Sprained the Knee

Andy and his Dad went to an advanced weather spotting class and my plan was to stay home with the kids, get the house cleaned up with their help, and then we were going to go get some stuff to do some spring crafts and decorate the mantle (I'm embarrassed to say it's still decorated with the nativity scene and snowmen). Anyway, 15 minutes after Andy and his Dad left, I was getting the kids dressed and turned around from setting the timer on the microwave (they get 5 minutes to get dressed or it turns into a 20-30 minute session with them dawdling) and slipped on a baby wipe and fell. I heard something pop and I've never howled so badly in my life. Once I got over howling and sat on the floor, I realized that it hurt too badly to move. I texted my friend sicne she's an ER nurse and told her what happened. My knee was already swelling pretty badly. I wondered if I had tore something or popped my knee cap out of place. She told me to ice it for a couple of hours and take some motrin and if it wasn't better in a couple of hours to go in to have it looked at as I would need a knee immobilizer. I tried to move, but it hurt too badly, so I had the kids gather stuff for me. I was still sobbing like a baby but I knew that I had to call Andy somehow to let him know what happened. They could barely understand me. I got my Mom to come over so that they could finish their class and she thought I was goign to have to call the paramedics to get me off the floor. With my lovely insurance, I didn't want to deal with that bill, so I declined it. When I had to go to the bathroom badly and couldn't hold it, I made myself get up although I was swearing and crying (not like me at all) the whole time. I wound up having to pee in a pot. How embarrasssing, but I couldn't walk to the bathroom. My Mom took care of the kids and made them lunch and Andy took me to the ER when he got home and Mom stayed with the kids. They said it was just a sprain and I got the knee immobilizer and they sent me home with 2 pain meds and an anti-inflammatory. They told me the more I stayed off of it, the faster I'd heal. Andy stayed home with me on Monday as I wasn't comfortable telling my in-laws to help me in the bathroom and I couldn't do much for myself. My MIL and FIL took turns running Tracie to and from school for me as since it's my right knee I can't drive. Getting out of the van to go to the ER was hard enough and I'm not in a hurry to do it again anyway. So, I've had to have some help and I've had to do more than what I've wanted to do with chasing after kids too. I'm grateful to have help, I just don't think anyone realizes the amount of pain that I've been in and maybe I'm partial because he is my hubby, but he's taken the best care of me. Please bless him, Abba, he's been under lots of stress this week with things going on at work, juggling the kids, and having to take care of me too. I know it's been frustrating for him at times. But, I love my hubby and I'm grateful.

Tracie and OT

I got a copy of her 6 month re-evaluation. She's still scoring as low as 36 months and as high as 4 years and 2 months. She's 5 1/2 this month. Today, she really struggled with therapy with not wanting to listen, couldn't focus, giggling about everything. The therapist said she's finally starting to see some of the stuff that me and Joannie told her about her originally, but it's taken this much time. I told her that Andy and I can see plain as day when she's playing her games, but others just think she's being cute or funny. Drives me crazy. One day, I really hope that we can be done with therapy. I am glad that she's done with speech so that we can just focus on OT for now. I am happy about that. But, I really would like to be done with therapy so that we can move on to other kid activities and just let them be kids. It gets frustrating for me. However, I have to accept things for what they are and we will keep doing OT and hanging in there. She is making progress, it's just slow. And it bugs me too that last 6 months, she was still testing at 36 months in some areas. I'm thankful though that she is making some progress. I think some of it is just her will...she doesn't care to do it or if she can do it and some of it is that she'd rather play the part of the baby...she wants everyone to do everything for her or she cries and I'm mean...she cries, she goes to her room. She's got to find the will to learn to do things for herself. Melina runs to do some things that I ask Tracie to do. That would drive me crazy to see my baby sister doing things that I can't do yet, but I know that they don't think that way. Anyway, we'll keep plugging away.

So proud of..

I'm so proud of Deidra...she made the A/B honor roll. So proud of Emily...she increased her math and reading grades (still a C, but higher) and she got all As in social studies and science. It doesn't look like we're going to have to retain her after all. Yeah! And I'm proud of Josiah...he gets to participate in Fun Friday for the first time in a long time for good behavior this week. He had the most green marks that he has since the beginning of school. One day he got on orange, but all the other days have been green. Hope he can keep this up!

