Monday, August 31, 2009

Things with my Mom...

are going a lot better. She invited me to go with her to Jacksonville to get my brother from school. At first I wasn't going to go, but then I changed my mind. We went over together and we had a chance to talk. She apologized for the way she talked to me and that she hurt my feelings. She said that she was really struggling with depression and with some things in her life and she said that she's learning that when she gets that way that she just needs to go into seclusion for awhile so she doesn't misdirect her anger and sadness onto others. She told me that she thinks we are great parents and she was deeply sorry. We had a good talk and I don't really ever stay mad long. I'm not going to say that the hurt isn't there anymore, but I forgive her.

My Dad wound up surprising us by coming home for a night this weekend so it was good to see him. We went and had brunch at my Mom's after church and then he wound up riding back to Jacksonville with my Mom and brother yesterday and they stopped by last night after we had put the kids to bed. He still had a couple hours before he could get back to work, so he asked if I'd bring him back to his truck. So, we visited for a couple of hours while Mom went on home to go to bed. It was good to visit with him. Only bad thing was that I was thinking I was coming down with a bladder infection. That's what I get for just telling someone that I used to get those all of the time, but it had been awhile since I had had one. Go figure!

This morning, bladder infection confirmed. Got some antibiotics and some pills to help with the burning and inflamation in the urinary tract. No sooner did I come home from the pharmacy, I started peeing blood. So, definitely was glad that I had some meds. The meds made me sick to my stomach and I'm just really uncomfortable. So, when Andy came home a bit early from work, I ran and got the girls from school and then came home and took a 2 hour nap, ate a can of spaghettios, and caught up on some e-mail. Andy's boxing up our ebay stuff for me and I think I'm going to go read for a bit and then head back to bed.

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Friday, August 28, 2009

Woo hoo!

I get to go on a lunch date with my hubby today. No kids tagging along...just us. That hasn't happened in forever. I'm laughing at myself with how giddy I am about it. Now, off to make myself all pretty...

We're in need of some time alone so we can talk without distractions. :-)

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Thursday, August 27, 2009

Things...

I talked to my Dad about my Mom...I got a wonderful phone call this morning from a wonderful new friend that carried me all throughout my day...and I also got an email from my Mom. She told me how she's filled with resentment and spite right now (gee, I couldn't tell) and how our Bible study meeting was really hard for her. She said she constantly wanted to walk out of the room and scream at the women around her because they all had opportunities that she didn't have. I didn't email her back and later she texted me wanting to know why I hadn't answered her email. I decided to tell her very briefly that I was hurt and why. She wrote me back saying "gee whiz, Jess, I know you've come to love those kids." Then, later she wanted to know how court went. In some ways, I think she does this to protect her own heart from hurting when any of our kids leave. But, I've still decided that I'm going to be a bit distant with her. I love her to death, I really do. And I know she's got a lot on her plate that she's trying to deal with, so I'm going to try and not take it so personally. Instead I'll lift her in prayer. She's worried about her job as she still doesn't know what the owner of her dealership is going to do. She's lonely as my brother, Jimmie, just went off to college. She's confused about what to do with my Dad and what she wants out of all that. I know she's got a lot she's trying to figure out, but I just can't let the extra stress get in the way of what I want out of my own life right now. So, I lift her up in prayer and I'll be distant for awhile.

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Tuesday, August 25, 2009

The embarrassed one at Bible study...

So, we had our candlelit tea for Bible study last night. I had been looking forward to going. Normally, Mom picks me up and we go together. She texted me and told me she'd meet me there (that should have been my first clue). I get there and go to walk up to the door and Mom honks at me. So, I go walk out and meet her and we go in together. She talks to me for a bit about Jimmie and some stuff that she had found out about his football. They recruited 60 people to play football and they'll be weeding some out as they go. They have a team this year for the first time, but they're not actually playing any games against anyone until next year. This year will just be training and working out. But, I guess next year they're bringing in another 60 and they plan on being pretty competitive. The players will be the best they have with the best grades also. Mom is praying that God will favor Jimmie.

Anyway, the rest of the women were showing up and we got some crepes and some tea and shared in some fellowship. We answered our Bible study questions and then we gathered around and sang together and we went around the room asking for prayer requests. One of the ladies stopped everyone and wanted to hear about the court hearing last week. I told her it wasn't last week, it was this week. So, they wanted to pray for that. The Bible study leader wanted to know their names so she could pray for them by name and I told them all the sibling names. Mom spoke up and said that she just felt they would be a burden. At that, the ladies asked "to the birthparents?" At that point, I could feel the tears in my eyes. I couldn't speak or I knew I would start crying. Mom says "no, to them and she nods her head my way." She said "we need to pray for the kids and what happens to them that it's in their best interest." One of the ladies looked a little confused and asked something as she didn't realize that was my Mom. At that point, I was staring at the floor. Mom says "they're good parents, but I just feel the kids would be a huge burden." And I've never felt so embarrassed...all I could really do was stare at the floor. Prayer ended, I picked up my dishes and everyone was telling me that I'd have their prayers this week and all I could do was say "thank you." The prayer group leader told me they tried to adopt a little girl once and that she'd be praying for me. I said thank you and I wanted to talk to her, but yet I knew if I even opened my mouth, I'd be bursting into tears. I only have been around some of these ladies maybe 4 times, so I just didn't want to be that person. Mom told me she was leaving as she was tired and I figured that was a good leaving point and I walked out the door with her. We walked to our cars, I almost left without giving her a hug good-bye, walked over to her hugged her and said "bye," got in my car and dissolved into tears on the way home. She has been so negative to me recently...

"I wonder what would have happened had your Dad and I stood up at your wedding and said that we didn't agree with your wedding?"

"I don't like your neighborhood."

The comment last week about how I get to stay at home and do whatever I want because my husband makes good money.

She's criticized my parenting with Deidra and that we wore shorts to church one Sunday.

And now apparently we're not good enough for the girls.

I came home last night and Andy knew something was wrong. I sat on the couch and talked to him about it and he was very supportive. She's not around enough to know what goes on around here. She sees bits and pieces and thinks she knows the full story. She compares all of the bad behaviors in our kids to my brother, Zach, and yes, I know he was a handfull, but she sees every one of those behaviors as a burden. Well, if she's not over helping or babysitting and dealing with those behaviors...who is she to say what we need or what these kids need?

Andy told me last night that he thinks I just need to distance myself from her for awhile. I told him I just don't understand how she can be so wishy washy. Even when we were adopting Josiah and going through all the battles with lack of sleep, dealing with his screeching and his melt-downs she told me to think long and hard about adopting him. I came back and told her that I strongly believe that the kids in our house are here for a reason and that God will help me to deal with them and their behaviors and that He will show me the best way to help them. He doesn't give us more than we can handle. We don't get to pick our behavior traits in our biological children, I don't feel that we get that with our foster/adopt children either. I strongly believe in my heart that Josiah was the baby that I had been praying for. She told me that I had my head on straight and that I needed to follow what God had put on my heart. She was so excited on Josiah's adoption day. And she told me that she could finally put her guard down and be close to him now as she didn't have to worry about him going away and trying to protect her heart.

Now, I see her doing the same thing... seeing these kids is not easy for us at all. We want what is best for all of them and each one that leaves takes a part of our hearts with them. But, I just don't think saying things like she said last night is cool...that's hurtful on top of everything else. I don't know...I'm just really hurt. I think I'm going to keep some space for awhile. And yet, what is sticking out in my mind from Bible study...if we don't run into some persecution now and then, we're not doing the works of the Lord. If Jesus was persecuted, we'll be persecuted from following Him too. I think my Mom sees the kids as that they keep me from her at times because they do keep me so busy. Yet, she doesn't come over much either and when she does, she's criticizing my husband for something afterwards. I don't know, sometimes I feel like she'd prefer me to wind up in her shoes. Andy and I love each other...do we have some personality traits that get on each others nerves...yes. But, what couple doesn't?

All I know is I'm done sharing with my Mom about behaviors, what's going on with the foster kids (well, she doesn't know everything anyway...), and what Andy and I are thinking about things (foster/adoption wise). It's not her decision anyway really. Whatever we decide, she can either accept or not accept...and the bottom line is that it's her loss. It's not ours.

And I've explained to her before when we talked about pro-life and the Catholic family. Andy and I don't use birth control. Obviously, we have some issues that she's well aware of. But, even if we didn't...most Catholics that don't use birth control have several kids. When we started the foster care journey to add to our family, we determined that if we were asked to adopt, we'd say yes. If the kids were meant to reunify with their families, we were ok with that too. We just figured that God would give us our forever family according to His will and that the kids in our Home were here for a reason, whether they stayed for a little while or if they stayed forever. We trusted Him to bring us our forever children. And we still believe that.

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My gosh...

I hate family drama...I'll admit that I have some jealousy issues going on. My brother Jimmie is going to a very expensive college and my parents are just giving him everything left and right. It angers me that I couldn't go where I really wanted to go because my parents couldn't afford to send me there (interesting enough, my tuition would have been a tiny bit cheaper than my brother's is now) and I was told that if I wanted to go to college I needed to go to the one's in town and I was going to be the one who paid for it. I did...which is why I had to drop out when it came time to do my nursing clinicals. I couldn't do clinicals, work, and go to school... I completed my sophomore year and then did a summer session to retake a couple of my classes that I wanted to do better in...I had to drop out even though I had all A's going because my parents weren't willing to help and I didn't have that portion of the tuition money. I was short a couple hundred dollars.

