Josiah is 6 today!

My little boy is 6 today. I offer him up to You, Lord, and I pray special blessings over him today. I pray that he will become securely attached to me and Andy and I pray that You continue to work in his life. Not my will be done with him, but Yours. You know the plan that you have for his life and I know that I just need to continue doing my part and that You will work to make him into who You want him to be as well. I just pray that he will develop a heart for You, Lord, and that he will devote his life to You. I found myself thinking of his birthmom today. I haven't heard from her in quite some time. I pray for her and I am so thankful that she gave him the gift of life.

My whole heart...

I seem to notice a common theme in my bible studies lately and in my quiet time with the Lord. Everything is about "the heart." He wants me to give my whole heart to the things that I do...God wants my whole heart, my children deserve a whole hearted mom, my husband needs my whole heart as well. He's been talking to me a lot about the heart. I know He is working with me and I want to give my "whole heart." Yet, I know that in order to do that I need to let God fill me each and every day so that I am fulfilled and I have it in me to give.

I wound up with a lot of swelling and tightness in my right calf and it was killing me to stand on it (to the point of tears). I wound up having Andy take me back to the ER as I could barely stand it. They did a test to check for a blood clot and the test showed elevated enzymes. So they went ahead and did an ultrasound. They didn't find a clot, but I have extra fluid in my leg. They put me on antibiotics for a hematoma and told me to follow-up in a week with my doctor to get another ultrasound to make sure that a clot wasn't forming. Fun times!

The zoo

Well, Andy took the day off so that we could go to the zoo with Josiah's class. I was moving around ok. We got to the zoo to find out that the field trip had been cancelled due to a miscommunication with the bus garage. We decided since we had Melina and Tracie and we were already there, that we'd just go ahead and go. Some very nice lady got us in with her zoo membership, so we just had to pay for Andy's ticket and even that was discounted. We went and saw some lemurs (they were making weird noises and play fighting), the lions, the penguins, the elephants, and we went and fed and petted the giraffes. That was SO cool. Melina loved it and so did Tracie. The rain came after that, so we hid in the tunnel for a little bit and then we saw that heavy rain was on it's way so we decided to leave. Tracie decided that she wanted to go to school afterall and we were going to go try to have lunch with Josiah at school, but it was too late. We dropped Tracie off at school and then headed to Pizza Inn for their buffet. Andy said something to me about the hours as we were walking up there and I focused on the sign instead of the ground and wound up tripping and falling right on my bad knee. UGH! Thankfully it didn't seem to reinjure it and for that I am thankful!

My Leap of Faith...

I've had a vision of a retail shop for a couple of years now. I would love to have a consignment shop for kids clothes and toys and some stuff for the Moms to pamper themselves with. Anyway, I've had a vision in my head for quite some time. I really just feel God talking with me about it. Today, after listening to one of my Bible study audios I decided to step out of my comfort zone and just go for it. I went ahead and opened a shop on Facebook and invited all my Mommy friends to like my page. We're always finding stuff to resell each week and God knows that there's no shortage of clothes around here with my crew as well. So, I'm going to give this a go and see what happens. Today, I started listing clothing. I have a goal of 10 items a day. Totally giving this to God....please pour favor upon my little store. Thank you!

Oh...and if you want to join me...you can find me at Five Little Ducks Resale Shop on Facebook. :-)

The knee...

is getting better each and every day. I get impatient sometimes. I just want to be able to walk normal without fear of falling. My balance is still off and walking around outside is still the hardest for me. However, I am learning patience. Lord, I pray that I am feeling better by Thursday so that I can go to the zoo with Josiah's class and be able to walk around the zoo without a lot of difficulty. Amen.

Melina

She is such a joy! She is one smart little baby. She insisted on taking Deidra's science book (it wasn't her school one...it was just a science book that we got at the $1 store back when we went to Flordia that we put in her busy basket) to bed with her during nap time. Little stinker already knows what all of the pictures are of. Not bad for only being 23 months old. She is becoming quite obsessed with her animals too...she knows the chicken, duck, horse, sheep, goat, cow, snake, skunk, zebra, camel, llama, octopus, turtle, bunny, dog, pig, cat, frog, fish, spider, cricket, grasshopper, butterfly, bee, dolphin, shark, eel, and all the sounds and things that they do as well. I'm sure that I've forgotten some....she is a little fiend when it comes to animals. She has a bug book that she looks at all of the time too. She has a love of books and has to master everything in the books. She is SO smart!

She also loves to be Mommy's helper. She has her own routine in the morning...she gets up, we change her diaper, she eats her breakfast and then she feeds the dog, has to do the recyclables, water the tomato plants, and unloads the dishwasher and then she'll help hand me what's in the dryer so I can fold it and then she comes with me to put it away. Anything I do during the day, she's gotta be right there and she's learned how to do it. She loves to clean and I laugh at what she gets so persistant on...she just may be a little neat freak yet. She's adorable though and I love her helpful spirit. She thinks it's funny that she remembers to do her sisters and brother's chores when they forget. She's even willingly going to sit on the potty and will tell me when she wants to go. She's pooped on the potty twice in one day all on her own. So proud of her!!

