Hard for him to see...

So my Dad has been staying with us since last Thursday. Everytime he comes in town, he has to make comments that we are too strict on our kids. He claims they can't do anything without us griping at them about something. They can't eat without us saying "don't smack, don't shove your mouth so full, concentrate on your own food, don't eat with your mouth open." They can't play in the house without them saying "we don't run in the house, we don't jump on the furniture, don't hit your sister, don't do this, don't do that." We have rules for a reason, and we want them to act politely and nicely. That's being too strict? He commented that Josiah was walking all over our couch pillows (the throw ones) and Andy had to ask him "do we do that?" I said "we've had to tell them that we don't sit on the pillows or walk all over them...they're for laying your head on." They're ripping them apart with having to push their fingers into the seams, jumping on them, and so forth. Last night we found out that Tracie is digging a hole into the ceiling. My Dad said "she didn't do that, what kid does that?" I told him that if he didn't believe me, I'd show him when he was done at the doctor. Andy was nice and bought them a rug for their room...Deidra said one day that they had ripped their rug. I said "how do you rip a rug like theirs and so she brought it down for me to see. They didn't rip it, but because their hands are always busy, they had tore all the threads out all the way through the middle. Tracie got a pillow pet and didn't even have it a month and had holes all poked into it because she jabs her hands into the seams. It's just stuff like that. I told my Dad that yes, some of it is just being kids and we can let that go. But, the total lack of respect for what the rules are when it plays over into issues at school and stuff like that...I don't think that's ok to let go. I understand that accidents happen, but most kids learn from that, they don't do it again and again and again. I just find it funny that we're trying to enforce boundaries with the kids and he keeps telling me "they're all right, they're just being kids." I shut up and 2 minutes later he's yelling at them for the same thing. There's a reason why we do and say the things that we do to them. That's all I'm saying. He gets mad and I just have to look at him and smile. I keep saying that I'm not going to let him get to me and today he got to me and I've been playing things over and over. Now, I'm going to try to let it go...I put it into your Hands, Abba. Please help me to shape and mold my kids in the way that You want them to grow. And please help my Dad to see what we are trying to do with our kids.

So thankful...

I am so thankful for God, my faith, my parents, my family, my friends, God has really brought some amazing people into my life. I am going to start spending a lot more time with them. I decided that I get too busy tending to things around here, that I don't spend enough time with the people that God brings to me and want to be a part of our life. I am so thankful for my children. They all bless me in different ways and I am constantly learning from them. I am so thankful for their unconditional love that they give and for their loving little hearts. I am so grateful for this baby that I have growing inside of me. I am SO thankful that yesterday marked the first day of my 2nd trimester. I am thankful that God has really been leading me lately and that I am letting Him guide me. I am thankful for my husband and how great he's been with my pregnancy as I know that I can be quite moody sometimes with how sick and tired I've been at times. The nausea has been the worst over these past couple of weeks and it seems to set in around 4-6 pm. He's eaten my slop that I've cooked because I couldn't manage much more. He's helped take care of the kids and he takes them out on the weekends for Daddy/children time so that I can get some quiet time to rest or do whatever I want. I am thankful that the girls' adoption is finally starting to get rolling as well. I really want them to be adopted by the time this baby is born. I am thankful for my beautiful house and for all the blessings that God has given to us in Texas with Andy's job and that his company is so great to work for and that they always seem to be understanding of him. I am thankful for friends old and new. I am thankful for a lot of things and I could continue to go on and on. I am also thankful that my parents are able to be friends. I still continue to pray that they'll be able to get back together, but God's hands are in that and He knows what is best. Abba, thanks so much for blessing me and my family. Thank you for all that you do for us! I ask for your blessings over all my family and friends during this Thanksgiving season and always.

What a great weekend!

I was so glad to have Andy home on Friday. Saturday, we just cleaned and did some stuff around the house and Andy mowed the lawn, tried to fix the trimmer, but wound up breaking it further. I think we're going to need a new one. We've had this one for a few years anyway (Dad Davis bought it for us as a housewarming present when we bought our house in Illinois in 2000). Anyway, we were invited over to my new friend's house for dinner with her family. I was so nervous and excited at the same time. I was just praying my kid's would behave. They did wonderfully though and I was very proud of them. Wonderful company, a great dinner, and everybody had fun! Thanks so much, B, for everything! We had a wonderful time!

