Friday, March 25, 2005


Hi Abba. I talked to Mom briefly this morning. I wanted to tell her good morning and that I hadn't fallen off the face of the earth. At the end of our conversation, she let me know that Daddy was going back to Vette. I didn't feel angry or hurt when she told me...I felt blank inside. I think in some way my subconscious already knew that something was going on because he hadn't been calling regularly. I decided to write him a letter and this time I told him exactly what I felt. How can he tell us that he know he's made major mistakes and wants a chance to right those wrongs and then a couple months later decide that he's going back to a woman who is selfish and doesn't care about his family? In my eyes, that means he doesn't care about us either. Where did the Daddy that raised me go, Abba? I can't go through this emotional rollercoaster again and again and again. So, I decided today that I'm not going to anymore. I'll always love him and I'll always pray for him, but I can't talk to him anymore. I can't be lied to constantly...what it boils down to is that he doesn't want to be alone, but he's making really bad choices. If he wanted to be a good father, he'd stay in Texas...he'd keep his job...he'd get health insurance for the boys...he'd pay his child support...he'd be a true part of their lives...and he'd keep in touch with all of us. He'd be the Daddy that he is supposed to be. I know I probably don't have the best attitude during this Easter season if I'm thinking these thoughts, Abba, but I can't do this over and over. I'm done and I give my Daddy back to You. Maybe one day if it's possible we can have a relationship again, but I can't have a relationship like this now...for my own sanity I can't do it and if he understood the pain that he's caused any of us he wouldn't be walking away again. So, I put my Daddy back in your hands. Guide him through the rest of his life, Abba, and keep him safe. But for right now, I don't want anything to do with him. I love him, but I don't think he properly knows how to love anyone or he wouldn't do things like this.

Tuesday, March 22, 2005

Work Drama

Lord, please help a work situation to sort itself out and for work to do the right thing. So many double standards are going on and so much backstabbing is happening. So much nonprofessionalism and so much pain and drama is being caused when it doesn't need to be. This is all I really want to say without delving into everything...You know what is going us and guide us to do what is right and give us strength to deal with everything. Thanks, Abba.

Beginning the Process and Our First Fundraiser

Hi Abba. Me again. We decided to start our first fundraiser to go towards our first step in beginning our goal. Actually, we have our application fee, but have to submit our first set of paperwork and we need another $1000 to go towards that. So, we're saving and just starting with our very first fundraiser. We told our family and friends of our news today and I set up our first fundraiser account. We're going to sell magazine subscriptions and we get to keep 40% of the profits to go towards our adoption. Our goal is to raise $1000 and the fundraiser is set up to run for a full year. Help us to complete our goal and guide us in our journey. Thanks, Abba. We're one step closer to getting to Guatemala! We know that we have Your Hand in this.

Friday, March 18, 2005

The Decision Has Been Made

Hi Abba. After talking to You, about not knowing which country to choose, I received an email from Marilyn. Kazihkstan will only let you adopt 2 children as long as they are siblings and they are now talking about going to a mandatory 2-trip stay instead of 1. So, you're talking about extra expenses there as well. After doing the math, it's going to be just as expensive to go through there than it would be to go to Guatemala and Guatemala has so many other pluses that we like for that program that we know it's meant for us to go there. Thanks for Your help, Abba! We're going to be talking to You every step of the way. :-) I love you, Abba. You've blessed us so much over the past few months.

Tuesday, March 08, 2005

Adoption Stuff

Hi Abba. We went to our first adoption meeting to find out more about the whole process. We were the only couple that showed up, so we had the lady to ourselves. She was very nice...all the information got a little overwhelming as there's so many steps to take and all. We really had our hearts set on Guatemala as the babies are in foster care rather than orphanages. They have the quickest referral times of all the countries and you can adopt an infant. The other plus thing is that they provide monthly updates on your children and the whole adoption process can be done in a weekend when you bring your child home. I thought they did a price break for additional children though so we were willing to pay a little more to adopt from Guatemala as they offer so many pluses to adopt in that country as well. Anyway, we found out that they don't offer a price break and we don't have $50k to adopt 2 children. It wasn't until I really started thinking about things that I started to get upset and really realized that I have my heart set on adopting a baby boy and a girl. Deidra really wants a baby sister and we'd like to have a boy as well to carry on the Hoffman name. Besides, there's a lot of baby boys that I've been around lately and I really wouldn't mind having one. :-) Well, then I got to thinking that maybe we should think about Kazahkstan again...the price is cheaper and they offer the price break on the additional children. The only bad thing that we've really run into with the other programs (other than Guatemala) is that we would have to be in the country between 2-4 weeks to finalize everything in the country. So, we would have possibly a month of expenses that we would need for the apartment over there...our meals...and all that. Help us to know what to do and which option to go with.

We've also been thinking about some fundraising ideas to help us with costs as we go. We've thought about a bottle drive, hosting a spaghetti dinner in our local VFW hall, doing some scratch cards, and maybe a bake sale or some craft things. All I keep hearing is our adoption consultant saying to us that if we started the process now...we could have the babies at the earliest by Christmas if we went through Guatemala or by next spring with the other countries. It made it so much more real to me...we have babies out there waiting for us. It's time to figure out how to bring them home to us. Guide us and help us, Abba.

Tuesday, March 01, 2005


Thanks Abba for providing a way for me to go back to school. You've helped us so much with our finances lately. I can finally see that we're going to make it out on top. We've been through so much, but we've really committed ourselves to budgeting and listening to Dave Ramsey's program and praying about our situation and we really have made so much progress. It's amazing to see and we have You to thank for that. I just wanted to say thank you.

My box of books for school is on it's way as I type this. I'm nervous and excited. I can't wait to be home with Deidra again. I know some people don't understand why I want to be home so badly...but I honestly feel that is my calling...I love being at home with her and yes, it has it's ups and it's downs depending on the day...but I've missed out on so much over the past 10 months with my crazy hours and having to work...I look forward to having the chance to be at home with her again. I really want the chance to work on my transcription (once I'm done with my course) while she's at school so that I can have the afternoon/evenings with her. She deserves to have her mom at home with her...I'm just so grateful for this chance. I know they're only little once and I don't want to screw it up by having regrets and I already do in a way. I've missed seeing her do so much. School has been good for her and she has made a lot of friends, but I know that she misses having me at home as much as I've missed being at home. So, I think this fit will be good for us. :-) Thank you, Abba, for giving me this chance again. Help me do well in my classes.