She also has learned the color yellow. She'll say "yellow" and point. Such a smart girl!

So proud of Josiah...

He has a really hard time with meltdowns whenever something doesn't go his way. He spends a lot of time in his room due to this as it's hard to have him downstairs with the rest of us as I don't want anyone to get hurt. Anyway, we were outside playing in the backyard today after school and the kids were playing in the sandbox. With his boundary issues, it became apparent quickly that I was going to have to work the backyard like centers and so I told them that 2 could play in a sandbox at a time so nobody was going to get hurt. After a little while, they migrated all towards the sandbox at a similar time and I was able to see that maybe this would be do-able. They started to play and Josiah set to work making sandcastles. Emily wasn't really paying attention and knocked one of his castles down. Immediately I could see the total anger on his face and before I could say anything, he walked over to me and said "he was really angry and needed to sit with me for awhile." I immediately praised him for being such a big boy. He's never been able to do this before. Normally, he just reacts and someone is getting hurt. He sat with me for a few minutes and I rubbed his back and he was able to calm down. Emily apologized and I asked him if he wanted to go back and play or if he needed to sit for awhile longer. He said that his brain was still really mad so he just wanted to sit. A few minutes later, Emily apologized again and he said he was ready to go play again. I will admit that tears slid down my cheeks as I held him on my lap. I was SO proud that he was able to make that good choice and act like a big boy. I've been saying for a very long time that I think he's stuck in the 2 year old tantrum stage. He's going to be 6 in a couple of weeks. He is just so quick to tantrum over everything that doesn't go his way all of the time, that he can be very difficult sometimes and if I don't remove him from the situation someone is more than likely going to get hurt. Sometimes it only takes him a few minutes, other times it is a full fledge rage. Some of the things leave me shaking my head over what it could be about...it just seems so petty at times. However, I just keep praying and hoping and today gave me hope for the future and that things can get better. I am so proud of how well he's done today! Lord, please keep working on Josiah's heart and helping him learn to manage his anger so that nobody gets hurt. Thank You that he was able to acknowledge that he was angry and needed to take a time out for a few minutes. Amen.

Deidra and Middle School

I called the middle school where Deidra was wanting to go next year to stay with her class. I got my questions answered and God spoke to my heart as well. Andy and I have agreed that she can go where she wants to go next year. I will drive her and pick her up. My concern was really about picking her up as I didn't know what time the bus was going to get here with the littles next year, but I have until 4pm to get her and that should work just fine.

New that was going to happen...

Andy's Mom had asked me what she was supposed to do when the kids wanted to sit on her lap or do things with them. I told her to start looking at how the kids treat Andy and I and redirect them back to us. All week Josiah has been pleading to sit on Grandma's lap. I've sat down and offered to have him sit with me, it turns into a fit that he starts throwing. I know that he's not the cuddly kid that he's trying to pretend to be...our attachment therapist knows that too. He's going to act ugly and keep Andy and I at bay for as long as he can...he does this stuff with his teacher as well sometimes. I went upstairs to help Andy with something and Tracie had been trying all afternoon to glom onto Grandma. She ignores Andy and I too. Nevermind, our attachment therapist has had several talks with her about it and has told her over and over again that if she wants hugs or to get her happy's back, that she needs to come to Mommy or Daddy. I came down and who's sitting in Grandma's lap...Tracie. I knew my blow-up wasn't going to get across. Our therapist had tried to get my Mother-in-Law to attend therapy sessions for several months and she wouldnt' have anythign to do with it. The therapist told us, that she knew that she was part of the problem if she was going to be that way. I think that's true. I told her during our blow-out that I feel like I'm just another child in this house. Nobody listens to a darn thing that I say. I try to play with my baby, my Mother-in-Law steps in. I try to talk to my husband, my MIL has to get in that conversation too. I try to discipline the kids, their behaviors go up and over the top with the added audience of my MIL. When it's just me with the kids at home, yes we have our behavior problems still, but it's not to the extent that it is when my MIL is home. I've just really had enough. I told Andy that I was going to start calling the manipulation out when I see it. If it makes my MIL mad, then she can move out sooner. I've honestly had enough. And the sad thing is that I'm not really calling my MIL out on it, I'm trying to point out the kids manipulation. Josiah got mad this week when I called his out. He even admitted that he goes to Grandma to hurt me and that he goes to Grandma to see if he can get what he wants. He goes to Grandma also because he knows that Mommy won't play his games. Also why he acts ugly to Mommy and Daddy. But, I also know that if he's going to get better, we need to go back to living without having guests here and so I know it's time that she needs to find her own place.

Blow up...

I came home from a meeting at Deidra's school about where she's going to go next year. They're being given a choice for middle school as they didn't intend for the elementary schools to get split up when they went to middle school, but with our current zoning 36 5th graders from our elementary school would be going to another middle school than the rest of their class. I guess the intention was that 3 elementary schools would attend one middle school and the other 3 elementary schools would attend the other middle school. I wasn't even in the door 5 minutes and trying to talk with Andy about what I found out when Andy's mom had to get in on the conversation. It has nothing to do with her so I was just frustrated. I let it go... I was going to let her go to the one that she wanted until I found out that we'd have no bus service as it's less than 2 miles away and the one that I was going to have her go to is literally right outside our neighborhood.