Anyway, Jimmie is going to college now. I'm trying to be excited for him, but at the same time I'm really jealous that anything and everything he has ever wanted, he just gets handed to him. He doesn't have to be responsible like I had to be at that age. He doesn't have things that are expected of him and he's never really held accountable for anything. They gave him a small football scholarship and he's taking out some student loans and he also got a pell grant for being in resource classes through school. They told him he's going to have to keep his studies up to keep it, but they do have tutoring available as well if he needs it. I'm really surpised that he got in when I looked at their grade requirements and test requirements. Regardless, I'm happy for him but I am fighting some jealousy. I need to quit. However, my Mom called me last week a couple days before Jimmie was leaving and says "Dad said he's going to give Jimmie some money for college, so can you swing by the bank and bring it over to me?" I hadn't heard anything about it, so I ask her how much and she tells me. It's funny, it's about 5 times as much as what Dad told me last week that he thought Jimmie's weekly budget should have been. Didn't say anything, ran to the bank, did the withdrawal, and ran it over to her. She asks me when I got there "well, at least one kid of mine gets to go to college. Are you at least happy for your brother?" I told her that I was, but I was also struggling with being jealous. She said she could understand that, but then again he didn't have a wife who made $70k and he just got to stay at home and do whatever he wanted either. I sat there for a minute trying to figure out what she was saying, when it struck me that she was referencing Andy and I. She has no idea of what Andy makes, but even if she did...it just struck a chord with me. I bit my tongue and Deidra and I left shortly after. I came home and told Andy and he said "I think she has some jealousy issues of her own." I told Andy though...when my parents moved to Texas, they left me in MI without a job (I had just lost my job as I was supposed to be in my best friend's wedding and work had me scheduled. I had asked for it off and they wouldn't give it to me. Well, I wasn't just going to not be in her wedding after the dress was already bought and her wedding was the next day and we had been best friend's forever. So, they told me not to come back. My parents were supposed to be moving on Sunday for TX and I got a call at my friend's wedding reception as an emergency phone call. They were leaving right then. If I wanted to say good-bye, I could come home right then. If I didn't want to leave, they'd talk to me later. They knew I just lost my job and had nothing lined up yet and we had literally just walked into the reception hall. I wasn't going to leave the wedding and was horribly mad at me for putting me in that situation. My Mom has apologized to me since then for the way they left me like that, but I just see a lot of double standards lately in the way that I was raised (I think that's one big reason that I have troubles asking for help now...I was never given that option growing up...I did it myself or I didn't do it at all.) My brothers have no problem spending money, not being responsible, and they don't take much seriously. Dad told them a couple weeks back not to ask him for any help with paying for college, if he was going to college, he was going to have to work for it and pay for it like I did. Yet, this week...nope, they're both fumbling all over to give him money, this or that and everything else. Dad says now "I can't keep this from him, he just wants to play football, if I keep him from this he's only going to resent me for it later...your Mom and I have hurt him and Zach too much in the past, I can't do this to him on top of it all."

So, I sit here trying to hand it all over to God. Jimmie moved 2 1/2 hours away to go to college on Sunday. My Mom thinks I'm going through some empty nest syndrome too as I said I was going to miss him. He's been different after he graduated from school. We used to hang out quite a bit...I've only seen him a handfull of times since he graduated now...Mom said I've always been his 2nd Mom and she thinks I'm just getting some empty nest syndrome going on with not wanting him to go. I don't know what it is, but saying my feelings has always been hard for me. I'm trying to be supportive and honest at the same time and yet I find her comments back to me very hurtful. I guess too, I'm going through my own things...I don't have any help or support from her...yet she can be awfully critical at times. I want her to be the Grandma to my kids that I had from my own Grandmother growing up, yet she's gotta be in the right mood it seems to be Grandma. She talks about how selfish she sees Andy sometimes or she can criticize something I do with Deidra, yet it's not ok for me to do it (I let Deidra spend the night at someone's house on a Saturday night and miss church on Sunday), yet I can't tell you the last time my brother's have been to church. Just stuff like that. And the other thing that has Andy really kind of upset is that she kept saying she'd fill out her paperwork and get her background check and CPR class done so that she could come and sit for the kids so Andy and I could go out to dinner after the littles are in bed once in awhile. She said she'd do that for us, if I got background checked and went through safe environment training to help teach her Sunday catechism classes in the church. I did my part, and now she's backed out of doing hers. She doesn't want to deal with the repercussions if any of the kids got hurt or something happened while she was watching them. I told her, nothing would happen, if she waits til they are in bed and even if it did, we'd just write up an incident report. She still says "no."

But, I really did find her comments to be a bit hurtful. I knew if I really responded to it though, we'd wind up in a huge family spat. So, I keep trying to hand it over to God and try not to take anything personally. I'm really trying to get over being jealous. He takes his placement test this morning. They wanted his ACT and TAKS scores, but he never took the ACT test and he couldn't pass the TAKS test so he was excluded from taking it. So, all in all, I do wish him the best and I'll keep praying about it.

And Saturday morning, I had texted my brother and told him that he better come and say his good-byes to me before he left. THey had been in town on Friday night doing school shopping and never bothered to stop by. He texted me a little after 8 pm asking if I was hungry. I had said that I had already eaten and he responded with "ok, then." I was home with the kids by myself at that time anyway so I couldn't have left even if I wanted to. Saturday, he texts me back saying that he had tried to tell me good-bye on Friday night. I explained the situation and he said he'd stop over. I didn't see him all day Saturday. Saturday night around 8:15, I get a text from Mom "Jimmis leaves tomorrow." I wrote her back and told her that I knew that and that I had already talked to him that morning. Meanwhile, I get a text from Jimmie "I left and I'm coming back next weekend so I'll just see you then." Mom writes me back and tells me that he's at the house. I told her I'd have to wait until Andy got back. Meanwhile, Deidra had had a runny nose all day and she asked if she could take her temperature. I thought it was just allergies, so I was surprised when she had almost a 101 degree fever. Jimmie then texts me back that he'll just see me next weekend or did I want to come over. Finally, I text them both back and say "ok, which is it...Jimmie tells me that he left and Mom is telling me that he's at the house?" Mom finally calls me and says "well, where's Andy?" I told her he went to the store and that Deidra was running a fever. Then, her tone changed...oh, well if she's sick you'll probably come down with it too and it's already late and by the time you got here it would be after 9 pm and Jimmie doesn't need to catch anything so it's no big deal. Ok.... Then, I get a text back from Jimmie saying that he left my city not that he left home. He had been with his friend most of the day. So, yup...lets give the sister the guilt trip because I didn't see you to say my good-byes...yet he was in my city shopping Friday night, at his friend's house all day Saturday, and they drove right by my house on Sunday morning to bring him to school. Yup, totally my fault that I didn't go to him...sorry, not going to lay a guilt trip on me for that one. And yet, it's obvious that my Mom is upset with me over it...why? I don't know, but I'll save that for another post later this morning. I'm pretty hurt.

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Monday, August 24, 2009

The first day of school



Here's my peanut D on her first day of 3rd grade!

Wow, what a great day...but I really haven't sat down until now.

6:30 am Deidra woke herself up for school.

6:45 am took Deidra's first day of school picture and she was rearing to go.

6:45 am got the littles their breakfast

7:15 am piled into the van and took Deidra to school...cried after I dropped her off at the door.

7:40 am arrived back at the house

8:00 am did my weekly paperwork

8:30 am got the littles dressed for the day

8:45 am did the dishes and switched the laundry around

9:00 am put Baby T down for a nap as she was extra cranky

9:30 am submitted my weekly paperwork

10:00 am fed the kids an apple for a snack

11:00 am made sure I had everything I needed together for Little E's first day of pre-k

11:05 am took Little E's picture for her first day of pre-k.

11:15 am got Little E to school and waited in the car line for the cafeteria door to open

11:30 am delivered Little E to her first day of pre-k...gave her a hug and a kiss and told her to have a good first day while tears started forming in my eyes. When she saw all the people her eyes got huge and I thought she was going to start crying when she realized that I couldn't go with her, but she was brave and went forward. I was so proud of her! Josiah and Baby T on the other hand were quite upset and throwing temper tantrums galore that they couldn't go with her to school.

11:45 am arrived back home and fed Josiah and Baby T their lunches

12:00 pm Baby T had speech therapy

12:45 pm Baby T had occupational therapy

1:30 pm Josiah had occupational therapy

2:15 pm loaded up the van to go get Deidra from her first day of school.

2:25 pm got into the car line to wait for Deidra

2:45 pm finally got Deidra from schoool and she told me all about her day while we flew over to Little E's school. Deidra's highlight of her first day was that she was thrilled to find out that the twins she went to kindergarten with were at her school now.

3 pm arrived at Little E's school and pulled into the car line

3:20 pm got Little E from school. She was happy to see us and told us all about how she got to drink chocolate milk at school. I asked her "did you have fun?" and she told me "yup, I got to drink chocolate milk at school."

3:30 pm we arrived at Little E's doctor appt

3:50 pm shots for Little E...one more shot in December and she'll be all caught up now.

4:05 pm arrived home and Deidra ran off to her friend's house

4:30 pm read a story to the kids

5:00 pm littles are watching a safety video and I'm making tuna helper for dinner

Andy will be home at 5:45 and we'll eat dinner. The littles will go down for bed at 7 and I go to bible study at 7. Andy is putting the Deeders to bed tonight. It's been a hectic day. A good one, but a hectic one.

