Daddy

Hi Abba. I talked to Mom briefly this morning. I wanted to tell her good morning and that I hadn't fallen off the face of the earth. At the end of our conversation, she let me know that Daddy was going back to Vette. I didn't feel angry or hurt when she told me...I felt blank inside. I think in some way my subconscious already knew that something was going on because he hadn't been calling regularly. I decided to write him a letter and this time I told him exactly what I felt. How can he tell us that he know he's made major mistakes and wants a chance to right those wrongs and then a couple months later decide that he's going back to a woman who is selfish and doesn't care about his family? In my eyes, that means he doesn't care about us either. Where did the Daddy that raised me go, Abba? I can't go through this emotional rollercoaster again and again and again. So, I decided today that I'm not going to anymore. I'll always love him and I'll always pray for him, but I can't talk to him anymore. I can't be lied to constantly...what it boils down to is that he doesn't want to be alone, but he's making really bad choices. If he wanted to be a good father, he'd stay in Texas...he'd keep his job...he'd get health insurance for the boys...he'd pay his child support...he'd be a true part of their lives...and he'd keep in touch with all of us. He'd be the Daddy that he is supposed to be. I know I probably don't have the best attitude during this Easter season if I'm thinking these thoughts, Abba, but I can't do this over and over. I'm done and I give my Daddy back to You. Maybe one day if it's possible we can have a relationship again, but I can't have a relationship like this now...for my own sanity I can't do it and if he understood the pain that he's caused any of us he wouldn't be walking away again. So, I put my Daddy back in your hands. Guide him through the rest of his life, Abba, and keep him safe. But for right now, I don't want anything to do with him. I love him, but I don't think he properly knows how to love anyone or he wouldn't do things like this.