Tonight, Deidra had a semi-meltdown about not wanting to go to the one here and how she was going to lose touch with her friends and not being able to see them over the next 3 years and if we were going to get another high school in our district like they are projecting, she may not get to stay with them like she wanted to. They also had people come in from the main middle school the kids are going to be attending to tell them all about their new school, the reward system, dress code, and all that stuff and they got to hear the band play. I had a feeling that we'd discuss things that night and that she may change her mind about being ok with going to the school at the end of our street. Andy made a comment about how she was always so dramatic and Andy's Mom jumped all over her telling her what she was and wasn't going to do and how certain things just weren't an option. That set me off as this isn't her desicion at all and I was the one that went to the meeting and here she is acting like she's the "know-it-all" on the subject. No final decision has to be made until June 1. I tried to let it go, but then Deidra stormed off and we were trying to get dinner cleaned up and Melina wanted a drink. Andy's Mom was in the living room and I asked Andy if the green cup was hers that was on the counter. All of a sudden, Andy's Mom ran into the kitchen and said "oh, you liked the green peppers in teh salad...what else do you want in here?" And she started sticking her fingers int o the salad bowl (MIL, not Melina). I finally realized what she was thinking and I was annoyed and I said "I said something about her green cup, it doesn't have anything to do with the salad." Well, she started trying to give her tomatoes and I said "no, she doesn't need anything else to eat and she didn't eat her dinner either." I pushed the salad bowl away and said No, Melina. Andy started telling her no as well. All of a sudden, Andy's Mom handed it to her anyway. I immediately said "you know, I guess my "no's" aroudn here don't mean anything" and I turned to walk out the door. She said "I'm sorry" and I told her "no, you're not or you wouldn't do this stuff every day." I went to try and find Deidra and when I came back she had gone to walk her dog. I told Andy that I'm done with all of this. Melina gets really bad butt rush when she has too many tomatoes and she had already had some the day before, that afternoon, and she didn't need anymore. It's not like I just do this stuff for the heck of it. Andy informed me that she was already starting to get a diaper rash from when he changed her when I was trying to find Deidra. She came back and we had it out. I told her that I'm tired of trying to get my kids to learn certain things and I realize she just wants to be Grandma but they need to know and understand what "no" means. My 3 little ones with attachment problems need to learn to come to Mommy and Daddy and not glom onto Grandma. They need to be redirected back to us. Instead they ignore us, act ugly to us, and try to get what they want from Grandma instead. While we've talked about this numerous times and told her what the attachment therapist has said, it's not sinking in. I told her to put herself in my position where you desperately want to build relationships with your kids and you see them constantly acting ugly to you and wanting to be sweet and charming to someone else. Their most important bond that they could ever form imo is to form an attachment with Andy and myself. Anyone else in part of the next outside circle imo. And they don't have an attachment to her either...they just want to see who's the weakest link and who will give them what Mommy and Daddy have already said no to. I don't know if I'm explaining this correctly, but I've just had it. She can be just as manipulative as the kids try to be as well. She was crying and kept saying "I made a mistake, I'm sorry." I told her "this happens all of the time, I say something, and you go right back to what I'm mad about." She doesn't see that. I decided to pick my battles and I didn't say anything else. I don't think she sees an accurate view of how she is and that her boundaries are poor herself. Even our attachment therapist has commented on that to Andy. She said that she only ever wanted to be a help and she didn't realize that she was making it harder and that she'd look for her own apt. Neither one of us said anything and I think she was looking for us to tell her that she didn't have to do that. However, we've been trying to figure out for the last couple of months how to tell her that she needed to start looking for her own place. It's just getting too difficult and the kids are causing triangulation and for their own benefit, this just can't keep happening.

Back to basics...

I was reading Hints on Child-Training by Clay Trumbell the other day and I've been praying over each chapter. God spoke to me that my children have some issues with basic things. I don't expect much from them. But, it's always a struggle. I decided that for the month of April we were going to get back to basics and they would get points for each thing that they remembered to do on their own and their allowance is going to be tied to that this month. My 23 month old is beating all of them, but I'm hoping too that it will make them see that they can do more without it being such a struggle. These are the 7 things that we are working on this month:

Eating breakfast in 20 minutes.

Getting dressed in 5 minutes (just the clothes on and off)

Morning chore

Homework

Pick-up Time (15-20 minutes to clean up the living room and the play room)

Eating Dinner in 30 minutes.

Ready for Bed (teeth brushed, jammies on, and our bedrooms picked up)


I know that they can do it if they want to, but I'm tired of having to harp on them all of the time to do it. So, hopefully this will be an incentive and it will get things moving in a more positive direction. They are 11, almost 7, almost 6, and 5 1/2 and 23 months. I know that they are capable. However, they have a choice to make every day on whether they're going to do it or not and I just need to remember that their points are their own free will and if they don't earn their full allowance then that is their choice and they will have the consequences for that. Their choices...not mine. ;-)