Thursday, January 20, 2005

Family Stuff

Hi again, Abba. This has been on my mind for a couple of weeks now. Just haven't made time to talk about it. Vette filed for divorce on Dad...he went and signed the papers. He decided that he wanted to get back together with Mom. I had tears in my eyes when he told me. I realized that it's honestly all I ever wanted...I want our family back together. Yet, I don't know if it's possible. Mom and Dad have both changed a lot over the past 4-5 years. Yet, they still love each other. Mom says she doesn't want the committment...they're still married in your eyes, Abba....I know they have to start over slowly and get to know each other again....Dad said that he doesn't know if he can get to the level of religion that she's at to win her over, but he wants to show her that he's willing to try again. I told him it starts with a baby step. I love them both so much. Dad said he knows that he really has made a mess of things and he wishes he could go back and do it all over again with what he knows now. I told him that we don't get that chance, but he needs to learn from his mistakes and go forward. He wants to make things right again. Mom thinks he waited too long. I know she's been deeply hurt by everything that has happened and that he's done, and I know that he doesn't fully understand the hurts that he's caused. Yet, I realize that I want them to give each other another chance. Maybe it's that I need to see them get back together to know that marriages can work out these days. I know that the timing of their divorce put a lot of strain on our new marriage and that I take some of my fears out on Andy at times. This marriage stuff can be scary sometimes. Yet, I know that I have to keep trusting Andy that our marriage has nothing to do with anyone elses. Our marriage is between You, Andy, and myself and that's all. I really do hope that my parents can work their marriage out, yet I know that I can't be upset with either of them if it doesn't. I do hope that if they can't get back together in marriage, that they can be friends though. Guide them and help them, Abba. Only You know what can happen with this situation at this time.

Andy didn't get the job....

he received an email this week saying that they've chosen to focus on another candidate at this time and that they'd let him know if they filled the position. I'm pretty disappointed as it seems like lately we just can't catch a break. But, I guess we just have to keep the faith and hope that something will come along soon. He's back to sending out some more resumes here and in Texas. Moving to another state makes me nervous, but yet my family is there and Andy has family there too. Yet, we'd be leaving a lot behind here too. I put this into Your Hands, Abba, I know you know the direction that we need to go. You know if it's best for us to remain here or if we need to go. Help a good job for him to come along his way.

Disappointed and Stressing

Hi Abba. I just needed to get some things off my chest so thought I'd come to you to vent. I honestly don't know if I'm suffering from depression a little bit or if my thyroid is off again. I work from 7-4...come home and eat dinner...and then I go to bed at 8 and get up the next morning at 5:30 to leave the house at 6. I have no energy to do anything. I'm getting increasingly stressed. I honestly thought Andy was going to get this job and that we could finally move out within a few months. I so desperately want to be in a place that we can call our own. That we can live by our own rules and do our own thing and not have to worry about anyone else. Yet, we don't have money to pay for rent for an apartment as that money has to go on the bills. Andy told me if we can just get a few things paid off in the next few months that we'd maybe be able to do it then, but he really would rather be debt free before we do that so that we can get the land and the house that we really want. I don't want to be here that long. There's so many things that we want to do and it all comes down to the fact that money is stopping us. I sat down and cried the other night to Andy...I can't see another person do something that we have wanted for so long now and just get it handed to them. I feel like we're stuck...I feel like we can't ever catch a break. I don't know if it's the weather getting to me, if my thyroid meds are off and need to be readjusted, or if it's honestly some depression...or if it's everything all rolled into one. I'm so tired of seems like that's all we've been doing the last couple of years. When do we get a break? I'm sorry for being a downer. I just had to get it out. I know that I have to keep the faith and continue to put things into Your Hands. I'm sorry for being impatient. I'm just having a hard time. I want to be in our own house again, I want to have another baby. I see others deciding to do this stuff after we decided that's what we wanted to do and they're doing it and we aren't. I know I'm getting jealous and that isn't right. I'm just having a hard time being patient.


Friday, January 14, 2005

Future plans for 2005

Hi Abba. We have so many things that we want to do this year in 2005. We want to really stick to a plan for getting out of debt, we want to have another baby, we want a place of our own, we want to buy land to put a 2-story modular home on it and put it on a basement, I'm trying to lose weight to be more healthy and slim down, Andy wants a better job, I'm thinking about going back to school to do something within the medical field, we have so many dreams. Guide us this year and help us to have a good year together and accomplish our goals. Help strengthen our family bond and keep us all happy and healthy together. Strengthen our marriage and help us renew some flames to keep us going happily and in love with one another. Strengthen our parental bonds to keep Deidra a happy and well-behaved child. Help us to discipline her in love and to know what and when to discipline her. We thank you for the blessings that you gave us in 2004 and we thank you for the blessings that You will give us this year as well. Guide us, Abba, and we want to walk in Your will.

Abba, please help him to get this job....

Andy has had two interviews with the same company this week. They seemed to go really well and he's supposed to hear something next week. The job would pay him a few more dollars an hour to start, give him 2 weeks vacation his first year, 10 personal days and 5 sick days a year. Plus, he'd have a flexible schedule and insurance benefits are all paid for and start right away. We're really hoping that he gets this job. It would definitely help us to start moving in the right direction. Please, Abba, help him to get it! I'll say thank you ahead of time as we put this into Your Hands now. Thank you, Abba.

Thursday, January 13, 2005

Thank You, Abba!

For letting Andy's interview yesterday go well. They asked him to come back today. :-) The only thing that I'm stressing about is that they want him to come back at 4pm. He thought I would be able to get Deidra, but he didn't know I had to close tonight. Please help me to find someone to work from 5-9 or my whole shift for me tonight so he doesn't have to worry about cutting things short if need be to go have her picked up in time. The job sounds very promising for him and I really want him to get it. Thanks Abba!

Monday, January 10, 2005

Job Interview for Andy

Hi Abba. I know I've been lax about talking to you lately. I apologize once again. I really am going to try and talk to you more often. I have a few things on my mind, but this one is recent and I wanted to talk to you about this one first. Andy got news that he has an interview on Wednesday morning with Kenowa Hills Public Schools as their tech support person. This came out of the blue since it had been so long since he had applied, but we're really hoping for the best here. Please let him get this job. It would help so much financially. The only other thing that I'm really worrying about is what his hours would be with how I have to have an open availability and with Deidra's school. Please let it be similar hours to what he is working now so it will all be workable. I know I'm probably jumping ahead and worrying about things we don't even know about yet. Just please help us, Abba, and help him to get a better job. We'd love it if he can get in there. Lead us and guide us to what is Your Will and what is right for us and our family. Thank you for taking care of us and providing for us.