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Monday, August 17, 2009

Baby T

Took her to see the ENT today. He said she does have a frenulum, but it's not the problem. She's not tongue-tied. He ordered a hearing test for her and he said we'd go from there.

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Peanut Butter

Andy was doing the budget last night and he says "$20 for peanut butter??" I told him that I had found a gourmet peanut butter site and I was really having some peanut butter cravings and so I decided to order the White Chocolate Wonderful and the Dark Chocolate Dreams. I'm going to get some Marshmallow Fluff next time I'm at Wal-mart and I'm going to try doing grilled peanut butter and fluff sandwiches when it comes in. Someone told me how they make theirs and it sounded interesting to grill them. Andy was laughing at me. Oh well!

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Oh fly lady...

I really enjoy her system of cleaning. She keeps me in line. However, I hate how my hot spots keep piling up. I told Andy we really need to do better about keeping our countertops cleared off and the stuff filed away. All of our foster parent stuff and the kids artwork wind up in one pile on the counter. The kids do have a file that I keep on the wall and they each have their own bin, but it's a pain everytime I have to record stuff to go find that file and pull it out. If I keep it on the bin on the counter and it's right in front of me I tend to remember better. My island countertop hosts all of my big binders that are filled with minimum standards and training materials and school stuff that I'm working on with them. I also have some occupational therapy materials up there that we practice on. My current books that I'm reading along with library books wind up on that counter too.

Then, all of our mail and bills and stuff that needs to be filed winds up on our other hightop counter above the kitchen sink. I hate how cluttered it always looks and yet it seems like whenever I get it cleared off, a few hours later it's back to looking cluttered again. I need to come up with a better system for all that stuff. I just am at a loss of what to do with it all right now.

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What a great weekend!

I was so glad to have Andy home on Friday. Saturday, we just cleaned and did some stuff around the house and Andy mowed the lawn, tried to fix the trimmer, but wound up breaking it further. I think we're going to need a new one. We've had this one for a few years anyway (Dad Davis bought it for us as a housewarming present when we bought our house in Illinois in 2000). Anyway, we were invited over to my new friend's house for dinner with her family. I was so nervous and excited at the same time. I was just praying my kid's would behave. They did wonderfully though and I was very proud of them. Wonderful company, a great dinner, and everybody had fun! Thanks so much, B, for everything! We had a wonderful time!

Sunday, the morning started out rough...all the kids were having their own issues, we wound up really having a battle with Deidra trying to get ready for church. We finally got to church and my Mom got after me for wearing shorts to church. I told her it had been a very rough morning. She told me that was no excuse. Most of the time, we are all dressed very nicely for church...but with the morning we were having, shorts and shirts it turned out to be. Anyway, I wound up crying through the first half of church right along with Deidra. Finally, my Mom reached out and just rubbed my back and I got myself together finally. I just hate mornings like that. Anyway, I kept looking over at Deidra and tears just streamed down her cheeks every so often. When we sat down for the homily, I reached over and tapped her arm and told her to come sit on my lap for a minute. She started crying "I'm sleepy and I'm hungry." I rubbed her back and rocked her a bit and she finally stopped crying and I just prayed that the negative spirits that were upon us would lift and we'd be filled with happier spirits. Within a few minutes, we were all doing better and starting to smile and the tears were gone. The rest of the day went much better. I did wind up grounding Deidra for the day though, so she couldn't go play with anyone. It really bothered her later in the evening when she found out her friend was home after being in CA for 3 weeks. She got to talk to her on the phone for about 5 minutes, but it killed her that she couldn't go down to see her. We just kept reminding her that if she stayed on good behavior the rest of the night, she'd be off of her grounding in the morning. She kept it together.

I signed the kids up for catechism after church with my Mom and I really had a lot of fun doing it. Afterwards, she asked me if I wanted to go to lunch. I told her I didn't have my wallet on me and that I needed to run home first, she told me she'd get it for me. So, we went up to Applebee's and Jimmie (my youngest brother) met us up there. He's trying to get into Lon Morris to go to college this year (I'm resentful...double standards from when I went to college and how he gets to go to college...but I'm trying to give it to God and let it go...it does me no good to have a resentful spirit and I shouldn't be jealous either...so I'm trying to let it go). So, he just wanted to spend some time with us in case he goes next week to college. It was a good time. Mom and I talked about some things and I shared a little with her and I wound up in tears (good tears) at the table. I'm a sap lately. What can I say? God is really working in my life right now...it's great to see the blessings that he is bringing to me and to my family.

After I came home from lunch, I was trying to catch up Little E's and Baby T's scrapbooks. I got March, April, and May done. I just need to do June, July, and August and they'll be caught up. Something is going on with my computer though that I can't quite figure out, so after having to re-do Little E's June layout 3 times and still having a problem, I'm going to wait until hubby is home this afternoon to try again. I did go and order all their layouts from January-May though so I can get them in the mail and into their books.

I'm stressing a bit as I always do before court hearings...I like to have their books in order just in case they go home before a court hearing. But, I just keep telling myself it will all work out. I'm sure their workers would get their pages to them if it came down to it. I need to quit worrying about it.

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Saturday, August 15, 2009

You'd think it would get easier with time...

but seeing that big fat negative pregnancy test still hurts. :-( Yup, I tested a few minutes ago.

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Friday, August 14, 2009

Shoot!!

Well, Andy got Josiah's insurance stuff all figured out...thank the Lord.

However, I was so frazzled that I forgot to go get Baby T's TB test read today. I remembered this morning, but their office doesn't open until 10. So, I just figured I'd take her after MDO today. Josiah was sitting in the kitchen pretending to give Little E a shot and said "we need to get Baby T another TB test." All of a sudden I was like "oh poop!" I look at the clock and realize that they literally just closed. I call and left a message saying that it wasn't red or raised or anything and you could barely tell where they gave it to her. So, I'm hoping they'll still put it down as negative and not make her get a brand new test done come Monday morning. UGH! I think tonight is a good night for a bubble bath after the littles go to bed. Deidra is trying to talk me into letting one of her friends spend the night...I told her that was Daddy's decision when he got home...I just don't know if I have it in me right now. I feel guilty saying that, but her friends always come down here and complain that they're bored here because we have baby toys and Deidra doesn't have all the hi-tech stuff that they do at their house. My solution...go to your own house then...my daughter doesn't need her own Nintendo DS and game cube and her own tv in her room...that's a whole other vent though, so I'll shut up while I'm ahead.

Well, the day wasn't all bad...Deidra and I had a great time together school shopping. I did get a call at noon though saying that Little E was throwing up but didn't have a fever. I let them know that she does that on purpose when she refuses to eat a meal. She refused dinner last night...we told her that was going to be her breakfast this morning...she refused it again this morning, so she went to school hungry. She totally does it on purpose when she is trying to get her way and it's a food issue. They told me they'd try to feed her something and see if it went away. She got up from the table and they assumed she was done and threw her food away. She came back mad saying that they threw away her food. They called me back saying that she just didn't want to eat and so I told them I'd come get her, I just needed to check-out at Walmart first and then I'd be on the way. About 15 minutes later, we get to MDO and the asst. director said "oh we were just going to call you, she's doing better now. She found out you were coming to get her and started dancing around and giggling saying that you were coming ot get her and she was going home." I told her that she didn't want to go in the new teacher's room this morning, she wanted to go in her old teacher's room...throw in the fact that she makes herself sick when she doesn't want to eat her food..and I think she was trying to pull one over on everyone. The program director agreed with me. I told her I'd bring her home if they wanted me to, but I didn't really want to give in to her if she was trying to gain control over the situation that way. She agreed and said they'd call me back if they needed me, but they didnt' have a problem keeping her there. So, Deidra and I went back to school shopping. When it was time to go get them an hour later, Little E came out of her room saying "you need to feed me so that I feel better." We came home and got some fruit snacks and some juice and she gobbled it down and tried to get into some more. Now, it's dinner time and she wanted something and found out she wasn't going to get it. She found out what I was making for dinner instead and promptly told me "I'm not eating that." I told her I'd put it in front of her and what she chose to do was her own decision, but if she made herself sick again she was going to be cleaning it up herself. At least the first part of my day was good...and it's about to be better in another little while after they go to bed and I can get some quiet time. I think I need some wine...I haven't had a glass of wine in awhile.

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3 days late...

Not that this necessarily means anything for me. But, I am a wondering...

why you ask?

Last week I had a dream that I had a baby boy.

This week, I had a dream that I had twin baby girls. I even asked Andy what he supposed that it meant.

I have been getting up to pee in the middle of the night for the past few days...never really thought much of it. Yesterday, my ovaries were killing me and my chest was really sore. Today, my breasts have really been sore. I never had sore boobs before...I only had one incident with Deidra after I found out that I was indeed pregnant and the water caught my chest in the shower and it killed. One and only time I ever had a sore chest. Got to thinking about it today and wondered what date it was. Yup, I was due for AF on the 11th. Didn't even realize that the date had gone past. And yet, I still tell myself...you haven't used birth control accept for a short time after Deidra was born...you can't possibly be pregnant. Guess, I should test in the morning and see what the test stick says.

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And people are in favor of a government run health care system?

