A Christmas Call....

Hi Abba, you know that my Dad and I haven't been on the best of terms since my parents divorced. There's a lot of hurts that he's caused that have hurt deeply and he just wanted us to get over them. Without him acknowledging our hurt and pain, that only made it all the more harder. It became all about him and his selfishness showed through. I had written him a letter back in the spring/summer telling him that I was very hurt over things, almost washed my hands of him because I couldn't handle my emotions being trudged all over anymore, and that for awhile I needed him to stop calling me so that I could come to terms with things without having to hear his voice and have the whole thing start all over. I told him a lot of things that I had been holding in for so long and I'll admit that I was very harsh on some things, but I had had enough and it was time for me to start looking out for me. He left a message for me on my birthday in September and I never called him back...I didn't know if I was ready yet. On Thanksgiving, I decided to call him...I got his voice mail and I left him a message. I decided that life is too short and that if anything were ever to happen to him, I didn't want to be not talking to him anymore. I told him that I still love him...I never stopped, but I was scared and hurt and I feel like my life has been turned upside down over the years and I don't know how to get things back to normal anymore. I told him to have a good thanksigivng and that he was welcome to call me if he wanted to. He never called me until last night. He totally broke down sobbing in the middle of our call about how he had gotten my letter and it had totally eaten him up to realize what he had done to me. He's thought and thought about it, contemplated suicide because he thought that may be easier for me and the boys as he wouldn't be here to screw anything else up and finally decided that wasn't the answer either. At this point, I had burst into tears and I told him that I didn't want that to happen. He told me that all he ever wanted me to be with him was honest and that he knew that it took a lot for me to let it all out and that I needed to do that. He told me that all he could do was try for the rest of his life to make things up to all of us. And while he was riding in the car with his new wife and his mother, he told me that the biggest mistake he ever made was leaving my mother and us. I'm sure he'll get the repercussions for that from her, but I was surprised and teary eyed to hear him say that knowing that she was right there next to him in the car. He said that he'd never ever quit loving me or the boys and that he's certainly made a mess of things. It was a very emotional talk for the both of us and I told him that all we can do is hope that the healing process can now start and that we can only move forward. He wants to talk to me in person about some things and he asked me if we were still planning on moving to Texas and I said yes. He said he wanted to talk to me about that later and I'm wondering if he wants to come live with us as we had talked about before. He said he needed to be around us again and that he needed to hear a lot of the things that I had said in that letter and that he was trying to change his life. So, I guess what we need is prayers that we can all heal and start moving forward in a loving way together. Help our relationships to be restored to all loving ones. Help us to know that we have one another's support and love. We all have had our hard times over the years and we need each other's love most of all. Thank you for this opportunity.