Thinking of my Grandma

Today is the anniversary of my Grandma's death. I still think about her so much and miss her a ton. She always knew how to make me laugh and feel better and she genuinely cared. I strive to be the woman that she was. Please hug my Grandma for me today Lord and tell her that I love her and miss her and to keep praying for me.

I need help with my atttitude...

My Mother-in-Law has been living with us since July. It's definitely had it's rough spots, but more than anything, I miss our routines that we had before she moved in when the kids would go to bed and we'd stay up talking and cuddling before we went to bed. It's hard to talk to your husband, when another grown person is always around. Andy said how we never talk about our finances or anything anymore and I said "when would you like me to talk to you about that when your Mom is sitting right here or when she's within earshot in the living room across the room from where we're sitting?" We can't go to our bedroom either as Melina sleeps in there still since my MIL is still rooming with Deidra. It's just been really hard with her here. Andy had a talk with her in January about how their deal was that she was going to move in with us, find a job, and get back on her feet and that she'd be here to help with the kids and the house and whatnot too until she got back on her feet to get her own place. She admitted that she hadn't done what she said that she was going to do and she started looking for work. She got hired right before we left on vacation. I can tell she doesn't want to work. The day she got the phone call she said to me on the stairs "I'm supposed to be being retired." And I could tell that she was upset that she had to back to work. Heck, even a lady at her work told her that it sounded like she just didn't want to work. I think it's obvious to everyone. She worked a lot more than she wanted to while we were gone and they called her to work yesterday and she said "nope, I've got 3 days off, I'm goign to enjoy them." They told her that if she kept refusing work, they'd call her less. She said that was fine. Here's where my attitude problem comes in. She's living here with us because she can't afford her own apartment. How do you increase your income? You work! And yet, she's turning hours down because she doesn't want to have to do it. I told Andy that I can't deal with the kids being home for the summer and her being here on top of it too. He told me that he'd talk to her in April when she quits drawing her husband's social security benefits and starts taking her own. I told him that I really don't want this to strain our relationship with her, but I just don't understand why she didn't listen to what he told her before and start getting the ball rolling on what she needed to do. I see how the kids act up more when she's around and it creates a whole lot more stress for me as well and it's just time that she needs to find her own place. I can feel myself getting resentful as well. We've been talking in counseling about her as well and the Dr. has helped us work through all this as well. She told Andy that the kids wouldn't heal from their RAD when they were seeing another adult in the home acting like she is too. Andy knows it's time, he feels caught in the middle, but more than that he hates that his Mom causes this stuff at her age. I'm sure he gets tired of listening to me complain as well, but the week we were in FL, a lot was revealed to me. I'm not saying that we didn't have some behavior problems out of the kids while we were gone as I don't expect them to be perfect, but it made me see more of the extreme that it takes when they are around his Mom and they have her for an audience. I've known that to be the case, but I didn't realize how bad it has gotten lately with being in the middle of it all the time. I don't know, I need help to hang on Lord and I pray that the Holy Spirit will help Andy when it's time to talk with her again to know what to say and how to say it and I just pray that our relationship won't be strained with her at all.

Our Trip to Disney

was absolutely wonderful! We loved the house that we stayed in too. So much room! It was a lot bigger than we thought it was going to be. Andy and I got a bedroom to ourselves for the first time in almost 2 years. It was nice to have the privacy. Not that I'm complaining that Melina sleeps in our room still. I know that soon enough, she'll be in another room and I will miss having her in our room. Anyway, the kids all loved the house too (and the pool too, although the water was freezing cold). Monday and Tuesday, we spent at Magic Kingdom and Epcot. Wednesday, we went to the Animal Kingdom. Thursday, we spent at Hollywood Studios and Friday, we had lunch in Downtown Disney before we hopped back on the road for home. We got home late Saturday night and spent Sunday resting before the return of work and school come Monday morning. It was so nice to have a week to our own immediate little family. It wasn't anymore relaxing, but the kids were calmer, better behaved, Andy and I had time to ourselves at night, and Deidra didn't have near the attitude that she's had lately. Of course, once we got home and the kids saw my Mother-in-Law, the games all started again. I'm having to work hard on my attitude as we're all more than ready to have our own house back again. Hopefully, it won't be much longer. I just need to hang on. However, the week away was wonderful and we were all really happy and enjoyed having fun together. It was a very much needed trip and we made a bunch of magical memories. It was nice to come home to a clean house as well...my Father-in_law cleaned for us and my Mother-in-Law cleaned the little bathrooms and the refrigerator for us too.

