Saturday, December 31, 2005


I decided that since you mostly hear from me when I have something on my plate, that I need to focus on things that I'm thankful for your blessings for as well. So, I'm going to try and do a post each week on what I've been thankful for that week. This week, I am thankful for:

1. That I have a 4-day weekend and will get 2 days to spend with Andy and Deidra.

2. Andy is working on Monday and they are going to pay him triple time.

3. That we had the $629 to pay for Andy's car repairs this week in cash. Budgeting definitely pays off!

4. That I have a chance to be promoted at work.

5. That we are going to the Melting Pot for dinner today as a family.

Thank you for our blessings this week, Abba and we ask you for your blessings in the New Year.

Hard to live with other people sometimes...

Hi Abba. Andy and I are having a rough time lately with our living arrangements. I know that we don't have that much longer to be here, but help us make it without any problems or blow ups. I'm so sick and tired of cleaning up other people's messes. FIL has had the week off of his 3rd shift job and has worked part-time at Home Depot this week. He's been home no later than 1pm. Yesterday he had the complete day off while both of us worked late. We got home and ate dinner and he asked us what our plans were for today (New Years Eve). We said we were planning on just spending the time together and going out for dinner at The Melting Pot. His response "Good! I had intentions of getting this place cleaned up today, but lacked motivation and all I did was lay on the couch, so since I'm working tomorrow, you can clean the place up by the time I get home!" I asked him if he was having company over or something and he said no. He freaked out like this over Christmas and we had the house cleaned top to bottom on our own while he sat and watched. I have enough on my plate with cleaning up our own messes without having to do his too. I'm so ready to get out of here! Andy bargained with me and said if I focused on the downstairs, he'd do the upstairs. I don't mind having to clean up after ourselves, but I just feel like we're being taken advantage of sometimes. Then, I tell myself...well, you are living here for free. But, then I think too that just because we live here doesn't mean that he can't help us out a little by cleaning up after himself too. I don't expect him to pick up after us, so why should we be expected to pick up after him. He'll eat dinner and leave his plate on the table (how hard is it to bring it to the sink), we bring the garbage down to the end of the driveway every week and yet if he comes home after the garbage man comes he'll leave it for us to bring back up to the house, if he wants to do laundry and we have stuff in the dryer it just gets thrown into a basket so it can get all wrinkly, yet if we need to do laundry and he has stuff in the dryer we actually take the time to fold his clothes neatly and set them outside his bedroom door. He doesn't want to run his stuff out to the post office, so that's become our task to do. He's an extremely negative person I'm finding the more and more that we live with him and it's grating on me as well. I can't tell you how many guilt trips he's given us about moving to Texas. He won't have anybody to help him if he has computer problems, he's going to have to spend next Christmas alone, it's going to be lonely in the house. I told him he shouldn't mind as he usually acts like D is being too loud anyway. That brings me to another vent. If we're up in the kitchen trying to make dinner and Deidra is helping or upstairs playing or helping to set the table, he'll turn the tv way up to where you can't even hear yourself talk and she's not being that loud. However, if he knows that we're trying to get her to bed or she's napping or we're watching a movie or trying to spend some time alone talking on the couch, he'll come downstairs and talk to us and be loud. I just feel like we go out of our way trying to please him and he doesn't have the same respects for us. It's just really starting to get to me. I keep telling myself that we don't have that much longer here, but things are honestly just starting to get to me. Help us all to make it and stay respectful of one another.

Tuesday, December 27, 2005

Hoping that 3 times is the charm...

Well, we entered the 2 week wait again. I ovulated a day early this month. The last 2 months, it's been day looks like it was day 17 this month. I'm hoping that this will be the one that works for us. :-) Abba, please let it be.

Monday, December 26, 2005

Heritage Square Townhomes

Well, I think we've come up with a back-up plan in case we can't get into a house right away. We may take out a 3-6 month lease on the 2 bedroom and 2 bath townhome. This is the complex that we're going to try and get into. They look pretty nice. They even come with fireplaces in them and we'd get our own fenced in little yard in the back. :-) Abba, please help everything work out so that we can get all of us (including all the cats) into these if we need to. We'd still love to get into a house first, but if we need to be settled for a few months first, then we're willing to move into here for a little while.

A Christmas Call....