We got a packet in the mail last week saying that we needed to pick a doctor/counselor to be in charge of Josiah's behavioral health. I called some places and left messages to see who I felt most comfortable treating him. When he was adopted, he gets a new form of Medicaid. Anyway, they sent another letter today saying that if they didn't hear from us by August 20, they'd drop him to a lower level of services. Well, I decided to call today and tell them who we were going to use. They verify his address and ask what relationship I am to him. They tell me that there's been some sort of mistake or something, but that he can't be enrolled today as I'm not on their list as someone who can make his medical decisions. I told them that I was the adoptive mother, the whole time we fostered him I was listed as his primary medical consenter and I have the adoption papers with the judge's signature listing Andy and I as his adoptive parents. I asked them if Andy was on their list and she said she couldn't tell me anything. She asked if I had any other questions and I got snippy...I told her "well, I guess you can't answer them anyway even if I did now could you??" UGHHHHH! I have Andy calling them now to see if he's on their list. And people want a government run health care system??

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Thursday, August 13, 2009

What Odor?

I love this stuff!

https://www.whatodor.com

We saw an episode of Pitchmen and decided to give it a try. One of our cats had had an accident in the playroom and nothing I was trying would get the smell totally out. I have a very sensitive nose as well, so I could still smell it even when Andy and Deidra said that they didn't smell anything. We got our order and gave it a try. It really does work on cat urine. Andy even sprays the cat boxes with it when he's scraping their boxes and it really does take care of the smell. I spray it in the garbage cans, I've used it in the van after one of the kids had a poopy diaper and the smell wouldn't leave the van. I'm a believer and we'll definitely be ordering more! I just had to share as I really do like this stuff and it really does work!

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OT Re-evaluations

The OT came out on Monday and did their re-evaluations.

She said Josiah's biggest thing was his sensory issues, but he's testing at 24 months in some areas and as well as 30 months in others. She said his behaviors and his ADHD continue to be a problem for him.

Little E is testing around 30 months and as well as 36 months in some areas. She's about a year and a half behind. She's really struggling with pre-k skills and the OT is really wondering how she's going to handle school with her behaviors. She's thinking that Little E needs behavioral therapy 2-3 times a week. She just thinks discipline is a game and it really inhibits her from learning that she just doesn't listen and follow directions at all.

Baby T is testing around 18 months and as well as 24 months. She's about a year and a half behind as well. She said that her speech is really inhibiting her as well as she can't follow directions either. She said that a shape sorter is easily an 18 month skill and Baby T can't even do that without help. I told her that's what is so frustrating. We do that shape sorter at least once a day and she'll grin at you the whole time you're doing it, but she can't match up the shape and know which hole to put it in...she picks up the piece and tries each hole before she can make it fit.

I don't know...I do so much with them and while I knew that they were behind, it's hard to see that they're still THIS FAR behind. But, we will keep plugging away.

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Tuesday, August 11, 2009

And they're happy and Momma is happy...

We learned a lot at our training this weekend. We had to take Common Sense parenting. One of the concepts they teach is to catch the kids in the act of doing something good and after a praise session, they can also draw out of a reward jar. They gave ideas on stuff that doesn't cost money and some do cost money...ovbiously you could do whatever you wanted. Most of mine don't cost money, but it gives them extra one-on-one time with us or extra time to do something fun. However, I did throw a few ideas from the money list in there as well...new toy from Wal-mart, a toy from the $1 store, out for ice cream, slushies, new book, happy meal from McDonalds or a treat from Sonic. Well, we went out to the grocery store today and I decided we would deam some of the money treats while we were out. I felt badly that Little E kept losing out on her treats and she only had one on the list whereas the other kids have 3-5 on theirs. But, hopefully it will get her to learn that she doesn't want to have to jar out of Mom's special chore jar everytime she does something wrong or to spend time in her "calm down zone." Anyway, as it turned out today that all the kids had something to redeem and they were on their best behavior. Deidra and Josiah each had drawn the new toy from Wal-mart. Deidra got a Planet Earth mommy and baby fox. Josiah got a new Thomas the Train video that came with his own Thomas train. Baby T got a trip to the $1 store so Mommy got her a baby doll and a bottle. She loves her babies! Little E earned a happy meal from McDonalds. They are all happy and Momma is happy that they are behaving so well.

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Novena to the Holy Infant of Prague--Day 9

O Jesus, Who has said, "Ask and you shall receive, seek and you shall find, knock and it shall be opened," through the intercession of Mary, Your Most Holy Mother, I knock, I seek, I ask that my prayer be granted.

I pray that my parents will be reunited in love and that are family will be restored. I pray that my own marriage will stay strong and that we only grow more in love as time goes on. I pray for my children that they will always stay close to You,Jesus, and I pray that everyone involved in Baby T and Little E's case does the best by them and keeps their best interests at heart. I also pray that our family will stay free of any allegations and investigations while we are are on our foster care journey.

O Jesus, Who has said, "All that you ask of the Father in My Name, He will grant you," through the intercession of Mary Your Most Holy Mother, I humbly and urgently ask your Father in your name that my prayer will be granted.


I pray that my parents will be reunited in love and that are family will be restored. I pray that my own marriage will stay strong and that we only grow more in love as time goes on. I pray for my children that they will always stay close to You,Jesus, and I pray that everyone involved in Baby T and Little E's case does the best by them and keeps their best interests at heart. I also pray that our family will stay free of any allegations and investigations while we are are on our foster care journey.


O Jesus, Who has said, "Heaven and earth shall pass away but My word shall not pass away," through the intercession of Mary Your Most Holy Mother, I feel confident that my prayer will be granted.


I pray that my parents will be reunited in love and that are family will be restored. I pray that my own marriage will stay strong and that we only grow more in love as time goes on. I pray for my children that they will always stay close to You,Jesus, and I pray that everyone involved in Baby T and Little E's case does the best by them and keeps their best interests at heart. I also pray that our family will stay free of any allegations and investigations while we are are on our foster care journey.


PRAYER OF THANKSGIVING

Divine Infant Jesus, I know You love me and would never leave me. I thank You for Your close Presence in my life.

Miraculous Infant, I believe in Your promise of peace, blessings, and freedom from want. I place every need and care in Your hands.

Lord Jesus, may I always trust in Your generous mercy and love. I want to honor and praise You, now and forever. Amen.

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Some things that I am thankful for...

God is truly working with my parents. They resolved their arguments from the last week and realized that they both had misunderstood each other. They are taking things slowly and giving each other time, but God has been telling me that with time it will all be ok. They had a great weekend together. We hd a great time at their cook-out on Sunday afternoon as well. It was nice...Dad cooked the whole meal and Andy made the pie that I wanted to take over because I was so busy that day and I wanted to bring something over. My brother is always asking me for pie anyway. It was a great meal and great time spent togther.

My Dad is back in Texas. He's going to still be living out of his truck, but he will be able to be around all of us more. God is definitely working with him. I have had more conversations lately that I never would have had with him years ago. He is really developing his own personal relationship with God. It's a blessing to see.

I prayed for a friend here in Texas and God has brought one to me. I love hanging out with her and I can see us becoming great friends. Beth, I'm so glad to have your friendship. You are a beautiful person and I feel blessed to have your friendship!

I'm glad that Josiah is ours now and that he is making some small steps forward. He is a blessing. He is a handfull and a half, but he is a true blessing. I love that little boy and when he smiles at you, you just can't help but smile back at him.

I'm thankful for the huge help that Deidra has been this summer. Sometimes she just amazes me at how good she is with her brother and her sisters. She can calm them down sometimes even when I can't and they all just love her. Of course, she's good at getting them all riled up too. But, she really has been a big helper this summer.

I'm also thankful for a training class that we went to over the weekend at our agency. Neither Andy or I really wanted to go, but we left with renewed hope on new ways to deal with discipline and getting some of our behaviors that we're dealing with under control. It was also nice to share and laugh with the other foster parents. It was good! Deidra has really been responding well to it also.

Thank you, Abba, for all the blessings in my life and I pray for blessings for all my friends and family as well.

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God Speaks...

Bible study has really been a big blessing to me. I have a Daily Devotional that I got about a month ago from Kay Arthur that I have been trying to read daily as well. It's so neat to see that some of what I am learning in Bible Study is also appearing in my devotional. We just studied the "Follow Me" command and it also appeared in my devotional. God is really laying a lot on my heart lately and I hear it confirmed through some of my Christian friends too that are also trying to do similar things. (Spending more time away from tv, doing more for others, getting off the computer more, just stuff like that). I have a few ideas in my head about some things. I'll share as we start to plant our seeds. I've had a lot on my mind lately and have just been trying to give it back to God...God doesn't want us to worry...he just wants us to have faith and trust in Him. So, I've been trying to do that more. I love it when I read something and know that He is totally speaking to me and letting me know that He is taking care of my worries and of me or whoever I have been worrying about. God has truly blessed me and I love it when I He speaks to me.

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Monday, August 10, 2009

Holy Infant of Prague--Day 8

O Jesus, Who has said, "Ask and you shall receive, seek and you shall find, knock and it shall be opened," through the intercession of Mary, Your Most Holy Mother, I knock, I seek, I ask that my prayer be granted.

I pray that my parents will be reunited in love and that are family will be restored. I pray that my own marriage will stay strong and that we only grow more in love as time goes on. I pray for my children that they will always stay close to You,Jesus, and I pray that everyone involved in Baby T and Little E's case does the best by them and keeps their best interests at heart. I also pray that our family will stay free of any allegations and investigations while we are are on our foster care journey.

