A renewed spirit...

Thank you, Abba, for renewing my spirit. I woke up feeling better about things. So thankful that I can give my problems to You and You can take care of Me. You know what's better for me anyway, evenmoreso than I do myself. Thank you for renewing my spirit and I am going forward now and I will be joyful today while I go about my work and caring for my children and my husband. :-)

54-day novena

We've been dealing with some things with Josiah for a long time and a friend of my Mom's called me up last weekend and said that my Mom had shared with her the struggles that I was having with Josiah and my worries and she suggested that the 3 of us (her, myself, and my Mom) pray a 54-day rosary novena for Josiah. She started it on Sunday and Mom and I started it on Monday. I've been praying for him on a lot of things and I had a small breakthrough with him yesterday. He's never really shown remorse when he misbehaves or hurts someone. He asked to say the dinner prayer last night and I let him go ahead and say it and he apologized for getting sick and throwing up on the carpet. I told him that was ok and that he didn't need to say sorry for that. He couldn't help it. He went on to say that he was thankful for his family and that he liked Mommy, Daddy, Emma, Tracie, Melina, and Deidra. He said he was sorry for being bad and for not listening to Mommy and Daddy and for hurting Emma earlier that day. It just made me smile...an answered prayer. :-)

Frustrations

I've been trying to give the first half hour of my morning to Jesus. It started out with some struggles as the kids didn't want to cooperate with me at all, but I knew it was something that I really needed to do and I stuck to it. It's not perfect by any means 2-3 weeks later, but it's gotten a lot better.

Anyway, I've been listening to Joyce Meyer everyday on M-F from 7-7:30 and she's been helping so much. God is definitely telling me some things. Joyce was doing a study on living with our frustrations this week. She said that we can't help some of the things that happen to us and we can't make people do things, but we have a choice on how we react to things. She said we need to start praying more before and asking the Lord for help before we get so frustrated that we're angry and we need to start asking Him for what we need to get through it. I've started to do that and I see that it truly does make a difference and I don't get to that frustrated level so easily.

She also said to take a look at your life and see the triggers that make us frustrated. She said maybe there's some things or people that need to be pruned out of your life for awhile. We had some drama from one of our birthmoms this week and I saw how one day I was totally peaceful and the stuff with her started and it totally stole my joy and I was snippy because of it. Joyce's message spoke to me and I prayed for her and for the situation and I have peace ignoring her now. I've said all I'm going to say on the subject to her and she just doesn't want to accept it. All I can do is pray for her now and let God handle the rest. And I need to let it go and quit letting her try to manipulate me into doing what she wants. I'm ok with that now. I have a choice on how I'm going to react to it and I'm not going to let her get to me anymore.

I've been frustrated dealing with some of the behaviors of my children as well and feeling like a failure because we can't seem to get past some of them...my kids just do them over and over and over. Well, Joyce says we're not the potter...God is. We can't change anyone, only God can do that. I finally realized that we can discipline and talk to them about it and stay consistent, but that I have to pray for them more often as well and let God make them into the people that God intended for them to be and that He will bring good to all things.

The other thing that she said that really struck me is that sometimes we just need to hang on the vine for awhile and let God work with us and feed us and we need to quit doing so much. I always feel guilty for not doing more, so just hearing that made sense and helped. It's ok to take time out and listen to what God wants for us rather than feeling like we need to do this, that, and the other thing for everyone else. :-)

Found out the reason I've been feeling like I have been...

Well, after riding in the car yesterday with cramps and feeling queesy when I didn't eat at regular intervals, headaches, and having a sore chest, I decided to test this morning. I was in total shock when 2 lines appeared! I immediately ran and got Andy who was in the process of waking up Deidra. I told him I needed to talk to him right then. I dragged him into our bedroom and told him (while showing him the test) that we were going to have a baby. We were both in shock and smiling away at each other.

I took Deidra to school and then I had to take Josiah into the hospital for a blood test. We got that all done and when we went to leave, I decided that since my ob/gyn is right there that I'd walk over and see if I could confirm the pregnancy and make my first appt. I have an appt with the doctor for next week. I put my last menstrual period down and they say I'm almost 12 weeks already. However, I'm wondering if I'm really that far along and if I could have just skipped a cycle one month and then got pregnant the next. I asked them what they normally do to give you an accurate due date and she said that it really depends on the doctor and what the patient wants to do. I'm SO excited!! After all this time, Andy and I had really given up hope that it would ever happen again.

I went and told my Mom and she almost started crying and just hugged me. She's really excited. I came home and we told Andy's Dad and he is really happy for us. I told my girlfriend when she called as I couldn't keep it in any longer. I texted my brothers. I told my Dad this afternoon and I thought for sure that he wouldn't really be all that happy about it and I was really surprised to find out how happy he really was about it. He even called my Mom at work to tell her how ecstatic he was at being a Grandpa again. That shocked me! We told Deidra after school and at first all she said was "yeah, right." She totally didn't believe us. Once she realized that we were telling her the truth, she was a VERY HAPPY big sister and was all smiles. She thought it was SO cool! She wants to know if it's a boy or a girl already. lol. Andy's going to call his Mom tonight.

Anyway, we are all one very happy and blessed family. We never expected this yet we feel so very happy and blessed with this news!

Some things that I am thankful for...

