Thankfully it's Friday...

I'm tired, that's for sure. So glad that it's Friday. I'm missing my hubby. He's having to work a lot, even at home, lately. While I'm glad that he has the ability to do that, I wish we had more time to talk and connect with one another lately. The kids have had a lot of energy lately and some attitudes going on. Can't wait until the weather gets a bit warmer and there's not so much mud outside so that I can start letting them play in the backyard some more. They have energy to burn!

Going to try to get a list of things together (Andy and I started it) for what we need to finish getting for Melina and some stuff for the house. I need to price everything and make a list from lowest to greatest and start buying things as we can. The kids want to paint their rooms as well, so we're going to have to start doing that one room at a time. Lots of plans and ideas flowing around. The girls want their room in Dora, Josiah wants his room in Spiderman, and Deidra keeps going back and forth. Her latest is a zebra theme with pink thrown in. I told her she'd be better off finding some bedding that she really likes and planning her color scheme for her room on that. I'm going to get Melina set up in the sitting area of our room and I'm going to decorate her little wall in butterflies. I think she's going to be in our room for the first year and then once she turns a year old, we're going to transition Little E in with Deidra, and then Melina will go in with Baby T. I think that should work out well.

My brother, Jimmie, helps with a mowing and lawn business during the summer with his old football coach, so I'm going to see if they can give me a price on putting sod in our backyard. And then, we're going to put a kennel back there for Lucy. The dog pretty much has free reign over our backyard, but Baby T will not play outside if the dog is back there, so I usually have to bring the dog in while they go play outside and I don't really think that's fair to the dog. So, I think a kennel back there will help. I can just put her in there then while the kids play.

Lots to figure out and accomplish and I think next month I'm going to try and do a garage sale with my brother here at our house and get rid of their stuff and ours that we no longer use/need and is just laying around taking up space.

My sweet Deeders...

I love my Deeders. I was crampy last night so after I took a warm shower and decided to lay on the couch, Deidra decided to pamper me and she wouldn't let me get up. She brought me a box with my book, a CD, toilet paper, and the stuffed mice that she wants to give Melina, and some cough drops in it. Then, she lotioned my legs and feet for me and even gave me a little foot massage. Then, she brushed my hair and put it in a ponytail and then gave me hot chocolate. So sweet!

Sweet Little E...

Little E...are you so proud of me?

Mommy...yes, I'm proud of you, sweet girl.

Little E...nobody's ever going to take me away from you?

Mommy...nope sweet girl...you're here to stay forever and ever.

Little E...Baby T too?

Mommy....yes, your forever family is right here.

Little E...nobody's going to take Melina?

Mommy...nope, you're all going to be safe right here.

Big smiles from Little E....along with a big hug and an I love you (she doesn't say it all that often). That's all it takes to make my day!

Insightful...

We had behavioral therapy yesterday and we were talking about a lot of things. It was very insightful. To me at least... I realize how much fostering has brought stress into our lives. It's been a blessing too...or we wouldn't have some of the children that we do. It's just the pressures and the stresses that it's brought into my life that I didn't even truly realize until we got to talking about everything. I am so worried about being reported for something that I am stressing over everything...the house being clean, the kids being perfect when others are around, getting them all caught up, and trying to do the best by everyone. They told me that I have to start letting the therapists do their job and quit feeling like I have to do all this extra stuff on top of it... I think I am trying to be the perfect MOm and I just cannot be. I just feel like I have to measure up to everyone. We were talking about how we deal with blow-ups from Deidra one way and we just brush it off and when they happen with the others, we deal with it completely different. I told her that I want to let them be kids, but Josiah doesn't always know his own strength and he can hurt people and since I still have to do incident reports on the girls, I guess I put more emphasis on that because I don't want anything to happen that would hurt anything. They understand that is a real fear that I have and that I worry about getting reported for things or false allegations. I think I will start feeling better about everything once the girls are finally ours and we can just be a real family without having to feel like we have to please everyone else all of the time. I have come to the real conclusion that I think we're done fostering after the girls adoption is finalized. I may do respite from time to time for some of our other foster family friends, but I think we'll be closing our home once the adoption is final. I'm ready to start getting our life back and being able to do family things without having to worry about getting judge approval and all the red tape that is involved in some of this stuff. The behavioral therapists feel that we are doing a great job and that we're wonderful parents and that we just need to trust in ourselves. I think when we first started all of this, we felt that we did trust our parenting, but after being in the system so long, I've started to doubt things...one person says we have to be more consistent and discipline for every little behavior, one person says we're too strict, all these comments coming from here and there and it makes you start to wonder after awhile if you are going about things the right way. One thing that really struck me last night was that they told me I'm putting too much pressure on myself and that I needed to take care of myself better so that me and the baby were taken care of. I get to worrying so much about the months ahead and behaviors and so forth, that I need to quit doing that and leave that to the teachers and the therapists to do their jobs. I don't buy totally that I need to quit doing some of the stuff that I am doing with them, as I do want to get them caught up so we can get away from doing SO much therapy and get them into doing more little kid stuff that they want to do, but I will try to not to push myself so hard to do every little thing that I think that I need to do.

