Monday, October 11, 2010

Lord, I'm not too sure of what to do...

I've been paying Dad's bills for a couple of years now and while I don't mind doing it, other things are making me stress out and while I know it's really not my stresses me out because I'm the one having to write out the checks to give to the people. A couple months ago, I know bitterness got in the way of having to write my Mom child support checks as my parents agreed to pool their money together to send my brother to college. I was upset that he was given that opportunity when he blew away his football college scholarship last year and was skipping classes. It's funny that my parents told me when I went that if I wanted to go to college, I was going to have to go to the local college and stay at home and work my way through. They gave me a couple hundred dollars to help with my first semester of tuition and then I was on my own. I worked full time and I went to school full time. Sure my brother worked this summer, but he blew all the money and so that made me bitter that they were willing to do this for him and that I was never able to finish school as I couldn't do my nursing clinicals and work to pay for school. Finally, I was able to realize that I just needed to let it go and realize that that business was between him and my parents and for the most part, I've been able to let it go.

Now, I find myself getting upset that my Dad has needed new dentures, isn't able to get a place of his own or a car, and other things that he really needs to be able to do for himself because Mom has him talked into still providing child support on my youngest brother so that he can continue going to school. I see it draining whatever he manages to save up each month. My youngest brother is 20 and I feel that he should be able to accept some responsibility to help with his own schooling so that my Dad can start doing some of this stuff for himself. And if it's not one brother it's the other. I just had to wire some money for my other brother last night and I was upset about that. He had taken a temp job in CO at one of the state parks that he new was going to end in so many weeks. However, they had told him that if he did a good job, they'd send him to other state parks. He never told anybody in the family that his job had ended, although my parents had texted him asking how he was doing and all that. All of a sudden last night, he texts my Dad saying "the job ended, I went to MT with a friend to check out a state park job here, if I don't get this one, I'm going back to CO to see about working in one of the ski resorts and if I don't get that one, I'm buying a bus ticket home....oh by the way, I'm broke can you wire me some money." To me, that's just a lack of responsibility...he knew the job was temporary, why wasn't he trying to save his money...he's 22 years old. So, I asked Dad what was going to happen when he blew through this brothers are draining whatever finances both of my parents have...I hear them both talking about it. Yet, it just boggles my mind on how they keep just giving them everything that they want/need without my brothers having to accept any responsibility. It really shouldn't be any of my business, but yet it turns into my business when my Dad calls saying "oh such and such needs some money, can you wire/go to the bank and do this and that." I tried calling my Mom to talk to her about it and she said that Dad had been trying to get ahold of her all day about it, but she just didn't want to deal with it. Well, gee thanks for making me deal with it. He's my brother, I'm not his parent. His parents should be doing this stuff and if one isn't able, they need to teach them the responsibility to take care of themselves. I just get upset with the attitude "drop everything that you're doing and go do this because your brother needs it done right away." Mom wants to point the finger at Dad..."I dealt with that all those years, I'm not doing it anymore." Well, what about when it concerns your son? Isn't that something a parent should be taking care of rather than dumping it on the daughter to go take care of (again, I understand I'm using my father's money to do it, I just think that he needs to try to take care of it himself and if he can't, then my Mom needs to take care of it). Maybe I have the wrong attitude, I don't know. I'm just tired of seeming like I'm in the middle with the child support and now with the payments to my brothers on top of it all. To me, that's what part of her child support payments should be going for.

Andy got kind of upset last night seeing how much it stressed me out and told me that I need to talk to them and tell them that I don't have a problem doing Dad's banking each month as I know that's hard for him to do while he's on the road, but that he's going to start writing out the child support checks and taking care of what my brother's need on his end and if he's not able to do it, my Mom needs to step up. It's putting me in the middle and in a position I don't like to be in. Just guide me, Lord, in my attitude about it all and how to deal with drawing boundaries. Give me your guidance.



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