O Jesus, Who has said, "All that you ask of the Father in My Name, He will grant you," through the intercession of Mary Your Most Holy Mother, I humbly and urgently ask your Father in your name that my prayer will be granted.


I pray that my parents will be reunited in love and that are family will be restored. I pray that my own marriage will stay strong and that we only grow more in love as time goes on. I pray for my children that they will always stay close to You,Jesus, and I pray that everyone involved in Baby T and Little E's case does the best by them and keeps their best interests at heart. I also pray that our family will stay free of any allegations and investigations while we are are on our foster care journey.


O Jesus, Who has said, "Heaven and earth shall pass away but My word shall not pass away," through the intercession of Mary Your Most Holy Mother, I feel confident that my prayer will be granted.


I pray that my parents will be reunited in love and that are family will be restored. I pray that my own marriage will stay strong and that we only grow more in love as time goes on. I pray for my children that they will always stay close to You,Jesus, and I pray that everyone involved in Baby T and Little E's case does the best by them and keeps their best interests at heart. I also pray that our family will stay free of any allegations and investigations while we are are on our foster care journey.


PRAYER OF THANKSGIVING

Divine Infant Jesus, I know You love me and would never leave me. I thank You for Your close Presence in my life.

Miraculous Infant, I believe in Your promise of peace, blessings, and freedom from want. I place every need and care in Your hands.

Lord Jesus, may I always trust in Your generous mercy and love. I want to honor and praise You, now and forever. Amen.

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Holy Infant of Prague--Day 7

Lord, please forgive me for not getting to this yesterday. Please accept this in honor of yesterday's prayers and I will say today's in a bit.

O Jesus, Who has said, "Ask and you shall receive, seek and you shall find, knock and it shall be opened," through the intercession of Mary, Your Most Holy Mother, I knock, I seek, I ask that my prayer be granted.

I pray that my parents will be reunited in love and that are family will be restored. I pray that my own marriage will stay strong and that we only grow more in love as time goes on. I pray for my children that they will always stay close to You,Jesus, and I pray that everyone involved in Baby T and Little E's case does the best by them and keeps their best interests at heart. I also pray that our family will stay free of any allegations and investigations while we are are on our foster care journey.

O Jesus, Who has said, "All that you ask of the Father in My Name, He will grant you," through the intercession of Mary Your Most Holy Mother, I humbly and urgently ask your Father in your name that my prayer will be granted.


I pray that my parents will be reunited in love and that are family will be restored. I pray that my own marriage will stay strong and that we only grow more in love as time goes on. I pray for my children that they will always stay close to You,Jesus, and I pray that everyone involved in Baby T and Little E's case does the best by them and keeps their best interests at heart. I also pray that our family will stay free of any allegations and investigations while we are are on our foster care journey.


O Jesus, Who has said, "Heaven and earth shall pass away but My word shall not pass away," through the intercession of Mary Your Most Holy Mother, I feel confident that my prayer will be granted.


I pray that my parents will be reunited in love and that are family will be restored. I pray that my own marriage will stay strong and that we only grow more in love as time goes on. I pray for my children that they will always stay close to You,Jesus, and I pray that everyone involved in Baby T and Little E's case does the best by them and keeps their best interests at heart. I also pray that our family will stay free of any allegations and investigations while we are are on our foster care journey.


PRAYER OF THANKSGIVING

Divine Infant Jesus, I know You love me and would never leave me. I thank You for Your close Presence in my life.

Miraculous Infant, I believe in Your promise of peace, blessings, and freedom from want. I place every need and care in Your hands.

Lord Jesus, may I always trust in Your generous mercy and love. I want to honor and praise You, now and forever. Amen.

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Saturday, August 08, 2009

What a great day!

I got up bright and early and went to bible study at 6 am. Lots to ponder and it was wonderful! I'll share more when I have more time. Then, I came home and get the kids dressed to go to training up at our foster care agency. We had to take Common Sense Parenting. Andy and I really didn't feel like going, but it didn't turn out that badly. Lots of laughs, sharing, and we came away with a renewed spirit of things to try with some behaviors going on in the house. Came home and took a nap. Got up and got the kids up...the girls' baby brother got picked up and then we sat around the table talking about our training today and some things that we were going to implement. Put the girls to bed as they refused to eat their dinner, Josiah got to stay up a bit later as a reward for being good and eating all his dinner and he got a popsicle...then I read to Deidra for awhile. We're starting Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farms. We read the first chapter and then she fell asleep on the couch. I'm going to spend some time with Andy before heading to bed here myself.

Tomorrow, we have church, and then I have to help sign the kids up for catechism tomorrow after both masses. Then, I have to come home and do a clothing inventory on both the girls, and then we're going to my Mom's for a cook-out with my brothers and my parents.

It's been a great weekend so far...complete with a great night out last night with a friend. It was exactly what I needed!

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Novena to the Holy Infant of Prague--Day 6

O Jesus, Who has said, "Ask and you shall receive, seek and you shall find, knock and it shall be opened," through the intercession of Mary, Your Most Holy Mother, I knock, I seek, I ask that my prayer be granted.

I pray that my parents will be reunited in love and that are family will be restored. I pray that my own marriage will stay strong and that we only grow more in love as time goes on. I pray for my children that they will always stay close to You,Jesus, and and I pray that everyone involved in Baby T and Little E's case does the best by them and keeps their best interests at heart. I also pray that our family will stay free of any allegations and investigations while we are are on our foster care journey.

O Jesus, Who has said, "All that you ask of the Father in My Name, He will grant you," through the intercession of Mary Your Most Holy Mother, I humbly and urgently ask your Father in your name that my prayer will be granted.


I pray that my parents will be reunited in love and that are family will be restored. I pray that my own marriage will stay strong and that we only grow more in love as time goes on. I pray for my children that they will always stay close to You,Jesus, and I pray that everyone involved in Baby T and Little E's case does the best by them and keeps their best interests at heart. I also pray that our family will stay free of any allegations and investigations while we are are on our foster care journey.


O Jesus, Who has said, "Heaven and earth shall pass away but My word shall not pass away," through the intercession of Mary Your Most Holy Mother, I feel confident that my prayer will be granted.


I pray that my parents will be reunited in love and that are family will be restored. I pray that my own marriage will stay strong and that we only grow more in love as time goes on. I pray for my children that they will always stay close to You,Jesus, and I pray that everyone involved in Baby T and Little E's case does the best by them and keeps their best interests at heart. I also pray that our family will stay free of any allegations and investigations while we are are on our foster care journey.


PRAYER OF THANKSGIVING

Divine Infant Jesus, I know You love me and would never leave me. I thank You for Your close Presence in my life.

Miraculous Infant, I believe in Your promise of peace, blessings, and freedom from want. I place every need and care in Your hands.

Lord Jesus, may I always trust in Your generous mercy and love. I want to honor and praise You, now and forever. Amen.

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Friday, August 07, 2009

I pray he gets in...

Josiah is doing a bit better (read my previous posts), but we're still dealing with so many behavioral issues, his defiance, and his behaviors really get in the way of him progressing in therapy and so forth. I just wonder sometimes what we're truly dealing with. His psychiatrist says he's ADHD, my OT says she wonders if he isn't bi-polar and that he definitely is way over the top with some of his behaviors. She also was the one that told me that he had the sensory integration disorder and areas to work with him on. Reading some of Mom's history, I wonder what's really going on. My OT told me about the Child Study Center in Fort Worth and told me that she thought it would be a good idea to have him evaluated there. I filled out an 11 page evaluation on him...they asked for a lot of family history that I just didn't have. I asked my OT for help answering some of the questions and she helped me out a great deal. They asked what age he seemed to function at and she thought he acted more like 2 than a 3 year old and there's still some stuff he really struggles with...she mentioned some stuff and I put it in the comments area. Like he still struggles with feeding himself and with fine motor skills and he is constantly melting down over something...he really seems to have trouble coping with things when he's mad over not getting his way. She told me just to answer as best as I could and she thought that they'd take him. I pray she's right. I just want to know what we're truly dealing with...I just want to be able to help him the best way that I can and I feel like I need to know what is truly going on with him to be able to do that. I sent his paperwork in today, so I pray that we hear something soon.

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MDO starts again...

The littles start back up going to MDO today. It's just Deidra and I for the day. Woo hoo! My Dad has moved back to Texas and got in late last night, so I think we're going to spend some time with him this morning for a little bit. Then, I'm going to come home and try to spend some time putting laundry away and mopping the kitchen floor. Stuff that's easier to do without the littles around. Then, the girls' baby brother is coming to spend tonight with us and we'll have him until tomorrow. Also, tonight, I get Mommy night off with my new friend. :-) Today is going to be a GOOD day!

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Novena to the Holy Infant of Prague--Day 5

O Jesus, Who has said, "Ask and you shall receive, seek and you shall find, knock and it shall be opened," through the intercession of Mary, Your Most Holy Mother, I knock, I seek, I ask that my prayer be granted.

I pray that my parents will be reunited in love and that are family will be restored. I pray that my own marriage will stay strong and that we only grow more in love as time goes on. I pray for my children that they will always stay close to You,Jesus, and I pray that everyone involved in Baby T and Little E's case does the best by them and keeps their best interests at heart. I also pray that our family will stay free of any allegations and investigations while we are are on our foster care journey.

