What a hard week...

Tuesday, we took Josiah to his T-ball game. He was so defiant with his coaches. They'd put his helmet on and he'd jerk his head and toss it off. They'd tell him to do something and he'd throw his glove on the ground and tear his hat off. He was running up and hitting the coaches and I was so embarrassed. To top it all off, Little E's behaviors are escalating and she refuses to listen to anything, she laughs when we try to redirect her or discipline her and she cannot sit still. We were sitting in the bleachers while Andy was trying to talk to Josiah. Little E was all over that bleacher, then she was trying to get into other people's cups, and she just doesn't have any sort of boundaries. We've been working on it, but she just doesn't get it. Then, one of the ladies turned around to talk to her and she wanted her sunglasses. I told her no. Everytime the lady turned her head, Little E would try to grab them off of her face. She got Baby T pointing fingers in the ladies face because if Little E wanted them then Baby T had to want them to. I got so frustrated that I finally sent Little E down to stand next to Andy so that she could burn off some energy without bothering the people in the stands.

Today, was visit day. The kids got up and I got them dressed for their visit and Little E was in a mood, she was trying to dump water all over my bathroom and I told her that we weren't playing in the bathroom. I was down on her level talking to her when she spit in my face. I wound up putting her in time out and explaining that her behavior was not acceptable and that we just don't do that to people and that it's not nice. She laughed. She did her time out and I finished getting everybody ready. I got the kids loaded up in the van and I realized that I forgot something. I told the kids to keep their seatbelts on and I would be back in 2 seconds. I literally walked into the front door, grabbed what I needed, and walked right back out to the van. I get out there and Deidra is crying. She had went in the back to help Little E get her seatbelt back on and was telling her that we were about to leave for her visit and Little E had kicked her and spit at her. She yelled at Deidra saying she didn't want to go. She had just been excited about seeing her Mommy when she first got up. I'm thinking that visits are starting to get very confusing to her. We get to the visit and I ran the kids in and she was doing ok. I talked to their Mom for a minute and I told the girls I'd be back later. Went to pick them up and the girls come outside. Little E tries to run into the street and the case aide and I both ran after her. I told the case aide that she sounded just like me because I'm always saying her name at least 3-4 times before she "hears" me. Anyway, she helped me get the girls in the van and she asked me if Little E was always so defiant because I guess she was a real handful in the visit today. I told her that lately she has been SUPER defiant and refuses to listen. The case aide said that she put her in time out for something and was shocked that Little E just laughed about it. I told her that's how she's always been. Discipline means nothing to her...it's very hard to get through to her...everything is hilarious. I told her that I'm starting to wonder if something isn't going on with her and I was going to bring all this up when I took her for her phsyical next week to see if the doctor could shed any insight. I know some of Mom's history too and I'm wondering if that really hasn't affected her brain to where she can't process consequences and right and wrong in some way. I had to run something up to my Mom at work afterwards and she came outside and met me. I asked her if she'd sit with the kids a minute while I ran in to use the restroom. I came out and they were all acting up and I was trying to discipline them and talk to her about some things on Saturday that we all had going on. She kept telling me "I feel sorry for you today with all that to listen to." They would not settle down, so we finally left so I could go feed them lunch and so forth before we had to be at doctor appts. We had to bring Josiah up for his doctor's appt and the doctor was just watching the kids for a minute and then he'd look at me. He finally said to me "you have the patience of a saint, I don't know how you do this everyday...you obviously have 3 of them with some things going on." I just nodded and said I do what I have to do. I love them dearly and I try to do the best that I can with all of them. He was trying to take Josiah's blood pressure and she kept reaching over and turning the machine off and I couldn't do anything as I had Baby T fussing in my lap and I was trying to keep Josiah still enough with my other hand. Then Little E threw a fit when she couldn't play with the machine. We kept trying to tell her it wasn't a toy. The nurse finally got up and told the kids if they coudl sit still she'd give them a sticker. Too bad, she didn't come up with that plan at the beginning of the appt. lol. Then, I had to take Baby T to the doctor for a diaper rash that wouldn't go away...she's got a bacterial infection. We had to wait 45 minutes for the appt and Little E was defiant as ever over anything and everything throwing fit after fit after fit and badgering her sister to make her cry the whole time. Then, she started clowning around in her chair and wouldn't sit still for anything, she was trying to turn the lights off, tear the posters off the wall, get into the cupboards. She threw the toys at the kids. I put her in time out and it was a battle and a half. When she wouldn't sit still in the chair and kept flailing around everywhere in it, I put her on the floor. I turned around to deal with Baby T who was way overtired and screaming and crying over everything to hear Deidra tell me that Little E had just torn something off the wall. I turn around and she's got a whole strip and chunk of drywall in her hand. I told her she was going to tell the doctor what she did and apologize for it. All she would say was "no." The doctor finally comes into the room and Baby T didn't want her looking at her diaper rash and Little E kept trying to push the doctors charts off the counter. I was about ready to pull my hair out. We finally got out of there with Baby T's prescription and the doctor asked me how many kids I had and she told me how she was also an adoptive mom to her youngest child. She asked me if I had any others besides the ones that were there today and I laughed. She said she has some patients tell her that they have 6 or 7 more at home, so she was just curious. I told her I had my hands full with who I had today, but we'd see what the future brings. She smiled and told me I was doing a good job. I packed up the kids and Baby T proceeded to scream and yell all the way to the pharmacy and back home. I put her and Little E down in their room for some quiet time and they both took a short nap before we had to go to Deidra's volleyball practice. Josiah didn't get to go to his t-ball practice tonight since he has also been very defiant and not wanting to listen today. I'm hoping that tomorrow will be better. Like I told my Mom...I know that all this has got to be so hard for these kids to go through at their ages and I try my best to remember that and not take it personally, but days like these are hard. She told me "I feel sorry for you today, but just remember that God sees all your hard work with these kids and He will reward you for all that you do." That was the breath of fresh air I needed to hear. Now the kids are in bed and Deidra is about to head there too. I have a stomach ache and my lower back is hurting. I think I may go head for a bubble bath. I'm thinking about hiring our own respite person that can come in and help out and watch the kids while I'm dealing with other doc appts for the other kids and who can come in at times to give Andy and I a break. Maybe go on a date and have some time to connect without constant interruptions. All this said, I do feel extremely blessed to have these kids in our home and to be a family together. I just have my hard moments sometimes.