Hi again, Abba...

I just wanted to put this out there. So many people have criticized what I've been doing with these kids or certain things that are going on with the birthparents...like questioning me if Baby J's adoption goes through the courts if we'd reconsider letting his mom have access to him regardless if the adoption was closed...or feeling sorry for Baby D and Little J's birthparents because they're working their services but the judge and all the people working with the children and advocating for them were worried about the education aspect of it all. Their parents don't take anything education wise that the schools and therapists say and with their past history of just not making the kids go to school and all that...so why shouldn't the parents be held accountable for that. Then again, there's so much more to these cases than I can really get into too that people don't stop and realize that they don't see all the pieces to the puzzle and yet they want to criticize me for the feelings that I have. I'm not cold-hearted...I do have a heart...heck, I'm often the one that gets hurt a lot of the time because I put my feelings last...but working with these kids and all...I really want what is best for them. I've even tried to develop a friendship with Baby J's mom and I've gone above and beyond what is expected of me...yet there became a part to it all that I realized that she's been given tons of options to have the open adoption that she wanted to have...it's her decision not to sign the papers...and yes, we did agree that if we were granted an adoption through the courts and it was closed that we would keep it that way. You become a parent...you're a parent...that's not an option. You don't get to choose when you want to be a parent and when you don't want to. So, there have been many a time when she's known that he's on the phone waiting to talk to her and she's refused to come to the phone. Yes, I realize that she's going through a lot, but you can't let life get in the way of your children and you don't treat them like crap just because of what's going on in your life. Thankfully, he's too little to understand that his Mom just didn't feel like talking to him...but that's not going to last for long and I don't want her walking in and out on him later on just to make herself feel better. She's had this option since September and around Christmastime she found out that she was getting down to the wire with her decision. The attorney went out to talk to her after the holidays and she still refused to sign knowing full-well that they were going to court to get a handle on things in Feb/March. As much as I would like her to be able to have contact with her son, that option still remains in effect until court meets...it's in HER hands. I do feel sorry for her on one level, but if she doesn't sign the papers for an open adoption...at some point I have to hold her accountable to that. It's her decision...not mine.

So, rather than people criticizing me for my feelings or when I'm venting...please realize that there are pieces to the puzzle that you're not aware of and that I am not cold hearted...but there are some things that people need to be held accountable too...parenting is not a choice when you have your children living with you and if they make mistakes and just don't care about it or continue to make excuses...yes, I do feel that you need to be held accountable for that.

Abba, please give me patience to deal with people's comments sometimes and help me realize that sometimes they do have my best intentions at heart, but just don't always say things the greatest way either and I do get hurt.