Thursday, September 17, 2009

Leave it to lack of sleep...

I went to bed at 10 and woke up at 1:45. Came downstairs and watched some tv. Deidra got up around 3:30. She laid with me on the couch for about a half an hour. I've been coughing my head off and just feel like I'm burning up, although I have no fever. Sweat is just rolling off of me. Anyway, at 4, I put Deidra back to bed and tried to go back to bed myself. I tossed and turned and finally fell asleep. Andy's alarm went off and he got in the shower and I figured I better get up (I'm thinking it was 6 am) as I need to get Deidra to school early so I can take the others to the sitters as I have to go to Corsicana for a meeting for the girls this morning. Andy informs me it's super early and it's only a little before 5 am. I asked him if he was planning on going in early and he says yes. I sighed and off he went. The front door opens and shuts and all of a sudden I hear feet hit the floor. Yup, all 3 of the littles wanted to be up. I deal with temper tantrums as I put them back to bed and I called Andy. He's going on and on about how every time he goes in early it's a problem. I blew up...I told him that I had been handling it fine when he warns me the night before and that usually I haven't been up half the night and just managing to get some rest again before he does this to me. He started arguing with me and I told him "well, you didn't talk to me for half the night last night, how was I supposed to know?" Come to find out he was mad at me like I thought. All over a situation that I wasn't totally comfortable with and didn't want to do this weekend the way that he wanted me to do it. I told him I see how I anniversary gift or even a card...yes dinner was nice...we had a better night than we did the day together. And then, he had told me when he gave me my birthday cards and new jammies yesterday morning that he had something else for me after he got home from work. When I asked about it last night, he said he never had a chance to go get it. So, I told him that I just wasn't really feeling like I was a real prioritiy right now. It's all about what he wants lately...he can't even make me feel special on our anniversary or my birthday and this weekend...he wants to go buy another carboy so he can brew. It takes all day. I don't know why he can't ever do some things here and there, but nope, he's brewing on an every other weekend schedule now. And I'm emotional about what's going on today, I'm hurt at how he's treated me on our anniversary and then on my birthday...add something that somebody had said to me yesterday about foster care and add the lack of sleep to it....God, help me get through this day. You know my heart and my desires. You know what is best for the girls. Please just help me get through this day smoothly and not let us run into any problems. I'm praying that I will be back in time as well to get the kids from respite and then get the girls from school and then get the girls to play therapy.

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