How to tell when you're ready to have children....

I found this one quite comical...especially the toy test. It reminds me of all the times I've tried to make it through Deidra's room in the middle of the night while trying not to step on her toys and wake her up. lol. Abba, Even will all the "tests" of parenthood though, I am thankful for my daughter an everything that has come along with her. Hey, you have to go through some testing phases, or you'll never appreciate all the good moments. :-)

How to tell whether or not you are ready to have children:

The Mess Test:Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Now rub your hands in the wet flower bed and rub on the walls. Cover the stains withcrayons. Place a fish stick behind the couch and leave it there allsummer.

The Toy Test:Obtain a 55-gallon box of Legos. (If Legos are not available,you may substitute roofing tacks or broken bottles.) Have a friendspread them all over the house. Put on a blindfold. Try to walk tothe bathroom or kitchen. Do not scream. (This could wake a child at night.)

The Grocery Store Test:Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and take themwith you as you shop at the grocery store. Always keep them insight and pay for anything they eat or damage.

The Dressing Test:Obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus. Stuff into a small netbag, making sure that all arms stay inside.

The Feeding Test:Obtain a large plastic milk jug. Fill halfway with water. Suspendfrom the ceiling with a stout cord. Start the jug swinging. Try to insert spoonfuls of soggy cereal (such as Froot Loops or Cheerios)into the mouth of the jug, while pretending to be an airplane.When finished, dump the contents of the jug on the floor.

The Night Test:Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and fill it with 8-12pounds of sand. Soak it thoroughly in water. At 8:00 p.m. beginto waltz and hum with the bag until 9:00 p.m. Lay down your bag andset your alarm for 10:00 p.m. Get up, pick up your bag, and singevery song you have ever heard. Make up about a dozen more andsing these too until 4:00 a.m. Set alarm for 5:00 a.m. Get upand make breakfast. Keep this up for 5 years. Look cheerful.

The Physical Test: (Women):Obtain a large beanbag chair and attach it to the front of yourclothes. Leave it there for 9 months. Now remove 10 of the beans.The Physical Test (Men):Go to the nearest drugstore. Set your wallet on the counter. Askthe clerk to help himself. Now proceed to the nearest food store.Go to the head office and arrange for your paycheck to be directlydeposited to the store. Purchase a newspaper. Go home and read it quietly for the last time.

The Final Assignment:Find a couple who already has a small child. Lecture them on howthey can improve their discipline, patience, tolerance, toilettraining, and child's table manners. Suggest many ways they canimprove. Emphasize to them that they should never allow theirchildren to run riot. Enjoy this experience. It will be the last time you will have all the answers.