The Love Dare--Day 40

I did this one up tonight so I could leave it in his car for him to find tomorrow morning.

Write out a renewal of your vows and place them in your home. Perhaps, if appropriate, you could make arrangements to formally renew your wedding vows before a minister and with family present. Make it a living testament to the value of marriage in God’s eyes and the high honor of being one with your mate.

Good morning, Andy! I love you!

I, Jessica, take you, Andy, to be lawfully wedded husband, my constant friend, my faithful partner and my love from this day forward. In the presence of God, our family and friends, I offer you my solemn vow to be your faithful partner in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad, and in joy as well as in sorrow. I promise to love you unconditionally, to support you in your goals, to honor and respect you, to laugh with you and cry with you, and to cherish you for as long as we both shall live.

1 Corinthians 13:4-13
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease, where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child , I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror, then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part, then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

I promise you, Andy, that I will always give you my unconditional love. I will love you for the rest of my life!

Love,
Jessica

The Love Dare--Day 39

Spend time in personal prayer, then write a letter of commitment and resolve to your spouse. Include why you are committing to this marriage until death, and that you have purposed to love them no matter what. Leave it in a place that your mate will find it.

July 12, 2009

Dearest Rew,

I just wanted to write you and tell you how very much I love you. We have been through our ups and downs, but we have always weathered the storms together and come out on the other side seeing the sunshine together. I am so glad that I have you for a husband and I cannot imagine my life without you. You are a dear husband a great father and I couldn't love you more.

I don't ever want the word “divorce” to be part of our vocabulary or for either one of us to see it as an option. I want our children to always have their parents together and for us to set a great example for them that marriage can indeed work. I know that each of us has seen the effects of divorce on a family when we saw our own parents split up. That is something that I don't want to see happen to us ever and I vow to you that I will always try my best at making our marriage work and staying faithful to you. I will always try my best to do my very best by you.

I hope that our marriage will continue to strengthen and that we can keep Christ as the center of our marriage. I know that if we can do that He will always see us through. And I want us to see each other through this life and into the next where we can live happily ever after with God in Heaven with all of our family and friends.

I love you, Rew. I hope that you will always know that.

Your loving wife,

Jess

The Love Dare--Day 38

Ask yourself what your mate would want if it was obtainable. Commit this to prayer, and start mapping out a plan for meeting some (if not all) of their desires, to whatever level you possibly can.

I asked him and he said he wished there could be more time in the day. Obviously I can't make the day longer, but I can keep plugging away at learning better time management to give us more time that is free.

One thing that he was talking about to his Mom today about was that he was teaching himself to play his harpsichord and how he wished he would have taken advantage of the piano lessons they wanted him to do when he was young. It got me to thinking...a lady he works with also gives piano lessons. I'm going to see if I can figure out a way to surprise him with some lessons.

The Love Dare--Day 37

Ask your spouse if you can begin praying together. Talk about the best time to do this, whether it’s in the morning, your lunch hour, or before bedtime. Use this time to commit your concerns, disagreements, and needs before the Lord. Don’t forget to thank Him for His provision and blessing. Even if your spouse refuses to do this, resolve to spend this daily time in prayer yourself.

We pray nightly when we put the kids to bed, but I think it would be helpful to also have our include our own prayer time with just one another as a husband and wife and pray for things in our marriage and for our children and other things that we want to express in prayer together.

The Love Dare--Day 36

Commit to reading the Bible every day. Find a devotional book or other resource that will give you some guidance. If your spouse is open to it, see if they will commit to daily Bible reading with you. Begin submitting each area of your life to its guidance and start building on the rock.

This is actually something that I would love to start doing as a family. There is also a marriage devotional that I have that I need to start doing, so maybe now is the time to start that as well.

This chapter also says the following "God has a plan for the way you handle your money. A plan for the way you raise your children. A plan for the way you treat your body. A plan for the way you spend your time. A plan for the way you handle conflict. Isn't it just like your Maker to know exactly what you need?

These are all big things to work on and I want to start taking the babysteps to be better about all those things with the help of the Lord. Lord, help me to become a better person and to be better with all of these things.

The Love Dare--Day 35

Find a marriage mentor—someone who is a strong Christian and who will be honest and loving with you. If you feel that counseling is needed, then take the first step to set up an appointment. During this process, ask God to direct your decisions and discernment.