O Jesus, Who has said, "All that you ask of the Father in My Name, He will grant you," through the intercession of Mary Your Most Holy Mother, I humbly and urgently ask your Father in your name that my prayer will be granted.


I pray that my parents will be reunited in love and that are family will be restored. I pray that my own marriage will stay strong and that we only grow more in love as time goes on. I pray for my children that they will always stay close to You,Jesus, and I pray that everyone involved in Baby T and Little E's case does the best by them and keeps their best interests at heart. I also pray that our family will stay free of any allegations and investigations while we are are on our foster care journey.


O Jesus, Who has said, "Heaven and earth shall pass away but My word shall not pass away," through the intercession of Mary Your Most Holy Mother, I feel confident that my prayer will be granted.


I pray that my parents will be reunited in love and that are family will be restored. I pray that my own marriage will stay strong and that we only grow more in love as time goes on. I pray for my children that they will always stay close to You,Jesus, and I pray that everyone involved in Baby T and Little E's case does the best by them and keeps their best interests at heart. I also pray that our family will stay free of any allegations and investigations while we are are on our foster care journey.


PRAYER OF THANKSGIVING

Divine Infant Jesus, I know You love me and would never leave me. I thank You for Your close Presence in my life.

Miraculous Infant, I believe in Your promise of peace, blessings, and freedom from want. I place every need and care in Your hands.

Lord Jesus, may I always trust in Your generous mercy and love. I want to honor and praise You, now and forever. Amen.

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Thursday, August 06, 2009

Novena to the Holy Infant of Prague--Day 4

O Jesus, Who has said, "Ask and you shall receive, seek and you shall find, knock and it shall be opened," through the intercession of Mary, Your Most Holy Mother, I knock, I seek, I ask that my prayer be granted.

I pray that my parents will be reunited in love and that are family will be restored. I pray that my own marriage will stay strong and that we only grow more in love as time goes on. I pray for my children that they will always stay close to You,Jesus, and I pray that everyone involved in Baby T and Little E's case does the best by them and keeps their best interests at heart. I also pray that our family will stay free of any allegations and investigations while we are are on our foster care journey.

O Jesus, Who has said, "All that you ask of the Father in My Name, He will grant you," through the intercession of Mary Your Most Holy Mother, I humbly and urgently ask your Father in your name that my prayer will be granted.


I pray that my parents will be reunited in love and that are family will be restored. I pray that my own marriage will stay strong and that we only grow more in love as time goes on. I pray for my children that they will always stay close to You,Jesus, and I pray that everyone involved in Baby T and Little E's case does the best by them and keeps their best interests at heart. I also pray that our family will stay free of any allegations and investigations while we are are on our foster care journey.


O Jesus, Who has said, "Heaven and earth shall pass away but My word shall not pass away," through the intercession of Mary Your Most Holy Mother, I feel confident that my prayer will be granted.


I pray that my parents will be reunited in love and that are family will be restored. I pray that my own marriage will stay strong and that we only grow more in love as time goes on. I pray for my children that they will always stay close to You,Jesus, and I pray that everyone involved in Baby T and Little E's case does the best by them and keeps their best interests at heart. I also pray that our family will stay free of any allegations and investigations while we are are on our foster care journey.


PRAYER OF THANKSGIVING

Divine Infant Jesus, I know You love me and would never leave me. I thank You for Your close Presence in my life.

Miraculous Infant, I believe in Your promise of peace, blessings, and freedom from want. I place every need and care in Your hands.

Lord Jesus, may I always trust in Your generous mercy and love. I want to honor and praise You, now and forever. Amen.

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Lord, give me patience today...

Baby T is still fussing up a storm. She got up this morning crying that she was poopy. Then, she is fussing that she doesn't want to eat and she started a huge fit. Then, I told Little E that it was a visit day and she started yelling that her tummy hurt. Normally they get excited to go to their visits. I walked out of the kitchen and told them I had to go potty and Baby T started SCREAMING because I was leaving the room and then Little E wanted me to hold her. She got on my lap and wrapped her arms around my neck, prompty explained that she needed to throw up and I took her into the bathroom. She didn't do anything, but spit up the chewed food that she had in her mouth. I told her that's not really throwing up. She wanted back on my lap. Things settled down for a bit. I'm drying their clothes and then am going to give them a bath and get them ready to go to their visit. Deidra's still in bed (she slept over at a friend's house the night before last and something tells me they didn't get much sleep as Deidra was pretty grumpy yesterday when I went to get her from the neighbors and we weren't in the car 5 minutes and she was asleep). Little E just started yelling at me that she was going to wake Deidra up so they could get ready for their visit. I told her we still had about an hour before we had to leave. Josiah fell asleep again and I'd like to have him nap for a bit so he's not grouchy later. Please let the girls visit go well and give them a sense of peace today. I pray that Baby T's crying bouts will lessen as well and that Little E will listen better today and not be so defiant. She's really been giving her Mom a hard time during visits as well the past month. Lord, I just pray for lots of peace, patience, love, and compassion for our family today.

My Dad is due in town as well and I pray that him and Mom can reconcile their differences and their arguments from this past week. They both can get so judgmental of one another over their text messages. I keep telling them that they need to talk things out in person so there are no misunderstandings and criticism over something that needn't get so many upset feelings when it's really nothing. Of course, I get to hear both sides and try to keep the peace and I don't always like being put in the middle either. However, I talk to them both and I get bits and pieces of what is going on from both of them and of course they think one thing when I know what the other was really thinking at the time because I've heard it...so I get to be the peace keeper. Lord, give me peace to know how to deal with all of this. Since I'm the oldest of us kids, and I have a family of my own, I think I see and understand more than my brothers so I'm the one my parents pick to talk to about all of this, but sometimes it really burdens my heart with it all too. I just pray for reconciliation between them so that our family can be restored.

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Novena to the Holy Infant of Prague--Day 3

Lord, I meant to do this last night and completely forgot. I will say this one in honor of yesterday and later this afternoon, I will say it again in honor of today.

O Jesus, Who has said, "Ask and you shall receive, seek and you shall find, knock and it shall be opened," through the intercession of Mary, Your Most Holy Mother, I knock, I seek, I ask that my prayer be granted.

I pray that my parents will be reunited in love and that are family will be restored. I pray that my own marriage will stay strong and that we only grow more in love as time goes on. I pray for my children that they will always stay close to You,Jesus, and I pray that everyone involved in Baby T and Little E's case does the best by them and keeps their best interests at heart. I also pray that our family will stay free of any allegations and investigations while we are are on our foster care journey.

O Jesus, Who has said, "All that you ask of the Father in My Name, He will grant you," through the intercession of Mary Your Most Holy Mother, I humbly and urgently ask your Father in your name that my prayer will be granted.


I pray that my parents will be reunited in love and that are family will be restored. I pray that my own marriage will stay strong and that we only grow more in love as time goes on. I pray for my children that they will always stay close to You,Jesus, and I pray that everyone involved in Baby T and Little E's case does the best by them and keeps their best interests at heart. I also pray that our family will stay free of any allegations and investigations while we are are on our foster care journey.


O Jesus, Who has said, "Heaven and earth shall pass away but My word shall not pass away," through the intercession of Mary Your Most Holy Mother, I feel confident that my prayer will be granted.


I pray that my parents will be reunited in love and that are family will be restored. I pray that my own marriage will stay strong and that we only grow more in love as time goes on. I pray for my children that they will always stay close to You,Jesus, and I pray that everyone involved in Baby T and Little E's case does the best by them and keeps their best interests at heart. I also pray that our family will stay free of any allegations and investigations while we are are on our foster care journey.


PRAYER OF THANKSGIVING

Divine Infant Jesus, I know You love me and would never leave me. I thank You for Your close Presence in my life.

Miraculous Infant, I believe in Your promise of peace, blessings, and freedom from want. I place every need and care in Your hands.

Lord Jesus, may I always trust in Your generous mercy and love. I want to honor and praise You, now and forever. Amen.

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Wednesday, August 05, 2009

Just a brag on my baby boy...

Josiah can be so very sweet when he wants to be. We're still dealing with a lot of defiance and he can be very argumentative, but that's not what this post is about.

My Mom went to Oklahoma with us and she had told me she was a bit nervous about riding up with us because of how Josiah used to squeel and shriek and it would put you on edge and give you a headache with how loud he is. But, she noticed that he's gotten a lot better with that. I told her too that something that hit me the other day was that he was no longer rocking his seat across my kitchen floor as well when he was mad or he wanted to get into something. It's been a couple of months since he's done that. And he's also quit smearing his poo everywhere. He's almost got potty training down (just needs to start pooping in the potty). Andy had to go in to work really early this morning as he had some moves to do. I really thought that Josiah was going to be up early too. Thankfully, he slept and then he came and got me around 6:30. I woke up with a headache so I just wanted to sleep for a few minutes. He says "Mommy, I'll lay down by you." He laid there for a half an hour being really quiet and then when he saw me moving around more, he asked me for hugs and kisses and we played with his dinosaur and Diego for a minute or two. He was just being so sweet. I love moments like those with him. When we got up he proudly disclaimed "Mommy, I am going to be a good boy today and I have sparkly teeth!" I took his hand and we went and got the girls up. It was nice to have cuddle time with him this morning.

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Tuesday, August 04, 2009

Novena to the Holy Infant of Prague--Day 2

O Jesus, Who has said, "Ask and you shall receive, seek and you shall find, knock and it shall be opened," through the intercession of Mary, Your Most Holy Mother, I knock, I seek, I ask that my prayer be granted.