Sunday, the morning started out rough...all the kids were having their own issues, we wound up really having a battle with Deidra trying to get ready for church. We finally got to church and my Mom got after me for wearing shorts to church. I told her it had been a very rough morning. She told me that was no excuse. Most of the time, we are all dressed very nicely for church...but with the morning we were having, shorts and shirts it turned out to be. Anyway, I wound up crying through the first half of church right along with Deidra. Finally, my Mom reached out and just rubbed my back and I got myself together finally. I just hate mornings like that. Anyway, I kept looking over at Deidra and tears just streamed down her cheeks every so often. When we sat down for the homily, I reached over and tapped her arm and told her to come sit on my lap for a minute. She started crying "I'm sleepy and I'm hungry." I rubbed her back and rocked her a bit and she finally stopped crying and I just prayed that the negative spirits that were upon us would lift and we'd be filled with happier spirits. Within a few minutes, we were all doing better and starting to smile and the tears were gone. The rest of the day went much better. I did wind up grounding Deidra for the day though, so she couldn't go play with anyone. It really bothered her later in the evening when she found out her friend was home after being in CA for 3 weeks. She got to talk to her on the phone for about 5 minutes, but it killed her that she couldn't go down to see her. We just kept reminding her that if she stayed on good behavior the rest of the night, she'd be off of her grounding in the morning. She kept it together.

I signed the kids up for catechism after church with my Mom and I really had a lot of fun doing it. Afterwards, she asked me if I wanted to go to lunch. I told her I didn't have my wallet on me and that I needed to run home first, she told me she'd get it for me. So, we went up to Applebee's and Jimmie (my youngest brother) met us up there. He's trying to get into Lon Morris to go to college this year (I'm resentful...double standards from when I went to college and how he gets to go to college...but I'm trying to give it to God and let it go...it does me no good to have a resentful spirit and I shouldn't be jealous either...so I'm trying to let it go). So, he just wanted to spend some time with us in case he goes next week to college. It was a good time. Mom and I talked about some things and I shared a little with her and I wound up in tears (good tears) at the table. I'm a sap lately. What can I say? God is really working in my life right now...it's great to see the blessings that he is bringing to me and to my family.

After I came home from lunch, I was trying to catch up Little E's and Baby T's scrapbooks. I got March, April, and May done. I just need to do June, July, and August and they'll be caught up. Something is going on with my computer though that I can't quite figure out, so after having to re-do Little E's June layout 3 times and still having a problem, I'm going to wait until hubby is home this afternoon to try again. I did go and order all their layouts from January-May though so I can get them in the mail and into their books.

I'm stressing a bit as I always do before court hearings...I like to have their books in order just in case they go home before a court hearing. But, I just keep telling myself it will all work out. I'm sure their workers would get their pages to them if it came down to it. I need to quit worrying about it.

What a great day!

I got up bright and early and went to bible study at 6 am. Lots to ponder and it was wonderful! I'll share more when I have more time. Then, I came home and get the kids dressed to go to training up at our foster care agency. We had to take Common Sense Parenting. Andy and I really didn't feel like going, but it didn't turn out that badly. Lots of laughs, sharing, and we came away with a renewed spirit of things to try with some behaviors going on in the house. Came home and took a nap. Got up and got the kids up...the girls' baby brother got picked up and then we sat around the table talking about our training today and some things that we were going to implement. Put the girls to bed as they refused to eat their dinner, Josiah got to stay up a bit later as a reward for being good and eating all his dinner and he got a popsicle...then I read to Deidra for awhile. We're starting Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farms. We read the first chapter and then she fell asleep on the couch. I'm going to spend some time with Andy before heading to bed here myself.

Tomorrow, we have church, and then I have to help sign the kids up for catechism tomorrow after both masses. Then, I have to come home and do a clothing inventory on both the girls, and then we're going to my Mom's for a cook-out with my brothers and my parents.

It's been a great weekend so far...complete with a great night out last night with a friend. It was exactly what I needed!

MDO starts again...

The littles start back up going to MDO today. It's just Deidra and I for the day. Woo hoo! My Dad has moved back to Texas and got in late last night, so I think we're going to spend some time with him this morning for a little bit. Then, I'm going to come home and try to spend some time putting laundry away and mopping the kitchen floor. Stuff that's easier to do without the littles around. Then, the girls' baby brother is coming to spend tonight with us and we'll have him until tomorrow. Also, tonight, I get Mommy night off with my new friend. :-) Today is going to be a GOOD day!

Lord, give me patience today...