I have a couple Christian girlfriends that I share things with and we give Christian advice to one another. However, I think if we ever truly needed some real help for any issues, we can always talk with our priest.

The Love Dare--Day 34

Find a specific, recent example when your spouse demonstrated Christian character in a noticeable way. Verbally commend them for this at some point today.

I thanked him for helping support me in taking care of our children. He's always there to help out with anything I need (99% of the time). I wanted him to know that I appreciated that. He is a great father and husband!

The Love Dare--Day 33

Recognize that your spouse is integral to your future success. Let them know today that you desire to include them in your upcoming decisions, and that you need their perspective and counsel. If you have ignored their input in the past, admit your oversight and ask them to forgive you.

We talked a little about our goals and getting back on the same page. We do good about sitting down and looking at the budget together and then we get busy and Andy sits down and does the bills and budget himself while I take care of other things. I told him that we needed to sit down the both of us and go over things together so that we make sure that we are on the same page again. We talked about some goals that he wanted to accomplish by his birthday and we are really working towards becoming debt-free and so I wanted him to know that I was committed as well. I also had a couple of vacations in mind, including a little weekend get-away with just him and I that I wanted to sit and talk about.

The Love Dare--Day 32

If at all possible, try to initiate sex with your husband or wife today. Do this in a way that honors what your spouse has told you (or implied to you) about what they need from you sexually. Ask God to make this enjoyable for both of you as well as a path to greater intimacy.

This is one area that we don't necessarily lack in, but I feel the chemistry between us is lacking. My drive has always been higher than his and that can be frustrating for me and if I try to initiate anything, a lot of times I have to wait for him to finish whatever he is doing first. Whereas, if he wants it on the rare occasion that he does initiate, I will 99% of the time give it to him. I don't believe in witholding that from one another. He's a night owl and I'm not, so most of the time if I do ask and he's says "maybe" he'll wake me up and he thinks that's totally ok. It's hard for me to wake up sometimes to do that, but I do my best. Other times, I make myself stay awake to wait for him and I get so darn tired that it's hard for me. He's just not very spontaneous anymore and I take it personally even though he tells me not to. It would just be nice to feel that my husband really desires me sexually sometimes...to be told that I look pretty or nice...to be given kisses and hugs without having to seek them out myself...just little things like that. We made love a couple nights ago and as much as I tried to get into it, the chemistry between us really lacked. Yesterday, I bought a new nightgown that I thought was rather revealing and thought it would put him in the mood. I even suggested that we go to the bedroom and all I got was a "maybe." I fell asleep on the couch and he woke me up a couple hours later to go to bed. Off to slumberland we both went.

The Love Dare--Day 31

Is there a “leaving” issue you haven’t been brave enough to conquer yet? Confess it to your spouse today, and resolve to make it right. The oneness of your marriage is dependent upon it. Follow this with a commitment to your spouse and to God to make your marriage the top priority over every other human relationship.

I know that Andy sometimes feels torn between what his family wants us to do and what we want for ourselves and there's been many issues where he hasn't stuck up for me to his family that have hurt me. I've forgiven him and we move forward. I think the distance between us and his brother and his wife have been good for our marriage and I think the fact that we no longer live close to his Dad has been good for us. Granted, Andy and I my Mom sometimes clash and that can cause fights and my Mom didn't like it last Thanksgiving when I stuck up for my husband and we left rather than stay at her house. But, I later explained to her that I wanted Andy to understand that we need to stick up for one another to our parents and that our parents need to respect us as well. Abba, I pray that You will always help Andy and myself to stay united as one in our marriage. It's not easy sometimes, but I pray that You will help and guide us.

The Love Dare--Day 30

Isolate one area of division in your marriage, and look on today as a fresh opportunity to pray about it. Ask the Lord to reveal anything in your own heart that is threatening oneness with your spouse. Pray that He would do the same for them. And if appropriate, discuss this matter openly, seeking God for unity.

I see two things that can divide us. Andy chooses to look at the negative sometimes when things happen and can act very negatively in the way he talks sometimes. It drains me quicker than anything. However, I do call him on it sometimes and I do ask that he tries to be more positive as that is more uplifting and more encouraging.

