Thursday, September 13, 2007

Teary Eyed

We're taking J down south to visit his mom on the 22nd and 23rd. I had given the caseworker our number for her a month ago and she's been checking in to see if his Mom had contacted us at all. She hadn't. Well, she gave us the number of the place where Mom is to set up the visit so they would have someone supervise the visit. His Mom has her family visiting that weekend too. Anyway, they said that Mom was having a really hard day and asked if she could talk to J on the phone for a bit to try and cheer her up. After transferring me to a couple of people and not knowing her voice, this really young gal said hello. I asked if it was her and she said yes. I explained who it was and that I had heard that she was having a rough day. She said that she really was. I told her I was going to put J on the phone for her. She babbled at him for a minute, but he wouldn't say anything. It took a lot of coaxing on my end to finally get him to say hi. Finally, he pushed the phone away and said bye and so I talked to her briefly. She was sobbing. For awhile, all I could do was try and soothe her. I told her that she was more than welcome to call and talk to him anytime she needed or wanted to and as long as it was reasonable hours. I told her if she had any questions about him that she wanted answered that I was more than willing to talk with her anytime. She just kept saying thank you and that I had already given her everything. I asked her if she was ok as she was still crying. She said that she hasn't been right and she's just really been having a hard time. I reassured her that J has been doing fine and she is in shock that he's talking. I told her that he's gotten big since she's seen him last and that he'll probably talk at her a lot when she sees him after this week. I hung up with her and sat down in the chair with him in my arms and all I could do was tear up. I just hope the visit goes well and I know from talking to the CPS worker that she still wants to talk about adoption. My heart breaks for her though, especially with hearing her cry like that. I am so attached to J though and he is to me as well. Yet, I know that there's still a chance that he'll go back with mom. That alone makes me cry when I think about it. Just keep praying for us that she makes the best decision for all of us and that no matter what she decides that we'll all still be able to be a part of his life and watch him grow up. I pray that she handles the visit ok too as her family will be down there as well.



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