The Love Dare--Day 5

Well, today's dare was to ask him about 3 things that he wanted me to work on...things that made him uncomfortable or caused him to get irritated with me. I wasn't supposed to get mad at him or justify my behavior. It was really hard to sit there and just listen.

He asked me to let him go out more and act like I really wanted him to go out and have fun and he asked me to not restrict him with talking to one of his friends on Facebook and that I needed to trust him more and not compare him to my Dad with all of this.

I thought I was making progress in letting him go out with the guys...the problem is that he goes out once a week and then that becomes not enough and then he starts asking ot go out twice a week and then he wants that plus time on Saturdays and I get to feeling like single Mom as I'm at home with the kids with no break constantly. However, I know that he needs his time out too. And I was trying to be better about giving it to him. He wants me to be more positive. For example, he called yesterday and asked me if I minded if he went out to throw some discs with his co-worker after work as he had gotten a new thing to track how far they were throwing. I didn't really want him too, but I told him that it was fine. When he asked me if I was sure, I said I would make due. That's the part that he didn't like and he said that it makes it hard for him to actually go out and do stuff when I say stuff like that. I told him that he answers that way for himself a lot of the time as well and so we both agreed that we would try to be more positive.

The second thing he asked requires some explaining. When we started dating, we told each other all about our ex's and the history that we had. He had dated one girl that really broke his heart, Joey. That waas his freshman year of high school and they only dated a couple of months but I guess she cheated on him and broke it off with Andy and it just really hurt him. She was a couple years older than him. Anyway, after she graduated she was involved in a horse accident and she has a brain injury from that accident (about 15 years ago this happened). Anyway, Andy found her on Facebook and they started chatting. It was bothering me a little bit before we left for Michigan but I was trying to understand that he wanted some answers to some things and she told him all about her accident and what she went through afterwards and stuff. When we got to MI, she wanted him to call her and let her know how the drive was. He went outside to talk to her and I didn't like that. I let him know about it and he told me that me and his Dad were talking and he didn't want to be disruptive. I told him it made him look like he had something to hide. He apologized. We met up with her in Michigan at a function that we invited a bunch of people too. I met her and thought she was harmless and actually really liked her. We came home and close to everynight, he chats with her on Facebook. She's asked him some inappropriate questions that he's always been very honest with me about when she does it. He blames it on her brain injury, but I told him that he doesn't have a brain injury and he can come back and tell her that it's inappropriate for them to be discussing this stuff. She wants out of her marriage, but feels stuff and she's always talking to Andy about it. She's asked Andy how many people he's slept with, she'll ask him what he would do in a scenario if he was married to her, she's asked him a lot of weird stuff and sometimes I really start to wonder if she has ulterior motives in asking him this stuff. I told him last night that she was really starting to make me uncomfortable and that I wanted him to start putting some space in between them. He told me that I was making something out of nothing and he didn't think it was fair to him to start restricting who he could talk to and for how long. I asked him "aren't we supposed to be the most important thing to one another?" he said yes and I asked "then if something that you're doing is starting to make me uncomfortable, don't I have a right to ask that my feelings be respected?" He then said that I did, but he didn't want me to start thinking that there was anything going on and that they lived on separate sides of the country it's not like he was going to cheat on me with her and he went on to say that she had said that she wasn't going to break up a marriage (all because she didn't want to have sex with her husband anymore as she wants out but she feels that she has to stay for the next 14 years so that her kids can stay in the school system that they live in, but she was asking Andy if he thought she should still have sex with her husband if he was going to be still living there or if she should let him have a girlfriend). I don't know so many things that she's said lately I just don't think are appropriate for him to be talking about with her. He said that his co-workers aren't embarrassed to be talking about that stuff and they make comments all the time, he said "should I not be talking about that?" I told him to me there's a difference between talking to a co-worker and talking to an ex-girlfriend about stuff like that. I just don't think it's appropriate. He told me that she likes to talk to me too...only when she knows that I'm sitting right next to him. I don't know. I hate questioning things and I don't think that he's at fault as I know it's her that keeps persuing him, but with stuff I've seen my Mom go through with my Dad's affairs and stuff, I just don't like feeling this way and questioning what she's trying to do. I really wish that he'd just quit talking to her so much and only talk to her here and there. He feels bad for her because of the accident, she says her husband is abusive, and I just feel that she's trying to draw him in. I told Andy though that he sits and talks to her when I go to sleep (he's a night owl, I'm not) and whenever he signs on to Facebook she's right there messaging him...I don't like someone else pursuing him constantly.

I never did get mad at him last night, although I was hurt with what he said at times. However, I know that I said what I needed to say and all I can do is pray that God will put it on his heart to change that.