Dying

Hi Abba. I know that death is a part of life and that everybody has to do it. Just as you can't choose the moment you are born and to whom, you can't change how you die and when your moment finally comes. I was listening to my radio station that I always listen to this week and one of the DJ's had just lost his Grandpa and was having an extremely hard time with it (totally understandable) and people were writing him e-mails sharing their own experiences with him and giving him their support. Now I just heard that my friend's MIL is not doing well and they're calling hospice in for her. I hold this family in my prayers that they will have peace and comfort in this time.

All this got me to thinking though. I lost my Mom when I was 8. She spent 6 weeks in the hospital on life support before she made the decision that she wanted them to turn the machines off. They had told her that she would spend the rest of her life that she had on life support if she lived and she made the decision that she didn't want to be a vegetable and wanted them to turn off the machines. She didn't want to know the day they were going to do it though. She was totally surrounded with her family all the time and she had said her good-byes to everyone. I remember how she said good-bye to me, although she didn't tell me then that she was dying she told me while I sat on her hospital bed with her holding hands that "if anything happens to me, I'll always love you." The nurses took me out after that as they didn't want her to get too upset and we had both started to cry. She sent me a Strawberry Shortcake card in the mail with a very similar message as well that I still have to this day. On the day that she died, my Dad, my Grandparents (her parents) and all of her brothers and their wives were gathered around her hospital bed while she slept and they turned the machines off. I was at school when it happened...a sunny beautiful day. It's funny how I still remember that...there were barely any clouds in the sky.

I was 25 when my Grandma died and that was really hard on me as well. She called me to let me know that she had gotten out of the hospital and that hospice was being called in. I was so upset that nobody had called me when she was in the hospital so I could be with her. And then the news that her cancer was back and hospice was coming. I couldn't bear the thought of losing her... She was surrounded by her family during her last days. They called hospice in and a week later she was gone. My only regret during spending that weekend with her was that I would have made some of the family leave the room so I could have had "my own time" to say my good-byes to my Grandma. Instead, I never told her what I really wanted to say, although I know in my heart deep down that she already knew. I just wish I could have said it aloud to her.

But, it got me thinking hearing the DJ on the radio, that I've always said that I wanted to go peacefully in my sleep. While I would like to die a peaceful death, I think knowing a head of time when someone is sick like that and hospice is called in it gives the family time to say their good-byes to you and make peace with the decision.

One of my co-workers died last year. She lived alone and she just didn't show up at work one morning. We knew something had to be wrong for her not to be at work and not to be answering her phone and never had called in. We wound up being the ones that got the police to her house and they found her on the living room floor. She had died of a stomach anyeurism. It always bothered me that nobody was able to say good-bye to her or her to them.

Losing people that we love and care about is hard, but while I know that all of our days are numbered here on earth and we neither know the time or the hour that our death will happen, I think I would like to know when the time gets closer that it's time to start saying my good-byes...I still want to die peacefully...but I think I want the chance to say my good-byes. I think that gives the family much more peace as well. You all have a chance to say everything that you want to say to one another, tie up any loose ends, and you're given one last chance at forgiveness should there be anything that needs to be said there as well. And you're given the precious gift of time. Time to spend with that person in their final hours.