Believing...

John 6:40
For my Father's will is that everyone who looks to the Son and believes in him shall have eternal life, and I will raise him up at the last day.

Father God, never let me get to the point of unbelief. I have seen hardened hearts, and I don't want that to be me. I have found You to be believable in the past--and I know You will be in the future, too. Amen.

I got to thinking one day over something that I read...they were posing the question "When did you know that you believed in God?" I can't honestly answer that question with a certain point in my life that I just said "I believe." I do know that we went to church (Christian Reformed) with my grandparents when I was little. When my Mom died, we stopped going or maybe we stopped before then...I can't honestly remember...but I don't remember going after she died. Anyway, when my Dad remarried I used to always ask to go to Church and so we started going again to a little non-denominational church. We quit going again some time later and we started going to the Catholic church along with a friend of mine and her family when I was in 6th grade. We went to the traditional Latin mass where my brother, Zach, and I were baptized, and I received my first Communion. My parents had their marriage blessed in that Church and my Dad was baptized there and later I received my confirmation there. I think my parents did too. We became very close with our priest, Father Batory. He'd come over to our house a lot and we really enjoyed his friendship. Later there was a big fallout, and Father left and my Dad stopped going to church over it. My mom later stopped going too.

I started going by myself. Later work got in the way, and I quit going for a long time. Then, Andy and I got married and we fought over which church to go to. We were married in a Presbyterian church with a Presbyterian minister and a Catholic priest. We started alternating Sundays from going to the Cathedral and then to the Presbyterian church, but the Cathedral was what I was most comfortable with and where I truly felt God's presence. The fights continued and finally we stopped going to Church altogether to avoid fighting.

When I found out about my infertility, I went through a lot of emotions. All I ever wanted to be was a mother. I went through phases of needing God, and then being so mad at him over everything that I pushed myself further and further away. But, during that journey, I also learned that I couldn't make it through everything without Him. So, my faith started to grow again. When, I found out that we were expecting our little Deidra, I told Andy that I thought we needed to get ourselves back into church so that we could start her off the right way in Church and we needed to set an example for her by showing that it was important to be there and that our faith was important. It took awhile for us to find a church in which we were comfortable...she was baptized in the little church down the street from where we lived in IL...however that really didn't feel like home. A friend on a mailing list introduced us to St. John Neumann in IL and we started going there. Andy went through RCIA classes to see about the Catholic church and wound up joining the church all on his own. Our fighting stopped and I truly felt like we became one in our worship.

When we moved back to MI, we once again struggled to find a church and we didn't make it all but a few times to Sunday mass. He wasn't comfortable with going back to the traditional Latin mass that I had been in and we couldn't find another catholic church that felt like home to us.

When we moved to Texas, it was a no brainer...we had visited Mom's church many times and we just knew that we would go there and we've hardly missed a Sunday. I miss the most and that's only because of working Sundays, which I'm trying to get away from. We like our little church that we go too and it's convenient too since we pretty much live a hop, skip, and a jump away and we can walk right down our driveway, up the street, and right into the Church's parking lot.

So, while I can't pinpoint an exact time that I started believing in God...I think I just always have. I've always loved going to Church even as a little girl and my now Mom will even say that I had a part in getting her back into Church as I was always asking to go. Yes, there have been moments in my life where I have questioned things or my faith has faltered a bit, I've always come back knowing that I need God in my life and I have to say that things go much better that way. He loves to spend time with us too and He wants to know us and us to know Him...so, I am trying to spend more time in prayer and in His Word.

Anyone want to join me in my challenge to myself in spending at least 10-15 minutes a day with Him for a minimum of 30 days?