The other thing that I really think we need to do is setting more time aside for "us." When I bring it up that we haven't really talked or anything in awhile, he's quick to say that he's busy with work and the kids are busy with sports and with everything going on it's just busy. I know it's busy around here better than anyone, but I really feel that we need to make sure that we go out and "date" and spend some time together without the constant interruptions.

Abba, I ask that you will reveal anything else that is threatening oneness with Andy and I pray that you will do the same for Andy as well. We need to be one with You.

The Love Dare--Day 29

Before you see your spouse again today, pray for them by name and for their needs. Whether it comes easy for you or not, say “I love you,” then express love to them in some tangible way. Go to God in prayer again, thanking Him for giving you the privilege of loving this one special person—unconditionally, the way He loves both of you.

Lord, I lift Andy up to You in prayer. I pray that he will always do his work heartily and that his work will always be pleasing to You. I pray that he will always have job security with Corgan. He really likes the company that he works for and I know that he does worry from time to time from past fears of when he lost his job when Deidra was a baby. I pray that all the service works that he does will be pleasing to You and that he will have a good heart about doing them. I pray that he will please You with everything that he does and that he will always make a joyful noise onto the Lord with all of his being. I pray that even in marriage He will show his love for me, just as You also love the church and gave Yourself up for her. I pray that You will always show him the spirit of love and that You will help him in the proper ways to love his wife, his children, his family, and everyone.

The Love Dare--Day 28

What is one of the greatest needs in your spouse’s life right now? Is there a need you could lift from their shoulders today by a daring act of sacrifice on your part? Whether the need is big or small, purpose to do what you can to meet the need.

Well, I really seem to be having a problem in the area of his greatest need. I feel like he is my only support system with all the kids and by the time the weekend gets here I really am ready for him to be home to help me with the kids and I consider that to be our family time. He likes to go out and play disc golf with his co-workers on some Saturdays. I try to give him some time, but I really do better when he can go out on a weeknight...but he enjoys going on some Saturdays. He asked last night if he could go next weekend. Granted, he is taking a 3-day weekend this weekend because we have Baby J's adoption presentation on Monday morning. And next weekend he'll be off and then work Monday, and then he'll be off on Tuesday for Baby J's adoption day. I just get frustrated and selfish because I want that to be our family time. I feel burned out with having to do all the child-care all the time, and making sure the house is clean, and all the paperwork and therapy stuff. But, I will continue to try to put my own needs to the side, and give him what he wants. He said to me last night that he was really good about letting me go to my brother's graduation at the beginning of June and spend the day with my family and he let me go to dinner with my Dad before he had to leave to celebrate Father's Day. I see his point and I know he needs his time out too, but I seem to be struggling with this as I don't have anyone to help me with the kids but him.

The Love Dare--Day 27

Eliminate the poison of unrealistic expectations in your home. Think of one area where your spouse has told you you’re expecting too much, and tell them you’re sorry for being so hard on them about it. Promise them you’ll seek to understand, and assure them of your unconditional love.

I think one big thing lately is that I feel the foster care side of thing falls on me. I'm the one home most of the time so most of the child-care falls on me. He's been wanting to rest and lay low after dinner, so I feel like I've had to pick up more of their care after dinner and before bed, whereas before he was helping me more often. I got kind of upset the other night because I was really short on patience and they were being handfuls and they needed a bath and the hubby wanted to lay on the couch. Later, he told me that I needed to ask him for help. I guess I just feel that he should know that I need a break from taking care of the kids and step in (he was doing it before, why all of a sudden did it change and now I have to ask?). Anyway, I feel a lot of pressure with trying to get everything done in time for Baby J's adoption, our regular paperwork stuff always falls on me, and then I get to be the one that is home to do their therapy and stuff as well all the time. It's a lot taking care of these kids and dealing with all the therapy and the paperwork and their social lives and so forth and I just wish he could understand that better sometimes. He is ready to go back to work after 2-3 days with them... But, I need to realize that just because I have a way that I do things, that he doesn't need to meet that same standard. I need to be more appreciative of the help that he does give me.

