A break through with Tracie...

We had attachment therapy this morning and just talked about how everything was going. How my MOm got us the book by Nancy Thomas about parenting techniques for the parents of children with RAD (something like that anyway...I'm too lazy to look for the exact wording right now) and how I put 4 pages of techniques up in the kitchen for all the common behaviors that we deal with and a couple reminders for us too about things. The kids have been getting angry at some things (she said that's good...they're learning that they don't have the control), coming forth with good behaviors a little more frequently, and we talked about how Josiah was now taking Kapvay and has been MUCH more calm and behaving better. She said today was the first day that she's seen him where it seemed like he actually acknowledged that we were going to go discuss something and that it even pertained to him, so she sees that as a great medication change. We talked about how I get upset sometimes that Tracie when she first came to us would not let me leave her sight without screaming and how it took me a couple of years to get her to understand that I wasn't leaving her. Now, she's almost the exact opposite...won't hold eye contact with me, will glom on to anyone else, but it's almost like I have to force her to cuddle or if I try to take her hand she fidgets with my hands to try and make me let go. She brought Tracie in by herself and took her hands and Tracie did the same thing with her and then started fidgeting with her clothes. She asked Tracie what she was feeling and she half giggled and started pulling away. The Dr. kept a hold of her and held her eye contact and finally she started half giggling/half crying. The dr. pulled out her feelings chart and asked Tracie to point to how she was feeling. She pointed to the happy face. The dr. told her that she was seeing the shy and scared face at different times. She wanted me to take over the exercise with her and I got the same reponse from Tracie at first and kept asking her what she was feeling. Finally, she wrapped her arms around my neck and started to fullly cry and said "I just want you." I pulled her up on my lap and hugged her and rocked her and the dr. told her. Mommy is your safe place. When you get scared or feeling shy and need your happy back, you go cuddle up with Mommy. That's your Mommy and she won't let anything happen to you. I think it got across and she wouldn't let go of me for a long time. The dr. told me that she sees a little girl who desperately wants to let her walls down and let me in, but she can't quite yet. Even when Josiah and Emily joined us, Tracie didn't want down from my lap. When the kids went to investigate the toys that Melina had been playing with too, Tracie was the last to join them. Dr. says that she just wants to soak up all the love that she can. It was a good breakthrough and it made me feel a lot better about things too. This was also the first time that we had brought Melina with us. Dr. told Andy and I that we make good babies. We had a talk about how Melina has taught us a lot about the attachment cycle and in a lot of ways she's a lot further than the other kids. Dr. says that Melina has already got self-regulation figured out whereas the other 3 don't have that down yet and she knew when she got hurt to come to one of us for a hug and reassurance whereas the others are struggling there too. It was a good appt and it gave me hope. I love my kids. Andy even got a little choked up in the elevator about me and Tracie, although he covers it up by laughing. I'm so glad that we have this dr helping us. She's so understanding and has really helped us a lot so far.