Hi Abba, you know that my Dad and I haven't been on the best of terms since my parents divorced. There's a lot of hurts that he's caused that have hurt deeply and he just wanted us to get over them. Without him acknowledging our hurt and pain, that only made it all the more harder. It became all about him and his selfishness showed through. I had written him a letter back in the spring/summer telling him that I was very hurt over things, almost washed my hands of him because I couldn't handle my emotions being trudged all over anymore, and that for awhile I needed him to stop calling me so that I could come to terms with things without having to hear his voice and have the whole thing start all over. I told him a lot of things that I had been holding in for so long and I'll admit that I was very harsh on some things, but I had had enough and it was time for me to start looking out for me. He left a message for me on my birthday in September and I never called him back...I didn't know if I was ready yet. On Thanksgiving, I decided to call him...I got his voice mail and I left him a message. I decided that life is too short and that if anything were ever to happen to him, I didn't want to be not talking to him anymore. I told him that I still love him...I never stopped, but I was scared and hurt and I feel like my life has been turned upside down over the years and I don't know how to get things back to normal anymore. I told him to have a good thanksigivng and that he was welcome to call me if he wanted to. He never called me until last night. He totally broke down sobbing in the middle of our call about how he had gotten my letter and it had totally eaten him up to realize what he had done to me. He's thought and thought about it, contemplated suicide because he thought that may be easier for me and the boys as he wouldn't be here to screw anything else up and finally decided that wasn't the answer either. At this point, I had burst into tears and I told him that I didn't want that to happen. He told me that all he ever wanted me to be with him was honest and that he knew that it took a lot for me to let it all out and that I needed to do that. He told me that all he could do was try for the rest of his life to make things up to all of us. And while he was riding in the car with his new wife and his mother, he told me that the biggest mistake he ever made was leaving my mother and us. I'm sure he'll get the repercussions for that from her, but I was surprised and teary eyed to hear him say that knowing that she was right there next to him in the car. He said that he'd never ever quit loving me or the boys and that he's certainly made a mess of things. It was a very emotional talk for the both of us and I told him that all we can do is hope that the healing process can now start and that we can only move forward. He wants to talk to me in person about some things and he asked me if we were still planning on moving to Texas and I said yes. He said he wanted to talk to me about that later and I'm wondering if he wants to come live with us as we had talked about before. He said he needed to be around us again and that he needed to hear a lot of the things that I had said in that letter and that he was trying to change his life. So, I guess what we need is prayers that we can all heal and start moving forward in a loving way together. Help our relationships to be restored to all loving ones. Help us to know that we have one another's support and love. We all have had our hard times over the years and we need each other's love most of all. Thank you for this opportunity.

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

St. Joseph and St. Gerard, please pray for us.

I started a novena to St. Joseph and St. Gerard yesterday morning. Why you ask? St. Joseph has been an intercessor for those buying and selling homes and my family has always asked him to help us and things have always gone successfully. I'm also asking him for help in helping us to find jobs down there. St. Gerard has been a patron saint of those trying to conceive and of those who are pregnant. I used to wear his medal and ask for his help daily the month or two prior to us getting pregnant with Deidra. I had given one of my friend, Stephanie as well when I started wearing mine and she got pregnant 2 weeks before me. So, I started asking for his prayers again too. It feels nice to know that I have saints praying for me along with our friends. :-)

Bad news...

My house sold yesterday morning, before we got final word on the go ahead with the mortgage broker. Guess it didn't matter anyway, as apparently we're running into some mortgage issues as well. She's been telling me for the past month that she could do the financing for us with very little down or none at all. Now that I told her we found the house, she wants us to have 10% down and 6 months of house payments in the bank before they'll give us the loan since we don't have jobs down there yet. If we can get jobs down there first, we can qualify sooner. So, I guess it's just not time. :-( I'm going to see about transferring with my company though and going down first and then they can qualify Andy for what he makes here and do it that way. I could be down as early as a month from now. In the meantime, we'll save, save, SAVE. Abba, please help us save all we can so that we're able to get into a house down there and please help us both with jobs down there. Help my transfer to go through and help Andy find a job down there too. The hard part for him is that all the jobs that he finds are local candidates only.

