Monday, July 23, 2007

Old Fashioned and a Heavy Heart

It seems like a few people that I know really have some heavy things going on in their lives and they've been telling me about them over the past few days. I keep thinking about them and some of it I don't happen to agree with, some things I think are going on that some of my friends aren't willing to see, and some of it I just didn't have the answers to.

One of my friends really keeps thinking about leaving her husband as she's tired of feeling like a single parent. She's tired of the same old pattern. This one, I think they just need to put more of an effort into communicating with one another and they could make things work. I understand how she's getting tired doing everything, but I think if she just asks him for help and they keep talking...they can make it work. This is the pattern of their relationship after all. Anyway, we've talked about all this and she doesn't really want to wind up divorced either. I know that they both love each other I think they're just experiencing one of their valleys and they'll be ok. I think it helps her just to talk...but sometimes I do wonder if they'll get past all this one day.

Another one of my friends is getting divorced and she's someone that I've always respected. We've talked many times and I thought we had many similar morals and values. She's been seeing someone else now and they've been intimate together. I guess I just thought she'd wait until her divorce was final and I thought she'd set a better example for her children. One child who is also sleeping with her boyfriend and my friend was furious when she found out. She's been battling whether to take her to the clinic for bc, but she doesn't want it to seem as she's condoning it. Yet, when you talk to her about it, she acts as though it's not any big deal that they're sleeping together either. I just think that someone needs to set the example for the children to follow and since they're living with her, I think it needs to be her. I don't know...I sat wondering about all this for a long time...I guess I'm just old fashioned in todays day and age. I don't judge anyone for what they do...I just have a different view is all. But, I talked to Andy about it all (my feelings) and I asked him "am I that old fashioned that I want to teach Deidra to wait until marriage and to keep instilling that in her?" I look at how my parents were with me...we talked openly about it...but they always instilled that in me that they didn't want me being promiscuous and they wanted me to wait. I can honestly say that I have only been with one person and I told Andy that if anything ever happened between us, I can see me being a lot like my Mom is now after her divorce. She's remained pure and she has a heart for God and while she has gone out on a couple dates here and there, she's always told us kids not to worry that it wasn't anything serious and she certainly would not be sleeping with them. She also tends to worry about causing us kids any pain and so she always tells us that she won't go if we're not comfortable with it. She puts us kids first. I told her the last time, that she doesn't have to ask us for our permission...we just want her to be happy. But, she doesn't want to cause us pain, like we had when we found out that my Dad was dating again and then later married again. But, she's said over and over again that the only time she's ever being intimate with someone again is if she has a ring on her finger and they are married. She has set a great example for my brothers to follow...I don't know if they will follow it with it being today's day and age...but she's set a good example there and I commend her for that. I guess to me, I just think that's how it should be...especially when you have young children and pre teens in the house that are at very impressionable ages. Like I said, I learned that I am very old-fashioned when I have sat and thought about it and I know that not everyone has those same views and I don't judge anyone for that. I want my friend to be happy, yet I'm just worrying about what her children are really seeing and getting the message about.

Another friend was having issues with her hubby. They seem to be doing better, but the more and more that I think about it I really am wondering about her hubby's actions. Nobody really wants to think outside the box about that, but I really am wondering if he remained faithful to her. He just seemed so manipulative of her and that makes me worry for her. I hope my feelings are wrong, but the couple people that I talked to about it thought the same thing that I did. Granted, we don't really know her hubby either and it's totally up to them to work through this. But, I just don't want her to get hurt and I keep worrying about her. I know people work through affairs and all that...and that's their decision...but I just hope that he really is being truthful with her. I just don't see how some of the info that came out could really come about without something totally inappropriate going on.

A friend at work took an old boyfriend back. She's seemed really different lately and people started questioning some things. We wondered if he had been abusive to her as she almost seems afraid of doing anything wrong or being late to get out to the car (he picks her up). Anyway, he was late picking her up on Saturday and she got a call from a church member saying that he was seen in a pawn shop pawning her daughter's bicycle. She was very upset that he would take something from her kids withour permission. She came to work Sunday and she came up to me on her break and acted like she wanted to say something, but she didn't know if she wanted to say it around everyone else. She finally came up to me and whispered that he had hit her in the head with a very large can and gave her a pretty bad gash in her head. When I went on break, she was just finishing up with her lunch and I talked with her with another friend from work. I asked her if he had ever done anything like this before and she said that when they wer together before, he pushed her down some stairs...she didn't get hurt...and he apologized and said he didn't mean to do it. I told her that no matter how she wanted to look at it, it was abuse. She's got kids in that house with her...she needs to keep their safety in mind as well and she needed to get out of that situation before it got worse. She told me that she didn't know what to do as she needed his income (he's not working right now but has applied for several things...although he says that he's not happy and the jobs suck down here). She kept making excuses. I told her that she was too sweet of a person to be treated like that...she said that he's alienated her and her family is mad at her and her mom won't talk to her until she gets rid of him. He's totally taken advantage of the situation though...the house is in her name...he tells her where and what she can do in the house, he takes her car on joyrides and takes her back and forth to work, goes on drug binges and disappears with her stuff, he stole her driver's license and she told me that she's got a warrant out for her for not paying parking and speeding tickets and stuff and so she can't just go get a new one, she couldn't go to the hospital to get the gash in her head looked at because she was afraid that she'd wind up getting arrested or her kids would get taken away. She doesn't want to have to go to a shelter because she'd lose her house and has a whole housefull of furniture and she kept telling me that she was nice enough to let him come live with her when he had nowhere else to go...she's just the type of person that helps everybody. But, I told her that although I am a lot like that myself, you have to start knowing when people are just taking advantage of you and they're not giving you the same respect that you are showing them. She started to cry and the other friend at work told her that she was being abused and she needed to get herself out of the situation. I just don't want to see more serious things start happening. So, now I am worried for her too. She's behind in her bills and she said that Home Depot helped her out one month, but she doesn't know what to do now...everything I suggested she is afraid to do. I told her that the things that she is worrying about can be replaced at some point...but she and the kids cannot be. I told her I would pray for her...I just hope that she can see what is really going on at some point and that he doesn't hurt her any worse than he already has.

Lord, I lift my friends up to You in prayer. Please watch over them and keep them safe. Help them to know what the best decisions are and to follow Your guidance. I'm not writing any of this in judgment...I care about each and every one of them and I've been worrying for them. These are just some of my thoughts about it all. I just want to see them all safe and for them to see the truths and most of all to make sure that their best interests are being kept in mind.



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