Monday, March 19, 2012

I need help with my atttitude...

My Mother-in-Law has been living with us since July. It's definitely had it's rough spots, but more than anything, I miss our routines that we had before she moved in when the kids would go to bed and we'd stay up talking and cuddling before we went to bed. It's hard to talk to your husband, when another grown person is always around. Andy said how we never talk about our finances or anything anymore and I said "when would you like me to talk to you about that when your Mom is sitting right here or when she's within earshot in the living room across the room from where we're sitting?" We can't go to our bedroom either as Melina sleeps in there still since my MIL is still rooming with Deidra. It's just been really hard with her here. Andy had a talk with her in January about how their deal was that she was going to move in with us, find a job, and get back on her feet and that she'd be here to help with the kids and the house and whatnot too until she got back on her feet to get her own place. She admitted that she hadn't done what she said that she was going to do and she started looking for work. She got hired right before we left on vacation. I can tell she doesn't want to work. The day she got the phone call she said to me on the stairs "I'm supposed to be being retired." And I could tell that she was upset that she had to back to work. Heck, even a lady at her work told her that it sounded like she just didn't want to work. I think it's obvious to everyone. She worked a lot more than she wanted to while we were gone and they called her to work yesterday and she said "nope, I've got 3 days off, I'm goign to enjoy them." They told her that if she kept refusing work, they'd call her less. She said that was fine. Here's where my attitude problem comes in. She's living here with us because she can't afford her own apartment. How do you increase your income? You work! And yet, she's turning hours down because she doesn't want to have to do it. I told Andy that I can't deal with the kids being home for the summer and her being here on top of it too. He told me that he'd talk to her in April when she quits drawing her husband's social security benefits and starts taking her own. I told him that I really don't want this to strain our relationship with her, but I just don't understand why she didn't listen to what he told her before and start getting the ball rolling on what she needed to do. I see how the kids act up more when she's around and it creates a whole lot more stress for me as well and it's just time that she needs to find her own place. I can feel myself getting resentful as well. We've been talking in counseling about her as well and the Dr. has helped us work through all this as well. She told Andy that the kids wouldn't heal from their RAD when they were seeing another adult in the home acting like she is too. Andy knows it's time, he feels caught in the middle, but more than that he hates that his Mom causes this stuff at her age. I'm sure he gets tired of listening to me complain as well, but the week we were in FL, a lot was revealed to me. I'm not saying that we didn't have some behavior problems out of the kids while we were gone as I don't expect them to be perfect, but it made me see more of the extreme that it takes when they are around his Mom and they have her for an audience. I've known that to be the case, but I didn't realize how bad it has gotten lately with being in the middle of it all the time. I don't know, I need help to hang on Lord and I pray that the Holy Spirit will help Andy when it's time to talk with her again to know what to say and how to say it and I just pray that our relationship won't be strained with her at all.

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