Guess I'm not doing as well as I thought...

We had the girl's little brother here for the last week. He came on Halloween night and he went home Friday afternoon. Josiah and Little E had been sick with really runny noses, low grade fevers, and bad coughs. The robitussin that I had been giving Little E just wasn't touching her cough. She was coughing every few seconds. I called on Thursday to see about getting her into the doctor and they told me they couldn't see her until MOnday afternoon at 4:30. My agency told me to go ahead and take her into the ER to get something for her cough. UGH. So, we headed off to the ER to find out that it was hayfever/viral stuff. Thursday night, I started coming down with it and Deidra came home from school sick with it as well. Friday, I gave all the kids allergy meds and sent them to school. I just needed some time to rest. I spent the day trying to finish up monthly paperwork and playing with the girl's little brother. The last couple of nights I've been lucky if I've gotten 6 hours of sleep combined. I am just dripping snot, coughing, and I cannot breathe. I fall asleep in bed, wake up and can't fall back asleep, have to keep getting up to blow my nose, come downstairs to sit in the recliner and go back and forth between the couch and the recliner. I thought I was dealing with things ok until all the temper tantrums started among everyone today and Andy was sitting at his computer doing budget stuff and I started yelling at the kids. I sent Deidra to her room to go put her clothes away and she just copped an attitude with me. I was trying to talk to Andy about something and he didn't answer. I guess he didn't realize that I was talking to him. I went and printed out the chore charts for the kids that we are starting today and read them off their chores, more attitude from Deidra, and Andy defended her somewhat and then yelled at me saying that they've all been distant because my patience is short and I've been moody. When I got up from the table with tears in my eyes to go upstairs, he said "exactly, that's what I'm talking about." I went upstairs and cried in my bed and listened to Josiah yelling at his door that somebody needed to get him out of his room and that he didn't want to take a nap. Finally, I got up and let him downstairs and decided to come down so I could get my work done that I needed to do and then Andy was asking Josiah if I had given him permission to come downstairs. I told him that I obviously had let him out. Andy started telling me that he was taking Deidra to go run some errands and I just kept saying "ok." Then, he got mad at me because I wasn't talking to him. I told him "well, if you're saying I'm moody and that my patience is short, I guess it's just better to say nothing at all." I thought I was doing ok with everything given how I've been feeling. I really could use some extra cuddles and whatnot right now, but I guess that's asking too much. Yes, I know my patience is short and I'm really trying to work on that. I'm exhausted, I'm constipated, I have constant gas pains, I'm sick with this allergy stuff, I'm trying to deal the best with everything that I can. Deidra's had an attitude about now wanting to pick up her room or having to help around the house, if it's not fun and games, she doesn't want to do it. Josiah's meds have helped his constant meltdowns but he really needs something to help his ADHD symptoms as he has a constant motor mouth and he's loud and rambunctious on top of it and I literally am running around after him all day to keep him from making messes and getting into eveyrthing he knows that he's not supposed to. Little E is into everything as well and her hands have to constantly be into everything. I can't put her in time out without her even picking at the cupboards, the floor, and the wall. And Baby T is still whining over every cotton picking thing. I told Andy that I'm trying to handle everything the best that I can and I'm trying to be understanding of their behaviors and I know that some progress is being made, but there gets to be a part of the night where I am just on sensory overload from listening to the constant talking, constant meltdowns, and running around keeping them out of stuff, and cleaning up messes. I told him that's where I need him to come in and help me out. He really hurt my feelings with what he said to me today though. Granted, I really did think I was doing ok all things considering, but I guess I need to work on it even more. He was doing so well yesterday too...he gave me a few hours to myself while he took all 4 kids out to run errands with him. And then today, he says that to me.

And on top of all this, I'm trying to potty train Josiah and Baby T this weekend. Josiah has the concept down, he has finally started to poop in the potty as of a month or so ago, but he doesn't always tell us when he has to go. He's gone all weekend long without having an accident. Baby T doesn't get the concept at all, even though her teacher tells me that she's been doing it at school and even telling her when she has to go. My OT thinks she's becoming manipulative because she won't do it for me here at home. I leave her sitting on the potty until she can go pee pee, I praise her and give her a treat and a star for her chart. She gets up and not even 5 minutes in her cotton training pants and she's had an accident. If I sit her back on the potty chair she'll tell me repeatedly that she's gone, yet I stand her up and nothing. I just don't know that she gets it. I told Andy that I was done trying to train her this month. I'll try again in another few weeks. Yet, she'll scream and tell me to change her when she poops her pants. I mean, she has a huge fit over it until I change her. I don't know, maybe I should keep trying for another few days before I give up for this month.