Thursday, September 27, 2007

More Zach Drama

So, my brother, Zach is moving back home. My Mom isn't happy about it and my brother, Jimmie, isn't talking to her right now over it. I got into a little tiff with her too as I think she's only setting him up for failure instead of learning how to be a responsible adult. I understand that he's always been a difficult child, but he needs to learn that he needs to be responsible for himself.

He got into that car accident 6 months ago and used the money to move to Austin and to prepay his 6 months worth of rent that he needed. Mom got him a refrigerator's worth of food along with helping fill up his cupboards and a little spending money. She told him that he needed to get a job so that he could pay his rent when it became due and to support himself in the meantime. He dinked around for 4 months...finally got a job at Domino's. He was coming home every weekend to see his friends. I finally made a comment that I didn't think he was working as jobs like that don't give you weekends off. He finally admitted that he quit that job to take a cupcake job. He got Mom to buy him new clothes and a haircut so that he'd be prepared for the new job. He called saying that his electric had been shut off again (Mom and Dad just bailed him out back in August with getting his electric back on) and that he didn't have money to pay his rent and they told him he had to be out by the end of this month. He also admitted that he never had a new job. Mom told him that he had until the end of the week to find a job and that he didn't like the rules at home or being around them and that she really didn't want him coming back home...that he needed to find a job and find a roommate and stay down there. He said he knew. He said that he can't stand living at home and that he doesn't have anything in common with anyone. Well, he won't talk to us, so how would he know?? Anyway, he told Mom that he'd find something by the end of the week. He called Mom the other night telling her that he never bothered trying to find a job as he was too tired and that he needed her to come down on Friday and help him move as they tol dhim he needs to be out by Friday. She's mad at him. I told her to let him sweat it out and tell him no. It's pure laziness on his part that he's in this situation. The kid is going to be 20 in's not do whatever you want and then when you're really in a bind, Mom will bail you out. I told her if she lets him move back home, he's still not going to find a job...he's going to blame it on the fact that he doesn't have transportation to have a job...and the whole cycle is just going to start over. She said she knows that, but she doesn't want him to wind up as a bum on the streets either. His friends have quit talking to him down there as they don't want him mooching off of them either.

Now, he's trying to tell her that he has a job lined up back here at home with one of his friends and that his friend will bring him back and forth to work. I told Mom that he can't depend on his friends and I'm not going to be the one to drag his butt back and forth either when they won't come through for him. And I'm especially not going to do that when he's had 6 months to get his act together. He's always got some excuse and someone needs to teach this kid how to stand on his 2 feet. And I also wonder if he's not just saying that or if he's lying again about it to get his way. You can't trust him and I don't think Mom really wants to admit that. Andy thinks he's still using drugs but my Mom refuses to see that. She gives him the benefit of the doubt and makes excuses for him and then she gets mad at Andy for even suggesting it.

Dad talked to him and is now talking about moving in with him to help him out and they could split the rent. But, he told Zach that he needs to get a job first. Zach said he wants to go to college in Austin. Dad's not too sure about living in Austin as he'd have a 3-hour drive each time he was off one way to come spend time with the rest of us and after driving all throughout the country for work, that's the last thing he's going to want to do. I told Dad too, that Zach can't even handle getting a full-time job let alone working and going to school. He needs to work for a year or two and then try and see if he thinks he can handle school on top of it. But, I think he's just thinking that Dad will pay the rent and that Mom will dish out the money for him to go to college. They don't have the money for that and with him dropping out of school and all the lying that he did about it, I think he needs to put himself through school. If he's got to pay for it, maybe he'll actually take it seriously. Dad wants to come out here in a week or two and sit down and talk to all of us about things as he'd rather live out here. He really wants to move into our house with us as he'd only have to stay here one or two nights out of the month, but he got into some trouble with a girlfriend after the divorce and she kept scratching him up during their arguments and he hit her once and she filed assault charges against him. So, I told him that he can't stay there with us fostering.

So, Mom's going to Austin tomorrow morning to move Zach. I understand her not wanting to see him having nowhere to go and she doesn't want to see him lose his things...but I really think she needs to let him sweat it out for a bit. Maybe I'm being too harsh, I don't know. But, all this kid has been doing is screwing up and she keeps saying that the divorce was hard on him. I just think if someone doesn't put their foot down and draw a boundary line now..he's always going to keep taking advantage of people and he's never going to learn how to take care of himself.

Dad's blaming himself by saying that he hasn't been there for him...Mom's blaming herself because she keeps giving in because she doesn't want to see him hurting. And all I keep thinking of is what if something ever happens to either of is he going to learn how to take care of himself?? I'm listed as the guardian over them if anything ever happens to Mom...granted I know that is only until they turn 18...but I know he's going to be coming to us for help if he doesn't learn this lesson now. I just wish that he'd learn that he needs to be responsible and that if he does need help, that he needs to get his butt some counseling rather than to keep refusing it.

Sorry, this is so just makes me mad.



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