Tuesday, September 04, 2007

My Labor Day Weekend (Vent and Long)

Saturday, we cleaned up the house in the morning somewhat and I had to do some laundry. We went out to a couple thrift stores and then I had to go to work from 11-8. I came home and Andy had dinner cooked and ready to go. That was so nice. So we ate dinner, put the kids to bed, and then watched some tv and I fell asleep with him rubbing my feet.

Sunday, I had to work from 8-5. Not enough coverage and my patience was getting thin. My Mom came in and brought me a yogurt parfait and visited with me in between customers for awhile since I wasn't working in my normal spot. And she asked if she could come over after I got off of work so we could spend some time together. So, we made plans to do that. I didn't wind up getting my lunch break until almost 3 o'clock. Came home and Andy informed me that my Grandma had flown in from Florida and my Mom was on her way to pick her up. She had gotten a ride from the airport to some hospital thinking it was going to be easier for my Mom to go and get her. She's infamous for showing up unexpected, but we hadn't seen her in about 15-16 years and she had never even met my youngest brother, Jimmie, before. Anyway, I called her on her cell phone and she asked if they came over once I got off of work. I said no and so they came over. She looked totally different to me (didn't even look like her) and she's been known to say things to rub people the wrong way and so I was a bit nervous, but she was nice and pleasant and I thought maybe her old age had helped. Mom asked me if I'd come back to the house with her as Grandma wanted to go to bed and she just wanted my company and so I went home with her and Grandma went to bed and Mom and I sat on the couch talking. Her Mom and her don't always get along, so she was really kind of stressed at the visit and that she never bothered to call saying she was coming. I stayed there until about 11 just laughing and talking and having Mommy/Daughter time and she said that she'd see us in the morning and we'd figure out what we wanted to do for Labor Day. I went home and spent some time with Andy and then we went to bed.

Monday morning comes along and Grandma had mentioned something about looking for a curio cabinet for Mom in the antique stores or the thrift stores and Andy wanted to go thrift store shopping for ebay and so I called Mom and asked her if they wanted to go. She said Jimmie had football practice until 10:30 or 11 so she couldn't go until he was done with practice. I said that was fine and we did some things around the house, met with the candle lady up at Starbucks, and then we headed over there. I gave Mom a candle scent called Angel as I thought she'd like it and she said that she needed it as her Mom was starting to drive her nuts. She took me in the other room and proceeded to start crying as Grandma asked her what she really did to make my Dad leave her. She wouldn't let it go. Then, I guess she told Mom at like 9:30 am that she was ready to go thrift store shopping and she didn't want to wait on Jimmie. Mom was his ride home and she wasn't just going to leave him home on the holiday as our family always tries to spend time together on the holidays. Well, by the time we got there, Grandma was in a horrible mood. Jimmie finally called after 11 asking me to come and get him, but I didn't bring my license so Andy said he'd run up there. Grandma starts yelling that if we're all going in the same vehicle, that we just needed to all go up there and get him as she was tired of waiting. I said that he would probably want to come home and change clothes and she said "for what?" Ummm...gee I don't know he's been in football practice for the last 4 hours and it's hot out. Anyway, I ran in to tell Mom that Grandma didn't want to wait anymore and she said they had already exchanged words about that when she wanted to just leave him up at practice and told my Mom that she needed to let her 16 year old son go. Mom told her that he was a sophomore in high school and she was his ride home and she wasn't just going to up and leave him. She told her that she was afraid to leave her 56 year old son for too long in FL by himself (he lives with Grandma) for too long and so she should understand that. That apparently made Grandma really mad and so she quit talking to anyone. Jimmie got home, grabbed something to eat, and we all piled into the car. We trekked all over the whole time Grandma's pouting and stewing over everything and won't go in any of the stores, won't talk to anyone, and I finally asked Mom if she just wanted to go home as Grandma appeared to be mad at the world. Mom said no, everyone else was having fun and she didn't want to have to go home as this was her holiday too. We cut the trip short and Mom wanted to go to Cracker Barrel for dinner as we were all hungry. Well, Grandma goes to put her order in and is rude to the waitress...she wasn't understanding that she had to pick 3 sides to go with her dinner and only picked 1. The waitress asked her what other sides she wanted and Grandma asked for something they didn't have. The waitress told her and namedoff the sides they had and Grandma finally says "Nevermind, I'm not eating." My Mom tries to help her and gets an attitude and so only 1 side order got turned in. She left and went outside...nobody knew what she was doing. We sat in there for awhile and Mom just tells us that she'll come back on her own and I was pissed that she was trying to ruin everyone's day when she's the one that showed up unannounced. She finally comes back in and has a biscuit...still not talking to anyone. The food finally comes and they give Grandma her dinner. She starts yelling that it only came with 1 side and was a royal bitch to the waitress...Mom finally told her to behave herself and to quit treating people like crap. She mouthed off to Mom about something, Andy tried to lighten the situation with a joke and Grandma just glared at him. Finally, I said to her "Grandma, they asked you 3 or 4 times what sides you wanted, that's all they got out of you before you stormed out of here." The waitress offered to go get her more and she flat out refused. She started yelling at Mom that she wasn't eating and I said "Grandma, you haven't seen us in 15 or 16 years, come on let's try to make the best of things rather than focusing on the negatives." She proceeded to yell at me that she was only here for 1 day and that we all chose to go out and that I had too much influence on my mother when I wasn't even a part of her family. I was in shock, got up from the table with tears in my eyes and ran into the bathroom. All the while my Mom is telling her "that IS my daughter, you do not talk to her like that." Mom came in after me and I was just shaking...I never had any idea that she felt that way. I've sent her letters and pictures of Deidra and our family ever since the divorce happened and I never had any idea that she felt that way. Apparently when Mom came after me in the bathroom, Grandma wanted to sit there and talk negatively about how my Mom keeps talking about my Dad (yeah, because Grandma kept bringing him up time after time wanting to know why my Mom chased him away and all that crap) and Andy tried to change the subject to get things to calm down when she started badmouthing me and Andy wouldn't let that go. Finally, she said you know I don't need this crap and she got up and left. I was still in the bathroom shaking and sobbing and my Mom kept telling me that she was sorry and that she couldn't believe how mean her Mom had gotten. She's always been mean, but never anything like this. She asked me what I wanted to do as she didn't feel like eating dinner anymore and I said I didn't either, but I had to feed the boys as they hadn't eaten anything other than a late breakfast and then they had their milk in the car. We went back and she had left again. Andy told us what happened, we thought she just went out to smoke on the porch. I fed the boys really quick, asked for to go boxes and for Grandma's meal to be taken off the receipt, went to pay, and went outside. No sign of Grandma. We drove around the parking lot, Mom said she may have hitchhiked somewhere, we continued to look around. No Grandma. Finally, I asked if she would have walked over to the gas station where the Waffle house is by so we drove over there. All the while I'm shaking to death....I hadn't felt that way since Geoff (Andy's brother) and I used to get into it. Mom finally sees her sitting in the Waffle House so she goes in to find out what's going on. She told Mom that she had called a cab, she can throw her stuff out, and she's going back to the airport to get a plane back to FL. Then, she tried to fight with Mom again and Mom wasn't going to do it. She told her that she loved her, she was sorry things happened the way they did as she didn't think they'd ever see each other again and that she hoped she had a safe trip back. Grandma got mad at her because she wouldn't fight with her. We went back to Mom's and I changed the boys and Mom got Grandma's stuff together to send back to her and then we left.

