Monday, January 02, 2012

A bad seed

Deidra's been a friend of a girl who has 3 other sisters for a long time. She friended all of them, but she was closest to their younger girl (we'll just call her Said Girl). Deidra met Said Girl when we moved into this neighborhood when Deidra was in 1st grade. Said Girl was in 2nd. Said Girl was her best friend for a couple of years although she was in one grade higher than her. We never had a problem until said girl failed a grade and then Deidra became almost like competition and with some of the things that she would say to me at times, I could see that she was jealous of Deidra for some things. She would pit the girls against her at school and she would refuse to let them play with her and Deidra would come home crying and saying that she didn't have any friends. A few days later, they would be friends again, but the cycle went off and on like that all year. I told her that real friends don't treat their friends like that. She'd keep her distance from her for awhile and then said girl would start being really nice and Deidra would give her another chance.

Well, lately she's had to copy Deidra at everything that she does. It drives Deidra crazy, but I always told her that some people just feel the need to do that and to take it as a form of flattery. Anyway, there's been some drama this year, and when it came to her birthday party she didn't even want to invite Said Girl and when Said Girl invited her to her birthday party, Deidra didn't want to go. However, she changed her mind trying to be a good friend and went anyway. A girl moved to the neighborhood a couple of years ago and all this drama was always happenign between the 3 of them (we'll call her New Girl). I gave the New Girl a bad rap and told Deidra that it was all due to her and that she didn't need to be playing with girls like that who said bad things about her and so forth. For a long time she stayed away from her, but the things that Said Girl would say that New Girl said about her all of the time really hurt Deidra. Anyway, Deidra has stayed friends with Said Girl's older sister and she's been putting distance between herself and Said Girl, although she wouldn't go into a whole lot of reasons with me anymore about why.

She's friends with a few other people in the neighborhood and she's been trying to spend more time with them, but she went down to Said Girl's house yesterday to talk to her older sister and she wound up calling and asking to spend the night. We said that was ok. A couple hours later, her Dad brought her back to the house saying that there's been some drama with the girls and until they can get it sorted out, he was makign the girls go home. Deidra was in tears and spent the next half an hour crying to us about all that had gone on. Apparently New Girl was spending the night down there too with Said Girl and she had gotten sent home too. We put the little kids to bed and came downstairs still trying to console her when there was a knock at the door. It was New Girl and her Mom. New Girl was crying too. They wanted to know if Deidra could spend the night over there and we started talking. New Girl's Mom had taken all that Said Girl had said and had pinned Deidra as having a bad rap over the years and here I had taken some of the going's on and given New Girl as having the bad rap...something happened yesterday and it all came out. Said Girl has been spreading lies about everyone else so that she can get all the glory as being an awesome friend. She didn't want her friends having any other friends and so she was spreading lies about every one else behind their back and telling the girls that lies were being told about them, but that it was the other girls saying things. Deidra said that another little girl in the neighborhood won't even talking to her anymore (she was just here for D's birthday in Nov) because she thinks she's a liar. Deidra started crying again and said that it's all due to Said Girl. I don't know whether to go talk to her Mom or not as her Mom is a nurse in our doctor's office and we talk whenever we go in there and her younger daughter is a friend of my Emma's too. I've known that Said Girl has a not so nice side and anytime I've talked to her Mom about stuff, she's always taken Deidra's side as she knows how Said Girl can be. I just didn't realize that it had gotten THIS bad. I told her last night that I don't want her going down there anymore, even if it is to hang out with her older sister. Her older sister is more than welcome to come down here if she wants to and they can talk on the phone too, but no more going down there. I'm putting my foot down now as my Deidra doesn't need to be treated like that. Newer Girl's Mom told me she had told her daughter the same thing. I woke up a few times in the middle of the night thinking about it. I'm almost considering going to talk to Deidra's other friend's Mom's in the neighborhood to try to clear Deidra's name and to let them know that Said Girl is bad news and to keep their daughter's away from her as Said Girl lies about them too. And the next time I hear of the lies being spread at school, I just may take this to the guidance counselor. I'm pretty disappointed...It's one of those things where I wanted Deidra to learn to fight her own battles and so I stayed out of it. I just never had imagined that the problem had gotten this big until last night. I feel so bad for my Deidra. She's one of those people, just like I am, where she puts other people's feelings before her own, and she just wanted to be a good friend. Now that I know all of this, I'm going to help her stand firm in putting distance between herself and this girl. Nobody needs a friend like that that can't stand people being friends with anyone else and is going to sabotage friendships over being that jealous. Wow!! I had a friend that tried to do that to me as an adult and it was incredibly draining. I had to deal with phone calls from other friends asking me questions all the time, because she was telling them that I had this going on and that going on and didn't need them bothering me all of the time, yet she would try to swoop in and be the one to rescue me or whatever all of the time. Once, I finally figured out what was happening, she was surprised when I called her out on it and we pretty much stopped being friends because of it. That was hard on me as well, but I'm going to help Deidra firmly close the door on this friendship least for a long while...who knew 5th grade girls could be THIS mean??

New Girl's Mom let me read a text that she got from Said Girl yesterday too and I was completely in shock that she thought it was ok to talk to an adult like that. It just drove the stake in further...I don't want her around Deidra anymore. New Girl's Mom told me some of the lies that New Girl has been hearing as well and I just found one of them laughable. Deidra invited New Girl to her bday party long before she invited Said Girl. She wasn't going to invite Said Girl at all, but I told her that if she was going to invite Said Girl's older sister, that I thought it was only fair of her to invite Said Girl too. Trying to nice, she finally did. After the party, Said Girl went back to New Girl and said "did you know that Deidra didn't even want to invite you to her birthday party and wasn't going to?" New Girl's Mom said "that's bs as Deidra brought the invitation down here." She was surprised when Deidra said "it's Said Girl that I wasn't going to invite, but my Mom didn't think I was being fair." If I knew back then, that it had gotten this bad, I would have supported her in her decision. I just can't believe all the lies that have been put out there and so forth. Said Girl has some issues that she's going to have to work though, that's all I'm going to say. Wow!!

Lord, I ask that you bring some GOOD STRONG faith girls into Deidra's life that she can share true friendship with and help her to weed out those girls from her life that don't have her best interests at heart and just want to cause problems for her. Thank you, dear Lord. Help Deidra work through all of this and give her your peace and comfort. Amen.

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