God is truly working with my parents. They resolved their arguments from the last week and realized that they both had misunderstood each other. They are taking things slowly and giving each other time, but God has been telling me that with time it will all be ok. They had a great weekend together. We hd a great time at their cook-out on Sunday afternoon as well. It was nice...Dad cooked the whole meal and Andy made the pie that I wanted to take over because I was so busy that day and I wanted to bring something over. My brother is always asking me for pie anyway. It was a great meal and great time spent togther.

My Dad is back in Texas. He's going to still be living out of his truck, but he will be able to be around all of us more. God is definitely working with him. I have had more conversations lately that I never would have had with him years ago. He is really developing his own personal relationship with God. It's a blessing to see.

I prayed for a friend here in Texas and God has brought one to me. I love hanging out with her and I can see us becoming great friends. Beth, I'm so glad to have your friendship. You are a beautiful person and I feel blessed to have your friendship!

I'm glad that Josiah is ours now and that he is making some small steps forward. He is a blessing. He is a handfull and a half, but he is a true blessing. I love that little boy and when he smiles at you, you just can't help but smile back at him.

I'm thankful for the huge help that Deidra has been this summer. Sometimes she just amazes me at how good she is with her brother and her sisters. She can calm them down sometimes even when I can't and they all just love her. Of course, she's good at getting them all riled up too. But, she really has been a big helper this summer.

I'm also thankful for a training class that we went to over the weekend at our agency. Neither Andy or I really wanted to go, but we left with renewed hope on new ways to deal with discipline and getting some of our behaviors that we're dealing with under control. It was also nice to share and laugh with the other foster parents. It was good! Deidra has really been responding well to it also.

Thank you, Abba, for all the blessings in my life and I pray for blessings for all my friends and family as well.

A Blessing from a Stranger...

I know that our families/friends don't always understand our desire for having all the children that we have and we get some comments from time to time. Add in all the extra ups and downs that go with foster care and I feel a bit stressed from time to time. Granted, I am very sensitive and I let little things get to me as well that I really shouldn't. Anyway, I dealt with some comments over the weekend and while it hurt at the time, I had a sense of peace come over me at the same time. I had to understand why this person felt the way that they do. I chose to let it go and walk away and I put it into God's hands. When I left church over the weekend, the bulletin was covered with pics of Jesus surrounded by children and that so spoke to me. I know this is our calling and we want what is best for our children.

I went to the gas station yesterday and as I was filling up my van this man says to me "wow, you've got 3 little ones in there." I said "yup, and we just took my daughter to school." He says "my hat is off to you, I know you're busy." I nodded. He said "I bet you don't have any trouble falling asleep at night either huh?" I laughed and said "not at all." He then went on to tell me that he had 7 children...he said he had to do put a load of laundry in before bed each night and he folded it in the morning when he got up and he put in another load before he took the kids to school and then he folded that load when they got home and the cycle repeated itself. I laughed as I totally knew what he meant. It seems like our laundry is never-ending with 6 people. We traded stories while we finished filling up our vehicles and he said "your busy with this many kids, but the Lord sees your efforts and you will be rewarded." The Lord speaks through many people and I felt that he chose that person to speak to me. It more than made up for any negative comment that I had received this weekend and it brought a smile to my face. Thank you Lord for an unexpected blessing. Please continue to bless our family. I ask for blessings for that man and his family as well.

My Motivation and Blessings

I chose to stay at home again so that I could be here for my beautiful daughter and our foster children. It's been something that has been weighing heavily on my heart for awhile now. God has definitely provided for us here and He knew my heart and got me back home again. Granted, yes, I still work weekends, but I will be leaving that behind soon as well. Since I provide the dental and vision insurance through my work for all of us, I wanted us all to get into the dentist to get our dental work done and I need to get my eyes taken care of before I quit as well. That's the only reason that I'm still working. I should easily be able to quit by the time Deidra starts school in another month. But, I know that I am blessed to be back home again and I know that Deidra is really liking me back at home with her again. I'll be able to do more once she starts school up again as well. That will be nice. All along it has been important to Andy and I that one of us is with the kids at all times...it really bothered me when I had to put Deidra in daycare...granted it was good for her...but I am glad to be back at home with her. This is where my heart truly feels that I belong. It's been nice and I feel so blessed.

Anyway, time to post my blessings...

* That I know my God

* That I can hear his voice when I truly take the time to listen.

* That God has answered my prayers that I have been praying for for the last few years. Maybe not in totally the way I had planned or in the time frame that I wanted...but He has provided the answers and He has heard my prayers and granted them.

* For my awesome husband that stays by my side no matter what. I have tremendous respect and love for him.

* For my beautiful daughter that God granted me (a total answered prayer). She is beautiful and sweet and has a huge heart for others and for God. I couldn't ask for a better daughter.

* For Baby J. He has filled my heart with so much love. He is such a loving little guy and is so full of smiles and giggles. It does my heart good to have him here with us.

* For Baby E. He taught me to be patient even in times of mischief and he rewarded me at the end with his cuddles and sweetness

* For being foster parents. It is teaching us so many things. I will hold these children always in my heart and prayers.

* For a roof over our head and clothes on our backs and shoes to cover our feet and food for our bodies.

* For our beautiful new house that is being built.

* For our friends that have always stuck by us and for the new ones that are coming into our lives that we're still getting to know down here.

* For my growing prayer life and for our church.

* For my family who is always there for us.