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Mom walked through the house...

and said that it is beautiful, a lot of room, and she could definitely see us being happy there and she said we wouldn't have to touch the house for at least 20 years. It's 3 miles from Home Depot, Deidra's school would be right around the corner up the road, her daycare would be 5 minutes from the house. The house has oak blinds all throughout the house, a beautiful tiled floor in the kitchen, the kitchen cabinets are all oak. The kitchen, dining room, and living room are all open. All the bedrooms have huge walk-in closets with built in shelving all around. The garage has built-in workbenches (2 of them) and all custom built in shelves line the garage. The laundry room is huge and also has shelves built in. All the appliances are brand new and they stay. It's a little over 2200 sq. The backyard is really nice too and we'd be on a corner lot with open fields directly across from us. I wish I didn't have to work today so I could confirm some things with the mortgage broker. I want to put the offer in today, but I think it's going to have to wait until tomorrow. Abba, please let things work out for us as we really really want this house! Thank you, Abba. St. Joseph, please pray for us too and help us get into this house.

Monday, December 19, 2005

I've got Mom in house mode...

lol. She likes the house that we have picked out, I talked to the realtor this morning and Mom emailed me right away asking for the realtor's number. I called her at work and we talked about the house and stuff and she said she was going to give the realtor a call. She has an appt to go through it tonight at 6. I'm so excited! Anyway, Mom emailed me to let me know that one of her parts people lives down the road from this house and he paid what our house is asking for for their one story house. That's good right? The house is only a year old. If everything goes alright tonight, we're going to put an offer in on Wednesday since I have the day off. We're going to see if she'll take $120 and if they'll let us close at the end of Feb/March. I figure the worst that can happen is they'll say no or we'll have to make their house payment once or twice. I'm really excited though. Please help everything to go well! St. Joseph, please help us with your intercession as well. Amen.

A few requests...

Hi Abba. I have a few prayer requests for you. Please help us to know the perfect timing to make our move to Texas. I'm thinking that Feb/March may be good as we'll also have our tax return money by then to help with moving costs and downpayment money. I also am unsure if Deidra and I should try to go down first to get established and then have Andy come down 6 weeks later after I'm settled in my job and Deidra is in her new daycare. I also pray that my transfer will go through with Home Depot so that I can stay with the company. I also pray that we are able to get this house on Country Crest that we've all fallen in love with. Please let the seller accept our offer on a delayed closing. I also pray that there will be a great job waiting for Andy down there so that I no longer have to work. I really do want to be home with Deidra and the next baby that we have. I also pray on that front that You will help us to become pregnant this cycle or very soon. I know Your timing is perfect! I put all of this into Your Hands.

Worst Mommy and Wife in the World

Hi Abba. Help me to feel better. You know I always get bad in the winter months...I get moody and crabby and I start feeling sorry for myself. Andy and I argued all day yesterday because I just needed extra things from him and he couldn't give them to me and I just sat and cried. I don't know why he always gets to where he doesn't show me any affection and he always has an excuse which leads me to start wondering "What's wrong with me and does he not love me all that much anymore?" He says we lead too busy of lives. But, you can make time to do the things you need to do so why can't he set aside some time for me. Just a simple hug and a kiss would be nice sometimes and now he's getting to where he barely tells me that he loves me rather than just once or twice a week and that's started to bother me. He tells me I'm supposed to know that he does and that he'd never stop and that if I need these daily affirmations that he still loves me that I have problems. Is it really my problem or do women just need to be told and shown these things more than men do? I don't know what to think anymore. We argued about it all day long and now he says he'll try and do better and that things are obviously his fault too. I mean I know that he loves me and I know that are marriage is actually going quite well at the moment, so it's stupid for me to go on and on about all this, but it would be nice to be shown the little things sometimes to know that I'm on his mind and whatnot.

Deidra was extra crabby yesterday and I had put her in her room for a time out, she got very lippy with me and I went into her room and told her to calm down and that she wasn't talking to me like that. I went to smack her on the side of the face (I don't do it hard, but it gets her to understand that she isn't to talk like that). She jerked her head to the side really fast, hit her head on the side of the wall and got a bloody nose. Then, I felt guilty...I sat on the toilet seat with her and we both cried our hearts out. I told Andy that I'm wondering if it wouldn't be better for me to go on meds in the winters. Then, I get to thinking about the adoptions if we do them and I don't want it held over my head if I have to go on anti-depressants so I make myself weather through it. But, I feel like the worst wife and mommy in the world right now. Andy told me that she also needs to know that she can't behave certain ways and that it wasn't my fault that she got the bloody nose, it just happened. And I know that deep down, but my emotions got the best of me too and I feel guilty. Help me start feeling better.