I pray that my parents will be reunited in love and that are family will be restored. I pray that my own marriage will stay strong and that we only grow more in love as time goes on. I pray for my children that they will always stay close to You,Jesus, and I pray that everyone involved in Baby T and Little E's case does the best by them and keeps their best interests at heart. I also pray that our family will stay free of any allegations and investigations while we are are on our foster care journey.

O Jesus, Who has said, "All that you ask of the Father in My Name, He will grant you," through the intercession of Mary Your Most Holy Mother, I humbly and urgently ask your Father in your name that my prayer will be granted.


I pray that my parents will be reunited in love and that are family will be restored. I pray that my own marriage will stay strong and that we only grow more in love as time goes on. I pray for my children that they will always stay close to You,Jesus, and I pray that everyone involved in Baby T and Little E's case does the best by them and keeps their best interests at heart. I also pray that our family will stay free of any allegations and investigations while we are are on our foster care journey.


O Jesus, Who has said, "Heaven and earth shall pass away but My word shall not pass away," through the intercession of Mary Your Most Holy Mother, I feel confident that my prayer will be granted.


I pray that my parents will be reunited in love and that are family will be restored. I pray that my own marriage will stay strong and that we only grow more in love as time goes on. I pray for my children that they will always stay close to You,Jesus, and I pray that everyone involved in Baby T and Little E's case does the best by them and keeps their best interests at heart. I also pray that our family will stay free of any allegations and investigations while we are are on our foster care journey.


PRAYER OF THANKSGIVING

Divine Infant Jesus, I know You love me and would never leave me. I thank You for Your close Presence in my life.

Miraculous Infant, I believe in Your promise of peace, blessings, and freedom from want. I place every need and care in Your hands.

Lord Jesus, may I always trust in Your generous mercy and love. I want to honor and praise You, now and forever. Amen.

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Yuck!

I woke up and sent Andy off to work. Josiah asked if he could come downstairs and I said yes. He walked over to the girls bedroom and opened their door for them....he immediately said "ew, Mommy come see what Baby T did." I go upstairs and it smelled like rotten fish. I peak in their room and she is just covered in poo. It was all over in her bed, her blankets...it was all up her bed and leaked through her clothes. I got her in the tub and all cleaned up and in a fresh pull-up and I sat her down to eat. This can be common for her so I didn't really think anything of it. I got some laundry going and made them some oatmeal to eat. She asked me for help (she's still not great with utensils) and I spooned about 5 bites in her mouth over the course of a couple of minutes. I went to give her another bite and she proceeded to barf. So, we cleaned that all up. Then, she was crying for more food. I told her we were going to give her tummy a little break and then I'd give her some juice to sip on instead. Thankfully, that stayed down. Poor little thing and Little E will not quit badgering her today. I just hope now that I have her bedding all cleaned up, that it will stay that way. But, if it doesn't, I guess we'll be doing laundry again. She has continued the horrible diarrhea all day long though. I feel bad for her. Now, if I can just get Little E to quit bothering her and understand that she is not feeling well and needs to be left alone.

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Monday, August 03, 2009

Novena to the Holy Infant of Prague--Day 1


O Jesus, Who has said, "Ask and you shall receive, seek and you shall find, knock and it shall be opened," through the intercession of Mary, Your Most Holy Mother, I knock, I seek, I ask that my prayer be granted.

I pray that my parents will be reunited in love and that are family will be restored. I pray that my own marriage will stay strong and that we only grow more in love as time goes on. I pray for my children that they will always stay close to You,Jesus, and I pray that everyone involved in Baby T and Little E's case does the best by them and keeps their best interests at heart. I also pray that our family will stay free of any allegations and investigations while we are are on our foster care journey.

O Jesus, Who has said, "All that you ask of the Father in My Name, He will grant you," through the intercession of Mary Your Most Holy Mother, I humbly and urgently ask your Father in your name that my prayer will be granted.


I pray that my parents will be reunited in love and that are family will be restored. I pray that my own marriage will stay strong and that we only grow more in love as time goes on. I pray for my children that they will always stay close to You,Jesus, and I pray that everyone involved in Baby T and Little E's case does the best by them and keeps their best interests at heart. I also pray that our family will stay free of any allegations and investigations while we are are on our foster care journey.


O Jesus, Who has said, "Heaven and earth shall pass away but My word shall not pass away," through the intercession of Mary Your Most Holy Mother, I feel confident that my prayer will be granted.


I pray that my parents will be reunited in love and that are family will be restored. I pray that my own marriage will stay strong and that we only grow more in love as time goes on. I pray for my children that they will always stay close to You,Jesus, and I pray that everyone involved in Baby T and Little E's case does the best by them and keeps their best interests at heart. I also pray that our family will stay free of any allegations and investigations while we are are on our foster care journey.


PRAYER OF THANKSGIVING

Divine Infant Jesus, I know You love me and would never leave me. I thank You for Your close Presence in my life.

Miraculous Infant, I believe in Your promise of peace, blessings, and freedom from want. I place every need and care in Your hands.

Lord Jesus, may I always trust in Your generous mercy and love. I want to honor and praise You, now and forever. Amen.

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Crab, Crab, Whine, Whine...

Crab, Crab, Whine, Whine, that's the sound of the kids screamin' in the house (to the tune of that's the sound of the men workin' on the train). What a day it has been with the kids today and I am so proud of myself...I didn't even yell once.

The kids got up bright and early this morning, Baby T wasn't even up 15 minutes before she got put back to bed because she couldn't stop her crying. Little E was in time out right off the bat too as she refuses to listen and follow directions. Josiah has been squeeling and crying over everything. I knew it was that they were overtired from us being gone over the weekend. I got Baby T up to go to the store really quick as we were out of garbage bags and she only had one pull-up left and we needed milk and juice. Little E starts throwing a fit about having to get her shoes on to go to the store. I pick her and her shoes up and deposit her in the van and she starts SCREAMING! Baby T in turn starts crying very loudly and Josiah starts crying (sympathy cries??). I pull out of the driveway and Josiah is asleep. Yup, that's what I thought. We drive the 2 minutes to Wal-mart and get out and I grab the stuff we need and we run it home. I told the kids I was going to run the groceries in, grab the papers that I needed for Baby T's appt and then we were going to take Baby T to the doctor. The whole way to the doctor's appt Baby T is SCREAMING because she wants to tell me how and where to go when I'm driving. I get to the doctor's office and the door is locked. They don't open til 10 and her appt was at 10. They start fussing again and Josiah will not quit messing with the door. They finally open the door and call us back and Josiah gets mad about something and then gets mad when I go to pick him up and he flings his shoes off his feet. Baby T is screaming because I let go of her hand and Little E is yelling "I don't WANT to go back there...I'm not done playing out here." I finally get them back there and they need to weigh Baby T and she literally starts screaming and jumping up and down over having to stand on the scale. At this point, I considered ripping out my hair. I stood her on the scale and they got her weight and we get our room. She starts SCREAMING because we're going in a room. The other kids start playing. Little E decides all the toys are hers and she doesn't want to share and she's acting up because she's refusing to share and I'm making her do it. Finally, I get her to come sit on the chair next to me and I had Baby T on my lap. Deidra is playing with Josiah and they are stacking the stacking rings up high. Little E sticks her foot out ever so slyly and proceeds to knock it over just to be mean. Josiah starts crying and hollering. So, I sit Baby T down in the chair and have Little E come sit on my lap and she starts screaming at the top of her lungs "you're hurting me, you're making my leg bleed." Now for the record...she was sitting on my lap, I wasn't forcing her to sit there or anything and she made me put my arms loosely around her so she'd feel more secure...she waasn't being forced to sit on my lap in any way...I wasn't holding her down. And her leg wasn't bleeding. At this point the doctor decided to walk in...Josiah is still hollering about his toys being knocked down, Baby T is hollering because she's no longer on my lap and I have her sitting in the chair next to me, and Little E is hollering because her leg is supposedly bleeding, which it wasn't. The doctor says to me "wow, what is going on in here...I wasn't sure I should even enter with all the noise going on in here." How embarrassing!! Baby T proceeds to throw a fit when the doctor has to look at her mouth and I had to hold her head so she'd quit moving. We both kept telling her that nobody was going to hurt her. We talked for a few minutes and she says "well, I think you're right that she's tongue-tied...she's pretty tight and her tongue won't even go to the roof of her mouth." She is referring us to an ENT to let him decide if she needs to be clipped or not. We go to leave and the kids want suckers...well, I wasn't rewarding them for acting that way so yet more temper tantrums happen out in the waiting room. I had to get Deidra to get Josiah for me so that I could pick up Baby T and get Little E's hand and get them out to the car. She has been such a big helper lately...I don't know what I'm going to do when she has to go back to school in another couple of weeks.

We come home and I feed the kids their lunch as Baby T had a speech appt coming up and then all the littles had occupational therapy. Baby T refuses to eat and sits and cries and cries until I put her up in her room to calm down. Little E and Josiah ate just fine but then they wanted other stuff and they didn't want to listen when I said no and all I kept hearing was "but, we like it." Well, just because we like something doesn't mean that we're always going to get it right when we want it. Little E starts acting up and she gets a time out and no sooner is she up in her room, she's back out "I'm ready to listen." I told her that I would let her know when it was time for her to come out and that she needed to go back in her room. I get Josiah napping on the couch and I let Little E out finally (it took a few times before she'd actually stay in her room and finish her time out wihtout trying to tell me what she was going to do). She wakes Josiah up on purpose which got her put back in her room and Josiah is crying over everything again and yelling "I'm tired." Then, they decide that it doesn't matter that they've just eaten lunch, they want a snack. They don't like "no" for an answer and more drama entails. They all got put in time out until they calmed down.

