Thursday, September 23, 2010

I hate how people can make you feel defeated sometimes...

We've been having the same battles everyday and I was venting about them in behavior therapy yesterday. They really don't know what to tell us about why certain things keep happening and I know that. But, one of the therapists told me yesterday that with the ADHD, some things just may not be possible. Well, we know that's not true because they can do certain things when they CHOOSE to. That was a big question a few months ago...could they or was it not physically capable of them to be able to do it. We found that they COULD do it when they CHOSE to. So, we're back to them NOT CHOOSING to follow rules and do what they are asked to do. The therapist told us that she thought the ADHD was causing the behaviors and that they may not be able to help themselves. Andy got a bit confrontational with her and then she kind of changed her tune. We know they are able to do it at times...we're not going to use the excuse of that they have ADHD. I brought up to her that we still discipline them all the same for certain things. She said she never told us not to discipline them as they had to learn that behaviors weren't acceptable. I left feeling frustrated and defeated. I know that some things are harder to do for them with ADHD and we have empathy towards that, but what do you do when Deidra feels like we hold her to a higher standard and they just act up all day long. They're punished for what they do and sometimes they feel like nobody likes them. It looks different to everybody depending on whether they have ADHD or not. But, I can't just let the safety things go and not try to talk to them and put them in time out to TRY to correct the behavior. I'm not just going to start saying "oh, well they have ADHD and they can't help it" and that gets them off the hook. Andy didn't really feel that's what they were saying whole-heartedly, but I just felt really defeated. We've been told by their psychologist before that we have been doing everything that we are supposed to be doing with them and that their classes are really for the parents who don't have a clue as to how to parent. I'm going more for support so that we don't feel like we're the only parents who are going through some of this stuff. But dealing with their behaviors as much as we do does make me 2nd guess myself at times or feel like I'm a failure as a parent at times because I cannot correct their behaviors. She asked me if I had brought it up to his psychiatrist and I told her that is nothing but a big joke. I met his new psychiatrist (resident right out of school) last week...she met me all of 2 minutes and asked me how everything was going...I told her that he's been much more manageable since he started the new meds, but he was having some agression issues at school and somewhat at home. That turned into a lecture on staying consistent and making sure that he was given time outs no matter if he screamed all day long about having to do it. I told her that he has a very strong will and he knows that something will happen to him if he misbehaves, the problem is that it really doesn't phase him to change the behavior. She continued telling me that every kid cared and that it was just important that I stayed consistant. I don't know how I could be anymore consistent than what I already am. I finally shut up as nothing I said was going to make a difference. Yet as we walked out the door she told me to make sure I knew to call 911 if I needed to with him. Oh really? You don't think his behavior is that bad to warrant lecturing me on staying consistent, but as we're going to leave you bring up calling 911? Do these people even have a clue? I don't think he's gotten that bad to warrant calling 911, but one of the meds he takes IS supposed to help with agression which is why I brought up the agressive tendencies that he has at school because I was just wanting to know if that medicine needed to be adjusted at all.

Behavior therapy wants us to consider getting Emma tested again. I'll go ahead and do it. However, I don't know what testing is going to tell us other than what we already know. I think she's been doing a lot better since her adoption and we changed her medicine a couple of weeks ago to give her longer coverage at school and her behavior chart from school has shown that too. Granted, I know she still has her moments and whatnot, but I think some behavior is to be expected given her age.

However, God has also revealed to me that I am not the "potter"...He is. I do my part with trying to guide them in the right direction and I have to trust Him to be their potters and mold them into who He wants them to be.

Anyway, I was watching Joyce Meyer this morning and her message was totally for me. She did a clip on a gentlemen who as a boy had a handful of problems, bipolar, ADHD, schizophrenia and other things. He was trying to hurt his parents as a toddler and doing this and that and all the people that they tried to bring him to for help eventually gave up on him and didn't think he was able to be helped. One doctor told the parents that he had the brain of Hitler and would grow up to be a mass murderer and that he needed to hand him over to the state as they would never be able to help him or make him fit into society. The mother never gave up on him and prayed for him all the time. One night, the now teenage boy happened to see a Joyce Meyer program and said something about "the boy sitting in the recliner with the ignorant heart to God" and he knew she was speaking to her through the tv. He went to get his Mom and she told him that was the Word and that God wanted him to turn his life around. He prayed with his Mom and gave his life to Christ. He graduated from school as a practical minister and wants to help children that were like him now. Joyce said in her message that if there was a parent of 2-3 children or more with some issues like this or maybe not as bad as him, just to trust that God is working. When she said that, I started to cry. I have to continue to trust in God and that He is hearing me. I do know that ever since my Mom, Margaret and I started saying the rosary novena for Josiah that his behaviors have gotten better on some levels and so I just need to keep praying. I know that with God all things are possible and that He will make everything good. :-)

Labels: ,


Post a Comment

<< Home