Saturday, December 17, 2005

New cycle

My period showed up on the 11th. Today is the last day of my clomid for this new cycle, so please Abba, help this cycle be the one. At least I have faith now that I can get pregnant on my own with the clomid. I was so doubtful that the clomid would work since it didn't with Deidra, but I am ovulating now and that is exciting. I know it's just a matter of time. Please don't make us wait much longer, although I know that You know the perfect timing of everything and I have to trust in You.

Found the House in Texas that we want....

Hi Abba. Well, I think we found the house in Texas that we want to buy. I fell in love with the outside and then didn't realize that when you click on the main house picture that it shows you the inside of the house in all the rooms. I fell even more in love with it and got the feeling that this was our house. The price just dropped on it too. Deidra came in and saw me looking at it and said she wanted that house. I emailed the link to Andy and Andy came back with "Let's buy it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" I'm going to get back with our mortgage broker on Monday, my Mom is going to try to walk through it for us this weekend and hopefully if everything goes well, we are going to try to put in an offer on Monday or early this coming week. This is our house:

Isn't it pretty? Please help everything go well for us so that we can get it. Thanks, Abba.

Saturday, December 10, 2005


Oh Abba, please let this be it! Let this be our time. Whether we have one baby or two or more...let this be our time. I had a dream last night that has had me thinking and wondering all day long.

Ok, I had a dream last night that I had twin baby boys. Jeoff and Nicklaus. Andy had them named before I even knew that they had been born. It was a very weird dream. I'm 12 dpo today...still waiting to find out if we're expecting or not. I took a test this morning and got a neg, but I know that doesn't necessarily mean anything either as I tested negative with D the day we found out that we were indeed pregnant. I have a blood test set up for Monday if AF doesn't show up by then. My temps are still high as well. So, hopefully we'll know in a few more days. But, please let this be our time. What a magical time of the year to be pregnant as well...with the celebration of your birth coming up soon. Oh, please please let this be it for us!

Wednesday, December 07, 2005


Hi Abba. Please let this be it. I'm 10 days past ovulation today and it honestly has me wondering. My temps dropped a little bit yesterday so I thought my period was on it's way. Well, I woke up this morning to get really bad pains in my uterus for a few minutes and when I took my temp this morning they were way high, so now I'm wondering if implantation occured. Guess, I'll know in a few days. Did I ever say that I hate the 2 week wait. Oh please help this to be it! I even have a few Christmas gift ideas to tell the grandparents the news if this is it!


Friday, December 02, 2005

I'm in the 2 week wait...

Some of you have asked if I had any news about ovulation. I was very confused this cycle, but finally my temps said that I had ovulated. I'm 5 days past ovulation today. I never had any ovulation pains or anything, so I had no clue what was going on this time. Please say a prayer for us that this is it!

Andy's Job

Hi Abba. I pray that Andy won't lose his job. Deidra got sick at school yesterday with yet another fever and sore throat. They called Andy to let him know that she needed to be picked up. He tried calling me, but I was at lunch, so he had to leave and go get her. I'm leaving for Chicago today so he let them know that he wouldn't be back today either and wanted to know if he should even bother to show up on Monday as he knew he was going over his alotted points. I'm so tired of the both of us being given crap about attendance when we have a valid reason for missing. He's going to talk to his boss today and I told Andy to get a doctor's note when he brings her to the doctor today, but he said they make no excuses. I think I'm going to tell Corey that at the end of December, I'm done. It's just not worth it to me anymore. FIL offered to watch her today at 8am. Andy told him the damage had already been done as he'd still get points for being late and he needed to take her in to the doctor today anyway. I told Andy that I wasn't really comfortable with FIL watching her anyway as he's not going to pay attention to her and has been known to fall asleep on the couch while she's awake and doing her own thing. But, please say a prayer that Andy will be able to hold onto his job and that we can get through this. I offered to forfeit my trip, but Andy knows that I've been looking forward to going, so he told me to go ahead and go...Deidra is our responsibility and nobody else's and he was expected to do his part in taking care of her too and that I was to go and have fun. I can't help feeling worried though. Although as Corey told me yesterday, if it's done it's done and worrying isn't going to change that. I know he's right, although I don't like the unknown. Just please help Andy to hold onto his job. Things seem to be finally going in a positive direction for us and I don't know if he could handle losing another job. We're just trying to be good parents, that's all...although I know Corporate America doesn't give a crap about that anymore these's sad really.