The Whys of Life

Ecclesiastes 7:16
Do not be overrighteous, neither be overwise--why destroy yourself?

Father God, humble my spirit so that I might be open to new truths today that I might better understand the whys of life (the big and the small). You know that I want to expand my mind to be more like You. Amen.

I think we will always wonder "Why?" when certain things in our lives happen. When we are undergoing especially hard times of testing, I know we will always wonder why this is happening to us. What are we supposed to be learning from this? Why is this happening to me? I know I especially wonder "why?" or "why me?" when certain things in life happen to me. Yet, I also know that what I want out of life isn't always in the grand Plan that Christ has laid out for my life and that He allows certain things to happen to test us and to help us learn lessons that we are supposed to be learning. Some of them are harder than others and a lot more painful to learn.

What are some of my "why's" of life?

Well, let me go back to when I was younger and work up until the present.

* Why can't you see God?
Yet, I've always believed in Him and I believe that I always will. Too many things have happened in my life where I have experienced Him for me not to. That's a later post though...that deserves it's very own post.

* Why did my Mom have to die so young?
I still wonder about this one. There's a lot of things that I've struggled with throughout my life with her being taken from me so young (I was 8), but yet I know we will be reunited in Heaven one day.

* Why am I an only child? Why couldn't I have siblings to go through this whole experience with to know what I am feeling?
This was what I often wondered after my Mom's death when I felt so alone.

Those were some of my childhood "why's." These are some of my adulthood "why's."

* Why is it that we don't always get the family support that we've been looking for?"
I'm slowly learning to let this one go little by little. It doesn't bother me nearly as much as it used to, although if I get to really thinking about it sometimes it does start to bother me. However, I know who truly supports us and when it comes to needing advice/support I've learned to go to the people who I know truly support us. I know deep down that as long as our own immediate family is in agreement with whatever is going on...that is truly all that matters.

* Why is it that some people can't have a baby when they are great and loving people yet some people get pregnant with no problems and never want their children or can't see the true blessings that the children really are?"
This one, I think I will always struggle with. There are some things that just don't make sense. The teenage girl that gets pregnant and throws her baby in the dumpster, the lady that just put her child in the trunk to get her out of having to go back into foster care, the people that complain and complain about their children but yet keep popping them out left and right, the moms that keep drinking and doing drugs while they're pregnant because their too selfish to give that up to keep their baby safe for the 9 months that they're pregnant...yet you see these people who are so sweet, giving, loving, and have so much to offer a baby and yet they struggle and struggle to have a baby and they can't. I just can't understand and don't think I ever will understand that one.

* Our we ever going to get to have a baby?
This is something that totally tested my faith, yet it was through choosing faith and constantly praying and believing in God's answer that got us our precious Deidra. There's not a day that goes by that I don't feel totally blessed to have her. Even on the bad days, I know that I am blessed and that does help.

* Why is it that children have to die?
Sweet, precious, innocent children...why do they have to die so young? Why are their families put through this grief and loss? I've read so many blog entries about children dying from cancer or fighting cancer battles and it's so heartbreaking, you hear the news about children dying because of brutalities done to them, children dying in auto accidents or the freak accidents. It's a shame that they have to die so young...yet I read somewhere that when God calls you to perfection early...that is why He takes them to be with Him. God just needs them and wants them to be with Him sooner. But, it's so hard to watch their families grieve over them and that's a grief that you never do get over. Sure it lessens with time, but it's something you never truly get over.

* Why did we have to go through our money troubles?
This was also a very trying and testing time...I felt many times that people never understood what we were going through. Then again, I think it's one of those things that you don't truly understand until you're going through it and living it. And I know that everyone goes through it at some point. Anyway, I think it taught us a lot about how to handle money and that we needed to live well within our means no matter what. Filing bankruptcy wasn't something that we were proud of and we felt scorned by many for having to do it, however it gave us a chance to start over again and learn our lessons and we are a lot better off now for having learned those lessons.


Then there's my silly "whys"....

* Why do there have to be spiders and creepy crawly bugs?

* Why does the earth have to spin?

* What does Heaven really look like?

* What does one do in Heaven?

* Can animals go to Heaven too?"

* Will we ever get to live in space one day?

* Can animals talk to one another like we talk to each other and understand?


* Can loved ones in Heaven see me now?

* Will we ever manage to get pregnant again one day?

I guess I changed some of the whys to will we's...but it's all the wonders of life...so I guess it all goes together.

I thank you God for giving me the gift of curiosity and I thank you for the questions that I have answers to and also for the ones that you will reveal the answers to me later on.