Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Boundaries and Respect

I told Andy the other night that after listening to myself one day that I really think one of our major problems is the kids lack of respect for every one elses things and with each other's personal space. I don't know how many times I can say "don't touch that if it doesn't belong to you, we don't have to sit on top of each other, back up, got out of each other's faces, you don't have to be right on top of someone to talk to them" just stuff like that at all times. And it's constant. We were talking about this somewhat in behavior therapy last week as well and I just said that sometimes it can be really hard. If I sit down, they all have to zoom right there. It doesn't seem to matter if I try and give them oodles of attention or not, they just zoom right in. I love them to pieces but I do need my own space sometimes too. The therapist mentioned that she understood that we have 3 with varying attachment issues and she knew that had to be hard as they always were trying to get our attention and affection. And of course, they have no fear of strangers either which I don't know what to do about. It doesn't matter how many times I've told them that we don't open up the door without Mommy or Daddy or Deidra being right there, Josiah will open the door to someone that we don't know. Granted, I know boundaries is really something a lot of kids who are/have been in foster care struggle with and so I've patiently been hanging in there, but it's just really difficult sometimes. But, I think this is one of our major issues so I'm going to give them a goal to work on this month with keeping our hands and feet to ourselves and I also made a rule for the kids that if Melina is laying on her baby blanket on the floor that they cannot be on that blanket or that will earn them a time out. She loves them to death and they love her too and I'm glad for that, but anytime I put the baby on the floor, Tracie has to sit right on the baby blanket and she puts her butt right up against the baby's head. And Emma will lay down on the floor and put her face right in the baby's to talk to her. Not to mention, Josiah wants to be helpful but he crams the pacifier in the baby's mouth and makes her gag on it. Trying to teach him to be gentle, but I've told him that he has to ask now before he does it and I had to do the same thing with Tracie for similar things that were happening. I'm glad that they want to help, but we have to start working more on personal space as I really do see that it's becoming a huge issue. They wander around and sneak off into Deidra's room or our room or my bathroom and there's no reason to be in anyone else's rooms but their own. Too many things of Deidra's have gotten broken lately as well because they are constantly trying to get in there and won't leave her things alone. So, we have some things to work on. I pray that God will help them understand more as we work on it as well.

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