Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Adoption Stuff

I guess I never realized how hard some things were going to be with this adoption stuff. I don't regret adopting the kids for a minute, that's not what this is about. I just never thought that dealing with the birthfamilies would be so difficult. I always thought that Josiah's birthmother would be difficult and that the girls birthmom would be the easiest to deal with. However, it's turned out to be the opposite. Josiah's birthmom has never been anything but grateful. She says thank you all of the time through his blog for taking care of him and for providing her with pictures and updates and tells us all of the time how thankful she is that he is with our family. The girls birthmom and family started out being really nice and visits went pretty well. Then Christmas came last year and she started needing to reschedule the visits all of the time and she went against all the court paperwork. Since the adoption wasn't finalized yet, I went ahead and changed the visits for her, but after a couple of months doing that and catching her in some lies, I finally went to CPS and asked what I should do. The supervisor told me that if she wasn't following the court papers on what we set up for visitation on the weekends that the visits should be cancelled and not rescheduled. After that, I started sticking to if we didn't do them as scheduled, then we weren't doing them. That made her upset that I wouldnt' reschedule a visit for the week that we were going to be on vacation and I wouldn't let her see them when we got back. Well, it just so worked out that a couple weeks after we got back, their adoption happened anyway. We were supposed to have a visit the week that I got put into the hospital for Melina, so Andy explained to her what was going on. She was fine with it. I was going to give her a visit soon after we got home, but she asked to do it a couple months from then instead. Right before the scheduled visit, CPS called me and told me that some things had happened that she violated her contracts with them and their attorney said that was also grounds to end our visits as well according to our agreement. I didn't ask for a whole lot of details, although some were shared with me. I let the birthmother know that according to our agreement and what had just occurred that the visits would be ending and if she had any questions she could talk to CPS. She did that and tried to tell me that they were lying to me and a huge sob story and how it was up to me whether she saw the kids or not. I quit responding to her texts for a few weeks. Fast forward to about 6-8 weeks later she texted me wanting to know how the girls were, I thought maybe enough time had passed that she had accepted the terms. I started talking to her again, she asked about visits and I stuck to our decision. Then, I became a thief and a liar. I stole her children. Nevermind, the fact that she voluntarily gave them up and that I never lied to her...it was our contract agreement that she openly agreed to and signed. Yet, because I was holding her accountable, she had a fit. Some things had started happening with the girls making themselves sick over visits and whatnot anyway, towards the end of our visitation and this is what is about the best interest of the girls anyway, so she's not going to make me feel guilty. I've continued to send her pictures and updates and we told them that they were still welcome to send the girls letters, cards, or gifts as well and how to go about doing that. That's another argument in of itself...anything to try and make me feel guilty and manipulate me into doing what they want. Not going to happen. Anyway, I don't have to even send pics or updates anymore due to the fact that she violated her agreement, but I was trying to ease her mind and let her see them grow up. Yet, she's still pushing for visits everytime I send pics now. I never expected all of this...I'm a compassionate person, but when all of this starts effecting my family...I have to put my foot down. Abba, just please help me know what to do in this situation and guide us along the way. The girls best interest is what I want to keep in mind and that is what I agreed to do by adopting them in my opinion. I did tell her that when the girls got old enough and if they wanted to see her that I would come to her then. She just can't seem to understand that these visits are NOT going to happen right now.



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