Callings in Life...

We've been talking about some pretty deep things in bible study lately...abortions, cancer, marriage strifes...and someone made the comment that we all have to go through certain things to learn and grow. We learn to appreciate certain things that we're given a lot more than other people do. One girl is suffering from breast cancer and she said that it's honestly been a blessing as she's looked at everything. It's taught her to appreciate life and God's blessings where as before this journey she just took everything for granted. It made me stop to wonder what my situation like that was. I can honestly say without it's my infertility journey. I've always loved babies ever since I was little. I've always wanted a big family (4-6 kids). Our journey to get Deidra was a hard one, but I am so very glad that I have her. She's such a beautiful and sweet blessing in my life and she's such a mommy's girl. I'm so proud of her and the little girl that she's becoming. Yet, over the past 5 years we've tried unsuccessfully to have another baby. This has been heartbreaking on so many levels for me. I've watched people that had their first babies after Deidra was born go on to have 2-3 more children and I know that people don't mean to be hurtful, but I find that some comments "try having more than 1 child and see how busy you are" or various things are little slaps in the face. And then there's these young mom's that I see at Home Depot that just go off on their little children or they say such rude comments to me about how sometimes they wish they never had them or that life would be simpler without them. I can honestly say that yes, Deidra tries my temper and tests me at times, but I've never looked at her and wishes that she wasn't ours. I'm so very grateful for her and I appreciate being her Mommy. She's definitely a blessing from above and I wish that everyone could see that children are such a gift. But yes, maybe it's this journey that's gotten me to the point of realizing all these things. Yet, I can also remember my Mom finding out that we were ttc and she kept saying "kids are such a huge responsibility, I'm glad it's not me. Just make sure that you know what you're getting into." I thought she was going to be upset when we finally were able to tell her that we were pregnant and she was the one that cried for joy with me on the phone. She loves being a grandma and Deidra adores her just as much. Now, that people have found out that we're adopting, I get to hear "well, it may not work out how you want it to you know...Deidra and her may fight all the time instead of be glad that they have each other to play with." Yes, part of the reason that we want to adopt is so that Deidra has a sibling to go through life with, but part of the reason that we want to adopt is so that we can have another child to love and call our own as well too. I know that her and D aren't always going to get along and that things aren't going to be perfect, but we'll handle things as we come to them and we'll raise them with plenty of love. But, I'm also starting to realize that God is going to give us the blessings of children in this house. It just may be a little different than what we originally intended. But, we are ready and willing and I so cannot wait to have another baby in the house. Deidra is going to make one awesome big sister as well. Children really are a gift from above and I can't wait to receive His gift!