Baby T is still fussing up a storm. She got up this morning crying that she was poopy. Then, she is fussing that she doesn't want to eat and she started a huge fit. Then, I told Little E that it was a visit day and she started yelling that her tummy hurt. Normally they get excited to go to their visits. I walked out of the kitchen and told them I had to go potty and Baby T started SCREAMING because I was leaving the room and then Little E wanted me to hold her. She got on my lap and wrapped her arms around my neck, prompty explained that she needed to throw up and I took her into the bathroom. She didn't do anything, but spit up the chewed food that she had in her mouth. I told her that's not really throwing up. She wanted back on my lap. Things settled down for a bit. I'm drying their clothes and then am going to give them a bath and get them ready to go to their visit. Deidra's still in bed (she slept over at a friend's house the night before last and something tells me they didn't get much sleep as Deidra was pretty grumpy yesterday when I went to get her from the neighbors and we weren't in the car 5 minutes and she was asleep). Little E just started yelling at me that she was going to wake Deidra up so they could get ready for their visit. I told her we still had about an hour before we had to leave. Josiah fell asleep again and I'd like to have him nap for a bit so he's not grouchy later. Please let the girls visit go well and give them a sense of peace today. I pray that Baby T's crying bouts will lessen as well and that Little E will listen better today and not be so defiant. She's really been giving her Mom a hard time during visits as well the past month. Lord, I just pray for lots of peace, patience, love, and compassion for our family today.

My Dad is due in town as well and I pray that him and Mom can reconcile their differences and their arguments from this past week. They both can get so judgmental of one another over their text messages. I keep telling them that they need to talk things out in person so there are no misunderstandings and criticism over something that needn't get so many upset feelings when it's really nothing. Of course, I get to hear both sides and try to keep the peace and I don't always like being put in the middle either. However, I talk to them both and I get bits and pieces of what is going on from both of them and of course they think one thing when I know what the other was really thinking at the time because I've heard it...so I get to be the peace keeper. Lord, give me peace to know how to deal with all of this. Since I'm the oldest of us kids, and I have a family of my own, I think I see and understand more than my brothers so I'm the one my parents pick to talk to about all of this, but sometimes it really burdens my heart with it all too. I just pray for reconciliation between them so that our family can be restored.

I'm about to snap...

if one more person gives me a hard time or adds something to my plate, I'm going to lose it.

My Dad was here all last week and man is he needy. He had his last skin-cancer surgery and is now cancer free and for that I am thankful. He drove us all crazy while he was here though. He left Monday and while I was taking the kids to play at a play place, he calls me and says that he's sending my brother, Zach, over to get money to get his car fixed. (I do my Dad's finances since he's on the road all the time). Anyway, I informed him that I wasn't at home and he gave me a hard time. Well, my brother can call me and find out when I am going to be home...he does have the number. Anyway, later on that day my brother came over without notice and I didn't have time to get to the bank and if I could write him a check. He then informed me that I needed to make it out to someone else and I asked him for how much and he didn't know. I was floored. It's his car that needs to be fixed...how do you not know how much it is. So, I call Dad and he tells me the amount, I write the check and he leaves.

Then, I'm dealing with a whole mess with therapy. I can't live without a schedule and knowing when my therapy days and times are going to be anymore. For the longest time, I had set days and times and it worked out really well. Now, it's getting to be where I don't even know the day, let alone the time and I refuse to live this way anymore. So, they give me a referral to a new therapy company and they call and ask a bunch of questions on the dates and times that I was available for Baby T to have speech. I said I preferred mornings, but I would do 8-12 on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Fridays but once they started MDO in August again, we would only be available on Tuesdays and Wednesdays. They called me back and wanted to know why the times couldn't be later. So, I gave them Mondays from 8-11 (we do occupational therapy after that), Tuesdays from 8-2, Wednesdays from 8-2 and I said I could give them 8-2 on Fridays until August. I thought I did pretty well, they're still giving me a hard time about it and can't understand why I can't do anytimes later. Gee, it's a 45 minute appt and you're telling me you don't have someone that can do her therapy in that time frame? And I'm sorry, but I'm already giving them a time past when I prefer and I would like to be able to do some stuff with the kids during summer rather than just feeling like we're waiting for the therapy appts for the day to be over. The guy started asking me all kinds of questions and I told him look, my daughter is out of school for the summer but once school starts again I need to be able to bring her back and forth and I need therapy to be done by 2. Mondays, we do occupational therapy with another company and that lasts about 3 hours and she gets here sometime between 11-12. Tuesdays and Wednesdays are supposed to be my set speech therapy days. Thursdays are visit days for the girls, they have play therapy and med check that day as well. Fridays, I really would prefer to be my free day as I need a down day after all that goes on during the week. He let me know that they may be only able to do her speech therapy appt once a week. I told him I was fine with that. THe doctor didn't say she had to do it twice a week, it was our current therapy appt people that put her down for twice a week. I would be fine with once a week. So, I guess the lady is going to take Baby T and talk to me more about her schedule and what we can do when she comes out. I'm also going to try and get sensory therapy going for Baby J through this company since our own OT worker is so booked with just providing OT for everyone and she feels that Baby J really could use an extra session weekly just focusing on sensory stuff since he's so over the top right now.

