Thursday, August 16, 2007


My cycles are still all whacky and I've been doing the whole pass a clot thing, bleed for a bit, then I'll be done until the process repeats itself. The doctor says it's just my PCOS...I've never had this problem before. I'm not entirely sure that I buy it. When I had the problem with bleeding before, it was extremely heavy and I needed surgery to stop it. I've never had it where the bleeding is barely there and I'm just passing occasional clots. Anyway, he told me I had 3 options...go on birth control pills (not going to happen), go back on clomid (at 2-3k each cycle for thanks, or do what I'm doing. I've had other doctors give me Provera to see if that helps...he's not even willing to give that to me. Then, add in my abnormal pap smear and I just keep wondering if something else is going on. But again, he's not concerned...just come back in a year and we'll see if anything has changed.

My moods are so horrendous right now, I'm so impatient, little things keep bothering me, and I have so much to do today that it's not even funny to get ready for J's CPS worker to come out for her home visit tomorrow as well as ECI as J has his therapy appt (that I don't even think he needs anymore).

Then add that something is going on with Deidra...she is always saying that her tummy is hurting. I thought she was just constipated for awhile, but it kept continuing so I took her to the doctor. He perscribed 2 different meds (something to make her have bowel movements and something to see if she was having problems with too much stomach acid). She really complains when it's time to lay down. I couldn't tell if she was just using that as an excuse not to want to go to bed, or if she really was having issues. Anyway, now she gets put to bed and she'll wake up not feeling well, go to sit up and puke everywhere. Last night, it went all over her totally unclean room (clothes, stuffed animals, just everything...and she was going to clean her room today UGH). So, we were up at midnight cleaning her up, her bed, her blankets, getting the clothes and all her toys up out of the way. She's crying th ewhole time that she doesn't want to have to throw her stuffed animals away. I told her I'd try my best to wash them, but I couldn't promise anything.

Baby J has decided lately that he prefers me over Andy. If both of us are home and Andy tries to do something with him or for him 90% of the time he'll cry until I come and do it. If we go to church, the only way he'll sit if we're both there is if I hold him. Andy will try and he'll start crying until I take him. While I'm glad that he's bonding to me, it makes it hard to get anything done. And I think Andy's feelings are a bit crushed, although he won't admit that. However, he does do ok with Andy when I'm not around and he will play with him and giggle and laugh, so I think he's just showing preferences right now...and if I remember right Deidra did the same thing around this age.

Anyway, I just hope that this PMS stuff ends soon and that my hormones start doing what they are supposed to do. I have to force myself to do a lot of tongue biting lately when Deidra is doing her normal kid stuff (everything is such drama with her right now and boy is she starting to get lippy). I don't like to scream and yell at anyone. I prefer to be firm, but say things in a calm voice. I sent her to her room the other day and she wouldn't go and finally I had to get up, pick her up and set her in her room and I had to tell her that we both needed a time out at that point and that she needed to focus on listening better and doing what she was told to do and that I needed some time out so that I didn't start yelling. I just really notice the little things starting to get to me with my mood swings. I hate being like this. Even Andy has had a little man PMS over this past week. I have to bite my tongue there too. He keeps saying that he's sorry, he's just tired. But I still think men go through PMS cycles sometimes and I just think he's in the middle of one. I hope that he gets over his soon too.

Anyway, I guess it's time to get to my chores today....wanna come over and help? I've got to clean the house, finish laundry, take Deidra to the doctor, do my medication log for J, get some pics developed so that I can give them to J's caseworker tomorrow, run to the grocery store, try to take Deidra back to school shopping, get J more clothes, mop the floors, and get us all some dinner later before we have to head to the agency for our swim time.

Abba, please help my cycles to go back to normal though and for mood swings to even out. I hate feeling like this. I think Andy and I need some time to connect as well and we've both been just a little snippy at times.



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