OT Therapy Re-Evals

Little E and Baby T had their re-evals for occupational therapy a couple of weeks ago. Every 6 months they are re-evaluated so we can see how much progress they've made or new goals that need to be on their plans. I asked the therapist about them this week and she updated me on their progress. 6 months ago, they were about a year and a half behind. This time...

Baby T--41 months of age.
Developmentally she's scoring as low as 22 months old and as high as 36 months old. She's scoring at 22 months of age with her fine motor skills and 36 months old with self-help skills. OT says if we can just get her to potty train, she'd be where she needs to be with self-help skills.

Little E--4 years and 7 months of age.
She's scoring in the bottom 1% of her age group for visual perception skills. That blew me away! She's scoring at a 36 months of age for visual motor/perception. And at 42 months for fine motor skills. She's on target for her self-help skills.

The OT did tell me that she appreciated that we always asked questions and that I did carry over with them as they are coming alot farther with the stuff that I do with them too. She said that she had 3 families that were really good about that stuff and that we were one of them. That made me feel good. I told her I get frustrated sometimes when I hear their progress reports as I don't understand sometimes why we do x, y, and z and they still are struggling so far behind. Granted, when I received their case files and I was able to see the initial evaluation notes, I was able to see the bigger picture and I know deep down that they really have come a LONG way, but sometimes I get frustrated that we still have SO far to go. I am proud of them though and we will just keep working really hard.

Baby Swing!

We got our ebates check (cash back for just shopping online) and it was enough to buy Melina's baby swing for free basically. Our ebates check covered her baby swing and taxes and we got free shipping for the order being over $100. Can't beat that! I am getting so excited about her arrival. I can't wait to kiss her little head! Melina, Mommy loves you SO much already!

These things that these poor little girls worrry about...

These poor girls and what they worry about. We were up at Walmart today and we walked by the baby aisle. Little E told me we had to get some things for Melina and I told her we’d get her some more stuff later. Mommy wasn’t feeling well and just needed to hurry up and get in and out of the store. She asked me if we could get stuff for her when she went away so she would have some clothes and toys to play with like Mommy and Daddy got for her and Baby T when they came to live with us. I looked at her and asked what she meant. She said “you know when Melina goes to live with her other grandma like her baby sister did.” I told her that Melina was going to stay with us forever and we will all be a forever family. She started to cry and asked me if she was ever going to have to leave us. I told her no, she was going to be ours forever and Daddy and I would always be here for her and Baby T. She wrapped her little arms around my neck…what a pair we made in the middle of Walmart with tears running down our faces.

I wish I could get her to potty train..

I so wish I could get Baby T to potty train. We sit her up on the potty and ask her to try to go and she doesn't. Yet, she'll get down and 2 minutes later she's all wet or she stays dry forever. We put her down for nap or for bedtime and 5 minutes later she's all poopy. Today, she started screaming for me no sooner had I gotten downstairs. I went upstairs and she had poop all over her hands, up her back, it was oozing out of her diaper...it was everywhere in her clothes. I wound up having to put her in the tub. I will never understand how a little girl poops SO much when there are days that she barely eats anything. It takes her forever to eat. Yesterday it took her 2 1/2 hours almost to eat a sandwich. UGH! I know she's probably developmentally not ready if we're having this much of a struggle with potty training so I only try her for a couple of days a month, but it would be SO much easier if she'd just learn to go on the potty.

Really trying my patience today...

My gosh, I am trying to hang in there today. I really am....trying to find the humor in things to get me through. It's hard when I have all of them going.