Then, I get a phone call from my Dad telling me that his aunt died and wanted me to send flowers. However, he knows nothing and wants me to find out what I can online. I ask where she's from and what her name is and he tells me where he thought she was from and that he doesn't know how to spell her last name. I spent 45 minutes trying to find something out online and finally told him that I didn't have a problem sending flowers but he was going to have to do the legwork and talk to his family about where she was going to be at in the funeral homes and stuff. I can't do everything and I didn't know her at all to even have an idea of her name or anything. He got snippy, but finally got ahold of one of his sisters who gave him the information and I ordered flowers and had them sent today.

I am trying my best to honor my parents, but it just seems that they both have stuff going on...I'm the run-to person and they overload me at times, yet when I ask for help they can't be bothered.

I've been reading a lot of books lately on certain things and the one thing that I keep finding is they keep saying that I have to have some time out and some time to focus on me so that I can keep going. So, I am trying to take a few minutes at the end of the day to pamper myself a bit. I feel guilty about it at times, but I know that I need to look out for me or nobody else will.

Praying for my parents...

Lord, I lift my parents up to you. You know each of their hearts, their hurts, their wants, and their fears. Dad desperately wants to come back, but he knows that he has to make himself right with You first. Mom is scared that she's going to face the same hurts if she lets him come back a little while down the road. She asked me this weekend if she thought his heart had changed. I desperately want to believe that it has and I see him doing things that I've never seen him do before that make me believe that he's really trying to set the right foot forward. I understand her fears as well though. I was doing my Love Dare today and it just came over me to share with my Dad about The Love Dare and ask him if he had a copy. He said he recently got one and was thinking about doing it on Mom, but he would need to be creative since he's in the truck all the time. He didn't know what to do for some steps...I told him to pray to You and You would lead him to what he's supposed to do. They are both scared, but I think if he just gives her more time and is patient and keeps showing her that he is trying to put the best foot forward that he has a real chance. However, I know that's not my decision to really make either. I lift them both up to you, Lord, and I pray that you can open their eyes to truly see one another and their intentions for one another. I pray for their relationship, Lord. I pray that you will restore it and that they can have a Godly marriage together.

Prayers for my Parents...

My Mom is due to take her vows for being a 3rd Order Nun this month. It's on my brother, Jimmie's birthday as a matter of fact. May 18.

My Dad desperately wants to make things right with her and have them get back together. He broke down crying on the phone with me today saying that he really loves her and he just wants things to be right. One minute she's contemplating it and they're friendly towards one another and the next minute she's acting like she doesn't want anything to do with him. He asked me what I thought today and I told him my honest answer. I don't know how to read her anymore. And that's honesty...I don't. One minute she feels one way about something and the next time it comes, she feels completely different. I love her dearly, but she is hard to read. I know she was deeply hurt throughout their divorce and that there are some things that she can't get over. I know she talked to a priest that knew them both during their marriage about what she was obligated to do and he told her that she was obligated to take him back and try again if he wanted to come home. Yet, her current answer is "he waited too long." It's the same thing that I hear when she talks about moving down to where she's taking her Orders to be closer to the convent when I bring up that she prayed for our family to be together again in one spot and now that we're down here, she's talking about moving. "Everyone just waited too long." is what she tells me. Well, she's also the one who's told me before when I've gotten impatient about things "Things happen in God's timing, not ours." So, what if God finally is answering her prayers that our family reconciles (she's prayed for so long that our family would reconcile and my Dad would come home to her and to us) and she's shutting that door. I don't know what to do or how to talk to her about it and my Dad doesn't either, yet I can sense that he's deeply troubled over it all. He told me today "Jess, she doesn't even have to share the same house or the same bedroom with me if she doesn't want that...I just want us to be husband and wife again and share our life and friendship together and as long as neither of us shacked up with anyone else during that, it would all be fine." Only You, dear Abba, know what to do with all of this and how to fix it if it is fixable...I'd like to see them back together and it does us kids a whole lot of good when they're being friendly with one another and we can all hang out and laugh together and I know deep down that they still love each other. I put my family and my parents marriage into Your Hands, Abba. Guide them to do what they are supposed to do with one another, change their hearts and tear down the walls so that they can truly see what they have in one another.