Turning the big 3-0

Well, tomorrow at 9:26 pm (September 16), I officially turn the big 3-0. This is the birthday that I have dreaded for so long. Not because I turn 30 and consider that to be old, but because my Mother died at the age of 30 and as I was diagnosed as a diabetic a couple of years ago and saw things that happened to her begin to happen to me, it scared me. I didn't want to die young and leave my daughter behind at such a young age. I've been thinking about her a lot lately. I wish I could remember more of her personality instead of just the things that she did with me, but I also have to remember that I was only 8 years old when she passed away. That is awfully young to remember a whole lot. But, I do remember her taking me roller skating and I remember going 3-wheeling with her, Uncle Steve, Aunt Shirley, and Cousin Jon. I remember going camping at Jellystone and to Cedar Point and to Kings Island. I remember running around in the car with her and Aunt Jerrilynn. I remember us going over to have tea with Grandma. I remember her making chocolate chip cookies for me and giving me popsicles after school. I remember her going on field trips with me and her being up at the school and I remember the way that she yelled my name when I had made her upset. I remember sitting on her lap and the way that her legs felt. I remember her laying out in the sun while I swam in the pool or played outside. I remember the beautiful garden that she planted in front of our house and wishing that I had the green thumb that she did. I miss her and this birthday has been a little hard on me emotionally, but I am getting myself healthier and I'm almost off my diabetes meds as well...I've lost almost 20 lbs now and am going to keep working at it. I can't believe that I'm really going to be 30 tomorrow.

Andy is taking me away tonight...he's got a surprised planned...Deidra is staying with Grandma overnight....I'm looking forward to some time away for a little bit. It'll be fun! Oh, and did I mention that I found my first gray hair?? I quickly plucked it out. Not ready for that stuff quite yet....