Andy's car is in the shop...since yesterday morning. He was going to get his rear brakes done. They called yesterday and said he needed front ones too. He said he'd come pick his car up in the morning. We went up to get it this morning to find it still up on the lift...they're still waiting for parts. I tell him if he needs me to bring him into work, I will. He's grumpy because he's got stuff that needs to be done right then and so he says he'll go home and make all his phone calls that he has for stuff pending. Around 10, he tells me that he's got to go into work...nevermind anything about the fact that I had Little E to get to school and therapy for Baby T. We get out the door and I bring him to work, I cancel Baby T's appt, and I barely manage to get Little E to school on time. The car shop calls saying that his car is ready. UGH! Guess we'll be bringing him up to get it in the morning.

I get a call from Little E's teacher saying that she won't quit making loud sounds, she won't go to time out without her teacher having to physically putting her in there and then she is refusing to stay in time out, and she's ripping stuff off the walls. She had no idea where her defiance was coming from...she just had a visit on Sunday and has been a handful since then...I explain to teacher...she says that makes sense as this happened at the last visit as well. She isn't going to let her go to library today and she'll have to wait in the office. I say that's fine.

Baby T has been screaming and whining all day and refused to eat her lunch, whined and screamed all during nap time that she didn't want to be in her room, she wanted Mommy, she didn't like Mommy, all sorts of stuff. Nothing I do today seems to make her happy. Of course, she fell asleep in front of her door 5 minutes before we had to go get the girls from school and when I woke her up she was even more full of cheerfulness (note sarcasm). She cried and screamed all the way to get Deidra.

Josiah dumped his lunch all over his head, so after he got cleaned up and had to clean up his mess he got put in his room. Stupid me assumed that he fell asleep...nope, he had gotten into Deidra's room, stuck a DS game in backwards that I cannot get out, snuck into our room, tore the blanket off of Andy's harpsichord, and dumped his teddy bear that he just got for Valentine's Day into our toilet. He got a spanking and put back in his room and after another screaming fit about having to stay in his room, he finally fell asleep.

I get Deidra from school and all I heard was scream, whine, cry for an hour from her. She later apologized and settled down.

Get the kids their dinner and Baby T refuses to eat yet again...I told her she wasn't getting down until her dinner was gone...she's been sitting there for an hour and a half. UGH

I call Andy to find out when he wants us to come get him from work and he says that he should be done around 6:30. I was really hoping to have the kids in bed by 7 and Deidra at 7:30. He asked what was going on and I told him how the kids have been behaving and that we really need to put a lock on Deidra's door...he thinks it's stupid...well fine, I guess we'll just continue to let her stuff get wrecked all because Josiah cannot or will not stay out of her room. I am SO tired of him getting into the bathrooms and her room or our room when he knows darn well that he's not supposed to be anywhere but his room up there.

I am trying to hang in there and practice patience. I really really am.

Yes, look at you!

Josiah is still learning to make good choices and bad choices. More often, the bad choices win out with him. Very frustrating, but I decided to find the humor in it lately.

He just got his lunch put in front of him and he decided to start flicking it around with his fingers. I told him to eat with his silverware and use his manners. I go to fold the laundry in the laundry room and I hear him yelling to Baby T "look at me" and I look out to see him putting his tray on his head. Food is everywhere. I came out and said "yes, look at you...you get to throw your lunch away and go to bed now." I cleaned him up and he had to help clean up his mess and throw it away and go up to bed. He didn't find it so funny then.

Josiah

We were driving down the road yesterday and he shouts out "Slug Bug Green." I look and he's right. He tells me he gets a point. We drive a little furger down the road and he shouts out "Old Slug Bug (I forgot the color)." I look and it is one of the classic slug bugs. He says he gets 2 points for that one. And while he shocked me, he shocked me even more when he says "now, I have 3 points!" What a smart little guy I have!

Behavior therapy...

I think the kids finally showed their true colors at behavior therapy last night...it's taken 6 weeks to get it out of them. I was horribly embarrassed and Andy thought it was a good thing that they finally got to see what the kids were like. Me...I thought it was funny that Andy is always quick to say that the kids don't act certain ways when he's home and I do realize that kids do function differently around Mom than they do with Dad...but I thought it was funny that both of us were there and yet they were all cutting it up. I've been telling him for months now that they wait until I'm distracted with trying to talk to someone and they start acting out to get the attention back on them. They've never done it that way for him quite like they do for me, but they did last night and I guess I'm wrong for gloating about it, but I thought it was funny.

