Happy birthday, Mom!

Hi Abba. Will you please wish my Mom a happy birthday for me today and give her a hug from me and tell her that I love her?

Dear Mom,

I want you to know that I love you...I love you more and more as I get older, although it seems that I get madder and madder at myself sometimes because I can't remember some things about you. It's funny that I can still hear your voice inside my head with the way that you used to yell my name when you were mad at me, yet I can't seem to remember your personality. Yet, I know that I was your little girl and that we loved one another dearly. I remember you taking me here and there, whether that was rollerskating (I have good memories of those days), whether it was going for tea with Grandma, 3-wheeling with Uncle Steve and Aunt Shirley and Cousin Jon (those were some fun times too), you helping with parties and field trips at my school, going camping at Jellystone and to the amusement parks, and running errands with Aunt Jerrilynn. You were always doing something with me and giving me the gift of your time and love.

You were taken from me far too young and I miss you dearly. I used to wonder if you were still here with me in some way. The milestones in my life were hard not having you to be a part of them...graduation from high school...getting married...having my darling little Deidra (oh, how you would love her...but I'm sure Grandma has told you about her)...I miss you always but those times I missed you 10x more.

I know that you are still here with me in some ways. You showed me that when Grandma was sick. That was such a hard thing for me and I had my first dream about you that I can remember in a very long time. And when I found out that she had passed away and I went upstairs to cry and pray, your picture just fell into my lap (there was nothing to cause it to happen...it just did) and I knew that you were there to comfort me. I held your picture in my hands for awhile and just looked at you. That's when I truly really knew that a mother's love never leaves you and that you were here with me. I got up to put your picture back up on the entertainment center and I sat down sobbing. Not even a couple minutes later, your picture did the same thing and I just sat there with you for a long time. I knew you were there to comfort me. That was an amazingly hard event in my life...I was so angry after that...I was 25 years old and had lost 2 of the most important people in my life that I was extremely close too and meant the world to me...you and Grandma. I think I lost a little of myself when you were taken from me, and I think I did when Grandma died too.

I made it to 30 years old this year. It was a scary birthday for me. One that I was dreading. It's a weird and scary thing to make it the birthday that your mom lost her life on. All I can think about is that you were taken far too young. I can remember thinking that you and Dad were so old when you'd tell me that you were in your twenties when I was little. Now, that I'm 30 I certainly don't feel very old. You were young when you died and I always knew that, but it's in a whole other light that I really see how young you were when I sit here at 30 years old myself. I wish you could have lived at least 30 more.

I used to sit and wonder what you were doing up in Heaven and I used to imagine you sitting and rocking all the babies and visiting with your loved ones that have already passed on. I know Heaven must be one amazing place and I hope that you're having one heck of a birthday party up there today. If I've done my calculations right, you turn 52 today. Thank you for giving me such a good childhood and for loving me so much. I'm sorry that you're not here physically with me, but I know that your spirit is with me. I asked Jesus to give you a hug from me today and to tell you how much I love you and hope that you have a wonderful birthday. I miss you Mom, but I know that we'll see each other again one day.

I love you.

Love,
Jess