The Love Dare--Day 26

Take time to pray through your areas of wrongdoing. Ask for God’s forgiveness, then humble yourself enough to admit them to your spouse. Do it sincerely and truthfully. Ask your spouse for forgiveness as well. No matter how they respond, make sure you cover your responsibility in love. Even if they respond with criticism, accept it by receiving it as counsel.

Lord, I pray that you will show me the areas of wrongdoing in my marriage. I pray that You will forgive me for my faults and wrongdoings and that you can make me humble enough to go to Andy with them and ask for his forgiveness.

I wrote him an email at work today and thanked him for some things he recently has done for me and I apologized for some things that had happened recently and told him how I was working on those things.

I also realize that I need to tone down my unncessary spending. That is one thing that he is always making little comments on and I need to respect what he's saying and tone it down. I don't make huge purchases, it's just going out for slurpees or ice cream or getting cokes on the way home from somewhere or whatever...but if you add all that up over the course of a month, I do tend to overdo it. So, I'm going to start today...today I didn't go out to Starbucks when Deidra asked to go when we were out. I told myself that whatever we needed we could get at Wal-mart and she chose a candy bar and I let her indulge in that one thing. I told her that was it for today. The kids have been asking to go to McDonalds and I said not today. I need to bake more and make our own treats I think. Anyway, I'm getting off topic. But, I will look at his little comments and respect them more.

The Love Dare--Day 25

Whatever you haven’t forgiven in your mate, forgive it today. Let it go. Just as we ask Jesus to “forgive us our debts” each day, we must ask Him to help us “forgive our debtors” each day as well. Unforgiveness has been keeping you and your spouse in prison too long. Say from your heart, “I choose to forgive.”

I forgive my husband for all the times he hasn't lived up to my expectations or let me down. I forgive him for not always thinking of my feelings or being harsh in his tone. I forgive him for being selfish and only thinking about himself and what he need/wants. I forgive him for all the times we've argued and he's hurt my feelings.

The Love Dare--Day 24

End it now. Identify every object of lust in your life and remove it. Single out every lie you’ve swallowed in pursuing forbidden pleasure and reject it. Lust cannot be allowed to live in a back bedroom. It must be killed and destroyed—today—and replaced with the sure promises of God and a heart filled with His perfect love.

I think I need to learn to be content with who and what my husband is and in the areas that I'm totally not content with to give them to God and pray about them more. Such as, I was drawn to a guy that I used to work with that also went to church with me. I felt drawn to him because I could share my faith with him and he represented the light of Christ. I often miss sharing my faith with Andy and having him guide our family spiritually. I need to learn to pray about these things more and give these areas back to God. He knows what is best for all of us.

The Love Dare--Day 23

Remove anything that is hindering your relationship, any addiction or influence that’s stealing your affections and turning your heart away from your spouse.

I think our big thing right now is trying to balance our time...we have so much going on right now that we are trying to practice better time management. He quit chatting so much on Facebook as well as doing Farm Town constantly and that helps as well. I also made out a House Schedule so we know what's going on that day of the week as well, so we can schedule time around those things for one another.

The Love Dare--Day 22

Love is a choice, not a feeling. It is an initiated action, not a knee-jerk reaction. Choose today to be committed to love even if your spouse has lost most of their interest in receiving it. Say to them today in words similar to these, “I love you. Period. I choose to love you even if you don’t love me in return.”

Abba, I pray that You will fill me with the kind of love that only You can provide...You love us so unconditionally. I pray that I will always give Andy my unconditional love. I pray that You will always show me how to give to Andy in a way that truly reflects my gratefulness to You for loving me so that I always show the qualities of unconditional love and faithfulness. Amen.

The Love Dare--Day 21

Be intentional today about making a time to pray and read your Bible. Try reading a chapter out of Proverbs each day (there are thirty-one—a full month’s supply), or reading a chapter in the Gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John). As you do, immerse yourself in the love and promises God has for you. This will add to your growth as you walk with Him.

I think being fed by God's Word will definitely help. I don't make time to do this as often as I should. I always seem to use being too busy with the kids and everything else going on as an excuse. But, I need to sit down and set aside some time each day, even if it's only 15 minutes, to sit and spend with Him. God needs to be the true center of our home and He desperately wants us to spend time with Him and I think if I can truly reflect in His Word that it will greatly help my relationship with Him, my husband, and my children.