I called her later to check on her and told her that I was sorry. If I knew how Grandma really felt about me, we would have just gone off and done our own thing, but what I was really hurt about was that she had her own by blood grandson in the car with her too that she had never even met before until now and she never even tried to get to know him. Mom wouldn't let me apologize for anything, but she also told me that Grandma isn't the type to ever apologize and that I'd never get an apology from her either. I had to apologize for calling her mom a witch with a capital B in the bathroom of the restaurant and Mom said she knew that I was hurting when I said it. She said that she's always been mean and they've never been able to get along very well, but she's never ever seen her be this mean before. I asked her if she wantedme to write her a letter saying that I wasn't trying to impose and that nobody knew that she had only intended to stay for 1 day. Heck, I can remember her driving unannounced before to our house and she'd stay for 3-4 weeks and the weird thing is that my Dad has never cared for her and used to ask for all the overtime he could get when she'd be up. Who's side has Grandma taken in the divorce not knowing any of the details...my Dad's. I don't know...I can't say that I ever want to see her again. My Mom was talking about taking a trip to FL to see her family at some point over the next year or two (she's been wanting to go for the past couple of years), but now she doesn't care to do that either. I told Mom that I just am at the point that I feel sorry for her...what goes on in your life that you have to be that mean to people. Mom started crying and said that she worries that will be her one day as when you're raised with people like that, it gets in your system somehow. I told her that I didn't see that happening to her...she cares enough to break the cycle...and it can be done if you want it bad enough. She said that she's always been jealous of her friends having close relationships with their mothers, because she never did have that. I told her that we had a close relationship and I don't see that changing.

I feel bad that the visit had to go the way it did. Heck, before everything went sour Andy had even offered to go online and look up flights out later this week with times and prices so she could see which flight she wanted to get on and she refused him that too. I put Deidra to bed last night and she asked me why that old lady had to be so mean to everyone and let me tell you that's one hard thing to try to explain to a 6-year-old little girl that has a big heart and loves everyone.

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