This week...

I went and read Ephesians on Tuesday where it talks about the women submitting to the husbands and all that and I was really having a hard time figuring out things and it was really a point where I finally admitted to myself that I was thinking about leaving and separating for awhile if things didn't start changing. Andy can be so angry and negative about things sometimes that although I try to remain positive and in a good mood, he depletes me a lot of the time. I wound up going to my Mom's later that night as I wanted to read Scripture with her and I wanted her take on what to do. She told me that I had to keep praying as You were the only ones with the answers. I told her that I didn't want it to come down to me leaving, but he needs to honestly work on putting some romance back into the marriage, keeping a positive attitude, and being more patient with Deidra and letting her be a little girl sometimes. Mom told me that he couldn't give me what he didn't have to give and that there is no perfect marriage and that I needed to start doing things for God instead of for Andy when times got tough. We prayed together.

Wednesday, she called me and told me that she wanted to take Andy out for some one on one time on Thursday after work and I told her that would be fine. She took him down to the College Pub for dinner and she took him the "long" way home so they could blast Michael Jackson music. Mom says she's going through her 2nd childhood and you can still like Michael Jackson's music...so they came home in the car listening to Thriller. Anyway, Andy came home last night and he was in really good spirits. He actually tried to be romantic later that night, but although I went along with it I was really distant from the whole thing. I'm mad at myself for that today. I've been crying and crying and crying for him to show this side of himself and actually initiate certain things and then he finally does and I have to be this way.

Thinking about it today though, I'm wondering if I'm just feeling empty for always being the one to initiate and such all this time and always having to ask him for his affections and to be shown that he honestly loves me.

I think I'm going to make us an appt to go talk with our priest and try to work through some of this stuff though. I don't want my marriage to end, but we definitely need to get it back on the right track. We've both got some things that we need to work on for each other and for God himself and we need to start making God our focal point in all things....I try to...but I don't always succeed...but we need to both start making more of an effort if we're going to get through this.