The speech therapist arrives and Baby T goes in with her. Little E keeps trying to go in there and she's making excuse after excuse to get in there. "I have to go potty." I just need to get a book." Everytime I had to redirect her out of there and the few times she refused to listen, she wound up in her room. I thought at one point she fell asleep...WRONG! Nope, she had opened her door ever so quietly and went into Deidra's room and made a MESS. So, she had to clean it up which she didn't like. Speech is done and the occupational therapist arrives. Josiah had fallen back asleep on the couch. So, we decided that Little E would go first today. Little E was so defiant for her at first and refusing to listen, that the OT took her outside to have her run around and do some jumping to see if that would help get some energy burned off so that she could focus. She still wound up in time out for not following directions and refusing what she was asking of her. Then, it was Baby T's turn...Baby T loves it when it's her turn usually...nope today she promptly threw a fit...jumping up and down in front of me and screaming her little head off. The OT wound up taking her by the hand and telling her that she needed to make good choices and that she needed to do her therapy. She eventually calmed down. The whole time Baby T is in OT, Little E is trying to push my buttons...she'd get in time out and by the time I'd come downstairs she was at the gate "I'm ready to listen, I'm coming down." It was a battle, but I kept a blank slate. She'd get out of time out and no sooner than she was back downstairs, she'd get defiant and wind up right back in time out and she'd say "are you mad at me now?" with a grin on her face. The OT says to me "she thinks getting in trouble is totally a game and it's almost like it's her goal to make everyone mad at her." I nodded as that's pretty much how it is. If I can get nose to nose with her and explain things and ask for eye contact, sometimes she takes me seriously...other times it does no good. The behavioral doctor says to keep doing what we're doing...she's acting out as she's confused and along with her ADD this is just how she is. Then, it's Josiah's turn and I had him go in and use the potty first and he decided "I don't WANT to wash my hands" and he starts kicking and screaming when I pick him up and wash his hands for him. He had pee on his hands, so I wasn't letting him off the hook. He comes out and promptly says "I don't WANT to play" and he always loves his time in OT as well. She makes him sit in time out until he can apologize for acting so ugly to me. He refused to say anything. He sat there a good 10 minutes with a total scowl on his face before he finally said "sorry." She did his therapy and she told me "I just don't know how you do it sometimes."

Therapy is done and I'm trying to make some appts and I get a call from our agency that Little E's hearing/vision screening never got documented and her file got pulled for an audit. GREAT! So, they want to know if I can get something from the doctor. And she informs me that there is a mandatory training that we have to go to as our training hours for that specific course expire this month. She informs me the training is from 9-4 this Saturday. Josiah was supposed to have his end-of-season t-ball party on Saturday from 1-4. I ask her if there's a video we can watch and she says that we physically need to be at this one. So, I have to cancel the t-ball party. UGH! So, I run up to the doctor's office, deal with cranky staff, and get what I need. Run over to the agency to have Deidra run it in for me. My case worker came out apologizing about everything. I know she's just doing her job, so I'm not really mad at her. She still feels bad about it though.

I come home to make dinner and once again Baby T starts crying. I couldn't figure out why and she won't make an attempt to tell me. So, I give her a warning...you continue to cry and you're going in your room. I count to 3 and she's still crying and I pick her up and carry to her room. I make dinner, Andy gets home, I tell him to go get Baby T so she can eat. We sit her down in her high chair and she proceeds to start crying again. I told her to eat and she wouldn't do anything. I gave her 5-10 minutes and the whole time she was crying (no tears...just crying). I gave her a warning that if she continued to cry she was going to go to bed for the night. She kept it up so we put her to bed. The minute I closed her door, she really started wailing. I just don't know what to do about all of her little temper tantrums. I have her in play therapy to see what's going on...everybody tells me I'm doing the right thing...well, why isn't it working? Why is she still throwing so many fits and crying? Even one of Deidra's friends said that everytime she comes over lately, Baby T is crying about something. I feel bad...I've tried giving her more one-on-one attention, I've tried giving her more affection, I've tried giving her time-ins, nothing seems to work. The OT has tried to use some signs with her and that only aggravates her even more and the crying worsens.

Anyway, we finally got the kids down for the night. I'm going to spend some time in prayer for my little ones, wash the blanket for our bed that the cats horked all over, and then try to relax a bit. And awww, my hubby informed me that he missed being with his family today...it feels good to be missed! I think we are finally out of our slump. YEAH! And I am proud of myself that in all the craziness of today, I didn't yell or get upset at all. I just dealt with everything the best way that I could.

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Okie-la-homa!

We left Friday morning for Oklahoma. We got up there and checked into our hotel, grabbed some lunch at Denny's and then went to Chickasaw National Park for the rest of the day. The water was polar bear ice cold, but the kids had fun playing in the water. Mom and I sat on the edge and put our legs in. Once our legs were numb we didn't feel them and didn't mind anymore. lol. Andy was walking around being the photographer. We got some dinner at IHOP and the kids scarfed their food down. We headed back to the hotel and got the kids ready for bed. I went across the hall and talked with Deidra and Mom before bed and then headed to bed myself. Mom mentioned to me that she noticed that Josiah has gotten a lot better with his screeching in the car. She had been nervous about riding up there with us, because of the headache that he gave her last year when she rode with us somewhere. I told her that he's definitely gotten better about his screeching and I noticed that he's finally stopped trying to rock his chair in the kitchen when he's upset or he wants something that I told him no about. He is making progress. :-)

Saturday morning at the lovely time of 3:50 am, Little E woke up and I heard her whispering but I was still kinda sleeping so I didn't really get what was going on until she sat up. I told her to lay back down and she proceeded to wake up Josiah. Once he's up, he's up. So, we were all up by 4 am and nothing we tried got them to go back to sleep. We got some rain and so we decided to spend the morning thrift shopping for our ebay business and the kids got to pick out a toy. Then, we went and ate at the Soda Pop Shop...reuben...Mmmm! The kids were picking at their food, so we packed it up to go. We headed for Turner Falls to spend the day. The only parking spots we could find was up top, so we had to take a bus shuttle to the bottom of the hill. Little E flipped out...I put her on my lap and she started gagging herself she was crying so badly. I told her there wasn't anything to be scared of...it was just like riding in a car. I couldn't figure out whether the bus was scaring her or whether it was the bus driver. She gets that way around some people sometimes. Anyway, once the bus started moving, she got over it. We went down and staked out a spot and the kids played in the water, Andy went and explored a cave behind the waterfall, and my Mom took Deidra on a little walk. Little E kept throwing temper tantrum after temper tantrum and she didn't want to listen to anything, she was throwing rocks and when I told her not to and she continued to do it and she saw that I was getting up to put her in time out, she chucked a rock at me. She threw a caniption fit when I made her stand up in time out where she couldn't get her hands on any rocks. People were just staring at her and I just smiled at them. Finally, she settled down and went back to having fun. The rest of the day went much better. Andy told me that once we got back to the hotel for the night, he wanted me to sleep in my Mom's room so that I could get some sleep that night. I was starting to drag as I was so tired. We left Turner Falls to go grab some dinner and Little E did much better on the bus shuttle back up the hill and giggled all the way up. We went to Braum's for dinner and then headed back to the hotel. Got the kids bathed and I took a shower and Andy put them to bed. I headed over to my Mom and Deidra's room and my Mom said I looked like I was ready to drop. We were talking and I promptly fell asleep. The next morning she said she was talking to me and when I didn't answer, she realized I had fallen asleep.

Sunday, we got up around 8 and poor Andy had been awake since 4 with the littles. We were trying to get our stuff all together so we could check out...all the kids were melting down and were into everything. I confiscated the room key from Baby T and asked her to sit down while we finished packing. Josiah was screaming and kicking and throwing a fit. Everytime we tried to redirect Little E she'd scream and then laugh. I finally took them down to get some breakfast while Andy finished up. We realized we were missing a room key and had no idea where it went. One of the kids must have picked it up without us noticing as one minute we had 2 keys and the next we could only find one. Anyway, they were throwing fits in the lobby and throwing their food all over, so I threw their breakfast away and took them back upstairs. We checked out and told the guy we only had one room key. We decided to drive around and decide what we wanted to do and let the kids sleep for awhile. Mom found out that the Shrine of the Holy Infant of Prague was in Oklahoma. We decided to go up there (Prague, OK). We stopped at McDonalds for some breakfast on the way. We got up there and found out it was their 60th anniversary. God draws you to places that's for sure.... Anyway, it was nice to see and I said some prayers for our family and for the girls and for my parents. We went to the gift shop and got a few things and then headed for home. Little E was being VERY defiant the whole day, so she really was difficult to handle that day. My Mom was a bit shocked at how she was acting. I told her she finally got to see the real Little E lately. Once we got up by my Mom's we stopped for dinner at On the Border, dropped my Mom off at home, and then headed for home. It was so nice to finally be home and get to sleep in our own comfy beds. I had a really upset stomach when we got home, although I think it was from not sleeping all that well. It was fun to get away though. Everybody had a good time!

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