Lent

Today marks the start of Lent with Ash Wednesday. I decided against giving something up...instead I'm going to focus on my prayer life. I want to spend more time in prayer over the next 40 days. Going to try to stick to doing a daily devotional with the kids and trying to get in a rosary every day along with praying more about things than trying to figure it out on my own.

Record Snow Fall

It snowed all day yesterday. We wound up with 9-14 inches all around the metroplex. We had 8" in our backyard last night and it was still coming down while we slept. Red Oak wound up with 14" and my Mom lost her big tree in her backyard. It cracked in half and fell on her awning. This is the most wintery season TX has gotten in 32 years and the most snow we have ever gotten in a 24 hour period. The 2nd snowiest of all time, and the most 1-day snowfall at DFW airport recorded at 12.5 inches. The kids all had a blast playing in it and we made a snowman that Andy named, Clyde. :-)

Really wish I knew how to deal with his temper...

I can't talk to him or I get "you're mad at me" to which I've been ignoring. I can't try and redirect him or I get a huge screaming fit because he can't get his way. I can't put him in time out in his room or he kicks the door screaming and carries on for over an hour. No tears...just total production. He is truly our head-strong drama king. The behavioral therapists suggested that we only praise the good behavior and we ignore the bad behaviors. That upsets him and he will continue to turn it up until I eventually have to acknowledge him. He's been a handful all day long before therapy and during therapy. He's in and out of the bathroom as he's got to see what the therapist is doing with the other kids or find a way to get back to being the center of attention. I put him down for a nap in his room after lunch and that pissed him off and he screamed for 45 minutes at the top of his lungs...finally started kicking his door saying he had to go poopy. I walked him across the hall and told him if he was lying to me he was in trouble. Sure enough, he didn't have to go. It's hard to tell with him as he does go to the bathroom quite a bit....but this time it was total attention seeking. Put him back in his room and he continued to scream for another 30 minutes at the top of his lungs. Wakes Baby T up from her nap and then he calms down. I hear the door open and I catch him coming out of our bedroom. He runs for his room and I ask him what he's been into. The tv. I ask him if he's making good choices or bad choices and he says bad choices. He gets put back in his room and he's screaming at the top of his lungs yet again. He can tell me that he knows that he's not supposed to be doing certain things or not touching things and yet he continues time and time again to make the bad choices. Sometimes he honestly makes me feel like I'm a failure as his parent. I want to enjoy him and be proud of him. I love him to death, but I just don't understand why he can't make the right choices. It scares me to think about what he's going to be like as he gets older and can really get himself into trouble with wrong decisions in life. I will support him and love him no matter what, but I really don't understand why he can't seem to make the right choices.

The girls...

I weighed the girls today for their caseworker for their adoption papers. Little E is 38 inches tall, and weighs 41.5 lbs. Baby T is 33 inches tall, and weighs 39 lbs.

First Big Baby Purchase

I picked out all of our baby items that I wanted for Baby Melina once we found out it was a girl. :-) Toys R Us has been out of stock on this bouncy seat since Christmas and I finally found it on Amazon for a bit more. Andy got a gift card the other day to Amazon for helping someone out with some tech issues on their laptop and so he told me we could use it for Baby. So, he just ordered her bouncy seat for her. I'm so excited!

The kids started Awana...

and they absolutely love it!

Deidra made me so proud of her. She's got 2 more sections to learn before she can earn her book. She told me on Sunday...today has really been a good day...I paid attention in church, I tried to be a good example to my friends, and I'm learning my verses at Awana. She even gave some of her own money in the basket at church. Makes a Mommy proud!

Salvation

Lord, I pray for the salvation of my children, Deidra, Josiah, Emma, Tracie, and even Melina...as the prophet Isaiah wrote, "Drop down, ye heavens, from above, and let the skies pour down righteousness: let the earth open, and let them bring forth salvation, and let righteousness spring up together; I the LORD have created it." ~ Isaiah 45:8

I pray that they always will have a love and desire to know You, serve You, and to love You.

Patience

Abba, I ask for patience and for your help in choosing my battles with my children. I ask that you will give them obedient hearts and help them with compliance. I also ask that you will give Andy and I wisdom in disciplining them. Amen.