The kids favorite rides...
Deidra--Animal Kingdom was her favorite park and she loved the animal safari
Josiah--he loved the Tower of Terror at Hollywood Studios
Emma--she loved the Pooh ride at Magic Kingdom
Tracie--she loved the Dumbo ride at Magic Kingdom and we got to ride it on Grand Opening day of a brand new ride
Melina--she loved to ride her "neigh" on the carousel although that was her first ride and she got scared at first until Deidra came and hopped on her horse with her. By the end of it, she was asking to go again and whenever we saw the carousel she would ask to ride it. However, her very favorite thing was at Epcot on the Nemo ride. She loved that aquarium when we got off the ride. She has a pop-up book that she loves to look at of all the water animals and she was thrilled to see them in person. She was saying "wow" at the dolphins and she'd scream when she saw the shark and put her hands up by her face like she does when she looks at her book. I wish I would have thought to get her on video. So cute! She'd see the sea horses and say "neigh" it was too cute.

It was a lot of fun! We are so grateful that we got to go. Thank you, Abba, for keeping us all safe and protected while we were gone too. Amen.

Rough day...

Today was a really rough day. I had to keep Emma home from school as she had a doctor's appt. Melina was really fussy and crying and wanting this or that and getting frustrated as I didn't always know what she was wanting or she couldn't have what she wanted (candy). We left about 8:30 to get to the doctor. Got her refill and thankfully the girls were really good while we were there. We left and as I was getting the kids in the van, my cell phone rang and it was the principal needing to talk to me about Josiah. I called her back and had to leave a message and I told her I was on the way to bring Emmy to school and I'd talk to her when I got there. Ran home first as Emmy forgot her backpack. Got to school and signed Emma in and then Tracie, Melina and me went to talk to the principal. Josiah had accidentally stepped on a little girl's hand and it broke her nail. When she said "ow" he found it funny and turned around and purposefully stomped on her other hand. It tore the fingernail and it was bleeding all over. I told her that Deidra had told me about that the night before and he was put in time out over it, but she said that he was going to be in Refocus (in-school suspension) for the rest of the day. I don't know if he really understood why he had to do that since it happened as they were leaving school and getting on the bus the day before. Anyway, that was the plan they went with and I wasn't upset that they put him there. I wasn't going to punish him again for it at home though as he already did his punishment from me the night before.

I ran Tracie to school a little later and Melina was trying to go to sleep in the car. I had needed to run to Walmart to get something for dinner, but she was acting so tired I thought she needed a nap a little more and we'd go to the store later. She took a pretty big nap and woke up just before it was time to get Tracie from school. We ran to get Tracie from school, came home to snag Emma and Josiah so we could go get Deidra from tutoring. For some reason, they thought they were going on a walk with Grandma with the dog (nevermind that I had already told Grandma before Melina and I left what the plan was) and so when I told them they needed to come with me Josiah threw a fit and tried to run away from me. I finally got him in the van and he proceeded to scream and kick the seat in front of him. I got Deidra and he wanted to go get french fries for snack. I told him that little boys who acted like that, don't get special treats like french fries and he'd have to wait until we got home to get a snack. He started thrashing all over the place and screaming and kicking his feet all over. It got so bad that I had to pull over on the side of the road and when he wouldn't quit I threatened to call the police. That actually scared Tracie more than it scared him. She was scared that they would take him away and he wouldn't have a family. I told her that they will always be a part of our family, that WILL NEVER change, but he needs to learn how to control his temper and that these huge fits can't happen when I'm trying to drive down the road either as that puts the family in danger of an accident so I needed to pull over. Once we got through all that, he continued to scream and kick. I finally told him that if he was going to act like this that he was going to go straight in his room and he was going to earn more and more minutes each time he screamed or kicked something. We got to 45 minutes of bedroom time before he chose to get control of himself (we start with 5 minutes and go up from there). We ran to Walmart to get the stuff I needed for dinner and his fits continued in there and I wound up with him throwing a fit and knocking tomatoes onto the ground. I finally told him he was in his room until I finished dinner and then he could come down for dinner. We had more fits in the van on the way home and it was hard to get him into his room, but we managed. Of course, he was mad that all his toys couldn't stay in his room and he kept kicking the walls and the door. He refused to eat his dinner and so he got sent back up to his room to go to bed early and couldn't eat dessert which set him off again. He's had allergies going on too and I really think he was overtired, but he didn't want to give in and just rest. It all became a manipulation tactic to get out of his room, "I need a drink. I need to go to the bathroom. I need to blow my nose. I want my toys. I want you to cover me up." Whatever he could think of. I let him out to use the bathroom and to blow his nose, but I wasn't playing his games and that made him even madder.

