Thinking about My Grandma...

I've found the last couple of weeks that my Grandma keeps coming to mind. I see something or hear something and it triggers a memory of her. I find myself cooking or in the grocery store or somewhere and she just comes into my mind. When she first died in 2002, I dreamt about her all the time. I thought of them as visits from her. After a couple of years, the dreams didn't happen all that often and now I honestly can't remember the last time I've had a dream about her. However, she really has been on my mind and I just miss her dearly. We were in the grocery store one day and Andy made a comment about how he didn't know if he could ever eat SPAM. I told him that Grandma used to make it sometimes and I had eaten it before and didn't mind it. I never ate it anywhere else, but her house though. Well, a couple weeks went by and I kept thinking about that and I decided to make some one night. The kids all loved it and mine didn't even turn out the way that Grandma used to make it, but it was still good. I think Grandma baked hers...I honestly can't remember, but I'm going to try that next time (I pan fried it this time) and see if it tastes more like hers. I used to love the roasts she used to make and she made really good chili and I loved the fruit salad that she used to make. Of course there were her turtle brownies too...but I already know how to make those. I really miss her...I miss our talks...I miss the fact that she totally used to get me and always said just the right thing to make me feel better. Yeah, she could tell me things that I didn't always want to hear too, but she was Grandma and I knew she just had my best interests at heart and she had a gentle way of saying them that it made it all ok. She always found the good deals at the thrift stores and I still feel close to her when we go out and do our ebay shopping. I wish we would have moved back to MI sooner though so I could have had more time with her the last couple of years that she was alive. I know that I can't change that now and that everything happens for a reason...but gosh, I really really miss her. My Mom bought me a bottle of Trejor perfume last year for Christmas. It was a scent my Grandma found and it smelled so good and she used to wear it alot. I wear it sometimes, but a lot of times I just find myself savoring it. I pick the bottle up and smell it. I can smell that smell when we're out and about sometimes and it just makes me instantly think of her. Definitely a smell that triggers memories. I wish Deidra could have gotten more of a chance to know her...I know she was too little to remember her when she died. I can still remember Grandma getting after me for feeding her room temperature milk though...Deidra didn't care...but Grandma sure did. She snatched that bottle right out of my hand to go warm it up for her and then she took Deidra and fed her herself and she didn't part with her until it was time for us to go. Anytime we went to visit Grandma with Deidra, that was one of the first things out of her mouth "Give me that baby." or "I'll take her." Grandma always loved babies and I know my Mom did too. I think that must be where I get it from. :-)

The boys are watching Sesame Street right now...guess what they're singing a song about...Cousin Myrtle. :-) This big smile just came across my face.

I hear so many people say that they were never close with their grandparents. I am so glad that I can say the very opposite of that. Granted, I was never close with my Dad's mom, but I still write her letters every so often. My step-mom's mom latched on to me when I first met her. After the divorce happened, I still wrote her letters and sent her pictures and so forth. She came to visit about a month ago (nobody knew she was coming...she just showed up)and she was in a fowl mood and told me that she didn't even consider me to be a part of her family while we were all out at Cracker Barrel eating dinner. I wound up getting up from the table crying, my Mom was furious with her mother and got up and ran after me. Grandma wound up leaving and calling a taxi to go back to the airport. We tracked her down across the street at the Waffle House and Mom told her that I was her daughter and that nobody was going to talk to me or treat me that way and Grandma told her that she was going to the airport and she could throw her stuff out. We found out just a coupleof weeks ago that she had gone into the hospital not feeling well and was diagnosed with lung cancer and they only give her 6 months to a year to live. All I can say is that I wish her the best, but after being treated that way, I don't care to see her again. And I hope that she can get over her meanness to enjoy the rest of the time that she has left with the family that she does have around her. Anyway, I kind of got off track here...so I'll end this.

Grandma Postema, I miss you so very much and I'll always hold you in my heart. I miss the bond that we had and the way that you always knew exactly who I was. I love you and I miss you dearly. You were one beautiful and special Grandma to me and I think I'm still broken-hearted about you being gone. I don't think a person ever gets over that. When I get to really missing you though, I tell myself that I will see you again one day. I imagine you up in Heaven talking to Jesus and rocking the babies and having tea with Mom and that makes me smile. I imagine you with Dale Ann on your lap rocking her and singing her to sleep. I know you are in a much better place now, but it doesn't make me miss you any less. I love you!