she just wanted to go back home to where she got tooken away. I told her that I understand that she is angry about that, but that she wasn't going to take that anger out on the other children here. She said "well, Deidra slapped me." I let her know that I wasn't happy with Deidra for doing that either, but there were no marks on Little J at all and she really could have hurt Deidra seriously. A metal square sticker that doesn't bed when you touch it could do serious damage. As a matter of fact, I think I may write to Home Depot and tell them to come up with something else for the children's project stickers to put on their wooden items so something like this doesn't happen to anyone else.

Anyway, she cried at me for a long while about how we just didn't care about her and I kept telling her that I did care about her or we wouldn't have opened our home to her. I let her know that from now on for awhile she's not leaving my line of sight. She's not going to get to play outside with the neighbors or outside in the front yard. And if I have to go upstairs she's coming with me and if I have to go to the bathroom, she's going to sit right outside the door and talk to me while I'm in there as I can't trust her behavior. I also asked our caseworker to come over and talk to her. She thought the same thing that I did...she doesn't see that she did anything wrong and she shows no remorse for it. But, we both agree that she needs to be supervised more closely and things are going to be hard for her for awhile. And I think if anything even remotely happens that could hurt anyone again, I won't hesitate to have her moved. I feel bad doing that to her as she's already on her 2nd foster home here since the end of August, but I just can't jeaopardize Deidra or any of the other children here. My caseworker did let me know too that because of the potential serious incident and the fact that Deidra could have been seriously hurt, she had to make a report to the CPS hotline as well. That had Andy and I worried for awhile, but she told me not to worry about it. I'm feeling a lot better about things now. Strangely after that all happened, the girls were getting along really well and they were getting along well this morning before school.

Lord, Give me some extra patience...

My patience is running thin. Baby D has been grumpy all day long and I am so tired of asking him to do something and him yelling no. I tell him that he can't do something and he's been throwing temper tantrums. I'm making our meals and he's whining at me constantly for the cookies...not until you finish your food. Noooo!

Baby J has been tired all day, yet he won't go down for a nap. I've tried several times to no avail. He just cries in his crib.

We have training tonight up at the agency and it's going way past their bedtimes and J already gets crabby before his bedtime, I don't know what he's going to do when he's been a crab all day.

Deidra came home from school with Miss Attitude. Homework was a fight. She got put in time out for her attitude. She finally came back to finish it. She decided to make a mess in her room after she got in trouble for something else and I told her to clean it. She came out in the kitchen mad about something, grabbed a bottle she thought was empty and of course didn't have the cap on it and it went all over the floor. I had to take a time out after that happened. I told her to clean it up and I went in my room. When I felt myself calm down, I came out and she was cleaning it up and saying sorry over and over. I know it was an accident for the most part, but I'm so tired of her not paying attention.

I made the boys dinner since the agency is feeding the older kids and the adults and I went to help Baby D eat some of his soup. He spit the green beans out of his mouth and threw them onto the floor. I don't know how many times I've told him not to do that. I turned around to feed J and D had thrown all of his food on the floor while I had my back to him. I made him get down and pick them up.

I went to get the boys a bath and Deidra knocked the baby gate down and so D was running all over the house, getting into her room. She of course threw a fit, but I couldn't do anything with J in the tub. So, she was yelling that he was getting into her stuff...I got J finished up and in to get a new diaper and clean clothes on and then had to deal with getting the baby gate back up.

I tried to get J to nap again while I got D in the tub. They were both screaming. Got D finished up and dressed and then I went to get J out as he was NOT going to go to bed. His little arms just clamped themselves right around my neck and he just cuddled up to me. I held him for awhile and he wouldn't let me put him down.

The house is a disaster and I wanted to try to get it cleaned up a little bit so I had to set him in his playpen for a little bit so I could clean without him undoing what I had done and he just screamed and screamed. D got into trouble and I had to put him in time out.

Finally, I decided that I was going to come on here and journal and the boys have started to play. Deidra fell asleep on the couch. Andy should be home any minute, thank goodness.

As much as I think trainings are boring, I'm looking forward to being kid-free for the 3 hours of training and getting some time to myself for a bit. I guess since things have calmed down, I'll go try to clean up.