Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Lord, please turn this day around...

I understand some of the behaviors my children have...but some days it doesn't make it any easier to deal with. I understand that the kids are ready to go back to school and each day as we get a little closer I think I too am ready for them to go back. Holy Spirit, please give me your strength to handle the things that come my way today. I hate having to get after my children so many times and realizing it's only 7:45 in the morning. I'm so tired of them screaming and yelling and picking at one another, having the 6 year old thinking that she needs to take care of the baby or that she can do it better than I can, I try to keep them occupied, but it seems like they just want to bicker and argue with one another or be mouthy with me. I know the Emily more than likely had times when she was expected to take care of Tracie or their birth brother, J. I understand that and I know that's probably where that comes from. I just keep trying to reiterate to her that I am the Mommy and that I can take care of Melina. This morning, Melina woke up at 5:30 and so she was up and I had fed her and the girls got up at 7. I got them their cereal and instead of Emily sitting and eating, she kept trying to get up and getting stuff for Melina and shoving it in front of her face. I kept trying to tell her that Melina had already been taken care of and yet she kept doing it...she was getting pieces of cereal and trying to feed her even when Melina didn't want it. Finally, I got aggravated and I yelled at her to go sit down that I was Mommy and I can take care of Melina. I needed her to listen to me and go focus on what she was supposed to be doing...eating her breakfast. All day long, her and Tracie are constantly trying to pick her up, shove toys at her, wrap her in blankets, and so forth. We keep telling them that Melina can pick what she wants to play with on her own, she can walk around and do what she wants, we tell her no no for the things that she can't touch and she goes about her way. She needs to learn to make her own choices and she is plenty old enough to do it. They can't seem to get that when she's screaming at them to put her down and whatnot, she wants to be left alone. I am glad that they want to help with her and that they love her so much and she loves them too. I just wish that they could understand that she is big enough to start doing some of this stuff on her own.

I will say that I am learning SO much about attachment in reading and through having Melina. I see the things that come naturally with Melina..some of it is hard to put into words. And I see the things that the others struggle with...I get angry at their birthparents sometimes for not investing in them more so that they wouldn't be struggling with things...things that they're not aware of or that I learn as we go along. I love all of my children so much and just want what is best for them. I know that they take those frustrations that they had at their birthparents and take them out on me as I am their primary caregiver. I try to be strong enough to take all of that. It's hard sometimes, but I know the best thing that I can do is to keep praying for them and trusting God that He knows what is best and that He will turn it all into something good. I am thankful for my children. I want to be the best Mommy that I can be to them. I just ask for your strength and patience and a daily renewal of your fruits, Abba. Thank you for all of your blessings. Amen.

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