Andy had to stay after work to do moves and so he was late getting home. I was trying to get hoemwork done with Emma with a screaming baby and a little girl who couldn't stop whining and crying. I finally sent Tracie to bed about a half an early as well because she couldn't stop her crying and whining over every little thing either. She got mad that I told her if she was going to act like a baby, she needed to go to bed early like a baby too. She screamed and yelled that she wasn't a baby and that she wasn't going to go to bed. UGH!

I got really tired and achey feeling and didn't know whether I was trying to get the crud too or if it was just due to the stress of the day. Andy finally came home a little before 7:30 and I was glad to see him. I went to bed later. I was a little miffed that with my MIL living here that she really didn't help much and she had heard me say that I wasn't feeling well and was burned out. I told Andy that I didn't feel well, but didn't know if I was getting sick or just stressed. She says "well, with the day you've had it wouldn't surprise me if it was just stress." Well, thanks for noticing but choosing not to help me out. I know I shouldn't have that attitude, but it gets tiresome sometimes.

What an awesome day

My Mother-in-Law went in to her first day of work today. I had an awesome day with the kids. It made me really realize the manipulation that has been going on just because she's living here with the kids. We had some minor bumps all along the day and each child went to time-out once, but they were so much more calm and well-behaved. They had great days at school (other than a little incident with Josiah in the bus line on the way home) and they all played great at home. The day was just what the doctor ordered. I needed a calm and peaceful day to just enjoy my kids. Thank you for this glimpse of hope, dear Abba.

Neuropsych

We took Josiah, Emily, and Tracie in to see the neuropsych today. He is doing all the brain mapping for free. What an answered prayer! Anyway, we are really questioning with some things that are going on behavior wise if it's a case of they won't or they can't. Our attachment therapist suggested that we go to see him as they kind of partner up together. I was a little concerned as they had to sit for 3 minutes with their eyes open as still as possible and then do it for 3 minutes with their eyes closed and do it over each area of the brain that way, but they all surprised me and were able to do it. They did great and he said that he got good raw date with hardly any interferences because they sat so still. I jokingly said that we had discovered the secret to making them still and calm and asked for a pair of electrode thingies to take home. The doctor was so nice and he really wants to help. He said that they've had really good success with neurofeedback helping attachment disorder and so forth. My only concern is that he doesn't take our insurance, so we'd have to pay out of pocket. I guess we'll just have to keep praying about it and then seeing what his findings/recommendations are when we go back to get the results around the 21st. I'd really like to try it though...we all need some peace and calm around here. Don't get me wrong, I'm not expecting my kids to be perfect, but it's hard having to constantly stay on top of them so that nobody gets hurt or to keep stuff from getting broken or just to keep them on task to keep doing what they're supposed to be doing. Kids with attachment disorder just take normal things and push it to the extreme and that's what is so difficult. Any button they can push, they will. Really need to keep working on trying not to let them see when they have been successful. Anyway, I said that my biggest fear is that they're going to tell me that it's not going to get any better and he and our attachment therapist as well said that they want to help and that we're doing this so that it will get better. I can only hope! I want them to be healed from all of this and I want all of us to have some peace. :-) Thank you, Abba, for bringing these doctors to us.

One of "those" Moms...

