Saying Good-bye to Baby E

I am so hoping that the first good-bye will be the hardest, but some how I doubt that is not going to be the case. We had a great holiday together and I've got some cute pictures of him. I also got to spend 2 hours with him this morning. I think he knew something was up, he kept pointing to his stuff and looking at me with this puzzled look on his face. But, we got lots of cuddles time in and he gave me hugs and kisses and I gave him hugs and kisses. Deidra made him a good-bye card last night that we all wrote messages to him in. I cried a lot while I was packing up his stuff and doing his last load of laundry. This morning, I just wanted to make the best of the time that we had left and we played and played and he was just as sweet as could be. He even gave Deidra a hug and a kiss and tried to cuddle with her. I got some cute pics of them. They came for him about a 1/2 an hour late...that was gut wrenching. She finally called to say that she was running a few minutes behind. I choked up after she called, but I didn't want him to see me cry. She arrived about 10 minutes later and she started packing his stuff up. I gave him hugs and kisses and then she came back to ask him if he said his good-byes. I told her to take him before I fell apart. She took him to the van and I just started sobbing. Then, I realized that his nebulizer was still on the table so I had to run that out to them. She looked at me and said "the good-byes are always hard." I waves good-bye to him and came in the house and when the van pulled out of our driveway I prayed for blessings for him and cried my eyes out.

My caseworker called to check on me a few minutes ago and she said that someone was supposed to call her and let her know the final verdict of the courts today and that she would call me to let me know what was going on for sure when she knew something. She also wanted to know whether we wanted another placement right away or whether we wanted to wait a few weeks. I told her to give me until Monday to deal with my feelings. I told her that they can start calling me with placement calls now, however, I don't want to take anyone until Monday. She asked me if we had a preference on ages or boys or girls and I said no. So, we'll see what God has in store for us. This good-bye business is hard though...it's a lot harder than what I thought. Even with all of his mischief...you could see the sweet little boy behind that and he really was doing a lot better this week and that made it all that much harder to see him go. I wish him all the best and I hope God blesses him all the days of his life.

I love you, Baby E and I am really going to miss you!