I have become one of "those" Mom's who are constantly yelling at their kids. I realize it was because I was scared. Yesterday, I went and got Tracie from school and hurried home and found out that the bus had already dropped off the kids and they were standing on the corner. Their directions are to come straight home and wait for me. Normally, I'm only a couple of minutes behind the bus. That was the case yesterday as well. Josiah saw me coming and I made a motion to him to go home as they didn't need to be standing on the corner of the street hanging out there with all the kids. He bolted right in front of my van and I just missed hitting him. I slammed on my brakes and he ran home and we had a talk about what happened and that we don't just assume that vehicles are going to stop. I realize that he is so impulsive that he just doesn't think, but it scared the crap out of me. Fast forward to later that night, Andy and I were making a trip to Target and Deidra was with us. She's had a real attitude lately with arguing with us and just thinking that she knows it all. We got into a discussion about that and I realized that I never told Andy about the incident with Josiah from earlier and I told her that from now on, they get off the bus and they come straight home and if me or Grandma isn't home yet, they wait for me at home. She said he's always running home without her and then when he realizes nobody is home yet, he runs right back out into the street and she didn't feel that she should be getting in trouble for his actions. I told her that he is a whole lot safer at home away from the busy street than waiting on the corner where they were and she just continued to argue and argue with me. We got out of the van and I was upset. Before I even knew it, I had told her to "shut up." I guess I said it on the loud side as two women that were walking out of the store, stopped, and looked at me. I see these Mothers in the store and feel awful for the children. I don't want to be one of "those" Moms. I realize though that it was fear that made me upset. I keep telling Josiah that if he doesn't start having some fear, that he is going to get really hurt. He just doesn't either get it or think it through. We've had several close calls with him....jumping into the pool in Arizona last year...he didn't even listen to what I was saying...just jumped right in before I even knew what was going on and here I stood on the side of the pool with a 1-year old not knowing what to do as well as Emma and Tracie and Deidra was looking at something else to even realize what had happened. Thankfully, someone realized he couldn't swim and grabbed him and pulled him to the side. This year, they will be taking swimming lessons. Last week, I had been cooking and he came in to ask me something and tried to lay his arm right down on the burner. I wound up quickly pushing his hand away which scared him. However, I'd rather have him scared than burned. I just don't understand...he's going to be 6 in June...he should be understanding this stuff, yet it's just not sinking in. I don't want something bad to happen before he finally "gets it" or it's too late. Anyway, I was just upset at the situation and Deidra wouldn't just say "ok, Mom" to me, it was all "why should I have to do this or that?" I finally asked her "would you feel bad if you were with Josiah and something bad happened to him." She said "yeah" in a snotty voice. I told her it's just for a couple of minutes until I get home...this to me shouldn't have been an arguing matter. She has a house key to let them in even. I shouldn't have to worry about him running into the road. She said that she doesn't do it that way anymore, because he is always trying to get into everything in the house that he knows he's not supposed to be into without permission. I was just irritated and that's why I yelled, but I never thought that I'd be one of "those" Moms that everyone was looking at. We got into Target and Deidra kept up the attitude and I finally told Andy to give me the keys and that I was going to sit in the van as I refused to argue with her anymore. Andy finally talked with her about her attitude and respect issues while they were in the store and they came out a few minutes later and we came home. By that point, I had calmed down and was able to talk to her and I explained that I understand Josiah is difficult as he is very oppositional and defiant and he just doesn't think before he does stuff, but I wanted her to understand what I was asking her to do and why. And I told her it's only for a couple of minutes, it's not like I'm asking her to stay with them for 15 minutes or longer. We're two houses from the bus stop too, so it's not like they have far to walk or anything. I'm hoping that today will go better. Andy and I talked to all of the kids today to let them know what their expectations are...they get off the bus, they wait for Deidra, and they all come home together. If I'm not home and Grandma isn't home, they wait on the front porch for me to get home or they come in with Deidra and do what she says and stay out of stuff and I will be home in a minute or two.

I'm so blessed...

I am so thankful for my Deidra with her big heart and beautiful singing voice, for my Josiah and his giant bear hugs, for Emily who's my little bookworm, for Tracie who is my little nurturer, and for my little Melina who makes me smile with her sweet voice and baby giggles. I love my kids!